Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Twenty-Three: What’s a Tree?
Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money.
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Twenty-Three: The ultimate male fantasy gets a booster shot from one of Harry’s classmates and Another Horcrux Hunt!
Harry and Hermione ended up having to wait a week before giving Ron and Luna the Pensieve memory lesson. They had forgotten one vital ingredient in their plan: an actual Pensieve. The two young lovers had been so caught up with the notion of making a naughty educational memory for their best friends to view that they hadn’t realized that they did not have a physical Pensieve basin for Ron and Luna to use. Harry had considered using Dumbledore’s Pensieve, but didn’t want to go to Professor McGonagall and ask /”May we borrow Dumbledore’s Pensieve? Hermione and I made a Sex Educational memory and we need to show it to Ron and Luna.” /So, Harry decided to buy a Pensieve of his own and ordered it through an Owl Order Catalog.
Once it arrived, a very nervous Harry and a blushing Hermione handed the Pensieve, with the silvery liquid already in it, to Ron and Luna.
“What’s this?” Ron asked as he looked at the basin.
“It’s a little something to help you two out,” Harry answered cryptically.
“You mean like homework?” Ron inquired.
“Yes,” Hermione said with a wink to Luna. “A very special type of homework.”
Realization dawned in the blonde witch’s eyes and it was clear that she knew what memory was contained in the Pensieve. Luna rapidly embraced Hermione and whispered a “thank you” in her ear. Ron, who was still looking at the swirling silver liquid, missed this interchange.
“Now remember to study this in private. And don’t show this to anyone,” Hermione concluded.
“Why wouldn’t you want us to show anyone else?” Ron asked, still oblivious as to the Pensieve’s contents.
“You’ll see, Ronald,” Luna said with a glow to her face. She wrapped her arm around her husband’s and quickly led him out of Harry and Hermione’s chambers. “Let’s go study, my love.”
A few seconds after their friends left, Dobby came strolling into Harry and Hermione’s room with a tray piled high with food and the morning edition of the Daily Prophet. The house elf set their breakfast in front of them and Harry thanked Dobby.
“You’s be welcomed, Harry Potter sir,” the elf squeaked happily. “Dobby be thinking that Harry Potter’s Weazy and Harry Potter’s Weazy’s big boobied Missus would be joining Harry Potter and the Great One for Breakfast. That be the reason why Dobby be bringing so much food; Harry Potter’s Weazy be eating like a starved wizard. Several starved wizards, really.”
“That was very kind, Dobby,” Hermione said while she unfolded the Daily Prophet. “But Ron and Luna had to do something so they couldn’t join us.”
As Harry munched on some food, Hermione gasped aloud: “Oh no!”
“What is it?” Harry asked after quickly swallowing a mouthful of kipper.
“Voldemort’s attacked again,” she said and then read the article on the front page of the Prophet:
“You Know Who Strikes Again!
The dreaded Dark Mark hovering over Honeydukes Sweet Shop alerted authorities of an attack. When MLE and Aurors arrived at the sweet shop, they found that a struggle had ensued and that the shop’s proprietor, Ambrosius Flume, and his wife were missing. It is believed that Mr. and Mrs. Flume were the most recent victims to be taken by He Who Must Not Be Named.
“The motivation behind the Flumes’ abduction remains unclear. When Florean Fortescue was kidnapped, it was widely believed that the ice-cream maker was nabbed because of his in depth knowledge of history. However, Mr. Flume has been described as only knowing how to make sweets and is allegedly woefully inept in other fields. In fact, some of his friends believe that he is an idiot savant and could only make sweets. Why You Know Who would target this wizard and his wife is a mystery. Surely he could not have abducted them simply because of Flume’s skill in baking sweets. The Ministry has downplayed the notion that He Who Must Not Be Named has an insatiable sweet tooth as being ludicrous.”
/ /”He has to be stopped,” Harry announced. It chilled him to his bones that Voldemort had struck yet again, this time at Hogsmeade; a short distance away from the school. “We’ll go and destroy one of his Horcruxes tomorrow.”
“I agree, but tomorrow? Hermione asked. “Isn’t that a bit quick?”
“I’ve wasted enough time,” Harry countered. “The longer I wait, more people get hurt!”
“I’m not saying we shouldn’t go after them,” Hermione replied, trying to placate Harry’s growing anger. “It’s just that we should take the time to plan how to get the Horcux. Which one should we go after?” Hermione asked.
“Well, not counting the one we can’t seem to locate, there are three Horocruxes left including Voldemort. There’s the locket that Zardoz has. And the one under the orphanage where Voldemort was raised,” Harry responded. After a moment of thought, he added; “The orphanage probably has a bunch of hidden entrances and traps much like the ones Voldemort placed around the cave. I doubt that the locket has any traps around it. But we’d have to get it away from Zardoz first.”
“All right, let’s compare the difficulties of going after each one,” suggested Hermione. “This Zardoz fellow is an unknown factor. We could explain to him why we need the locket and if we are lucky, he would just hand it over to us to save the world.”
“But he could be a Death Eater or sympathizer who doesn’t realize what the locket is,” Harry sounded. “If he found out what it truly was, he’d never hand it over.”
“So obviously, we can’t tell him why we need the locket unless we do some major research into his background; see if he’s had any anti-Muggle tendencies. Perhaps he could be bribed,” offered Hermione. “Buy the locket from him.”
“That may work. But Borgin said something about Zardoz being a collector of relics belonging to the founders. If he is a die hard collector, we’d have to give him a fortune. He might not even be willing to part with it for any price.”
“Okay, so we can’t go after Zardoz without doing some investigation and research,” announced Hermione. “That leaves the one under the orphanage. You said that it could have a bunch of traps because of your experience in the cave. Exactly what kinds of traps were used in and around the cave?”
“Well, first, the entrance was hidden, like I said. Then we had to cross the lake, but we could only do so by crossing on a specific boat; a boat that was hidden magically no less. Oh, and the boat would only allow one magical person to cross at a time. Dumbledore said that he and I could cross because I was so underpowered that the charms and hexes on the boat wouldn’t even recognize me as a wizard,” explained Harry.
“Wait a minute,” Hermione interrupted. “You’re actually quite powerful, Harry. In fact, you’re more powerful than many adult wizards.”
“Yeah, but that’s just because of the power boosting ritual I preformed,” Harry pointed out.
“I’m talking about before the ritual,” Hermione replied. “You were able to perform the Patronus Charm perfectly when you were only thirteen years old.”
“Big deal; Tonks was able to do it easily,” Harry said. “And she was depressed at the time.”
“I think that may have been a fluke,” Hermione argued. “Besides, even if it wasn’t a fluke, she is a fully trained Auror. She has had three more years of training than most witches and wizards.
“Remember what happened when you were on trial for under-aged magic?” Hermione continued. “You told me that a number of the Wizengamot were gob smacked that you could perform the Patronus. We know for a fact that at least two members of the Wizengamot were so impressed that they talked to their family and co-workers: Amelia Bones told her niece, Susan. That’s why Susan wanted to join the DA. And at least another member brought it up with the O.W.L. board because one of them specifically asked you to perform it during our DADA exam.
“Let’s talk about the graveyard where Voldemort was resurrected,” Hermione went on. “You threw off the Imperius Curse – an Unforgivable to which there is no defense. Added to that, the Imperius was cast by one of the most powerful wizards of our age. You also fought off a score of Death Eaters as you dragged Cedric’s body back to the cup-Portkey, even though you were injured.”
“So then why did the boat allow me to cross?” Harry asked. “If I was as powerful as you say, it should’ve recognized me as a full wizard and not allow both me and Dumbledore to cross.”
“The boat did recognize you. It recognized you as Voldemort,” Hermione answered.
“What?” Harry blurted out.
“Remember the prophesy, Harry. / ‘…the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal,'” /Hermione quoted. “When Voldemort made the boat, he must’ve created the charms and hexes to disregard his presence. That way, he could hop on the boat and ride across the lake if he ever wanted to check on his Horcrux. And since he marked you as an equal, the wards and charms on the boat recognized you as being Voldemort himself and allowed you to cross with Dumbledore. Actually, I’m surprised that Professor Dumbledore didn’t come up with that explanation.”
“Oh,” Harry said in understanding.
“So what other wards and traps were there?” the brunette witch asked.
“Well, there was the cauldron,” he replied. “It was full of a green liquid. We couldn’t touch the liquid, so Dumbledore figured out that someone had to drink it.”
“Wait, what?” Hermione interrupted once more. “You couldn’t touch it but Dumbledore somehow came to the conclusion that he could drink it? How did he come up with that? And if you couldn’t touch it, how would you be able to drink it?”
“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me,” admitted Harry.
Hermione looked at Harry as she chewed her lip, clearly deep in thought. After a moment she asked; “You said that the entrance to the cave and the boat itself were hidden magically. How did you find them?”
