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Online Love

Jim is surprised when his then GF, sets him up with her friend, while she breaks it off with im

Oversized Members Of The Regiment

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
“How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers.
“It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied.
“I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your father’s the reason for your elongated penises?”
“No sir, our mother.”
“Your mother? You idiot, women don’t have penises!”
“I know, sir,” replied the recruit, “But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.”

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Lindsey’s beautiful feet

I thought I’d share a story or two about a girl I knew and experienced when I was in my late teens. Lindsey was an old friend of mines girlfriend/future wife whom I was also very matey with. She was extremely down to earth and a fun to be around kinda girl who was about 5′ 7″ slim with long mousey blonde hair.
My friends and I often used to get together round each others houses to smoke some puff and listen to music/watch movies till the early hours of the morning and that is where the fun and new novel friendship between Lindsey and me began. She used often used to sit there wit her sexy bare feet on display and being young with a growing penchant for female feet I couldn’t help but watch her out the corner of my eye flex and move her beautiful feet around.
As time went on I noticed she would often sit next to me with her feet tucked up in between us and play with them or if I was sat on the floor she would sit in a chair next to me with her legs crossed rocking and flexing her sexy feet right next to my face, all I could think about was sucking on her cute little toes and soles. I sort of had a clue that she knew I was transfixed with her feet by the way that when we were in the same room and we made eye contact she’d smile at me whilst slowly wriggling her sexy painted toes or slowly rub one foot with the other. Even so I did my best to keep my fascination as discreet as possible.
One night whilst round my friends house it was my turn to make the teas and coffees so I went to the kitchen to ‘make a round’ and see Lindsey had followed me out to help. Whilst making the drinks she whispered to me “do my feet turn you on then?” Realising I been caught out I panicked and tried to pretend to not know what she ment and try and dig myself out of the hole I’d just dropped into but she interrupted my stream of stammering bullshit by saying “don’t worry it’s cool and I won’t tell if you don’t” with a big grin on her face. I was kind of upset and levelled with her and told her I felt ashamed and such a bastard to be secretly perving over one of my mates girlfriends which she tried to reassure me that it cool but after making the drinks I made my excuses to my mates and went home early.
After that night i decided that things had gotten a little out of hand and some time away from my friends was what was needed. This didn’t last long as a couple of days later my mate and Lindsey turned up unexpectedly for a coffee, a couple of joints and a ‘catch-up’. Whilst the three of us were about to sit down I couldn’t help but notice that although she was wearing jeans and her well worn trainers I also noticed her ankles were clad in dark sheer nylon. My cock instantly was half hard at the prospect of seeing those hot nylon clad feet and sure enough once we had settled down in front of the TV with a drink and a spliff she kicked off her trainers and started to show off her feet to me in her own discreet and innocent way. I sat there trying my best to conceal the raging hard-on I had whilst being mesmerised by those cute gorgeous feet of hers. As time passed my mate got up and went to the toilet, as soon as he’d left the room she beckoned me to come over quickly to her. I reluctantly approached her with a throbbing bulge in the front of jeans she reclined and raised one of her beautiful feet towards my face, I lost control of myself and pressed my mouth and nose against the bottom of her toes and gave it a couple of long slow kisses noticing as well how sexy her foot smelled. I looked up to see she had a cheeky evil little grin on her face. I then felt her other foot start to rub my painfully throbbing cock and balls, I was so ashamedly aroused I came instantly in my trousers and had to quickly sit back down before my mate caught me with a face and groin full of his girlfriends feet. Although I spent the rest of the evening trying to act normal but with her constantly showing off and teasing me visually with her feet and the inside of my jeans leg coated in spunk I’d just enjoyed my first of many
naughty encounters with Lindsey.
The next next encounter with Lindsey happened about a week later when she turned up alone, unannounced and in her uniform (she worked for a well known supermarket). Surprised and a bit wary I invited her in, put the kettle on and asked her if there was a reason for this unexpected visit. Her reply was because her “feet ached and I knew you’d be sweet and massage them for me Hun”. Even in just her uniform she looked sexy wearing her tan coloured tights and sensible shoes. I was going to ask her if my mate knew she was here but with the thought that I’d soon be playing games her pretty feet, my dick became hard and the pangs of guilt soon took a back seat.
She asked me to take the tea into the front room whilst she went to the toilet. When she came back I noticed that she was no longer wearing her tights or shoes, Seeing this she smiled and asked if I fancied a joint together and picked up my small ‘goodies’ box from the top of my tv. Lindsey the sat next to me and plonked her super-sexy feet in my lap and began to roll a spliff. I’d never given a foot rub before but I’d often seen it done and picked up one of her sexy feet and started to mimic what I knew. Lindsey’s foot was soft, warm and the sexy smell instantly filled my nostrils, this heady combination made my cock throb and my balls ache. My maverick massage must of been okay because she groaned and in low sexy voice said “that feel good Hun” and was squirming slightly in her seat.
I sat there massaging her gorgeous foot whilst she took long drags from the joint when she then lent forward and put the spliff between her big and second toes, with a wickedly sexy grin in her face she raised her foot to my face. Before taking a drags from the spliff between her beautiful toes I started at her heel and kissed my way slowly up the sole, inhaling the hot sexy scent from her perfectly sexy foot. She gasped and softly moaned whilst I orally explored her sexy foot. I eventually reached her toes and took a long drag off the joint whilst she giggled and sighed heavily. In between drags I kept up massaging the other foot whilst slowly sucking her toes and gently biting/sucking on her soles without trying not to have another accident in my jeans again. By now the mix of cannabis and her sexy feet was having its desired effect on both of us and it seemed she was just as horny as i was.
Taking the spliff from between her toes she placed it back in her mouth and stood up and walked over to an armchair and lifted her skirt up around her waist and laid back in the chair with her legs spread open and over the arms of the chair. The sight of Lindsey in this position had my hard cock leaking precum and I’d hadn’t even touched it yet. She reached down and slowly spread her pussy lips open revealing her pink glistening wet and shiney with juices which had appeared to have run down and coated her anus making that glisten too. She stuck one of her sexy little tootsies out at me and wriggled her toes, knowing what she wanted I took my place in front of her and began to kiss and lick the underside of her toes which still smelt deliciously sexy. Whilst I was orally pleasing her feet I watched as Lindsey with her eyes shut was softly moaning as she played with her soaking wet pussy. I wanted to lick her pussy too so I started to kiss my way up her ankle and the inside of leg before she moaned loudly, stopped me and whispered “no sorry Hun, you know that belongs to Bobsy”. Frustrated but fully understanding I retreated back down her leg to service her gorgeous foot whilst she returned to playing with her wet horny pussy.
