It’s hard to believe that I, Kevin Peterson, get to have Jessica Graceson to share a dorm room with. I know what your thinking, why on Earth would any college allow a guy and a girl share a dorm room? Well, Jessica isn’t an ordinary girl, she’s spectacular. She’s amazing! She’s my best friend. She’s the world to me. Just looking at her unpacking her clothes releases butterflies in my stomach. How did I get so lucky?

I remember the day I met Jessica. My life has never been the same since. She moved in next door during the summer before my freshman year of high school. My parents thought it would be a great idea to introduce ourselves. My mom can be kind of nosey. So there we were, walking over to Jessica’s house as they unloaded the U-Haul. My mom brought over a pie she made earlier that day. It was a stereotypical meet the neighbors kind of visit. We first met Jessica’s dad carrying a box that had Jessica’s name on it. He greeted us kindly when he saw us walking over. He seemed like a chill guy, friendly enough. His name is Dave and his wife Shauna came out and greeted us as well. My parents conversed with them as I tried to act like I was paying attention.

Then she walked out of the door! Her dark brunette hair all done up in a ponytail, a bright smile painted on her face… It was like the sun and moon revolved around her. At least it did to me. She was wearing a pair of relatively short black basketball shorts that showed off her toned legs. She also had on a tight navy blue t-shirt on. You could barely make out her abs. She was beautiful. I still remember the first thing I said to her.

“This is our beautiful daughter Jessica,” her mother told us. “Jessica meet our neighbors. John, Meredith, and Kevin.”

“I Kevin I’m Jessica,” I spat out without thinking. “Wait that’s not right…”

She laughed the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard. “It’s nice to meet you, Jessica,” she joked. Her sense of humor was definitely one of the things that attracted me to her.

“Hey I got a great idea, Kevin why don’t you show Jessica around town?” my mom asked. Which was perfect.

“Yeah, that is a great idea. Jessica would love to,” her mom volunteered.

And before I knew it, we were on our bikes riding through town. Checking out different shops. Obviously, Santa Barbara was too big to show her in one day, so I took her to the best ice cream shop ever! It was complete heaven. You see, I was a nobody at my school, San Marcos. Literally invisible. But Jessica, she was somebody, at least to me. We both ordered an ice cream cone and I paid. We ate our ice cream at one of the tables.

“So… What’s the scoop on the school here?” she asked.

“You’re going to San Marcos, right? Not Santa Barbara High?” I asked. “There are two different high schools in Santa Barbara.”

“Yeah, which one has the blue and red team colors? That’s San Marcos right?” she asked.

“Yep!”

“Then that’s where I’m enrolling at,” she said

“Awesome! That’s where I go also!” I added. “It’s your typical high school cliché. Literally, you have the school divided into a bunch of cliques that are further divided by even more cliques.”

“So you’re saying that there are cliques within cliques?” she asked.

“Yep and to further complicate it, certain cliques pretty much rule the school and other cliques pretty much are outcasts,” I added.

“Let me guess, the popular kids, who are most likely the rich kids and jocks rule the school?” she asked as she slid her tongue slowly up the mountain of ice cream piled on her cone. I couldn’t help but watch.

“Yep, pretty much…” I responded.

“Totally cliché!” she smirked. “So what clique are you in?”

“Me?” I asked as I took a big lick of my ice cream. “I’m not really in any of them.”

“Oh… A loner,” she said with a little bit of an exaggerated tone. “You don’t seem like a loner.”

“What do I seem like?”

“Someone who buys a girl ice cream and jokes about clichés,” she joked. “Not really loner qualities. I bet you’re the nice guy who everyone views as their friend.”

“Ha, I doubt that. I’m more like the geek who reads too many comics,” I admitted.

“Wow, in a school ruled by jocks, you’re not afraid to admit you’re a geek. You’re brave! I admire that,” she said.

Looking back on that day, it’s hard to believe all the things that happened that led up to today. The day we moved into our dorm room.

Jessica glances over at me while she folds her clothes. She gives me that bright beautiful smile. I’ve seen that smile so many times and yet I still can’t get used to it. “What?” she asks.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, quickly looking away. I glance back to see if she’s still looking at me, which of course she is.

“Seriously, you keep staring at me… “ She gives me that look. “What are you thinking about right now?”

“I just can’t believe we’re roommates!” I tell her.

“I know, right!?” she smiles even though I know the reason why we’re roommates is kind of a sore spot for her.