“I didn’t find them, Dumbledore did,” he answered.
“Did he tell you how he was able to find them?”
“No, he said that he was able to recognize Voldemort’s handiwork,” he replied.
“Damn that insufferable man!” Hermione cursed. “What was he thinking?”
“What do you mean?”
“He didn’t tell you how you could recognize any traps that may have been placed around the Horcruxes,” she explained. “This was important information and he didn’t tell you anything. He didn’t teach you any charms that would reveal traps or even how to get past them! And don’t get me started on those asinine lessons he gave you last year. He wasted your time; instead of teaching you helpful charms and hexes, he spent a year showing you the magical equivalent to Voldemort’s home movies.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Harry agreed. He started to feel a little angry at the deceased Headmaster. Harry was destined to face Voldemort, the most feared wizard in the world, and all Dumbledore taught Harry was that Voldemort liked to collect things. How the hell that was supposed to be helpful was not clear to Harry.
Pushing his bitter ponderings to the side, Harry returned to the subject of which Horcrux they should go after next. “We should probably go after Slytherin’s locket first. That one probably won’t have any traps around it.”
“Yes, you’re right,” agreed Hermione. “We’ll send a post to this Zardoz and try to set up a meeting.”
“Good idea,” he responded. “Since he’s a collector of founder relics, I can tell him that I’m the new owner of Gryffindor’s Sword.”
“You’re not suggesting we swap the sword for the locket are you?”
“Oh, no. I was just thinking I could use the sword as an incentive to meet with us,” corrected Harry. “I reckon that he would be eager to see it.”
“I see. And when we meet with him, we can persuade him to hand over the locket,” concluded Hermione.
Harry made his way over to the desk and wrote a quick note:
“Dear Zardoz,
I’m Harry Potter. I own the Sword of Gryffindor. You want to see it?
Harry Potter.”
/ /Hermione took one look at Harry’s post and shook her head disapprovingly.
“Let me handle the writing,” she said as she began to write her own letter. “When I’m done, you can copy it.”
“What’s wrong with my note?” he asked. “It’s direct and to the point. What’s the matter with that?”
“Harry, it sounds like you’re propositioning him,” she pointed out. “‘Hi, I’m Harry; wanna see my sword. Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean?'”
/ /”Oh, I see your point.”
Hermione’s letter was much longer than Harry’s and was filled with flowery words and phrases such as “Dear Mr. Zardoz…” “I would be honored…” /and “please….” /After Harry copied his girlfriend’s note, he made his way to the owlery and had Hedwig deliver the post to Zardoz.
As they waited for Zardoz’s response, Harry and Hermione busied themselves with research. The library had an expansive collection of past editions of the Daily Prophet which the teens scoured through in hopes of finding anything on the enigmatic Zardoz. Unfortunately, they could only find a few scant references to the wizard; in 1982, he had an appearance before the Wizengamot asking for permission to lead an expeditionary team into Hogwarts to find the Chamber of Secrets in hopes of finding artifacts from Salazar Slytherin. And in an editorial cartoon from 1991, a caricature identified as Zardoz was hopping up and down chanting/ “I’ve found the lost dill sandwich of Ravenclaw!”/
/ /Since their research into Zardoz had not proved useful in the slightest, Harry and Hermione turned their attention to the Horcrux located under the orphanage. They delved into any book they could find on ward detection and magical traps in preparation for going after the unknown Horcrux.
Three days later, Hedwig returned as Harry and Hermione were having breakfast with the rest of the school in the Great Hall. The snowy owl stuck out her leg for Harry and presented a reply from Zardoz.
“Thank you Mr. Potter for your generous offer. I would so enjoy seeing your relic, but I must take you up at a later date. You see, I, and all of my founders’ relics, are on a world tour at this time. Currently, I am displaying my wonderful collection to very important people in //Belgium//. In the morning, I will head directly to the Gruenberg castle in //Germany/ to show them my precious relics. Then we are off to /Asia//. I will not be back to //England/ for three weeks. When I return, I will send you a post and set up a time when I can see your famous sword./
Zardoz.”
/ /”Damn,” Harry groaned out. “Three weeks.”
“Perhaps we should go after the other Horcrux?” suggested Hermione.
“What about the wards and traps that might be around it?” he asked.
“Well, we’ll just have to deal with any that come up,” Hermione said. “Let’s spend the rest of the week cramming, trying to learn as much as possible. On Saturday, we’ll go after the Horcrux under the orphanage.”
After classes that night, Harry and Hermione stopped by the library and fetched as many books on ward-breaking as they could find and returned to their chamber. A short while later, Ron and Luna joined them.
“I cannot begin to show my appreciation for what you two did for Ronald and me,” Luna stated in her usual dreamy tone. “Because of that Pensieve, our love life has improved, much like the Spotted Tailed Mongoose-Bat’s life improves when they migrate to Bolivia every year.”
“Please, it was our pleasure,” Hermione said as she picked up a sandwich from the tray that Dobby was carrying around the room.
“Still, Ronald and I are indebted to you two,” Luna said and returned to her book.
“Oh, look here, this one describes that silly boat Dumbledore and I rode on,” Harry announced as he read from a book titled “Potent Wards and How to Break Them.” /”It’s called ‘Vacillatio Canna’ or ‘Don’t Rock the Boat’ /hex.”
“I wonder if Dumbledore had come across that book when he was researching,” Hermione pondered.
*
The night before they were set to go to the orphanage, Hermione suggested that they should perform one of the rituals that she had created. The ritual in question created an advanced and powerful constant Shield Charm. She theorized that it would take at least seven Stun Charms to bring the Shield down. If it was not destroyed, the Shield would remain around each of them for at least two days.
They figured that if they did the ritual that they would be protected if anything went wrong while they hunted the Horcrux.
The ritual itself was a very enjoyable activity. First, they wrote runes and other symbols all over each other’s body with a mixture of cream and honey. Then Harry had to sit on the floor with his legs crossed and then Hermione straddled him. It was rather fun for Harry to have Hermione bounce up and down while grinding her hips into his.
Even though it was a very simple ritual, Harry and Hermione created a Pensieve for Ron and Luna so that they wouldn’t perform it improperly (which, from previous experience, was a distinct possibility). The married couple successfully performed the ritual just minutes after Harry had given them the Pensieve memory.
Saturday finally rolled around and Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna met in the Great Hall before heading out.
“What kind of supplies should we bring?” Ron asked.
“Well, I have all the notes on ward detection and breaking that we’ve been taking all week,” Hermione announced.
“I brought a number of healing potions as a precaution,” Luna added.
“And the Shield ritual we performed should protect us,” Harry concluded.
Harry was about to suggest that the group should get going when he was interrupted. As he opened his mouth to speak, Su Li (the exotic beauty from Ravenclaw) threw her arms around Harry’s neck and planted a very deep tongue kiss on our hero. Harry stood there in shock; he had never even said a single word to the pretty witch and now here she was shoving her tongue into his mouth for some unknown reason.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” demanded Hermione.
In response to the brunette witch, Su released Harry… and repeated the same act she had performed with Harry on Hermione. Harry watched in utter awe and fascination as Su wrapped her arms around Hermione and kissed the witch soulfully. Hermione’s eyes bulged in surprise as the Asian witch forced her tongue into her mouth. And speaking of/ “bulging”/;/ the sight of two very pretty witches kissing passionately (even though one witch was “passionate” while the other was stunned) awakened ‘Harry, Jr.’. /The raven haired wizard’s jaw dropped open as all the blood rushed out of his upper head and ran to his lower one.
“I thought Su Li was dating Zacharias Smith,” Luna commented.
“Eeep,” Ron muttered in response. Even though Ron was no longer attracted to Hermione, it was still a common reaction for blokes to become transfixed by two pretty witches kissing.
After what seemed like an eternity, Su finally broke her kiss. With eyes shimmering with happiness, Su said to Hermione; “Thank you.”
She turned to Harry and repeated he expression of gratitude before trotting off to Zacharias who was standing in the entrance of the Great Hall. When Su reached the wizard, Zacharias gave Harry a “thumbs up” signal before the couple ran off into the castle.
“That was weird,” Hermione said aloud.
“Yeah… weird,” Harry muttered while trying to ignore the image of his girlfriend being kissed by another witch. This was a difficult image to ignore seeing how it was very entertaining and was etched into his brain. Also,/ ‘Harry, Jr.’ /was demanding that Hermione should kiss Luna now for more entertainment.
“Why did she do that?” Hermione asked.
“Hermione, did you enjoy that?” Luna inquired.
“What makes you ask?” the brunette witch returned.
“Your lips are quite puffy,” the blonde pointed out.
“Well… I have to admit she’s a good kisser,” Hermione responded with a saucy smile.
And that smile sent Harry over the edge. He grabbed his girlfriend’s hand and walked very briskly out of the Great Hall.