It seemed like I had been perving on her feet for ages before she stopped playing and announced she needed to be getting home. I could have spent hours at her feet watching her play and she knew I was disappointed at ending it there and not being allowed to eat her pussy. She smiled and said as she put her tights and knickers back on that we’d have to do this again sometime soon which I was more than ready for. I see her to the front door to say ‘goodbye’ and ‘thanks’ when she turned round and offered the fingers she’d had played with her pussy with to my nose and mouth which I slowly enveloped with my mouth and sucked slowly on tasting her hot pretty pink sex. I then felt her other hand gently grab the bulge in the front of my jeans and began to rub and squeeze. Again this was all too much for me and again I shot another load of hot spunk in my jeans. She stopped, hugged me tightly and kissed me before leaving me standing there with another wet leg.
About a month and half passed since Lindsey and me had shared that mind-blowing but short liaison. Although we’d spent time together it had been with the company of our friends. That still didn’t stop her knowingly teasing me with her beautiful feet. On one occasion she wore a very short black skirt without any knickers on and spend the best part of that night flashing her hot pussy and sexy bare feet when she could without making it blatantly obvious, whilst I sat there stunned and horny.
One night whilst making tea and coffee for everyone, we talk about this little situation between us. I told her how amazingly sexy I found her and how much I loved being teased as well as playing and sucking on her sexy feet. I also reminded her how much I wanted to eat her pussy and she said she would let me but reminded me that it was for her boyfriend only. This was frustrating but I told Lindsey how thankful I was for what she had given me and how much I wanted to have another ‘one on one’ with her. She winked/smiled and explained that my mate had a works party to go to next tuesday and she may pop round for a little fun. At this news my dick became instantly hard much to her amusement.
Before that Tuesday she phoned and confirmed that she’d be round for some fun and I could only wonder and fantasise about what would occur.
That Tuesday night I sat listening to music whilst smoking a joint, waiting for her to arrive wondering what Lindsey would be wearing. I didn’t have to wonder for too long when I heard a knock at the door and there she stood with her handbag wearing just a pair of tight black Lycra shorts, a tight vest and her worn in trainers. I invited her in and she gave me big hug, as we embraced I noticed she wasn’t wearing perfume and her natural scent filled my nostrils making me even hornier than I was. I passed her the joint I was smoking and went to the front room, she sat in the armchair with both her feet dangled over one side and I watched her slowly puff away on the spliff while she lifted one of her trainer clad feet towards me. She grin and said “take it off Hun there’s a little surprise under therefor you”
As I slowly slid off her trainer I noticed much to my growing arousal that she was wearing a sheer dark coloured nylon pop-sock. Her foot looked so very sexy with it on and I think she could tell how much this turned me on by the stupid glazed expression on my face. I knelt down next to the chair as she kicked off her other trainer and placed her sexy feet against my nose and mouth, in doing so I noticed that her feet smelled a lot stronger that the previous two encounters but nonetheless I was smitten and began the long slow kisses up and down each nylon clad sole and underneath each of her cute toes that we both enjoyed. I looked up to see she had a her eyes closed with a smile on her pretty face with one hand down the front of shorts playing with that hot wet pussy of hers, Lindsey noticed I’d stopped playing with her feet and was watching her masturbate. With a cute giggle and a big sigh she again pressed her feet against my face and purred “are they stinky hun?” I nodded dumbly and went back to work on her cute smelling tootsies again this time slowly peeling her pop-socks off her feet one at a time before taking a sexy toe in my mouth and sucking hard and slow on it then slowly kissing down and up her sole before sucking the next one. Judging by the moans and gasps that she made whilst she played
with her pussy and I worked on her feet, this was getting her off in a big way.
Lindsey sat in the chair, her hair was all over the place and she looked hot and sticky. She re-lit the joint that had gone out and started to puff on it again. I had the raging horn and wanted to try again to get her to let me eat her pussy (a previous attempt had resulted in her saying ‘no’ her pussy was only for my mate) and started to kiss my way up the inside of her sexy legs. She again stopped me and reminded me of who her pussy was for, but then she began to slide off her lycra shorts and adjusted herself in the chair so her cute little bum hung off the edge of the chair and then spread her long beautiful legs wide open.
My face was inches from her wet pink pussy and tight little anus and her hot sexy scent had me nearly cumming in my jeans again. She then gently guided my face against her hot sex so my nose was pressed against her wet pussy and whilst she gently stroked my head I inhaled her beautiful scent. She whispered “Is that nice Hun?Do you like the smell of my hot pussy?” To which all I could do was again nod dumbly but fight the almighty urge to lick her hot wet pussy, we laid like this for a while and she then push my head further down so my nose was pressed against her tight little anus. She again whispered to me “do you like the smell of my bumhole too Hun?” As I inhaled the hot raunchy scent from between her spread cheeks she had started to play with her pussy again whilst softly moaning. I took the plunge and started to gently kiss around her anus before starting to flick my tongue around it, Lindsey began to buck up and down and in between moans she said “that’s it! Lick and suck my little bumhole Hun!”. I followed her instructions and started to lap, kiss and suck at her tight little anus slowly whilst she repeated let out a loud giggly-moan.
Lindsey pushed my face away from her hot sexy bum, sat up and pulled off her top leaving her completely naked. “I’m going to give you a reward for being such a naughty boy with you tongue Hun”she said as she ran the tips of her fingers over the throbbing bulge in my jeans before squeezing slowly making me gasp from a mixture of pain and pleasure. Lindsey patted the armchair and told me to sit, as I sat down she got on top facing me and hugged my head gently so my face was pressed into her small but beautiful titties. She also lowered her crotch on to my crotch and began to grind and rub her pussy slowly against my painfully hard dick in my jeans. I was in heaven as I could feel the warmth from her pussy against my crotch I began to kiss her titties before sucking one of her puffy nipples into my mouth. Lindsey gasped and moaned loudly as she began to dry hump me harder and faster, she then put her mouth to my ear and whispered sexily “That feels nice Hun! I so wish you could fuck me Hun whilst sucking my toes and soles”. I was at my tipping point and I had to stop her and stood up before I cum in my jeans yet again, Lindsey gave me a sympathetic look, put her pop-socks and trainers back on and led me by the hand to the bathroom.
She ushered me to stand in front of the sink and stood behind me, I felt her press her warm athletic body into mine as she reached around and undone the front of my jeans. My hard cock instantly sprung out much to her amusement and she gave it a few playful slaps then with one hand she began to stroke my hard dick very slowly whilst with the other hand slowly squeezed my balls too, lots of pre-cum instantly started to leak from me and ran down the back of her hand. Lindsey kept me hovering around a massive orgasm for ages but never did let me cum properly whilst she expertly stroked my cock. After washing my leaky mess from her hands she announced she’d must be going as her boyfriend might come home early and wonder where she is. I begged her to stay for more fun but eventually I relented but before she left Lindsey hinted she may pop back towards the end of the week and this time she may bring a girlfriend from work……
Even whilst at work, home or round at a mates I couldn’t get the other night with Lindsey out of my head or the prospect of her and her girlfriend turning up for some nasty fun. On the Thursday afternoon I got a call from Lindsey telling me she would be round after work and she was bringing Stacey along too, I asked Lindsey if Stacey knew about what we’d been up to and she apparently told her everything and Stacey couldn’t wait to meet me! My dick was once again hard as rock at the thought of not just playing with one but two beautiful ladies at the same time!