“Hey, remember that time you and I skipped class and walked the trails in San Antonio Canyon Park?” she asked.

“How can I forget, you practically forced me!”

“That’s not how I remember it, you practically begged me to go.”

“No way! The way I remember it, we were riding our bikes to class and you asked me to skip school with you.” I remember that day all too well. It was April of our Freshman year. She asked me out of the blue if I would skip class with her. I hesitated at first. Came up with every excuse in the book.

“We can’t skip class, what about the quiz in Earth Science?” I asked.

“Who cares! It’s not like we’re going to use Earth Science after we graduate…” she argued. “Come on Kevin, you know you want to! When you’re old and gray, what memories do you want to look back on? The time you passed that Earth Science class or the day you skipped class with the coolest girl in the Country?”

“I wouldn’t go that far… Coolest girl in the city? Maybe… “ I quipped.

“Oh shut up… Are you going to come or not?” she asked.

“Fine…” I replied.

I followed her past the school a few miles until we reached the Park. The park itself was only a small strip of trees, but when you’re always surrounded by buildings, it felt like a forest. We hid our bikes and started hiking up the trails. After a while, we found a fallen down tree and sat down for a small break.

“So what’s the real reason you wanted to skip class?” I asked her.

She turned to look me in the eyes. It felt like she was searching for something. Looking back at it, I realize now she was trying to figure out whether she could trust me or not.

“I just needed a break from it all,” she sighed.

“I guess I understand. Life sucks at this age…” I replied.

“You have no idea!” she said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“It’s nothing…” she mumbled as she looked away.

“It’s got to be something, you can tell me. I’m not going to tell anyone.” I told her. “Besides who am I going to tell anyway.”

She glanced back at me. “It’s my parents…”

“Shauna and Dave?” I asked. “What happened?”

“They just seemed to never stop fighting. I think they’re going to get a divorce.”

“Oh…” I sighed. “Did they say that?”

“No, but it’s just… The way they talk to each other, or how they act when they think I’m not around.” she tried to explain. “It’s the subtle things. How they avoid each other and the looks they give each other. It’s pretty much written on the wall.”

“You know if things ever get to the point where you need someone to talk to or just a place to escape, you’re always welcome to come over,” I told her.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” She leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. It felt like a shock went through my system. “I feel like I can always count on you, Kevin.”

That day was one of the best days of my life, up until this moment. We stayed like that for awhile before we left.

“Earth to Kevin!” Jessica waves her hand in front of my face, snapping me out of it. “Lost you there for a second.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking back to that day, life was so simple back then,” I sigh.

“Speak for yourself, life was never simple for me,” she sighs. “But I know what you mean.”

“Right, sorry…” It’s hard to think that the girl I met back then had already gone through so much. She hid her pain so well.

“God Kevin, you don’t always have to apologize.” She gave me smile, I knew she was kidding. She always loved to mess around. I can’t help but remember the night of our Junior year before her basketball game with our rival school, who we shared the same town with, the Santa Barbara Dons.

I woke up that night to a hand covering my mouth. A person in a ski mask was leaning over me. I about freaked out. “Relax Kev, it’s just me.”

“Jessica?” I asked surprised.

She pulled off her mask and that all to familiar face appeared before me. She had the biggest grin on her face. “I got you one too!”

“Why do I need a ski mask? Are you planning on robbing a bank?” I asked for a flood of scary ideas ran through my mind.

“No Doo Doo, we’re just going to hang up some banners,” she said with a sly smile.

“Then why do you need a ski mask?”

“Because we don’t want to get caught, obviously!” she replied.

“Why do we have to worry about getting caught if we’re just hanging up Banners? And why do we have to do it in the middle of the night?”

“Because we’re doing it at Santa Barbara’s High School, duh! Look, we need you! So are you in or not Scout?” And of course, she’d call me that. Scout… It’s short for Boy Scout. I’ve never been in the boy scouts, but for some reason, Jess thinks I’m the “Nice Guy” who would be the perfect boy scout.

“Fine… I better not get into trouble!” I argued.

“Okay Mr. Dudley DoRight,” And there’s another nickname, but it’s pretty much the same. I pull myself up outta bed and turn on the bedside lamp.

“Someone was having a good dream!” She laughed. I looked down and noticed a tent was pitched in my pants. I quickly grabbed a pillow to cover up.

“Were you dreaming about me?!” She asked sarcastically with that wicked smile.