“You’re really eager to get this Horcrux, aren’t you,” Hermione commented as Harry half dragged her.
“What Horcrux?” asked Harry as he led Hermione into a nearby broom closet.
What followed next was an evolved sort of “quickie”. The couple didn’t even undress fully; all Harry did was open his trousers and lowered Hermione’s knickers enough to allow him access to her flower. You see, the standard “quickie” only consist of rapid intercourse and usually doesn’t allow such niceties as “foreplay” or the mood-killing “talking.” But Harry wasn’t inconsiderate to his girlfriend’s feelings; he was thoughtful enough to go down on Hermione for a bit before leaning her against the wall and shagging her rotten.
A few minutes later, the satisfied (and tousled) pair of Harry and Hermione came staggering out of the closet to find a satisfied (and tousled) looking Luna and Ron waiting for them. Clearly, Ron and Luna had copied Harry and Hermione’s actions.
“You should kiss girls more often, Hermione,” Luna suggested. “The boys seem to like it.”
Serendipitously, both Ron and Harry began to push their respective lovers toward each other, silently urging them to kiss. It was as if both wizards had subconsciously thought that when Luna suggested that Hermione should kiss witches more often what she really meant to say was “I’d like to kiss you, Hermione.”
“Harry James Potter, we have more important things to do,” Hermione scolded.
/’More important than seeing two witches snog?’ /his mind asked silently.
“We have to go destroy Voldemort’s Horcrux,” Hermione said.
“Fine,” Harry grumbled.
*
The four friends took the Knight Bus to London and the orphanage where Tom was raised. The moment they got off the bus, Luna and Hermione began waving their wands in intricate motions. Each witch was performing various detection charms in order to locate the hidden entrance and any wards or traps.
A few minutes later, they found the entrance on the north side of the building, hidden behind several concealing charms. Thanks to the witches various charms, they discovered that someone needed to sacrifice a bit of blood to gain entrance – much like Dumbledore had done at the cave.
Harry conjured a simple knife and cut a small gash in his left palm. He smeared his blood on the bricks and a doorway suddenly appeared in front of them. A loud creaking noise emanated from the door’s hinges as it slowly opened on its own.
Cautiously, the four friends entered the dark doorway. Their only light was from the light spilling in from the out side and Ron and Harry’s wand tips. Luna and Hermione waved their wands as they walked down the dark corridor, checking for traps.
“Hold up,” Hermione announced and everyone stopped moving. “There’s something here,” she said and pointed at the floor a few feet in front of the group.
The two witches worked in tandem as they waved and spun their wands at the floor.
“It’s a tripping jinx,” Luna stated and a yellow line appeared on the floor. Obviously, the line marked where the jinx was located.
“A tripping jinx,” Ron said dubiously. “I thought it would be something dangerous.”
“Actually it is very dangerous,” Hermione added as she waved her wand once more. The floor just beyond the yellow line shimmered for a second before disappearing. A six foot wide section had been cut into the ground creating a pit. Harry could see some very large and nasty spikes jutting up from the floor. It was clear that if they had walked down the corridor and had not noticed the tripping jinx, they would have fallen into the pit and impaled themselves on the spikes. Even the Shields around them would not have protected them.
Hermione perform an anti-tripping charm on the yellow line to cancel out the jinx while Harry conjured a wide plank across the pit. The raven haired wizard stepped on the plank and led the way over the pit. Once all four friends were on the other side, they came to a door.
The witches began waving their wand once more. Every once in a while, one of them would announce that they had found a trap and then disable it. At one point, Hermione found a nasty hex called/ “The Flesh Melter”. /She had to consult one of the books she had brought along before she could successfully disable the trap. All in all, Luna and Hermione had to deal with seven traps and wards placed on the door.
After the wards and traps had been disabled, Harry opened the door to reveal a long stairway that led down into the ground. As the foursome (no, not that type of foursome – there will be no partner swapping in this story so don’t get your hopes up) traveled down the stairs, the witches busied themselves by constantly checking for traps.
After walking down for a few minutes, Luna asked “I am curious Harry, why didn’t the Headmaster show you how to detect wards or traps when you two went to that cave? I understand that you had private lessons with him all year long. Why didn’t he teach you anything about such things?””
“Because he was too busy showing me home movies,” he snapped bitterly. “All I learned was that Voldemort liked to collect things. I didn’t find out how he made the Horcruxes or any clues as to where he might’ve hid them, but I do know ol’ Tom’s a pack rat.
“The one thing that bothered me most of all was the Pensieve memory of Voldemort’s mum,” Harry continued on his rant. “Did the fact that she was some sort of emo kid have an impact on Voldemort’s life? Was the reason Voldemort was evil because his mom was abused by her father and she ensnared Tom Sr. No; she died a few minutes after he was born so he had no idea how horrible his family was until after he met. But he was already an evil bastard because he had killed Myrtle by that point. What was the point of making me sit through that silly memory? Dumbledore told me it was because Merope had given up on life and therefore Voldemort turned evil. How does that make sense, he was less than an hour old for pity’s sake. She said /’Name him Tom’ /and then died! For all Voldemort knew, she could’ve died crossing the street to get him milk.”
“I might have some input on that, Harry,” Luna began. “As I have said before, Ronald told me about the prophesy concerning you and He Who Must Not Be Named and I think that particular Pensieve memory has some insight on it. You see, Merope, the mother, lusted after Tom, the father; she was not truly in love with him. She saw him as a rich man who could take her away from her horrible life. It didn’t hurt that Tom was easy on the eyes. So she used a potion or an Unforgivable to bewitch Tom into believing he was in love with her, which was a lie. Therefore, when You Know Who was conceived, it was done so out of lust and lies – literally. So even in conception, You Know Who did not know love, the power you have Harry, and the power he knows not.”
“Oh,” Harry muttered as understanding settled in. “I never thought about that.”
“Why the hell didn’t Dumbledore think of that?” Hermione griped.
“Um guys, this is fascinating, but I think I heard a hissing sound,” Ron announced with a bit of fear in his voice.
Everyone became silent and Harry strained his ears. A moment later, a sound drifted up from the darkness.
“I am so-o-o bored. There’s nothing to do,” Harry heard a voice say.
“I hear hissing too,” Hermione whispered.
“It’s a snake,” Harry said. It was clear to him that it had to be a snake waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs because his friends had heard hissing while he heard a voice clearly.
“What kind of snake?” Ron gulped.
“Dunno,” Harry replied. “But I reckon that Voldemort put it here to guard the Horcrux, so it’s probably a nasty one. You three wait here.”
Harry continued a few feet further before activating his parsletongue abilities.
“Hello,” he said to the darkness.
“Who’s there?” the voice demanded.
“Um… your master,” Harry replied. He was hoping that he could fool the snake into believing that he was Voldemort.
“No you’re not,” the snake snapped. “My Master has a high, girly voice, you don’t.”
Thinking fast, Harry back-tracked, “Did I say I was your Master? I meant I was sent by your Master.”
“Really? Did you bring my virgins?”
“Ah, no… fresh out.”
“Damn, he promised me virgins,” the snake pouted.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of snake are you?” Harry asked. He was hoping that it wasn’t a Basilisk. But judging by his infernal luck, it would be.
“What kind? I’m a bored one, I am,” the snake moaned. “I’ve been down here doing nothing besides eating rats. I want to nibble on a virgin… I was promised a virgin, damn it!”
Slowly and silently, Harry crept down the stairs. The snake continued to grumble and gripe and Harry drew closer and closer. Soon, he approached a massive cavern carved out of the rock. In the middle of the cavern was a table covered by a red cloth.
“All I want is one lousy virgin,” the snake complained from the shadows surrounding the table.
Even though the monster was cloaked in shadows, Harry could tell that it was easily twenty feet long and it had a bright red plume sticking out of its head. As silently as he could, Harry turned around and trotted back up the stairs.
“Is it a Basilisk?” Hermione asked.
“Yes,” he answered. It was significantly smaller than the last one he had faced, but he was positive that it was the dreaded Basilisk.
“So what? Harry’s killed one and he was only twelve,” Ron stated.
“Ron, it was luck. And if Fawkes wasn’t there with his healing tear drops, I would’ve died,” Harry pointed out. “I’m not pressing my luck again, especially since I don’t have a phoenix handy.”
“We can drive it off,” Hermione suggested. “It’s afraid of roosters; their crow can kill them. If we make it believe there is a rooster here, it might run away.”
“We can’t just let it get away,” Harry stated. “It’s too dangerous to let live.”
“He’s right,” Luna agreed.
“Well then we’ll just have to kill it,” Hermione concluded. “We distract it by making it think there’s a rooster here and while it’s trying to get away, we hit it with a few Blasting Hexes.”
“Good plan,” Harry said as he drew his wand.
“All right, Ron start clucking,” ordered Hermione.
“What?” the red haired wizard shot back. “Why don’t you do it?”