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Return of love

Its a continuation of the story “Elder sister is a tease”. Please comment and tell me whether i should continue. sorry for grammar errors
_______________________________________________________________________________
It’s been more than a year since i met my little brother dave after those hot experiences on bed . It was summer and david had lots of free time . So he decided to stay with me till his holidays are over. We both were pretty much excited about it (i was more ) because last time he couldnt stay too long due to some reasons . He will be coming after two days with my mother . My mother will stay with me for one day becuase she has to take care of my father who is ill .
I havent changed much in these two years .i still have those perfect D cup pear shaped breasts and a hot ass which every man dreams off. Many girls envied me in the office because of the assets i have got . i had been enjoying success from past few months too . I could get any job done by simply wearing tight skirts and “dropping my pen” in front of managers .
It was sunday morning . when i opened my eyes it was already 9 .
OH shit!!! i screamed . i forgot to put alarm because i was late to home due to party at my office . Quickly ran into the bathroom in such a rush that i forgot to lock the bathroom . Took bath and quickly wore my clothes . In quick time i took some fruits and kept it in my bag . Took my car out and reached airport in half an hour . Luckily the flight was late by an hour .
After few minutes i heard a voice from back . It was dave .
” Hey sis ! ” said David in an energetic voice
” Hey bro ! Its been a long time . Give me a hug ” i said and he gave me a tight hug . It was more than brother-sister hug .
” Carly! you are looking so beautiful ” said my mom laughingly .
“Thank you… tryin to be like you” i winked .
We reached home and mom went upstairs to become fresh . As soon as mom went upstairs Dave pulled me towards the wall and started kissing me . i pulled him back and said ” Not now Dave , mom is here ” in a scary voice .
” i know but its been a long time since i touched you . cant control my desires…not anymore ” he said in a desperate voice
“Awwh ! i know brother but we cant let mom know this little secret or else we will be dead ” i said
“please sis, let me have you for few minutes ” he pleaded .
” ok little bro. you can have me . But not for too long ” i said because i loved him way too much .
Caught his hand and went to the storeroom downstairs . The storeroom was in totally poor condition but it was a perfect place for both of us now .
He quickly pulled me and started to kiss me . We played a little wrestling game with our tongues . He slowly started to caress my boobs with his hands . He was moving them up and down and squeezing them in between but he didnt stop kissing . Now he slowly unbottoned my jeans and slid his hands inside my panty .
“Aaah!!! mmmmmm!!!” i moaned. i was enjoying it like hell. my own brother was making love to me which was wrong but still i am not able to stop myself from comitting this sin .
“Enjoying sis ” he winked and he inserted his middle finger inside my pussy.
“yeah my hottie ” i winked .
i took my hand and unzipped his pant . i quickly caught his dick inside the underwear and started playing with it.
“yeah sis..play with it..this cock wants you too ” he said in cheapish way .
“oh! then let my mouth have it ” i said
Before i could go any further i heard a voice .
“Dave! Clary ! where are you !!! “mom said in a loud voice .
We quickly cleaned up ourselves and went to dinning hall .
“where have you been ! ”
“we were here mom . we both were outside having little sibling talk down at the storeroom .. recalling our memories ” i smiled
“yes mom ” he said with a naughty smile on his face
“ok ok . now have some breakfast you two ” mom said and we three had breakfast.
After having breakfast we started to watch tv .
After an hour
“Mom ! i want to take bath . i am so tired . ” he said in a lousy voice
“ok dave . your clothes are in the suiticase . go to clary’s bedroom and take them ” said my mom who was busy watching her favorite movie
“Clary can you please help me in taking out my clothes . i am too tired you know ” he winked
“Do it by yourself lazy bro ” i said trying to tease him
“fine!” he said furiously and went to bedroom . i went back of him silently . when i opened the door i found dave throwing out all the clothes from the suitcase uncontrallably .
“what are you doing dave !”
” i came here only for you and you are just!!…. ”
“awwh!! my angel is angry . but i know the way i can make my angel happy “i said
i turned music player on and i slowly went near him
“Stand up” i said
After he stood up i slowly slipped his boxers off and discarded them. I brought my mouth to his limp penis and touched the tip with my tongue. It twitched a little. I circled his head with my tongue. Like a snake charmer charming a snake it started to rise slowly. I wrapped my lips around his head and slowly started moving my mouth up and down his mouth. He moaned, his cock was fully hard now.
“aaah…wtf!!! am in heaven …” moaning out loudly
I sucked faster and faster until he seemed like he was about to cum. I deep throated his cock and soon he same deep inside my throat. I swallowed it all
“aah!! it was so good..thank you sis…thank you very much…i love you so very much…i want you more!!!..more than i ever wanted ” he said with a sparkle in his eyes
“you can have me whatever you like it ” i said as i gave a deep pationate kiss
“Now take bath and come down ” said it by giving a flying kiss
“sure my love ” he winked and went to bathroom
The whole day i and dave touched each other whenever mom was busy doing other things. At the end of the day dave and mom slept in one room and i slept in the other bedroom because dave will be there with me for more than a month.
Next day mom woke up soon as she has to catch flight in few hours . We quickly ate our breakfast and had a little chat . Cab was outside the house .
she picked up the bag and sat inside the cab.
“Bye kids, see you soon .” My mom said “and thanks you so much for taking care of Davie.”
“No problem Mom, have a good trip!” I replied as we said goodbye to mom .
“so sis its just you and me ” very much excited
“yes my darling” i smiled too
“so what are we waiting for? !! common sis ..we cant waste time..our bed is waiting ”
“lets go! ”