“Are you going to let me get dressed?” I asked abashed.

“Oh come on, it’s not like I’ve never seen a boner before.” she sighed. I gave her a look and she finally relented. “Fine, just hurry up. Sarah and Tiff are in the van waiting.”

“Wait, Sarah and Tiff from the basketball team?!” I stuttered.

“No the other Sarah and Tiff I hang out with…” she said with a bit of annoyance in her voice.

“You don’t have to be rude,” I mumbled as I pulled on some socks, pants and a hoodie.

I followed her out to the van, which had a massive ladder on top of it. We piled into the back, with Sarah in the driver’s seat and Tiff riding shotgun. “Hey Sarah, hey Tiff, so what’s the plan?” I asked.

“We’re going to hang up those posters all over Santa Barbara High,” Sarah explained.

“By the time anyone notices, everybody will be arriving at school and there won’t be enough time to get them all down,” Tiff added.

“What do the posters say exactly?” I asked.

“Oh, you’ll see!” Jessica said with a rather sly smirk on her face.

It didn’t take long before we arrived at the school. Jess gives me a ski mask and we all put them on. I help Sarah get the ladder down while Tiff and Jessica grabbed all the posters. We rushed up to the entrance of the school. It’s a large, rather grand entrance. It reminded me of a capital building in Mexico. Sarah and I got the ladder up against the entrance.

Tiff handed me a poster and some nylon rope. “Okay now climb up the ladder and hang up this poster.”

“Why do I have to be the one to hang up this poster?” I asked.

“Because you’re a better climber! Duh!” Jessica said.

“How do you figure?” I asked her.

“Quit wasting time, we’re going to get caught! Just climb the ladder and hang the poster. By the time we stop arguing, you could have already had it hung up,” Sarah said.

Without another hesitation, I climbed up the ladder and tied one end of the poster into some kind of window balcony that really isn’t a balcony, it just sort of looks like it could be. After I climbed back down, we moved the ladder I repeated the process. Finally, I took a look at the poster and almost died laughing.

It read Prison For Sale with Santa Barbara High School’s phone number underneath it.

We hung up signs all over the school, each as funny as the last.

Your Mom Called You Left Your Game at Home

Pucker up and kiss your winning streak goodbye.

Learn to take the heat cuz you’re about to get beat

We finally finished and got out of there. It was one of the best memories ever. The next day, those signs blew up over social media. The kids at Santa Barbara High were so mad. When people at our high school found out, it was all they could talk about. No one knew who did it. No one, except us.

“Kevin!” I snap out of my daydream to see Jessica looking at me funny.

“Sorry…” I quickly spit out.

“There you go apologizing again,” she quips.

“I was just remembering the time we hung up those posters at Santa Barbara High,” I tell her.

“Oh, good times! Those girls were pissed when we played them later that night. Too bad we ended up losing,” Jessica sighs.

“But you beat them next year in the conference finals,” I point out.

“Yeah, because one of their star players Lashun Valler graduated. They still had Sally Ban, but without both of them, it was easier to isolate Sally,” she explains.

“But still, they wouldn’t have won without you, you played one hell of a game,” I tell her. “I mean come on, how many high school players can get a triple-double? On top of scoring the most points on the team. I remember watching you like it was yesterday!”

She was spectacular. But she’s right, that Sally Ban was one hell of a player too. They went back and forth for most of the game. Jessica would cross over and drive it to the basket, then Sally would come back and answer at the other end. It was a battle of point guards. However, it was Jessica that came out on top with the game-winning buzzer-beater shot. I’ll never forget it. She took the inbound pass with less than 10 seconds to go. Of course, Santa Barbara tried to double team her with Sally and another player. But she was able to split the double team, sprint down the court with Sally on her tail, and at the last second pull up for a jump shot at the free throw line. It was nothing but net. The crowd went wild and rushed to the floor, but Jessica went over to Sally, hugged her and whispered something in her ear.

“What did you say to her after you won?” I ask her.

“I just told her she was the best player I’ve ever faced and she made me a better player over the years,” she says. “Anyways, that’s all in the past. Let’s focus on the present. Are you excited to go out tonight and experience the college life first hand?!”

“I guess so…”

“You say that like it’s a chore or something awful. How are you not excited?” she asks me.

“I don’t know, I guess you’re right. We’re finally free of adult supervision. Might as well do some naughty things.”

“Now you sound like a child, but exactly.”

“So how are we going to get alcohol anyways?” I ask.