“I’m a girl not a boy. A rooster is a male chicken, I can’t make male chicken sounds,” she argued.
“Then why doesn’t Harry do it?” Ron asked.
“He’s a parslemouth, we need him to listen to the Basilisk to see if the monster buys it so we can sneak up on it,” Hermione pointed out. “We can’t do that if he’s clucking.”
Ron frowned before acquiescing. “Fine, I’ll do it.”
The red haired wizard began making soft clucking sounds.
“Louder, Ronald, it can’t hear you,” Luna urged. Ron added a little more volume to his efforts. “Louder Ronald, louder.”
Egged on by his wife, Ron let out a very loud crow.
“That’s it!” Luna cheered with a chuckle and a rosy bloom to her face. “Again! Again!”
As Ron continued to cluck, Harry turned to Hermione and asked; “You really don’t think the basilisk could tell the difference between you and Ron clucking, do you?”
“No,” Hermione admitted. “I just wanted to see Ron act like a chicken.”
“Ronald, flap your arms like wings! I’m sure it will help you sound more convincing!” Luna passionately suggested. Ron rolled his eyes before complying. Luna giggled and Harry knew that she too had wanted to see Ron cluck like a chicken.
Slowly, the four friends made their way to the cavern. As they got nearer, Ron became more impassioned and louder. It was as if he was truly getting into the role.
Ron let out a loud crow and Harry heard the snake exclaim: “Holy shit! Is that a rooster?”
“Yes it is,” Harry replied using his parseltongue. “It must’ve gotten in when I opened the door. Sorry about that.”
The basilisk let out a startled yelp and Harry could hear it slither away.
“Bloody hell, I’m out of here,” the snaked said in a panicky tone. “Screw my Master; first he won’t give me a virgin and now a freaking rooster comes strolling in.”
Cautiously, Harry peaked into the cavern and saw the giant snake had its head wedged into a small hole; it was trying to squeeze itself into that hole in an attempt to escape. Harry gave the signal that it was safe to enter the cavern. As Ron continued to cluck, Luna, Hermione, and Harry circled around the snake’s body. The three leveled their wands at the snake and shouted the incantation for the Blasting Hex.
In retrospect, Harry realized that it was a bit of overkill – literally – having the three of them blast the monster. The job could’ve been easily accomplished by either him or Hermione alone thanks to their power boost. Not only did both Harry and his girlfriend hit the monster with super charged Blasting Hexes, but Luna had hit it with her own normal hex. The giant monster was blown into a fine mist… a mist made entirely of blood and magical monster bits. The gore rained down on our heroes; coating their robes, hair and exposed skin.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Hermione murmured. Even though Harry couldn’t see the color of her skin thanks to the thick layer of blood, he reckoned that her complexion was a sickly green.
“I wonder if this Basilisk blood is as good of a moisturizer as Ronald’s semina-” Luna began. The blonde witch was interrupted by Hermione retching out the contents of her stomach on the floor. Apparently, the mention of Ron’s spunk had sent the brunette witch over the edge.
Being a good boyfriend, Harry knelt down next to Hermione – who had fallen to her knees – and held her hair back as she continued to vomit. Although he did wonder why he bothered; it’s not like Hermione’s vomit would have made her hair a worse state thanks to the goo that was basilisk in it. Once she was finished, Harry waved his wand and magically cleaned the blood off of everyone.
With a quiver in her voice, Hermione said, “Let’s get this over with so I can take a nice hot bath.”
Luna and Hermione began to wave their wands once more. After a few moments, Hermione stated: “There’s no traps. Apparently, Voldemort thought the Basilisk was enough protection.”
Harry nodded his head and approached the table. When he was four feet away, giant trees popped out of thin air. There were dozens of yew trees formed in a tight circle around the table blocking Harry from his target.
“What the hell; I thought you said there wasn’t any traps?” Ron asked as he eyed the trees.
Hermione waved her wand and said “There isn’t. In fact, I’m not detecting the trees at all; as if they aren’t there.”
“How can that be?” Harry asked as he reached out and touched the rough bark of one of the trees.
“Perhaps they are nothing more than an illusion,” Luna offered. Before explaining herself, Luna walked toward the tree and did not stop when she came close. She proceeded to walk through the trees as if they weren’t there.
“Luna?” Ron shouted in confusion and fear after his wife disappeared behind the trees.
The blonde witch’s head popped out of the tree, the rest of her body obscured by the foliage. “Just as I thought; a very complex Illusion Charm. It is so powerful that your mind actually thinks it is touching something when you run your hand across it.”
“Well, how do we get past it like you did?” Harry asked.
“Don’t listen to your mind,” she offered and she disappeared behind the trees once more.
“Oh, that’s helpful,” Hermione groaned. /”‘… don’t listen to your mind…’ /Thanks for that.”
“I think she means that we have to realize that the trees aren’t real,” Harry sounded. “Recognize that they aren’t there and that belief will offset the illusion.”
Harry closed his eyes and imagined the cavern the way it was before the trees sprang up. Slowly, Harry blindly walked to the table. His body tingled slightly as he passed through where the rings of trees were. When he opened his eyes, Harry found Luna standing next to the red draped table smiling.
“Hermione, it worked,” Harry called out. A moment later, Hermione came through the trees.
“That was weird,” the brunette witch said off handedly.
“Okay, here I come,” Harry heard Ron say. A second later, a thud sounded. “Ow, that hurt,” Ron shouted.
Clearly, Ron had failed to counteract the illusion and walked directly into the trees with a painful effect.
“Ron, you have to realize that the trees aren’t there,” ordered Hermione.
“That’s what I did,” he replied bitterly.
“Try harder, my love,” Luna said dreamily.
“How the hell am I supposed to try harder?”
“Try imagining that not only that these trees don’t exist, but all trees,” offered Luna. “Pretend there is no such thing as trees; they don’t exist.”
Harry heard Ron begin to fervently chant “I don’t believe in trees. I don’t believe in trees. I don’t believe in trees.”
A few moments later, Ron walked through the illusionary trees. Harry turned back to the table and grabbed the red cloth.
“Let’s get this over with,” he said and tugged the fabric off of the table.
Placed in the middle of the table was what appeared to be… something. A very small something, minuscule even. Whatever it was, it was no bigger than the pad of Harry’s thumb.
“What is that?” Hermione asked as she pointed at the tiny item.
“Oi, I know what that is!” Ron shouted out, snapping his fingers as if he recalled seeing a similar item. “That’s a wizard’s anvil!” Ron made this declaration as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Judging by the lion engraved on the side, I’d say it was Gryffindor’s anvil to be precise,” added Luna from her spot behind Harry.
“Lion? How the hell can you see that?” Harry asked as he bent over to get a closer look. On one side of the so-called anvil were a few scratches. He strained his eyes even further and saw that the scratches could be interpreted as a drawing of a lion. “How’d you see that?”
Luna silently responded by simply pointing at her large and protruding blue eyes and stating, “How I see everything; with my eyes, silly.”
“That’s not an anvil,” Hermione argued. “Anvils are large and … bulky and … and obvious things.”
“Why would an anvil need to be large?” Ron inquired.
“Because a blacksmith uses it to fold and form metal items by striking hot metal on it with a hammer,” Hermione explained.
“Oh, I see, you’re thinking of a Muggle anvil,” Luna said. “This is a wizard’s anvil.”
“I’ve always thought that an anvil is a pretty stupid thing,” Ron added. “I mean, they’re so useless that most people don’t remember them. Heck, even if a family has theirs on display, most people either don’t see them or intentionally ignore them. The whole idea of an anvil is stupid, if you think about it. Why would a wizard need one?”
“Well, what about in a forge or something?” Hermione thought aloud. “Wouldn’t Gryffindor have needed one to create his sword, or at least to repair it?”
“Why?” Ron quickly countered. “He was a wizard, wasn’t he? He would’ve just used the appropriate spells. Heck, even we’ve learned how to turn one item into another. So why would one of the world’s most powerful wizards use a Muggle method? He wouldn’t; he’d just create the sword and then add a self-sharpening spell to it.”
“But if a wizard didn’t need an anvil to work metal, why have one at all?” Harry asked.
“It’s for show,” Ron explained. “It’s usually a family heirloom that’s passed down from generation to generation. Heck, even we have one back home, from mum’s side. It sits on the mantle above the fireplace.”
“Wait, I’ve been to your place a load of times and I’ve never seen any anvil,” Harry said.
“No wonder, it’s only a little larger than this one,” Ron said as he pointed to Gryffindor’s anvil. “Don’t worry about it, Mate, no one pays attention to anvils in the magical world, they’re small, insignificant and meaningless.”
“You’re right, Ron,” Hermione stated. “I guess the idea of an anvil in the wizarding world is downright inane.”