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The last time I fucked my ex

This is my first story. Sorry for any mistakes bad punctuation. Paragraphs that are too long. etc.
Constructive criticism is welcomed even encouraged. Hope you enjoy?

That damned Beanie Final Part

This will be the final part of this story. the reason will become clearer once you have read it. I am really sorry for the long wait and i hope this will be a good christmas/haunukkah/yule present for you all.

Clubhouse

A divorced man meets an energetic “workout partner” in the gym at his condo complex.

MY COLONOSCOPY (Humor)

Dedicated to fellow writer Clarise.
Dear reader; this non-erotic short story is my first attempt at writing humor. If you want a little chuckle read on and then leave a comment to let me know what you think of my effort. If you are looking for something a little more sexually salacious, you might want to look at another offering and then come back when you are in the mood for humor.
In support and in solidarity, I dedicate this story to my friend and fellow writer, Clarise, who recently had one of her stories deleted. My Colonoscopy:
by Hardrive
After several weeks of complaining about stomach discomfort and constipation, my wife Rita got tired of my belly aching and called her fudge-packing brother for advice. That made a lot of sense. After all, who better to ask about asshole problems than your queer brother? Woops, did I say queer? I meant to say Homo-American. Anyway, Rita said her brother recommended I go see a gastroenterologist for a full evaluation.
“What?” I asked, “An ass-hole-enter what? That doesn’t even sound like a real doctor. It’s probably some kind of voodoo fag doctor.”
“No, you homophobic ignore-anus” came Rita’s cynical reply. “A gas-tro-enter-ologist, is a doctor that specializes in disorders of the digestive system. My brother is a well regarded general practitioner and if he says you should have a full evaluation of your intestinal track, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. It’s high time someone looks up your stupid ass to see what kind of problems you’ve got brewing up there.”
“Oh, really,” I said, mocking her sarcastic tone, “Since you insist I need to have my colon examined by a doctor, I guess you’re finally ready to admit you’ve been wrong about me all these years.” Rita’s perplexed expression indicated that she had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained. “You’re always saying that I have my head stuck up my ass.” Rita nodded in agreement. “Well,” I said with a smug smile, “if my head was really up my ass why would we need to hire a doctor to see what’s wrong… I could see it for myself.”
I thought that was hilarious, so I slapped my wife’s butt and did a little victory jig while laughing my head off. Rita wasn’t amused.
“Oh, you can’t take it when I get the upper hand.” I started to mock her. “You think you and that fairy brother of yours are so much smarter than me. Just ‘cause I don’t have a fancy college education don’t mean that I can’t tell when you’re trying to pull my leg. There is no such thing as an ass-hole-enter-whatever, So, go ahead and make an appointment with your made-up doctor. I dare you.” Rita just gave me an icy stare, smiled and walked away.
A week later we were sitting at the doctor’s office listening to him explain why I needed to have a colonoscopy. I told the doc I’ve never heard of a cola-ass-copy and had no idea what he was talking about. The doctor picked up a book with full color illustrations and used it to thoroughly explain the procedure. Pointing to the interior of the large intestine he indicated the areas that he wanted to examine and photograph.
Nodding thoughtfully, I pretended to understand what he was talking about and asked a question or two that was intended to display my advanced knowledge of medical terms. “Will you be using an x-ray camera or an MIR to photograph my inners?
The doctor smiled. “No, we use a flexible hose to guild a miniature camera through your anus and into the full length of your large intestine.” Then he showed me a picture of a little camera attached to a very long black hose.
Hell no! I said to myself. I won’t even let my family doctor check my prostate, so there was no way this joker was going to shove a big old hose up my ass. Looking around the office I spotted the door, popped up out of my seat and began to vigorously shake the doctor’s hand while I thank him profusely for wonderful presentation. The doctor seemed confused and tired to interrupt me several times but I just continued to pump his hand while backing up towards the door. My plan was working just fine and I actually got to openthe door open and had one foot over the threshold before my wife decided to intervene.
Now at this point I’d like to pause to give my male readers some advice. Never marry a stout, red headed woman of Italian-Irish descent. That combination gives them a split personality that makes Bruce Banner’s transformation into the Hulk look like a mild eccentricity. In public she tries to maintain the illusion that she is the devoted wife and I’m the boss in our relationship… but in reality she calls all the shots and only lets me do what she wants me to do.
In public she always agrees with me but she uses a code to let me know what she really wants. Whenever she smiles and says ‘Yes dear’ while putting the accent on the ‘yes’ but elongating the ‘dear,’ that means that if I even think about doing what I want, she’ll make my life a living hell. And let me tell you, when my wife says ‘living hell’ she’s not talking about Dante’s little cake walk through the seven levels of the fiery pit. She’s talking about providing me with my own personal apocalypse. Believe me, when it comes to pursuing a vengeful agenda, my wife puts Captain Ahab to shame.
In this case she was determined that I was going to have that colonoscopy, so she moved quickly to intercept me at the door. Putting her arm around me in a very loving way, she smiled at the doctor while she worked her hand under my coat and up to my neck. Putting me in her version of the Vulcan death grip, Rita paralyzed my body. When the doctor noticed that my expression suddenly went blank, he asked if there was something wrong. All I could do was move my head left to right as Rita manipulated the back of my neck. When he asked if he could schedule my procedure, I wanted to say hell no but I found myself nodding ‘yes.’ Then, when the doctor smiled and said goodbye, Rita squeezed the nerves in my neck so hard that my pained grimmest looked like I was smiling back.
By the time we left the doctor’s office, I was feeling dizzy. Leaning against Rita, we walked over to the discharge nurse who gave us the doctor’s instructions and a prescription for a product called ‘Koli-Kleen.’ The nurse said I was to drink two doses of Koli-kleen the night prior to the colonoscopy. What she didn’t tell us was that using that product was going to be, without doubt, the most gruesome part of the whole procedure.