“I secured a fake I.D.,” she tells me. “A friend at my support groups looks a lot like me and just happens to be over the age of 21 gave me her I.D.”

“Oh nice, lucky!”

“Right!? After I finish unpacking I’ll go pick some up. Do you want to split a fifth of vodka?” she asks me.

“Sure, I guess. I’ve never really drank before.” I tell her.

“Like that’s not obvious,” She laughs.

“Hey! It’s not like I was ever invited to any of the parties that your “friends” threw,” I reply.

“That’s not true! I tried to get you to come to tons of parties, but you were always “busy.” And for the record, none of those kids are my friends now,” she retorts.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“It’s okay, I think I’m going to run to the store and see if this fake I.D. works,” she mutters as she grabs her handbag and keys.

“Okay.” With that, she left. God, why did I have to throw that in her face, like she needed to be reminded of how all the people that said they were her friends, were quick to throw her to the waist side when they found out her secret.

It’s all that douchebag Scott’s fault. He couldn’t have just left her alone. He had to go and tell everyone about her secret. I remember that day all too well. I don’t understand why she started dating him, to begin with. He is one of the biggest assholes in school. The star basketball player and team captain. Basketball was the only thing they had in common. When I heard they started dating… I just never thought she would go after a douche like him.

It was after they lost against Santa Barbara for the conference title our Junior year. She came over Sunday night and told me she started dating that loser. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. They were serious for over a year. It was after Jessica led the team to claim the State Championship where he showed his true colors. I don’t know the exact truth of what happened, just rumors. They were at a party and I guess Scott took her up to one of the bedrooms. Apparently, he rushed out of the room and left Jessica in tears. Then Monday at school a vicious rumor spread through the school that Jessica was transgender, of course, they used different, more offensive names.

Jessica got kicked off the soccer team, she lost all her sports scholarships, the school lost their State Title for girls basketball and she was outcasted and hated because of it. The sad part was that I never knew. She was devastated and she became depressed. However, things seemed to have worked out in the end. If that never happened, neither of us would be going to Gennecho University or we wouldn’t be roommates.

Of course, the only reason we are roommates is because she’s still technically known as a male by the state, so therefore the University won’t let her room with girls. It was either room by herself or guys. Her parents didn’t want her by herself, but they also didn’t want her rooming with guys. They almost convinced her not to go. Luckily I was there for her when everything fell apart. I told them that I would be her roommate and after all, we’ve been through they were more than happy with that arrangement. We both applied last minute to GU and got accepted. They let us have a two-person dorm and here we are.

Chapter

The rest of the day goes by without much excitement. Jessica was able to get booze without too much trouble. After she got back, we went down and checked out the food court. They had quite the selection of food. It was very impressive. After we finished pigging out, we walked around campus for a bit. We got invited to a couple of house parties. We eventually grabbed dinner and made our way back to the dorm rooms.

It was the perfect day. It felt like just a normal day with Jessica. Like how it used to be before she became really popular in high school. We would just sit and talk for hours, or go on hikes. She would often sneak into my room and we would discuss everything under the sun. She once even opened up about the death of her older sister, Sarah. The discussions we had were deep and I felt like we just shared this connection. Things changed shortly after she became the star basketball player. Then she started dating Scott and everything sort of went downhill from there. She rarely ever came over and we became distant.

Well, today wasn’t like that. Today was the first day in a long time where we just chilled like we used to. After what happened the week after she was outed as transgender, I didn’t really get to see much of her. Even though we both got accepted to the university and they finally agreed to let us become roommates, Jessica went away for most of the summer. We texted, but it’s not the same as being able to talk in person.

As we sat in our dorm, Jessica opened up the vodka and mixed us both drinks with sprite. I took a sip and nearly spit it out. “What’s wrong, don’t like it?” she asks.

“Did you even put any sprite in it? It feels like it’s all vodka!” I tell her. Literally, it was vodka with a hint of sprite.

“Man up, you’re such a lightweight!” she let out a laugh. “And don’t even give that, I’ve never drank before excuse. This is college, you’re going to learn the hard way how to handle your liquor.”

“But… That’s not fair!” I argue. She gives me a smile as she takes a sip, I see the scar on the inside of her wrist and it sends a shiver down my spine.

“Life’s not fair,” she replies. She knows that more than anyone with everything she’s been through. She almost didn’t make it out of that dark place. I almost lost her. The memory of that day puts my stomach in a knot.

When Scott outed her as transgender, a lot of horrible things happened after that. I’m not even talking about the loss of her scholarship or the state championship. She was ostracized by the people who said they were her friends. They bullied her and shamed her. That wasn’t even the worst of it. It’s what I did next that truly broke her. When I heard what people were saying about her, I didn’t believe the rumors at first. I thought Scott made everything up because she wouldn’t have sex with him. There’s no way she was transgender. I would have known! We didn’t have secrets between us. At least I didn’t.

When I confronted her about it at school, she finally told me the truth.

“Kevin… The rumors are true… I was… I was born a boy,” she told me.

I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t the fact that she was a boy that bothered me, it didn’t matter to me at all. I just thought I knew who she was. I thought we knew everything about each other and it turns out I didn’t know her at all. I was confused and I felt like she didn’t trust me. If she couldn’t tell me the truth about that, what else did she not trust me with?

When she saw the look on my face… The look of disbelief, shock, pain, anger, confusion all mixed in one. It devastated her. She must have took it that I was disgusted with her. I wasn’t, at least not with her being transgender. Tears started to roll down her cheeks. Before I knew it, she took off.

The rest of the day I sat in class and couldn’t stop thinking about it. All of it! The fact that she was transgender and didn’t tell me. All the horrible rumors that were going around school. The whole thing about her being kicked off the girls’ soccer team and her scholarships being pulled. The pain in her eyes as she saw the way I reacted when she finally told me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized why she didn’t tell me. The way everyone treated her once they found out she was born a boy, it’s no wonder why she didn’t tell anyone. And the way I overreacted. Will she ever forgive me? Now I feel so terrible about everything. All she wanted was to live a normal life as a girl. I can’t believe I acted like that. She was my friend… She is my friend! My best friend and I feel like I betrayed her. Just like everyone else has. I need to go talk to her. I need to let her know how I feel and that I’m so sorry for overreacting.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I waited for the right time to check it. The teacher lectured for the entire class period. He was constantly looking at me for some reason. It felt like an eternity went. Finally, the bell rang and I whipped out my phone. Jessica sent me a message!

I quickly opened it.

Kevin, I never meant to hurt you. I truly like you and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I just knew deep down that you wouldn’t understand. Not many people do. I don’t blame you for that. I don’t blame you for anything. You were always kind to me and I enjoyed every minute we spent together. I just can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live as a boy and society won’t accept me as a girl. There is no place in this world for me. I hope you can forgive me one day. I wish you can one day find happiness. – Jess.

No! What have I done! I immediately tried to call her phone, but it went straight to voicemail. She must have turned it off! Fuck!

‘Jessica, please pick up the phone, you don’t want to do this! Please don’t do this!’

I quickly hung up and rushed outta class. I called 911 as I ran down the hall.

‘911 what are you reporting,’ the dispatcher said.

‘My friend just texted me and I think she’s going to do something drastic. I believe she might try to take her own life. You have to do something!’ I spastically shouted into the phone. “She said she couldn’t live like this anymore! She said there is no place in this world for her! You have to save her! Please!’

‘You need to calm down. Where is she now?’ the dispatcher asked.

‘I don’t know! I think she’s at home. I’m on my way over there right now!’ I frantically yell into the phone as I rush out to my car.

‘Do you have an address? What’s her name?’ the woman on the phone asked.

I told her the address and gave her Jessica’s name. She told me she was sending someone over. They would be there soon.

I got in my car and drove as fast as I could to her house. When I finally arrived at her house, there was an ambulance already there. I rushed inside the house. Please be alive Jess! I can’t lose you! I found them in the hallway just outside the bathroom. The floor was all wet. The water had a red tint to it. Oh no! The EMT’s had Jess on a stretcher, they were trying to stop the bleeding from her arms. She was soaking wet. She had cut herself! They had a breathing mask on her. “Jess!” I shouted.

“Sir you need to step back, we don’t have much time. We need to stop the bleeding and get her to the hospital. She needs a blood transfusion.” one of the EMTs told me. Everything that happened from there was a blur. The next thing I remember I was sitting in the hospital waiting to hear any news on Jessica. Her parents just arrived. They were both freaking out. They went up to the desk.

“My daughter was just admitted. I need to see her. I need to make sure she’s alright. Her name is Jessica Graceson.” She said as tears fell from her eyes.

“Hold on a sec, let me look up her information.” the woman at the desk said.

I got up and walked over to them. As soon as she saw me she rushed over to me. “Kevin, what’s going on? What happened to Jessica?” she asked.

“I… She… She tried to…” I didn’t know what to say. So I pulled out my phone and showed them the message. As she read the message a look of devastation appeared on her face.

“What!? What’s the message say!?” Jess’s dad asked.

She handed him the phone as more tears flowed down her cheeks. “Is she… Is she alright?” she asked.

“I… I don’t know, they won’t tell me anything because I’m not family. I think they were able to save her. She was alive when they brought her here.” I stuttered out. I was a complete wreck. “As soon as I saw her text, I called 911.”

“You did the right thing, Kevin,” Jessica’s dad told me. Just then a doctor came out.

“Are you Mr. and Mrs. Graceson?” he asked.

“Yes! How is my little girl? Is she okay!? What’s going on?” Mrs. Graceson asked in desperation.

“She’s alive and she’s in stable condition,” he told us. He then turned to me. “Are you the boy that called 911?”

I nodded. “Well son, you saved her life. If the EMTs arrived a second later, she probably wouldn’t have survived. She lost a lot of blood.”

Mrs. Graceson broke down as she pulled me into a giant hug. I couldn’t help it either, tears were falling from my eyes too. I couldn’t believe I almost lost her that day. If I didn’t open up my phone when I did, or call 911. Things could have been ended terribly.

“Scout! You’re not even listening to me!”

“What?” I looked up at Jessica as she took a sip of her drink.

“You kind of just zoned out there for a sec,” she tells me.

“Oh… I’m sorry. I’m just glad you’re here,” I tell her.

“Well… ah… thanks. I’m glad you’re here too. That came out of nowhere,” she says. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah! Everything is great!” I tell her. “Now what were you saying?”

“I was just saying, we don’t have to go out tonight. We can stay in and just drink by ourselves. Just the two of us,” she says. “I know you’re not really into the whole party thing and to be honest I kind of want to stay in tonight anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s fine with me!” She smiles at me and I smile back at her.

“Did I ever tell you that I’m glad I have you as my best friend?” She asks.

“I think maybe once or twice.”

“Well, Kevin… I’m so glad to have a friend like you!” She places her hand on top of mind. We’re sitting on her bed like old couples do before they turn in for the night. I turn my hand over and our fingers interlock with each other.

“Just friends?” I ask. My heart feels like it’s beating its way out of my chest.

She looks into my eyes. “Do you want to be more than friends?”

I stare back into those beautiful brown eyes. I take a huge gulp of my drink. “Yes,” I say. “I’ve always wanted that.”

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah, ever since we first hung out, I’ve had feelings for you. I didn’t exactly know what those feelings were until I almost lost you,” I admit. “Jessica, I’m in love with you.”

“Even though I’m transgender?” she asks.

“Yes! That doesn’t matter to me! I don’t care that you use to be a boy. I don’t care about what you have between your legs. I love you, Jessica!” I tell her. “Every second we spend together, I fall more in love with you. You’re my best friend and there is no one in the entire universe I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I know that sounds hokey and dumb, but that’s how I feel.”

She looked at me with those eyes, those gorgeous eyes. A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. That’s just how I feel. Please, just…”

Before I could say another word, she leaned over and kissed me. The touch of her lips on mine sent explosions through my mind. Suddenly I felt a splash of something wet and cold. We both jumped back. Half of Jess’s drink landed on my lap. We both broke down laughing. She took my drink and placed them both on the nightstand. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I tell her. She pulls me back into another kiss.

“You don’t really need these pants right? Let me help you take them off,” she grabs my belt buckle and starts to undo them.

“Who needs pants anyways, right?” I joke. I gently place my hands on the sides of her face and pull her back as our lips meet once again. Her fingers get my belt unbuckled and they start to work on unbuttoning my pants. Before long she starts to tug them down.

She pulls back to look down as she takes off my pants.

“Jess, how exactly do we ah… do this?” I ask her.

“Honestly? I don’t know, I’ve never done this before,” she says. “But, I mean… I guess we uh… you know.”

“Anal?” I ask.

“Yeah,” she says. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah. That’s fine with me. Ah… who’s going to um… You know… Receive and what not…” I ask.

“Could we take turns?” she asks.

“Uh yeah, I… That works.”

“If you don’t want to do this I understand,” she says.

“Jessica, I definitely want to do this!” I tell her. Her face lights up with that infectious smile and she plants another kiss on my lips as she climbs on top of me.

“Me too!” she says.

I hook my thumbs underneath her shirt and pull it over her head. She’s wearing a purple lace bra underneath. I place my hands on her hard abs and slowly make my way up to the back of her bra. She squirms slightly as my fingers brush over her skin. “That tickles,” she laughs.

“I’m sorry, I…” She places her lips on top of mine again as I try to unlock her bra. After a few failed attempts, she leans back.

“Here let me do it.” She slides the lace straps off her arms and spins the bra around. She snaps it off, making it look so easy. She keeps her arm over her breasts as if she’s afraid I won’t like them as she tosses her bra aside. “Don’t judge, my mom said I could get breast implants when I finish college.”

I laugh, then I lean up and press my lips against hers, reassuring her that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Her hand falls against my side. I journey down from her lips, lightly kissing her neck, making my way to her breast. They’re really small and perky. “They’re perfect!” I tell her.

She lets out a moan as my tongue makes circles around her nipple. Her hand moves to the back of my head, lightly brushing through my hair. I switch to her other nipple and suck it in my mouth, causing her to gasp.

I immediately let go. “Did that hurt? I’m sorry!”

She laughs, “No it’s okay. I don’t mind.”

I continue to suck on her nipple, eliciting all sorts of moans and gasps. She slips her hands under my shirt and starts to lift it up. I break away from her breasts as she pulls the shirt over my head. She tosses the shirt over her head. She then places her hands back behind my ears and pulls me in, our lips meet once more. Her tongue slips into my mouth and tangles with mine.

The passion I feel for her burns deep down to my core. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. “Kevin… I love you.” Her hand brushes my cheek.

“I love you too!”

That smile takes over her beautiful face and she leans back in and once again our tongues are locked in a dance. I kiss her like this is the last day I have left on this earth. Finally, she pulls back and gets off the bed.

She turns around and starts to undo her pants. She looks back at me. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Please, it’s just… I’m nervous. Okay?”

I get up off the bed and wrap my arms around her. “It’s okay to be nervous. I’m nervous too. I’m not going to hurt you ever again.”

My hands make their way down to the button of her pants. She lets go and allows me to do it. I undo them and hook my thumbs under them, dragging them down. I kiss my way down her back as I pull her pants down. She’s wearing a matching purple underwear. She has one of those thick, but lean, bubble butts. Probably from all those years of playing sports. She grabs my shoulder as she lifts up one of her legs. I slide her pants off her leg and then she lifts up the other one. As I pull off the other pant leg, she lets go of my shoulder.

I hook my fingers under her underwear and drag them down, uncovering that perfect ass. I let go of her panties as they fall to her feet. She looks back at me as my face is inches away from her butt. I give her ass cheek a kiss.

She pulls her cheeks apart revealing a lovely rosebud. I press my lips against it, kissing it softly. She moans as my tongue presses against her entrance. I press on as my tongue slips inside her anus. I smother her pucker in spit as my tongue works in and out of her asshole.

She finally steps away and turns around. I finally for the first time see her cock. It’s as hard as a rock. I’ve never seen someone else’s cock before. It’s slightly larger than my own. I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed or impressed. She is completely clean shaven. I look up into her eyes, trying to figure out what she wants.

She brushes her hand against my face. I reach up and wrap my hand around her cock. She lets up a little moan. “I’ve never… ah… done this before.” I say to her.

She laughs. “I know.”

“Right…” I say. I close my eyes, open my lips and take the tip of her dick into my mouth. It’s spongy and tastes musky. I swirl my tongue around it. She lets out of soft moan. I try sucking it like a popsicle, evoking a gasp.

“Wow, you’re pretty good at this!” She moans as I take more of her member in my mouth. Her hands make their way through my hair urging me forward. I brush my hands up against her thighs. Her strong athletic thighs.

She pushes forward, thrusting her cock past the entrance of my throat. I gag on her dick. She releases my head and I pull back off her cock. It falls from my lips, bringing a trail of spit with it.

“Do you want to try anal now?” She asks.

“Is it going to hurt?” I ask.

“Slightly at first,” she says.

“I thought you’ve never done this before…”

“Only with a dildo,” she says.

“Oh…”

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” she says.

“No, I want to. I’m just nervous, that’s all.” She smiles and helps me on my feet

Our lips once again find themselves connecting for a deep, long, passionate kiss. She pulls back and our eyes connect. “How do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know, you want to be on top first right?” I ask.

“I don’t have to go first,” she says.

“No, by all means, I trust you,” I tell her. She slips her hands underneath my boxers and pulls them down, freeing my hard cock.

I kick them off as she wraps her hand around my dick while she gives me another kiss. She gives me a shove and a fall back onto the bed. I crawl back onto the bed and she climbs on top of me, bringing her lips down on mine.

She then breaks away and slides down off of me. She lifts my legs up, pressing my knees against my chest. I lock my hands behind the back of my knees.

She gives each of my hamstrings a kiss making her way down to my ass cheeks. She licks my balls working her way down to the entrance to my ass. Then her tongue slips in past my rectum. Her hand slides up the back of my thigh as her tongue slips in and out of my butthole. It feels so weird, in a good way. I let slip a moan from my lips. She pulls her tongue away and I feel something else press up against my asshole. Her finger slips inside my anus. It sends a shock right through me. I gasp out.

“God, your ass is so tight,” she says. I grunt as she pushes her finger deeper. It hurts, but not too bad. It also kind of feels good, if that makes any sense. It’s a weird sensation. I like it. She starts to pull and push her finger in and out of my ass. She then pulls it out completely. “I’m going to try two fingers now.”

I feel her press against my butthole, this time it hurts a little more. I let out a groan as she pushes her two fingers in my butt. She continues to push in. I pant a little and tense up. “Relax, it won’t hurt as bad if you just breathe and let it happen.”

I try to do as she says and just focus on breathing. She starts to fuck my ass with her fingers. I moan out as she pulls out her fingers. “Are you ready to try and take my cock?”

“Yeah, I think so. Go easy on me,” I tell her.

“Don’t worry Kev, I’ll make sure it hurts as little as possible,” she says.

“Should we get a condom?” I ask.

“Are you worried about getting pregnant?” she giggles and I start to laugh as well realizing how stupid that question was. Neither of us has to worry about that and this is the first time either of us has had sex before.

I feel her dick rub up and down my ass crack. She spits right on the rosebud of my ass. She continues to rub her dick, smearing the saliva around my pucker.

“Remember, just breath,” she says as she starts to push her cock into my asshole. The pressure starts to mound. The pain takes over. I let go of my legs, grab the sheets and bite my bottom lip as I can feel the tip of her dick break through my sphincter. I wrap my legs around her waist. She grabs my wrist and I let go of the sheet as she laces her fingers in between mine. “I’m in, that was the worst part.”

She holds it there while she leans over and plants her lips against mine. She bites my lower lip, then she slowly starts to push her hips forward. Her dick inches its way inside me. I let out a gasp as our mouths continue to connect. She breaks away from our kiss. “It doesn’t hurt too bad, does it?”

“No…” I whimper. It hurts, but I can take it. “Keep going.”

She gently pushes on. “Oh god you’re so tight, I’m almost all the way in.”

I can feel her hot breath against my face as gives me one last thrust. “There we go, I’m in all the way now. See it’s not so bad.”

I can feel her hard cock inside me. It feels so big and tight. I feel the veins of her dick. She slowly pulls it out halfway and starts to push it back in. With my free hand, I drape it around the back of her neck, pulling her lips against mine.

She starts to slowly work her hips back and forth in a slow motion. I moan into her as her dick starts to rub up against my prostate. “Fuck, it’s starting to feel really good!” I whisper.

“Yeah? Want me to go faster?” she asks.

“Yeah!” I moan. She starts to pick up the pace. Rocking her hips back and forth, sending her cock in and out of my ass. “Oh fuck!”

“Oh Kev, I’ve wanted you for so long!” She whispers as she looks into my eyes. I lean up and kiss her just as her dick dives deep into me. It’s starting to feel amazing. My cock is hard as a rock right now. I can feel it’s about ready to explode at any minute.

Her cock starts to grow harder. “I think I’m going to cum,” she moans.

“Ahhh, me too!” I shout out. My cock erupts and sprays us both with a white, sticky, liquid. I can feel her dick start to pulse inside me. A hot, steamy substance spreads inside of me. She slams all the way in shooting another rope of cum inside me.

“Oh fuck that was amazing!” She gasps. My legs fall down as she pulls out and collapses on top of me. Our lips touch, then she rests her head against my chest. “Kev, I love you!”

“I love you to Jess,” I tell her as I kiss her forehead. We continue to lay there wrapped in each other’s arms, before long she falls asleep and I soon follow.

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