“Yeah,” Harry agreed, shrugging his shoulders. Sometimes, the magical world made no sense at all. He wondered why anyone would want something like this anvil; it was too small to even notice. “It seems to me that only an idiot would’ve looked for an anvil,” he decided.
Pushing his ponderings to the side, Harry drew out his sword and swung at the anvil… and missed. He swung the blade again and still missed the target. The anvil was so small and insignificant, that Harry, even with his excellent eye-hand coordination, had trouble hitting it. Finally, Harry was able to cleave the Lilliputian anvil in two, easily destroying the Horcrux.
The four friends turned and made their way out of the cavern. As they walked up the stairs, they discussed the other Horcruxes.
“So that leaves two more besides You Know Who,” Luna said.
“Yes, we know that one, the locket, is in the possession of Zardoz,” Hermione stated. “But we still don’t know where the last Horcrux is.”
“Well, maybe you two can do that hand-job ritual again,” Ron offered to Harry and Hermione. Harry leapt at the idea of doing that activity again – for any reason.
“For some reason, we only see blackness when we do it,” explained Hermione.
Harry remained silent, lost in his thoughts. The nagging feeling that wherever the last Horcrux was located was familiar in some way weighed heavy in his mind.
“And then we have to find a way to get Voldemort, too,” added Hermione. “Even if somehow we miraculously find out where the missing Horcrux is, we can’t just walk up to Voldemort’s castle and ask him to come out so we can kill him, can we?”
“We’ll hurdle that obstacle when we get to it,” Harry said as he led his friends over the plank suspended over the pit of spikes and out of the dark corridor. Over his shoulder, Harry saw the door magically disappear, as if the door never existed.
“I’m hungry,” announced Ron as the group walked onto the street outside the orphanage.
“How can you possibly be hungry, Ron?” asked Hermione. “We had breakfast less than three hours ago.”
“Well, we just successfully destroyed a Horcrux,” Ron defended. “That took a lot of energy.”
“All you did was cluck like a chicken, for pity’s sake,” Hermione expounded. “Luna, Harry, and I did all the actual work.”
“Hermione must I remind you? Even though Ronald only pretended to be a chicken,” Luna began and added to Ron “And a wonderful chicken at that,” before turning back to Hermione, “before we went on our little trek, Ronald and I had sex.” Once again, the blonde witch turned to her husband and added, “Wonderful sex at that.”
“Actually, I’m kind of hungry myself,” Harry stated as his stomach growled.
“I smell fish and chips,” Ron said as he sniffed the air. “Over there!” the red haired wizard said and pointed down the street.
Sure enough, past the crowd of Muggles walking on the sidewalks was a fish and chips stand.
“All right fine, we’ll grab a snack,” Hermione assented.
The four friends began walking down the street when Harry saw someone exit the crowd of people ahead of them. Something in the pit of his stomach told Harry that he should hide. Listening to his instinct, Harry pushed his friends into a shadowy alcove.
“Harry, what-” Hermione began.
“Hush,” Harry ordered.
The man’s black robes billowed out behind him as he walked briskly. He continuously looked around him; trying to see if anyone was following him. His large hooked nose gave him the appearance of a bird of prey. Thankfully, the shadows concealed Harry and his friends from the approaching man’s vision.
Harry watched silently from the shadows. The person walked down the other side of the street and slowly came into view. Harry heard both Luna and Hermione gasp and he felt Ron tense up.
“Snape,” Harry hissed.
To Be Continued

Read 31959 times |
Rated 90.4 % |
(157 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Nineteen: It’s So Very Hard Being Sorry.
Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Nineteen Summary: Harry and Hermione fight while Ron gets the point.
You Know Who Sends Minister Biscuit Bouquet of DEATH!
Special Report by Sarah Chambers for the Daily Prophet.
The body of Rufus Scrimgeour, Minister of Magic, was found in his office early this morning by the cleaning crew.
The Magical Law Enforcement has not released an official statement yet, but inside sources tells this reporter that the Minister received a gift from an anonymous citizen late yesterday.
“It looked like a bunch of harmless biscuits in a wicker basket,” my source told me. “I gave one of them to the misses last year.”
But alas, it wasn’t harmless. Either He Who Must Not Be Named or one of his followers charmed the biscuits to be implements of a heinous murder! The tiny chocolate chip filled treats were bewitched to fly and cram themselves into the Minister’s nose and mouth totally blocking the victim’s air passages.
“Oh, it was ‘orrible,” Festus Montgomery, the janitor who found Scrimgeour’s body, said sadly. “He ‘ad two biscuits in each nostril and a couple dozen jammed in his gob.”
With his airway blocked by biscuits, the Minister slowly suffocated in a horrible chocolaty and crispy manner.
The interim Minister is S. Pippin. Until yesterday, Miss Pippin was the Under-Secretary in charge of Wizard-Goblin relations. An emergency session of the Wizengamot will commence later this afternoon to elect a new Minister. Interim-Minister Pippin hopes to sway the Wizengamot in hopes of making her new position permanent.
As to the motive to Minister Scrimgeour’s killing, there is talk in the halls of the Ministry that he was targeted in retaliation for the recent raids against suspected Death Eaters. A number of previously unknown Death Eaters were taken into custody when they were named by Hogwarts student turned Death Eater, Draco Malfoy. Malfoy could not be reached for comments as he is still recovering at St. Mungo’s. Mr. Malfoy’s injuries are said to have occurred while practicing what is commonly known as “rough sex” with his rumored life-partner, Harry Potter.
*
Harry was not in a jolly mood. To be more accurate, one would call his mood “angry” or even “pissed off.” It wasn’t just the news of Scrimgeour’s assassination that brought him down so much. Nor the more troubling fact that the Daily Prophet was still convinced that he and Draco were gay lovers. No, his mood came from the fact that Hermione hadn’t touched him in days. Yes, Harry was upset that Voldemort had struck such a blow. However Harry hadn’t gotten any play since his hint at suggesting a three way.
Hermione was being very cool toward Harry. For two full days after he made the typical male mistake of actually speaking what was on his mind, Hermione made it a point not to stay in the same room as Harry. And as if she didn’t think Harry was getting the hint that she was ignoring him, on the third day Hermione started to make it obvious by sitting opposite of him during meals but refusing to look in his direction or even acknowledge his presence.
A number of house-elves took a great amount of joy in Harry’s suffering. Apparently it was big news with the house-elves that the Great One and the One of the Mark were on the outs. The tiny creatures would laugh at Harry while making obscene gestures at him. Sometimes, Harry could even hear them sing in the kitchen as he walked by:
“The One of the Mark don’t be getting any!
Soon his nuts do be shriveling!
Which makes we’s all happies!’
The One of the Mark don’t be getting any!”
/It wasn’t hard to believe, but /’Harry, Jr.’ was taking this dry spell worse than Harry was. The organ sulked about all day long and would often take its frustration out on its luggage. It wasn’t long before ‘Harry, Jr.’s baggage turned an interesting shade of puce. Harry tried to alleviate his discomfort with his own hand, but ‘Harry, Jr.’ would have none of it. Whenever Harry would try to wank off, the organ refused to play. As if it was saying that it wouldn’t play with anyone but Hermione.
Over a week after the “three-way faux pas” incident, Harry was in a sour mood and sitting alone in the Common Room. Hermione was in the library studying while Ron and Luna were in his room having sex. Harry took offence at Ron and Luna’s actions; they were mocking the fact that he hadn’t had sex in days whereas they would seemingly only take breaks for a snack before going at it again.
A startled and painful scream emanated from Harry and Ron’s room. Harry grabbed his wand and dashed up the stairs to find a naked Ron staggering out into the hall while clutching his bottom.
“Ron, what’s wrong?” demanded Harry as he desperately tried to not look at Ron below his shoulders. “Are you hurt?”
“Yes I am,” snapped Ron. “Bloody hell!”
“Is Luna okay?”
“Oh, she’s fine,” Ron said bitterly. “She’s the one who hurt me.”
“What happened?” Harry demanded. He was irritated that Ron wasn’t answering him directly… that and Harry was upset over seeing Ron naked… again.
“Well, Luna was… /you know/… while I was on my back…” Ron began. It was clear that he was very upset and deeply embarrassed.
“Riding you?” Harry asked for clarification. Ron’s description of “you know” wasn’t very enlightening. As Harry knew from experience, there were a number of things one can do on one’s back.
“She was blowing me, okay!” snapped Ron. “Anyway, she stopped and she started talking. I don’t know what she was saying because I wasn’t paying too much attention to what she was saying, you know what I mean.”
Harry did in fact know what Ron meant this time. When Hermione pleasured Harry, he never paid too much attention to anything else.
“But I thought she was talking to someone,” Ron continued while still clutching his bum. “Then I heard her say something like ‘are you sure he’ll like it?’ Then the next thing I know… she…she… it hurt!”
“What did she do?” Harry asked. He was wondering if she had accidentally hexed him. Or perhaps she used her teeth. But that wouldn’t explain why Ron was holding onto his naked backside.