I didn’t know it then but a week after my colonoscopy I did a google search and found that Koli-Kleen is sold in the United States as a prescription laxative, but it was originally developed during world war two by the Gestapo. The Germans called it Magen-buster and used it to get prisoners to voluntarily run into gas chambers they mislabeled “Latrines.” After the war, the Russians developed the formula into a WMD or Weapon of Mass Defecation. When the cold war ended, the KBG sold the formula to the CIA who used it in Guantanamo as an interrogation aid. It was reported that the CIA had a lot of success getting even the most resistant terrorist to literally spill their guts, but when the UN found it was being used on the prisoners, they banned its use as inhumane and a serious breach of the Geneva Convention.
Considering the nefarious history of this product, it was beyond my comprehension how any Pharmaceutical Company could get it approved by the FDA for sale to the American public. But then I saw the outrages price on the insurance company’s invoice and my question was answered.
I was totally ignorant of all that before the colonoscopy so I spent the week prior to the procedure nervously worrying about the ‘big fat hose’ and never gave a second thought to the hellish experience that awaited me on the night before.
When the time came for me to get ready, I read the instructions. Step one said that 12 hours prior to the colonoscopy I shouldn’t take any solid foods by mouth. That kind of confused me since taking solid foods by mouth was the only way I knew how to do that. Anyway, by supper time I was pretty hungry so the wife suggested I try some chicken broth. I love chicken soup but chicken broth was a big disappointment. It is nothing more than hot salty water with a little food coloring. The only chicken you’ll find in chicken broth is the word “chicken” printed on the box.
But I digress… the second step was to try and drink the first dose of Koli-Kleen. I say try because the stuff tastes like industrial grade toilet cleaner. The pharmacist recommended the lemon flavored product but I can tell you right now that the lemon flavoring in that noxious concoction does absolutely nothing to mask its totally disgusting taste. In fact, to this day I still can’t look at a lemon without getting the dry heaves.
The instructions warned that After drinking the first dose I might experience some gastric discomfort followed by a loose bowel movement. That was a gross understatement. What the instructions should have said was that after taking Koli-Kleen, my guts would heave, toss and turn like a small boat caught in a typhoon and that shortly thereafter, everything in my stomach would simultaneously attempt to abandon ship through the stern of my little brown boat.
Holy Crap, that stuff works fast. It may not be written on the box but I believe that one of Koli-Kleen’s chief ingredients is rocket fuel. I say that because when that stuff kicks in, your colon ignites and the full content of your alimentary canal is explosively jettisoned out of your ass with such force that, unless you hold on to the toilet seat, it’s possible that your body could be propelled into low earth orbit.
Needless to say, I spent the whole night sitting on the toilet and nervously waiting for the many intestinal eruptions that followed. Whenever I felt my gut begin to rumble I shut my eyes, held on to the toilet seat and did a short count-down as my rocket powered ass violently sprayed whatever was in my guts into the crapper.
This went on for hours until my intestines were totally empty and I had nothing more to give. By then it was time to drink the second round of Koli-Kleen, and to my absolute amazement, the process started all over again. I couldn’t believe it possible that there was anything left in me to expel, but apparently I was wrong.
My only explanation for this extraordinary phenomenon is that the second dose of Koli-Kleen must have the ability to tap into the spiritual realm, locate my long dead ancestors and channel the festering content of their ancient intestines through my flaming ass-hole and into the commode.
And that leads us to a subject that isn’t covered by the Koli-Kleen instructions. I’m talking about the smell. Oh my god the smell is incredible.
Let’s face it, you can’t flush out the rotting content of someone’s intestine without creating some serious atmospheric pollution. You’re probably going to think I’m exaggerating but things got so bad at my house, that I actually saw lines of staggering insects abandoning the residence. I also witness our house plants literally wither and die right before my eyes. Even the plastic plants keeled over. Rita could attested to all this but she barricaded herself in the guestroom, stuffed towels into the crack under the door, and refused to come out until it was time to go to the clinic.
Needless to say, by the end of the evening I was exhausted. All that running back and forth to the bathroom left my legs feeling like the rubbery limbs of a punch drunk boxer, and my asshole like the business end of a blow torch. That night, after pushing several ice cubes up my raw pucker, I finally passed out and slept like a very tired and dehydrated baby.
The next morning my wife got me up at what is known in military time as “oh five hundred hours.” The “oh” stands for; “Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s still dark.” Anyway, when we arrived at the clinic we thought, since they wanted us there at the crack of dawn, that they intended to begin the procedure right away. We were wrong. Instead they had us filling out forms for hours. The frustrating part is that they had me answering questions I’ve already answered hundreds of times before. What the hell do they do with all that information? Obviously they don’t keep it or they wouldn’t need to ask the same dam questions over and over again.
When I was finished with the questioner the nurse brought in the consent form and asked me to sign. After looking it over I told her that I couldn’t possible sign it. She asked me why and I told her that just over the signature line there was a statement that said that I understood and agreed to all the terms, conditions and provisions stated therein. The document was twelve pages long and written in a Pig-Latin dialect of legalize that was so convoluted and incomprehensible that even my lawyer’s lawyer couldn’t have understood it.
The nurse looked at me and smiled. Then she told me I could take all the time I needed to read the consent forms and I didn’t have to sign them until I fully understood what I was signing. However, she quickly added that if I didn’t have the form signed within the next five minutes she would have to reschedule my procedure.
That’s all she had to say. It took me about five seconds to sign the release and hand it to her. There was no way I was going to reschedule the colonoscopy knowing full well that I would have to go through the same gut-draining pre-procedure I went through the night before. I think the clinic counts on that reaction and that’s why they ask you to sign the consent form after you’ve had the Koli-Kleen experience.