“Ron, what the hell did she do?” Harry repeated when the red haired wizard hesitated to answer.
“It was that bloody ghost again!” Ron blurted out.
“What ghost?” Harry asked. But the sick and worried expression on Ron’s face told Harry the answer. “Gryffindor!”
“He told her to… do something to me.” Ron said vaguely.
It slowly dawned upon Harry. He recalled the time Gryffindor watched and critiqued Harry’s cunnilingus and Hermione’s fellatio and how the perverted old ghost suggested that Hermione should stick her finger into Harry’s bum while she blew him. It was clear that Gryffindor had given Luna this same advice and, unlike Hermione, she had followed through.
“Ow,” Harry mutter sympathetically.
“‘/Ow//’/ he says,” Ron grumbled. “You weren’t the one who got a finger stabbed in his hole.”
Grumbling about how “the mood” was ruined, Ron sulked off to the showers. A giggle sounded from the room Ron just exited.
“Hermione does get quiet wet doesn’t she?” Luna commented happily.
Harry opened the door to find Luna, with a bed sheet wrapped around her like a improvised toga, sitting across from the ghost of Gryffindor. While Luna was being polite and looking Gryffindor in the eye, the ghost was staring directly into the blonde witch’s ample cleavage.
“That boy has one powerful tongue,” Gryffindor speculated. “Maybe you should have him give a go on you.”
“Oh, no, I’d never do that,” Luna said calmly as if it was a normal occurrence for a ghost of a Hogwarts’ founder to suggest that she should cheat on her husband. “Besides, I’ve asked Harry to give Ronald tips on cunnilingus.”
“Maybe they would let Ron… and me… watch Harry work?” Gryffindor said hopefully.
“I could join in and observe as well,” Luna added dreamily. “It would be wonderful to learn something new. I am a Ravenclaw after all and I do so love to learn new things!”
“Great!” exclaimed Gryffindor. “And if the boy gets tired, you can hop in and finish Hermione off.”
Luna responded by giving the ghost a disapproving eye. Seeing that Gryffindor was blatantly looking down her ample cleavage, he didn’t see this look.
“I take it you got bored with Mrs. Black?” Harry asked and finally announced his presence.
“Goodness no, boy,” the ghost exclaimed. “I tired her out.”
“How the hell do you tire out a magical painting?” Harry asked and immediately regretted the question because Gryffindor replied by giving Harry a rather rude gesture with his tongue and two fingers.
“Harry, Godric brought up a good point,” Luna stated.
Harry was stunned, Luna was agreeing with Gryffindor!
“Which point was that, love?” the ghost asked. “Was it about the bum-plug, gurgling, hammock, or watching?”
Apparently while Ron and Harry had been talking outside the room, Luna and Gryffindor had been discussing a number of things.
“The watching,” Luna said dreamily.
“LUNA!” Harry ejaculated in surprise… not that way you dirty minded pervs.
/ /”Harry, you are obviously very good at pleasuring Hermione with your tongue,” Luna explained. “From what Hermione and I have discussed, a portion of your art lies in your technique, not just your Parselmouth abilities. And Ronald would be too embarrassed to talk to you about such techniques.”
“But he would be less embarrassed if he watched me eat out Hermione?” Harry asked in shock.
“I could give him the proper motivation,” explained Luna. “The reason wouldn’t be out of pure perversion if Ronald and I watch; our relationship would benefit from what we learned.”
“You noticed she said it wouldn’t be /’pure perversion’/,” Gryffindor commented. “That means a part of her would like to watch.”
“Yes, Harry and Hermione make an attractive couple,” admitted Luna. “However, my main interest is that Ronald is a visual learner; if he watches you perform cunnilingus, he may be able to use the techniques on me.”
Harry was completely stunned. He stood in the doorway with his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Luna was requesting a show! She tried to sugar coat it, but as Gryffindor pointed out, she still wanted to watch Harry eat out Hermione!
“Think about it, won’t you?” requested Luna as she stood up and walked to Harry. The blonde witch placed a friendly kiss on Harry’s cheek before adding, “Who knows, maybe Ronald and I will return the favor and you two can watch us?”
Harry was completely flummoxed; not only had Luna wanted to watch Harry and Hermione, but she offered to return the favor! Luna strolled out of the room and headed to the shower.
“Excuse me, but I have to go make up with my husband,” Luna said and disappeared into the bathroom.
“I like her!” Gryffindor offered. “She’s got moxie!”
“Just sod off you pervert!” snapped Harry.
“My, aren’t our knickers in a bunch,” the ghost mocked. “What’s your problem, not getting enough tail?”
Harry stared daggers at Gryffindor.
“Oh ho!” Gryffindor chuckled. “Hermione’s holding out on you!”
“Shut it!” Harry snarled.
“What did you do to piss her off?”
“Leave me alone!”
“Did you try knocking on the back door?” the ghost persisted and Harry did his best to ignore him. Perhaps, that way Gryffindor would grow bored and leave. “Did you bring up a threesome?”
“SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!”
“Harry, Harry, Harry,” the spirit said solemnly while shaking his head. “You can’t just go up to your witch and say ‘How about a threesome!’ You have to ease her into the idea.”
“Sod off,” Harry said under his breath.
“You have to start out subtly,” Gryffindor continued. “Let’s set up a little scenario, why don’t we?”
“Let’s not,” Harry muttered and walked out of the room. Unfortunately, the ghost followed Harry into the Common Room.
“For example, Luna is sitting on the other side of the room. You should whisper small things in Hermione’s ear like, ‘Isn’t Luna pretty in that dress?’ or ‘I prefer Luna’s hair up, don’t you?’ That way you get a feel if Hermione is attracted to Luna…”
“JUST SHUT UP!” Harry shouted. “IT WAS A MISTAKE, OKAY! I REALLY DON”T WANT TO SHARE HERMIONE, EVEN WITH ANOTHER WITCH! I SAID SOMETHING STUPID IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT!”
Harry stormed out of the Common Room and into the hall. He slammed the portrait closed but he could still hear Gryffindor shout, “What if the other witch is really hot?”
As he stomped out of the castle, Harry pondered over his mistake. He didn’t really want to bring another witch into bed. In all honesty, it would be very awkward before, during, and after the act at best. Would Hermione have been jealous if he spent too much time on the other witch? Conversely, would she be irate if he didn’t focus on their guest more than her because doing so would be rude and improper? Also, Harry’s performance would be put to the test. With Hermione and another witch there would be four breasts and two vaginas and only one ‘Harry, Jr.’. That’s a lot of pressure for a bloke.
It was a stupid teenaged fantasy that Harry regretted voicing. For the rest of the day, Harry felt horrible. Guilt ate at his stomach until the bile crept up and burned his throat. He actually got physically ill because of his guilt. And Harry didn’t even try to sleep. It would’ve been pointless to do so. His sleep would have been marred by a nightmare of a woman with too many breasts and an enormous vagina.
When he had returned to the Common Room, he saw Hermione begin to head up to her room. She looked at him contemptuously before she disappeared from view, which just made Harry feel even more pathetic and hurt.
*
The next morning, Harry was pleasantly surprised to have Hermione cuddle up to him on the couch.
“I heard what you said to… or yelled at… Gryffindor yesterday,” Hermione informed him. “I’ll glad you realized it was a mistake.”
She showed Harry just how glad she was by kissing him passionately. He cupped her face and relished her kiss. He had missed her touch so much over the past few days that he was starving for more.
When they broke apart, Hermione’s lips were swollen and her eyes were dark with lust. She bit her lip before saying huskily, “Let’s get out of these clothes and use that paddle I got from Courtney.”
The two lovers dashed up to his room and Hermione quickly opened his trunk and began rooting around in it. She pulled out his Invisibility Cloak and Marauders’ Map as she asked, “You put the toys in here, right?”
“Yeah, it’s under my robes,” he replied and began to toe off his shoes.
In a moment, Hermione withdrew the paddle and held it high like a precious treasure.
“My bottom is going to be so-o-o-o red!” she cheered happily.
As Harry started to unbuckle his belt, a thought occurred to him; “Um, Hermione,” he began.
“Yes, love?” Hermione replied while unbuttoning her blouse which appeared to be a little difficult since she was still clutching the paddle in one of her hands.
“You said you heard me yell at Gryffindor yesterday?” Harry asked.
“Yes, I was up in my room,” she informed him. “I took a couple of books from the Library up there to read.”
“But later, you walked by me and shot me a nasty look,” Harry pointed out.
“Well, yes,” she said sheepishly while loosening another button. “I thought you needed to suffer just a little bit longer.”
“WHAT?” Harry cried out. “I was miserable! I was worried sick. I actually threw up! And you thought I needed to suffer even more?”
“Harry, that was in the past,” Hermione said in a soft tone trying to calm Harry’s anger. “But right now, I’ve been naughty and I deserve a good spanking followed by a wicked shag, okay?”
To prove her point, Hermione brought the paddle down on her bottom. ‘Harry, Jr.’ was more than willing to let bygones be bygones. All the organ really cared about was play time with Hermione. But Harry himself was quite upset. Hermione had let him stew in his own self-pity even though she had forgiven him in order to make him suffer a little longer. He buckled his belt back up.
“What are you doing?” Hermione asked.
“I reckon that I’m going for a walk,” Harry said as he slipped on his shoes. ‘Harry, Jr.’ was protesting, the appendage wanted to play, damn it!
“But we haven’t had sex in eight days!” Hermione argued.
“I’m very mad right now,” Harry said slowly and turned to the door. As he walked out of the room, Hermione called out;
“You can take it out on my bum!” she cried out. “There’s even a paddle for Merlin’s sake!”
*
Harry normally didn’t hold a grudge, but Hermione had pushed his buttons too much. She had toyed with him and now he was paying her back. He was still angry that she had intentionally let him suffer. He ignored her much like she had done to him.
Mind you /’Harry, Jr.’ /did not like this at all. The organ voiced its complaints by strangling its baggage until they turned a nasty blue color. But Harry ignored the organ; he wanted Hermione to feel sorry for hurting him.
Hermione was a determined witch and she tried to sway Harry from his course. She first tried dropping hints in front of him by saying such things as/ “the dew is on the flower”/ and “I have an itch I can’t scratch.” After that failed, she resorted to less tactful hints like “Get over here, Harry, and shag me!” She even attempted to jump him while he was in the shower.
But Harry would have none of it. And he continued to ignore Hermione.
*
It was upon them; school was about to start.
McGonagall called Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna into her office. It was very clear to Harry that the Headmistress was taken back by his and Hermione’s appearance. Both of them had a scowl etched on their faces and bags under their eyes. It had been some time since they had last touched each other and it was showing.
“Are you two okay?” McGonagall asked.
“Fine,” both Harry and Hermione replied. Well, Harry muttered a barely audible ‘Fine’ and Hermione bitterly snapped her response.
Pressing on, McGonagall explained, “I have created a Portkey to take the four of you to King’s Cross station.”
“Why?” asked Ron. “We’re already here. What’s the point of traveling to King’s Cross just to take a train back?”
“First of all, you are a Prefect and Harry and Hermione are the Head Boy and Head Girl. Therefore at least the three of you need to be present on the train,” McGonagall lectured. “Secondly, I feel that just the presence of the four of you on the train will make the other children feel comfortable. There still is a war on and if Mr. Potter is there, many people will feel safe.”
“Will the Express be attacked, ma’am?” Luna asked.
“I doubt it,” answered McGonagall. “The train has a number of charms and wards around it. But I think that Mr. Potter’s mere presence will have a calming effect on many people.”
“When do we leave?” Harry asked in a pathetic way. On one hand; his balls were aching so much that he was considering giving up on his quest to make Hermione suffer. But on the other hand, Harry was an obstinate little bugger and he wanted Hermione to pay.
“Right now,” McGonagall said and pointed to a length of rope lying on the desk in front of her.
Harry saw Hermione look at Luna before the brunette witch requested “Can you give us fifteen minutes? Luna and I have to fetch something.”
“We do?” Luna asked Hermione.
“Yes we do,” Hermione said knowingly.
“Make it quick,” McGonagall stated. Hermione grabbed Luna’s hand and dashed out of the office.
In a few minutes, the two witches were running back into the office.
“Are we all set now?” McGonagall asked and Hermione nodded her head. “Very well, here are the things you and Harry need to discuss with the other Prefects on the train.” The Headmistress completed this statement by handing Hermione some parchment.
After Hermione tucked the parchment in her robes, the four teens touched the Portkey and landed at King’s Cross.
Over the next hour, students and their families wandered in. Harry noticed that the station wasn’t nearly as full as it had been in the past. He remembered that McGonagall had anticipated that less than half the student body would be returning. By the looks of it, Harry guessed that McGonagall was overestimating a good deal.
A minute before the train was due to depart, Molly and Ginny came scrambling out of the hidden entrance to Platform 9 3/4.
“How is it that with only one kid, you still manage to be late?” Ron asked his mother.
“Oh hush, Ron. Help your sister on board,” Molly retorted. The Weasley matriarch turned to Luna and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hello Luna, how are you, dear?”
“I’m fine, mother,” Luna replied. Molly glowed when Luna called her /’mother’/.
“Now keep Ron in line this year and make sure he studies,” Molly told her daughter-in-law. It was clear to Harry that Molly had gotten over her anger at Ron and Luna and had finally accepted Luna.
“I will, mother,” Luna kissed Molly on the cheek and climbed onto the train.
“You two behave this year,” Molly told Harry and Hermione as they too boarded the train.
Once they got on, Luna walked up to Hermione and said, “I’ll be in compartment six.”
“Thanks Luna,” Hermione said and led Harry and Ron to the Heads’ Compartment. In a few minutes, Harry and Hermione were scheduled to begin the Prefect meeting.
Before they reached the Heads’ Compartment though, Hermione stopped in her tracks.
“Oh, I almost forgot something,” Hermione announced. “I’ll be right back.”
The brunette witch turned and ran back the way they had just come from.
“You two still fighting?” Ron asked as they continued to the Heads’ Compartment.
“Yeah,” Harry replied.
“Hey you two,” Ginny said after sticking her head out of her compartment. “Have you seen Neville?”
“I think he is near the end of the train,” Harry informed her and pointed down the hall.
“Thanks,” Ginny said with a smile and started to head in the direction Harry pointed to.
“Wait a tic,” Ron commanded. “Why the hell do you want to know where Neville is?”
“None of your business,” Ginny shot back.
“The hell it is,” Ron countered. “I’m your brother.”
“I’m a big witch Ron. I can do whatever I want.”
“Well what is it that you want to do with Neville?”
“Like I said; none of your business.”
As the siblings argued, Harry felt something brush past him. He turned to see what it was but he saw nothing.
After a moment, Ron gave up and moved on to the Head Compartment.
The Head Compartment was a set up like a meeting room. A desk was at the back of the room and a few rows of seats were placed in front of it. A tablecloth with the Hogwarts’ seal covered the desk.
“I see you found it okay,” Hermione commented distractedly as she entered the compartment.
Harry was taken back at Hermione’s appearance. When she had left him just a few seconds ago, she was looking haggard and worn out. But now she looked well rested and relaxed.
“Are you okay, Hermione?” asked Harry.
“Of course I am, Harry,” Hermione responded with a song to her tone.
She walked to the table and was about to take the left seat when she stopped and looked at something under the table. Hermione then proceeded to abandon the left chair and took the right seat.
“Sit here, Harry,” she said and pointed to the chair that she had almost taken.
Harry took the seat and asked once more, “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes I am,” Hermione responded after blinking very slowly. “It is very nice of you to be concerned.”
In a few moments, the Prefects from all years and houses strolled into the compartment. Harry noticed that a number of Slytherin Prefects had not returned. After all the Prefects had been seated, Harry turned to Hermione. The brunette witch returned Harry’s look.
“Yes Harry?” she asked while she stared at him with her eyes wide.
“Um, McGonagall gave you the list of things to talk about,” Harry pointed out.
“She did?” Hermione asked.
Harry was taken back. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve sworn that Hermione was on drugs she was acting so strangly.
“Yes, you put it in your robe pocket,” Harry reminded her.
A rustling sound came from somewhere near Harry’s feet. A second later, Hermione reached under the table and withdrew the parchment. It was obvious to Harry that she did not retrieve the paper from her robes but from somewhere underneath the table. As if someone had handed it to her. But before he could inquire as to what was going on, Hermione began the meeting.
“Very good, let’s begin,” Hermione stated in a sing-song voice. “First; as you’ve probably noticed, a number of students have decided not to return this year…”
As Hermione talked, Harry felt something tug at his zipper. He was about to recoil away from the table and hex whatever it was that pulled on his zipper when a scrap piece of paper was placed in his hand. Harry read the note written in Hermione’s handwriting on the paper.
“Luna is using Polyjuice to look like me.”
/ /Harry turned to Hermione to ask her what was going on. Before he could voice his question the brunette witch sitting next to him stopped reading and blinked very slowly before saying “Hello, Harry” as if she had just met him.
Then it dawned on him. The note said that Luna was using Polyjuice to look like Hermione! It wasn’t Hermione sitting next to him reading McGonagall’s note; it was Luna disguised as Hermione. That would explain Hermione’s dreamy and distracted tone.
Harry looked down at his lap and saw Hermione’s disembodied hands working on his zipper. Hermione was obviously hiding under his Invisibility Cloak and sitting under the table. In a few seconds, Hermione’s hands had freed ‘Harry, Jr.’