A half hour after I finished the paper work, a very fruity looking male nurse named Hector, came for me. He gave my wife a wink, put his hand on my shoulder and walked around me without taking his hand off my body. Then he asked her a question in a very swishy Spanish accent. “Is this jew hombre?” My wife nodded while trying to contain a very smug smile. Hector returned her smile and said, “Ay que Lindo.” And they both began to giggle as Hector put his hand through my arm and walked me down the clinic’s main corridor. “Don jew warry lindo,” he said as he snuggled up to me. “I will take berry good car of jew.”
Looking over my shoulder I made eye contact with my wife and with a sorrowful and plaintiff gaze I pleaded for her help, but Rita just smiled. It seemed to me that she was enjoying my predicament because all she did was hold up a box of Kolie-Kleen and gave me a looked that seemed to said… ‘are you sure you want to reschedule the procedure?
It was a long and uncomfortable walk to the prep-room, and when we got there Hector released my arm and handed me a plastic bag. He instructed me to go into a little room that had a curtain instead of a door. He asked me to take off all my clothes and put them in the bag. Then he handed me one of those hospital gowns. You know… the kind that is designed to strip you of all your dignity and make you feel more exposed and venerable then you’ve ever felt before.
After putting on the gown I noticed that my ass was hanging out of the back. Try as I might, I couldn’t stretch the cloth to cover my exposed behind. That’s when I saw Hector peeking through the curtains. The pervert was staring at my ass but when he saw me looking at him he smiled and asked if I was ready. Then he pushed a wheel chair into the room and with a big grin he patted the bench and told me to put my cute little tushie into the seat.
There was no way I was going to turn my bare bottom towards that flaming fruitcake so I just stood there looking at him. That’s when Hector decided to come around from behind the chair to help me get into the seat. It was more likely that he wanted to help himself into my seat, so as he approached, I clutched the back of my hospital gown and slowly backed away. Hector kept advancing and I kept retreating so we went around and around that wheelchair until I finally saw an opportunity to safely sit down.
The fruity nurse laughed, his very girly laugh, and called me a crazy gringo as he pushed my wheelchair into another room. There he tied a rubber tourniquet around my arm and tried to put an I.V. needle into the back of my hand. It only took him five tries, and while I would have normally fainted after the second attempt, there was no way I was going to allow myself to pass out while I was alone in the room with him. This was especially true after he started talking about the procedure. With a faraway and dreamy look in his eyes, he described the length and girth of the hose the doctor would be using… and then he said, “El doc-tor wheel e’put it in jew ass nice and e’slow. He wheel go in deeper and deeper. Ay bandito, It’z so beautiful I juice want to e’cry every time I thing about it.”
If I had any doubt about Hector’s sexual orientation, after listening to him describe the procedure, all my doubts were gone. Hector was what I called a real Granola Bar; flaky, fruity and nuts.
“listen up, Hector.” I said with my most manly voice. “There is no way that I am going to have sex with you.”
“What?” Hector said with a genuine look of surprise. Giving me a very stern look and with a very indignant voice he continued. “Is dat what jew ting? Will jew are so rung. Having sex wit jew is da last ting on my mine. DA LAST TING! No senor. First jew will half to ax me to dinner, and den to a show and den after dat….”
“Read my lips Hector… No Way!!!”
Hector looked disappointed so he changed the subject and asked me if I had taken the Koli-Kleen as proscribed. My revolted expression and the cold shiver that ran up and down my spine leaving my puckered face quivering with a look of pure disgust, told him all he needed to know.
“O’ I si, no juan e’toll jew?” The blank expression on my face let him know I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, so he went on. “Jew can e’take un poco de Tequila before jew drink that sheet. Dat e’helps it e’go down mucho more ezy.”
As soon as I figured out what he was trying to say, a light bulb went on over my head. What a great idea. I had a fully stocked bar at home and would have gladly downed a bottle of good Iris whisky if I had known it was okay to drink before taking that Koli-Krap. But then I started to imagine myself drunk and stumbling around the house, squirting and dripping all over the rug and the furniture. There was no way Rita would have cleaned up after me, and knowing her, she probably would have had no alternative but to shot me, torch the house for the insurance money and move down to Florida.
As Hector wheeled me into the procedure room I looked around nervously and saw the doctor and anesthesiologist standing there, but no sign of the dreaded “Big fat hose.” No doubt they planed on bringing it in after I was asleep. That sounded like such a waste of Anastasia. Not because I was so brave that I didn’t need it, but because all they would have had to do was to show me that “big fat hose” and I would have passed out on my own.
Before putting me under, the doctor had me roll over on my side, pull up my knees and count backward from a hundred. As I started to count I heard someone, standing behind me and singing with a swishy Spanish accent. To my great horror I realized it was Hector. He was standing behind me while he sang ”I fee pretty” from ‘West Side Story.’ Oh my god, that raving queen was going to be in the room while I was laying there unconscious and my naked butt exposed.
With my last once of strength I looked up at the doctor and with pleading eyes begged him. “Please shot me now before I pass out from the anesthesia,” but no such luck. The room went dark and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room, still feeling high from the drugs they gave me.
The first thing I saw was my doctor’s smiling face. He looked down at me and asked how I felt. I told him I felt great except for a little discomfort around that place where the sun never shines. That reminded me of my last thoughts before going under so I reached up, grasped my doctor by the collar and pulling his face down close to mine. In an almost threatening tone I asked him, “Did you leave me alone with Hector at any time during the procedure?” The doctor looked puzzled but he assured me that he hadn’t. When I let him go the doctor said he had good news. My colon was fine and there was no evidence of any malignancy.
“Thanks doc,” I said. Then I asked him to do me a favor. “Please tell my wife…”
“I’ve already given her the good news.” The doctor interrupted.
“No, not that.” I said, as I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down close to my face again. “I want you to let her know that you’ve performed a very thorough inspection of my entire intestinal track and looked into every nook and cranny of my colon… Got that?” The doctor nodded that he did. “Okay, then I want you to tell her that you’ve found absolutely no evidence that I’ve ever had my head up my ass.”
THE END
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The Beast within

Baby I want to take you slow and carefully, some nights I might take you hard, make you my slut. But tonight I want to take it slow, and pleasure you forever. Make you reach heights of passion you have never reached before. Turn you on slow and deliberately. I tell you “this is your night baby, do with me as you wish; guide me when I need it! Hold nothing back baby!” But the beast within me had other plans.
It would all start with us standing together, and the touch of my hand against your cheek, the touch of my lips lightly against yours. My tongue darts along your lushes’ lips, gently parting them, we touch tongues together. Kissing deep and passionately my hand slides from your cheek to the back of your head, I entwine it in your sweet hair and hold your lips firmly against mine. My other hand is resting on the top of your firm ass, and I move it slowly up your dress until I find the zipper.
I taste the sweetness of your lips, and your tongue as I lower the zipper of your dress down to your ass. My hand is free to caress along the smooth hot skin, the curves of your back. Still kissing, you move your womanly body tight within and against mine. You can feel my hard thick cock pressing into your belly and you move your hands around my waist pressing me tighter to you and slowly start a little belly dance against my cock. It’s so hard and long, you can feel the weight and the heat right through our clothes. Your mind starts to imagine how it will look and feel in your hand, or between your sweet red lips.
My mind on the other hand, is on fire with the hot passion and fervor of an animal, of a beast! Your mouth is so sweet, so pleasing to my body, as if I have never tasted before. I can’t get enough of your flavor. Your essence and the waltz your belly is dancing against my prick is pouring power into the beast. I use the conscience part of my mind to fight with the beast, hold it at bay, driving it back to the dark reaches to lock it up for now. For this time is for you, not the beast. Not now… no not now, not today!
With my hand at your shoulders, I move the straps of your dress until they drop to your arms. As the dress drops to your ass, you step back and allow it to fall to the floor. I behold you for the first time in your breathtaking beauty, with nothing on but a thin white thong. Your breasts are so lovely, nipples ripe for the taking, the curve of your waist, the smoothness of your skin, causes my cock to pulse and jump. You shine in the shadow of my lust; your skin is aglow with the splendor of a thousand moons.
You shiver as you watch my eyes examine your body; there is no mistaking the lust for you within my eyes. Your skin glows with the warmth of knowing how much you arouse me. You feel the moisture inside the pearliness’ of your pussy grow. Stepping in against me once again, you peel the shirt off my back and soon your breasts are against my chest, skin to skin. You look up, into my lustful eyes, as I take your tits and, squeeze, cuddle, and enfold them in my rough hands. As I kiss you, you take a hold of my zipper and lower it, guiding my jeans over my ass until they fall to the floor. As soon as my cock is released from its confinement, it smartly whacks up and bounces against your tummy spraying your smooth skin with a wicked amount of hot, slick pre-cum. The feeling of all that wetness splashing upon your skin shocks you into breaking our kiss to look down, seeing my prick for the first time. The head of my cock is the size and color of a plum, my dick lips slightly open and staring, with a thin, clear, string of pre-cum attached to a pool on your skin. With wide eyes you lower yourself to your knees to see it. It’s staggering straight and proud, the skin taught and smooth along its length. It pulses with every beat of my heart and it is all of seven or eight inches long. It has a purple mushroom shaped head the thickness of a pop can that is mounted upon a slightly less thick shaft. Feeling a tingle within your pussy and wetness flowing out and down your cunt lips, you reach out to take it into your hands.
Watching you from above the beast almost break’s out as I reach for you; the beast is demanding the pleasure of your full red lips wrapped around my prick. Keeping it under control I reach for you and stand you back up, and lifting you like a baby I carry you to the bed where I lay you down. Lying beside you, I kiss your lips, nibble on your earlobes and down your neck onto your breast, all while caressing you with my large strong hands. I find the wetness of my pre-cum and rub it into your skin. My hand brushes down to your thong, stroking and touching the thin wet material. Parting the petals of your flower I run my fingers up and down along the crease. Stroking up, I press into the hood protecting your clit. Closing your legs upon my hand you arch your body up and against my hand with each upward stroke. New juices start flowing into the fabric of your thong as more of my pre-cum wets your thigh. My contact on your pussy and kissing of your breast has started a deep welling of pleasure growing inside. The heat of my cock along your thigh, the heat and wetness of your pussy lips being caressed, drives you into the first of many orgasms of the night. It rises and builds until cum is released within you, then it rises higher and you cum again. Spurt after spurt of juices flow from deep within, sliding between your hot, blood engorged lips, and through the material of your thong, spread by my hand all around your panties.
I lick the sweetness of your moisture off my fingers. The taste and aroma spark like electricity into my brain. I need more! I move between your legs, spreading them wide, I wrap my hand around your thong and rip it away from your body. There for my lustful eyes is the prize I want, glittering in the light with moisture, the most perfect pink flower! I lower my nose to the rose, and inhale the bouquet of lustful aromas. There is no flower that smells as good, no perfume could compare to what I scent. My tongue darts out to taste, to lick. Oh…God… the taste is as wonderful as any chef could dream! Heaven sent nectar of the gods. I lick and clean it all, sending you into another orgasm that supplies me with more, and drives my tongue deep within the folds to receive it.
Your hands grab my head pressing me further into you as at the same time you raise your hips up begging my tongue deeper. The taste and scent of you sends energy into the beast in my head. The beast grows, bigger and stronger, while I weaken. I can’t hold the beast back any more, he breaks free within me and grabs your ass with both hands. He presses my face hard and deep between the folds of your lips. All my pretence of civilities has left me, I am the beast that just wants pleasure, NO… demands pleasure! My cock grows harder and longer then it has ever been, the head is stretched to the limits, any larger and it will explode from the pressure of all the blood forced inside it.
You are lost to everything but the rutting, Cumming, orgasm that never quits. Grinding your pussy into my face, you cum and cum, over and over again. Your body is shaking, quivering with intense pleasure, while sweat beads out of every pore of your skin. Your heart beats faster than it ever has, your eyes roll into the back of your head, your lungs expand to bring in the large amounts of air you need. You want my cock; need it so bad, deep within your cunt. You start to push me away, grabbing and clawing at my head, but the beast doesn’t understand. You scream “Cock… your Cock…I want your cock… I need your cock deep in my cunt” “Please!” you cry.
The beast hears you; slowly it thinks… yes… yess… my cock needs pussy! Slowly it raises its head out of the wet folds between your legs. You see its eyes, and there is no depth to them, no intelligent mind behind them. Fear wells up within you as you see the bestial strength of him, the wanton lust, and his hard cock with the huge bulbous purple head heading straight for your pussy lips. It looks twice as large as it was, it will never fit, and your fear grows as you know that it will split you apart. His dead eyes lock onto yours, freezing you in place as he rams his cock into your wet pussy. It’s too large! The head is splitting you into! You feel your cunt lips forced roughly apart as the head pushes its way within. There is pain but the pleasure is intense. Oh…God it feels good! You feel your pussy walls expand wide around the head and close back up around the shaft as it glides by. It reaches your cervix, striking it hard like the ringing of a bell, forcing it apart. You have never had a man that deep. The beast only bottoms out when the head of his cock has passed the ring of your cervix. You feel your cervix grip tightly around his shaft, almost milking his head. The idiot tries to go further, grinding his hips into yours. His slow mind catches up and he starts to pull out, the large head drawing out all your cunt juices like a plow. He is smart enough to know when to stop, when your cunt lips are tightly wrapped around his cock head. In and out his prick goes, each time striking your cervix hard, forcing it in, and causing an intense orgasm and spurt of cum from you. You feel every pulse of his large heart forcing blood through his penis. His great hands have your breast in them, milking them violently. He places his lips around yours and tongues your mouth as he fucks you.
You can’t breathe with his hard tongue down your throat, his lips clamped around yours. You wrench your head away and take one deep breath before his hands force your head back around to his lips. You’re about to die from pleasure and affixation at the same time when you have your most intense orgasm yet. Your cunt walls quiver, shake, and start milking his cock hard! The maw of your cervix and cunt lips clamp down hard upon his cock! With his great beastly strength he tries to pull his cock out, but instead pulls your whole body up and back with his hips. Surprised, He releases his lips from yours and rises up onto his arms with your body dangling from his cock. You gasp in all the air you can, as your cunt grinds and grips his cock with renewed strength. You see his eyes change and enlarge; he slams down into you hard on the bed. He grows and snarls, and tries again, only to have you hanging from his cock again. Your body is shaking, legs quivering; you feel your weight pulling on your pussy that is clamped around his cock. You’re being turned inside out, all while your cunt milks his cock, and the strong suction that it causes, brings his release. His cum full balls crash and churn, a hot high pressure spurt of ropey cum travels up the tube up his shaft. You can feel it rumbling pass your cunt walls like a freight train, traveling up to the giant head within your cervix. Cum explodes from his head, smashing into your cervix walls like a fire hose! Filling your body with hot boiling cum, it pushes out between the walls of your pussy, splashing against both your bodies.
All that nasty slickness causes the release of his cock from your body, it pops out spraying his and your cum all over you. Falling back to the bed, the beast slams into you, releasing another blast of white sticky cum inside your cunt. Rope after rope of cum fills and overfills your pussy, spewing out between your pussy walls and his cock. Wrapping your quivering legs around him, you cum like never before, whipping your head back and forth, crying with pleasure! Finally, the beast is sated, completed, finished, slowly he releases my body back to my bewildered mind. I collapse onto your hot cum covered body with every muscle shivering, and shaking. I can’t speak, I feel you breathing and quivering beneath me, so I know you’re alive, but I worry that the beast has hurt you.

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