“Since there aren’t as many students this year doesn’t mean we, as Prefects, have an easy job,” Luna continued to read.
Hermione’s mouth appeared out of thin air and she engulfed Harry’s penis. The raven haired wizard gasped as Hermione worked her mouth and tongue on his flaccid organ. Mind you, it wasn’t limp for long. ‘Harry, Jr.’ got so excited to play with Hermione again after such a long time that it almost instantaneously sprang to life in her mouth.
Harry stared with wide, terror filled eyes at the group in front of him. There were sixteen people sitting no less than ten feet away from him and Hermione was giving him a blow-job! She was giving him head in a confined and somewhat crowded public space! And Harry was terrified that they were going to be discovered.
“How would it make it harder for us?” a fifth year Prefect from Hufflepuff asked Luna disguised as Hermione.
A soft slurping sound from Hermione reached Harry’s ears. To him, it sounded so loud that it echoed off the walls and he was positive that everyone heard it. Harry was expecting one of the sixteen Prefects to ask/ “what’s that sound?”/ any second. If Harry was thinking rationally, he would have realized that the clanking sound of the train on the tracks covered Hermione’s soft slurping. But as stated previously; Harry – and men in general – do not think rationally when they are being pleasured.
“Professor McGonagall fears that because the small number of students, some bad apples will feel the need to act up,” Luna answered.
“Why?” Ron asked with a touch of mirth in his voice. “Fred and George left two years ago.”
A number of the people in the room laughed at the memories of havoc that the twins wrought. Harry wasn’t one of them. He was trying desperately not to moan as Hermione continued to work his penis.
“That is true, Ronald,” Luna offered in Hermione’s voice. “But Professor McGonagall feels that some of the students who were too shy to do such things before will blossom, if you will, with a smaller class size.”
Even though Harry was terrified of discovery, ‘Harry, Jr.’ couldn’t care less about the other students just a few feet away. The organ hadn’t played in so long that it seized this opportunity.
“Another issue that many people will not like is Quidditch,” Luna continued.
“What about Quidditch?” Ron asked, his tone serious and deadly.
Tiny beads of sweat appeared on Harry’s face. And he was quite sure that his skin was flushed and red as well. He was on the verge of a panic attack. Harry was positive that someone would somehow put two and two together, stand up and say “Hey everybody, Harry’s getting a blow-job!”
/ /”The Houses are very small this year,” Luna pointed out. “I doubt that there will be enough skilled flyers from each house to form a proper Quidditch team this year.”
“What?” Ron and a few other Prefects shouted out in disbelief and immediately started arguing with Luna.
“Harry, you’re Head Boy,” Ron shouted. “Do something!”
Harry, who had not been paying as much attention to the proceedings as he should have, only heard two of Ron’s words. And those two words were “Harry” and “Head.” Our hero immediately believed that Ron had called him out and exposed the oral sex.
“Bu-b-bu-but I-I-I” Harry stammered in panic.
“Listen, it isn’t fair to us who don’t have a lot of people,” a Ravenclaw argued. “We have only one returning team member this year. The other four who were supposed to come back dropped out!”
“So what?” one of the Gryffindors challenged.
A full out argument erupted. Some people were contesting that it wasn’t fair to continue the games if they didn’t have full teams. While the other side argued that no one should be given special treatment just because of the small House size.
While the Prefects argued amongst themselves, Luna leaned over and inspected Harry’s lap. Harry could see Luna examine the fellatio with Hermione’s eyes. She watched the real Hermione suck and bob on ‘Harry, Jr.’ for a few seconds before turning her attention to Harry and saying, “She’s really good at that, isn’t she?”
“Maybe we can work out an arrangement with McGonagall,” one Hufflepuff suggested. “Maybe have some players from one House fill in for another team to even out the numbers?”
“What are you crazy?” Ron demanded. “There’s no way in hell I’d play for Slytherin!”
“Don’t worry, Weasel,” one of the few Slytherins countered. “We wouldn’t want you anyway!”
With a muffled grunt, Harry came. It was like a floodgate had been opened inside of him. All the tension and stress that had built up over the past two weeks just poured out of him. That and he came a lot too. It had been building up for quite some time, you see.
Panting, Harry turned to see that Luna was still watching his lap.
“Oh, she really does swallow! You are a lucky wizard!” Luna punctuated her statement with soft but elegant clapping.
“FINE!” Ron hollered. “WE’LL TALK TO MCGONAGALL AND STRAIGHTEN THIS ALL OUT!”
All the Prefects except for Ron filed out of the compartment. Most of the prefects were still mumbling as they left. Luna, who still looked like Hermione, sauntered over to her husband.
“Ronald, I want you to take me to the loo and make love to me,” Luna said in Hermione’s voice.
It was as if she had slapped Ron hard across the face. He stared at her in shock. He then looked at Harry, his expression full of disbelief and worry. It was evident that Ron was worried that Harry was going to pummel him because Hermione had made a pass at him.
“H-H-Her-Hermione, are you m-m-mad?” Ron stammered.
“No, I’m not,” Luna said in Hermione’s voice. “I’m very randy however because I just watched Harry get oral sex and it turned me on.”
“Who gave him head?” Ron squeaked. It was clear the poor wizard was completely lost and didn’t have a clue as to what had just happened.
“Hermione did,” Luna pointed out. “Harry is very lucky; Hermione is a talented witch who apparently likes to swallow.”
“But you’re Hermione,” Ron stated. “How could you watch him get head when you were the one doing it?”
“I’m not Hermione, silly,” Luna chuckled. “I’m your wife.”
“Luna?” Ron asked.
Harry, who was still panting, only half listened to Ron and Luna’s conversation. He was still coming down from his ecstasy… and Hermione was still licking his bits clean, that was very distracting to Harry, but in a good way.
“Yes, before we left the castle, Hermione and I fetched some Polyjuice from the Potions Lab as well as Harry’s Invisibility Cloak,” Luna explained. “Hermione wanted to make up with Harry, but he was being obstinate. So she came up with this plan, you see.”
“Not really,” Ron admitted.
“Well, that doesn’t matter,” Luna dismissed. “The Polyjuice only has a few minutes left and I want to make love to you in this form. It ought to feel extremely weird to have sex in a body with such relatively tiny titties. So let’s get cracking.”
Luna grabbed Ron’s hand and ran out of the compartment.
“What just happened?” Harry asked.
Hermione got out from under the table and sat in her lover’s lap.
“Luna is going to shag Ron,” Hermione pointed out after lowering the cloak to reveal her face.
“But she looks like you,” Harry stated.
“So?”
“Isn’t that like cheating?” Harry speculated. “I mean, yeah, Ron is having sex with Luna, but she looks like you. So wouldn’t that be like having sex with you?”
“Not really. It’s sort of like a very complex form of role-play,” explained Hermione.
“What’s a role play?” Harry asked.
“Sometimes couples pretend to be something they’re not, in order to spice things up,” Hermione answered. Harry gave her a puzzled look so she continued. “For example, a couple will dress up in costumes and act like they are different people. The woman sometimes dresses up as a nurse while the man dons a patient garb. The couple acts like he’s a sick patient in the hospital and she pretends to be a randy nurse who seduces him.
“Instead of dressing up as a nurse and a patient, Luna used Polyjuice to change her appearance. Luna will make sure that Ron understands it is really her and not me. So it won’t be cheating,” Hermione concluded.
The brunette witch kissed Harry’s lips before saying; “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
“Don’t worry, you made it up to me,” Harry replied with a smile. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings too.”
Harry was about to kiss Hermione when she suddenly got off of his lap and sat on the table in front of him.
“You’re not getting off that easily. I showed you I was sorry with that blow-job,” she said and spread her legs wide while hoisting up her skirt. Harry gulped when he saw that his girlfriend wasn’t wearing any knickers. “Now it’s time for you to show me you’re sorry.”
Harry closed his eyes and quickly thought of a snake before saying in Parseltongue “Yes-s-s, Hermione.”
The brunette witch shivered with desire as Harry bowed his head into her lap. Harry could tell that she too needed release after such a long time. And he was more than happy to give it to her.
But because of the sounds of the train’s brakes being engaged and the subsequent lurching caused by the vehicle’s abrupt stopping, Harry wasn’t able to complete his task. Instead, Hermione went sliding off the table and landed directly on his face as they both crashed to the ground. The breaks continued to squeal and Harry could hear (albeit muffled) people screaming in shock and surprise.
It took Harry and Hermione a moment to untangle themselves from each other, but the moment they did, the door to the Heads’ Compartment blew up in a thousand little pieces.
“Time to pay, you little bastards,” a Death Eater threatened as he stepped through the remains of the door.
To Be Continued

Read 33315 times |
Rated 90.5 % |
(168 votes)

Vote list (Close) :berbet
: POSITIVEleeuw12
: POSITIVERedthorn
: POSITIVE

Please rate this text: