Hello readers, I have decided to reclassify this as “fiction” since details are changed as well as names, ages, any dates that might be mentioned, and places. There is truth rooted in these words (although I have made great exaggerations) and this story is an attempt to materialize these thoughts as well as reflect personal feelings and thoughts on infidelity in a hopefully good story. Enjoy.

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I’m done tearing down the walls I’ve made,
To try and keep girls like you away,
But still you find your way,
Right back into my heart,

And am I the only one like this?
That’s finding it hard to be missed?
I’ve been waiting here for just one kiss,
From someone else’s lips…

“Letters and Love Notes” – Go Radio

The next morning I woke up to the unfamiliar sound of my alarm clock. I banged on it a few times until I found the switch to turn it off, and sat up with my head reeling. Was last night only a dream? It had to have been. Could it have been? Wait… Let me think.
My eyes trailed to the open window and an icy chill froze my heart mid-beat. It had all happened. I had cheated on my girlfriend. Lily… Oh god Lily, I had been with you for over two years and never considered cheating on you, and here we were.

“It’s not cheating, if you’re not willing”

Bella’s voice rang in my ears and I struggled to push it out. Last night had been a mistake. Last night had been too spontaneous, had just happened before I could grasp the situation. And yet, last night had been… completely exhilarating.

I’m not sure if I was weird for saying this, but the sex was a totally new experience. Although Lily and I had intercourse regularly, nothing we had done had ever been this much of a turn on. I felt a stirring in my pants at the memory of Bella bucking her hips on my face and I shuddered trying to block it all. I loved Lily, I knew I did. So why was did this new girl have such a captivity on me?
With a sinking feeling in my gut, I reached the point where the question crossed my mind. “Do I tell Lily?”I puzzled over this for a while. I wanted to tell her, to confide in her, to apologize and hopefully stop this before it got out of control. But she would be devastated… I didn’t wanna hurt her… After all, what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her right? Or was that just an easy way to not tell her?
“Jonathan, are you awake? First day of school remember?” I heard my mom’s voice outside my door and groaned inwardly. I HAD forgotten, even the alarm clock hadn’t been enough of a hint.
“Yeah mom I’m getting dressed.” I scrambled off the bed and put my thoughts on hold.

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I saw Bella throughout the day. She was in three of my classes, but we never talked. I was determined to avoid any conversation with her if it was possible. That was fine with her apparently, I never saw her even look in my direction, so either she too was avoiding me, or, more likely, I was barely existent to her.

Sixth period: the last period of the day. Bella sat two desks in front of me. I was anxious to get out of there and go home, but half dreaded the thought knowing she would be only two houses away. Oh well. At least I was less likely to be in her presence.
A piece of folded up paper arrived on my desk, smaller then a matchbook. I unfolded it uneasily, knowing very well who it was from. A note scribbled in neat cursive writing read few words.

Freeway side of the school, right after the bell rings

I shuddered and looked over to Bella but her back was to me of course. I crumbled up the paper again and fought with myself about going.
It’s a stupid idea.
She might just wanna talk.
You’re stupid if you believe that.
But you’ll never know unless you go find out.
Dumbshit, that’s just your penis talking.

I put my head on the desk and closed my eyes. I felt sure I was setting myself up, but my curiosity got the better of me and I mentally made the decision to go see what Bella wanted. My anxiety for the end of day bell only increased as I watched the clock tick by.

Finally it rang and students poured out of the room and flooded the hallways. I was no exception. I, however, was one of the few heading for the back of the building. The back of the school bordered a freeway, so no one usually went back there unless they were trying to get drunk or high during school. After school the place vacated quick though.

I arrived in the dark area and waited for a few minutes. Bella was nowhere to be seen. Was it even Bella I was here to meet? I could have sworn she was the one to pass me the note but then again there was no confirmation it was her. Maybe it was a stupid joke and somebody somewhere was laughing right now?

“I didn’t think you’d show up” a voice came from behind me and I turned to see, you guessed it, Bella.
“Well if that’s true why did you show up?” I decided not to dig myself deeper and only try her interests.
“Are you always such a smartass? You didn’t have much to say last night,” she approached me slowly and I felt myself scared and yet frozen in place, not from fear, but with some inexplicable fortitude.
“Last night was… was a mistake Bella.” She raised one eyebrow and came within a foot of me.
“Oh really John? A mistake. I see. So do tell, what are you doing here?” She had me. Why was I there again? I really thought I had a valid answer but whatever it might have been it had ran away a long time ago.
“I.. I was just… I don’t know, you said to come so I came,” she laughed a little bit and closed the gap between us. “Quite the gentleman. You can say what you want but all you men are the same. Think the same. And I can prove it.” She kissed me and I stumbled a little but before I could fight my defenses crumbled and I embraced Bella. Her kiss became more passionate and her tongue slipped into my mouth without resistance. Then just as suddenly she broke away.
“See? All the same. But that’s okay. Because I know you want it just as much as I do.” She pushed forward kissing me again and before I knew it her hand had found its way down my pants. I hadn’t realized it, but my cock was swollen in almost full erection. Her hand wrapped itself around my shaft and squeezed lightly. A part of my brain knew that even in the dark corner behind the school where we were, there was a chance of getting caught, but with lust creeping into my mind I couldn’t logically restrain myself.

Bella’s other hand came to my pants and unbuckled and unzipped, leaving me with just boxers and I found myself with my back to the wall. Bella said something but whatever trance I was in didn’t allow any verbal communication. Without warning I felt her lips wrap around my head and she took my cock in her mouth.
She put most of it in her mouth and then pulled out, stroking with her hand to get my dick wet. She licked under from the base to the tip, and then put it back in her mouth giving a soft noise as her lips sucked. I was a willing victim, unable to tear my eyes from the top of her head as it bobbed back and forth. Her hands traveled to my thighs and gave a testing squeeze as she continued her oral service.

I knew I couldn’t hold it for much longer. “Bella I’m gonna cum…”
“No, I’m not done with you yet,” She stopped and her hand reached up and squeezed my balls, not truly hard but enough to stop me from cumming. I gave a groan from pain, and she licked up and down the side of my cock with an almost innocent look in her eyes. She stood up and looked me in the eyes while slowly rubbing my member with a single hand.
“I told you we are going to do things the way I want. However I want. So if I don’t want you to cum, you’re not gonna cum, are we clear?” she continued her hand motions and I was driven so close to cumming I was doubtful of my ability to obey.
“Yeah, we’re clear,” desperate for her to get back down on me and continue.
“Be a gentleman. Say yes ma’am,” she knew she was torturing me and she relished every moment.
“Yes ma’am” I said through gritted teeth trying hard not to cum.
“Good, now I’m going to let you cum in my mouth, but later on we have different plans and you won’t be as lucky then. Okay?”
“Yes ma’am…” She went back down and took my dick back in her mouth, and I leaned my head back enjoying her moist lips as they returned to my throbbing dick. She bobbed her head and I reached down feeling her hair a little bit. She gripped my thighs again and in a moment pushed her head far and I moaned in surprise as I felt my cock slip down her throat and it was all the way in her mouth. I struggled to hold my cum, but she did this a few more times and I couldn’t contain myself. I blew my load right in Bella’s mouth, and I heard her swallow and felt every time her tongue pushed more cum to the back of her throat.
Finally she popped it out of her mouth and stood up.

“Mmm well that certainly was delicious. But don’t expect to always have it that way. Well I got somewhere to be, John, and I’m sure you do too. I’ll see you around,” She was already walking away before I had regained myself and pulled my pants up. “Oh and leave your window open tonight!”

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I think anyone who has ever cheated has reached this crossroad. To tell or not to tell? And each choice leaves so many options. What if I just don’t even mention it? If she asks directly do I lie? If I do tell her is it better to do it in person?

And I think anyone can relate to the inner conflict that roared inside me. With one girl I truly did feel happier and have a true connection, yet with the other the sex was so much more… radical. Caught between lust and love, and soon unable to distinguish the two. The worst was knowing what I was doing was so so wrong but to have it feel so good. How does one not go insane?

And then there was always the fact that any given excuse would just jump into my mind. “She came onto me” (But you didn’t fight) “I did try to stop her” (You could have if you had truly tried) so don’t think me a monster. I was confused probably more so than anybody, but the small part of me that wanted this to end was greatly outmatched by the lust Bella brought onto me.

And who to confide in? There was only me. So what to do. What to do except walk home, greatly ashamed, deeply confused, sexually satisfied, and emotionally disgruntled.
I reached my house and couldn’t help but look over at Bella’s house. There was no sign of any movement but I felt a twinge of unease as if Bella was watching me. Was I just freaking out over nothing?

I put my key in the lock and let myself in and settled down for homework in my room. Pencil tapping, staring at a worksheet that wouldn’t do itself. I found myself reading the same problem several times. I simply couldn’t focus, my mind warped around other topics. Come on, do homework. Look at the paper for another two minutes before realizing I’m zoning out. Damn it all.
“Fuck my life,” I voiced out loud the thought in my head. I turned away and instead collapsed on my bed, turning on my TV. I was sick of listening to myself think, sick of feeling guilt, so the obvious solution was to just turn my attention to a fake show with pretend problems and life lessons no one ever learned.

The hours flew by pretty quick. I ate my dinner, while my mom drilled me with questions about my first day of school, which she would later repeat when my dad called. He was away on business, something I had grown accustomed to since his sporadic schedule usually meant he missed a lot of my life for a period of time, then would come back for a few months. After dodging most of my mom’s questions with shoddy answers, I returned to my room. It was still early but I felt drained so I decided to try to sleep early. I always did that though, but I knew in reality I’d like awake for a few hours watching TV. Same boring life.

I took a look at my window before I lie down and bit my lip, my inner demons once again battling the good conscious part of me. This has to stop. I know it does… I went over and closed the window. I had to try to resist, I had to let Bella know this would not continue. I think the message is clear enough.

I had been in my bed for about an hour before I heard a tapping. An imaginary stone plunged into the depths of my stomach, and I went over to the window. Bella was on the other side, tapping impatiently. I opened the window and she learned her upper body through.
“Didn’t I tell you to leave your window open earlier?” Her voice sounded angry but there was somehow a hint of amusement in her eyes.
“Well… Yeah but I’m pretty tired and I just wanna get some sleep—“
“And if I recall, what Bella wants, Bella gets.” She slid into my room with ease, although I couldn’t be sure how she got by with me standing right in the way. “Bella, listen—“

She put a finger to my lips before I could continue, “No, that’s not how this game works silly. You should have learned by now that if you do what I say, I treat you right. And if you don’t, then you’ll be punished. Now doesn’t that sound fair John?”
Bella always managed to clear my mind. Swarms of thoughts that had been in my head moments before vacated the sight and Bella stood before me, lucid, wearing short shorts and a white tee. What was I thinking before any of this?
She kissed my lips with a demanding force and I nearly buckled as she advanced her body tight to mine. She grabbed both my hands and slid them in the back of her waistline, where they sought out her firm buttocks and gave both of them a squeeze. She giggled, moving her pelvis towards me and causing her crotch to rub my already erecting shaft.

She placed her hands over mine, the material the only border between us and put pressure over my hands pushing them further against her and drawing her body closer to my own. Then she reached in and grabbed my hands, pulled them out, and replaced them by her waistband. With her help slightly I pulled down her shorts and panties at once, and she kissed my neck and worked her way up towards my ear.
“Mmm John, you know I have to punish you baby,” She put one foot behind mind and gave a playful shove nearly causing me to trip. At this she laughed, then ordered, “Get on your knees Johny boy. Kiss my feet and beg for forgiveness.”

In a state I didn’t quite understand I did as she asked, on my knees and looking up at her, I bowed low and kissed her feet. She raised her foot slightly and I whispered words of apology, not knowing what I did wrong but willing to do whatever she asked of me.
“Mmm good boy. You wanna make it up to me do you?” I nodded my head dumbly and she turned around and bent over slightly. “Kiss my ass John.” After the slightest of slight hesitation I lifted my head up and kissed one of her ass cheeks. She giggled more, “No John, you know where to put your mouth.” I did know. She used her hands to pry open her ass and I put my tongue forward, licking her exposed anus. She pushed her hips back a little and then reached back to put one of her hands on the back of my head.

I had never done this before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. A part of me was disgusted but a larger part of me was thrilled. The latter was causing my tongue to rapidly flick itself over and over again across Bella’s back door and she pressed my face deeper behind her. No other options at this point, I gave in completely and let my mouth and instincts do the work as she moved her ass back slightly with every extension of my tongue. Finally she released my head and moved her ass away from my face.
“Ooh John I always knew you were a freak. But never knew you liked ass so much. Otherwise I might have picked a different punishment. Oh well though. And you like feet too don’t you?” I didn’t answer but it must have been clear on my face how easily this girl knew my secret desires.
“Hmm let’s think. First off you gotta lose those clothes.” Without another word she stepped forward and removed my shorts and pulled my boxers down, my cock ready for action. My shirt was lifted over my head and I stood there bare and naked. “Good, good. Now what to do with this,” She stepped forward and pushed my dick down slightly so it was rubbing against her pussy. I was surprised to know she was practically dripping wetness all over my dick.
“Hmm I think tonight since you so eagerly apologized, I can let you divulge in your sick pleasures.” She turned around and bent over my bed. “Admit it John, you want it. Tell me you do.” She raised her rump up and down in my direction and looked back at me.

I stepped forward, hardly believing she was going to let me, but right as I put it near her back entrance she turned her hips enough to prevent me from pushing forward.
“Tell me John, I want to hear it.”
“I want you…”
“You want what exactly?”
“I want to fuck your ass.”
“Mmm do you now? How badly?”
“Oh God Bella, don’t tease me right now,” I was still whispering but getting more urgent as my dick was throbbing and precum flowed freely from my tip. She looked me dead in the eye.
“If you want it so badly, take it then John.” For the first time her “bad girl” persona broke and I could see lust in her eyes which I could feel somewhere in the primal regions of my brain.

The beast within me clawed its way forward and I roughly turned her back onto her stomach and plowed into her ass without a thought of her pleasure, only of my desire. Bella reached forward grasping at my bed sheets and her nails tore into the linens. Her face buried its way into my bed and I could hear her moan, though I wasn’t sure if it was pleasure or pain.

I thrust forward pushing through her ass a little easier than I had expected. A small something told me this wasn’t her first anal, but somehow that only made me want her more. Something in me snapped, whatever human courtesies I had were gone, and I only saw a finish line I wanted, no, needed, to cross.

I began moving in and out of Bella, her moans into my bed getting louder and I looked down to watch my cock move its way in and out of her rectum. I picked up my pace and was amazed as I felt Bella begin pushing herself back towards me. I felt her flesh rub against my stomach as I drove deeper and it pushed me towards a new sensation. I wanted to feel her ass with every thrust and I did, Bella groaning with every one of my movements.

Her hand released my sheets and flew between her legs, where she rubbed her cunt rapidly. I heard her noises of pleasure and could see her hand motions changed as she started to finger fuck herself. It didn’t take long for me to feel the pressure building up inside me.
“Cum… Cum for me John, right inside my asshole, it wants to be filled John cum for me…” I could hear her breaths getting short and she struggled not to yell out as she voiced her lust. I managed to go harder, pounding Bella’s ass with all the strength I could muster. Finally I hit the crest and blew my load, flooding Bella’s bowels with semen. She pressed her face down as she moaned and climaxed all over her hand and thighs. Her legs gave out from under her and she pushed her body a little onto my bed, still impaled with my member in her ass. I stood there for a few seconds, drenched in sweat and my heart racing.

Finally I recomposed myself and let my dick pop out of her ass, still rock hard and covered with cum. She turned around and lay on her back, her head hanging over the edge of my bed. Before I could even think she grabbed my dick, and tugged on it to get me to move closer. Then she took my shaft into her mouth, I heard her moaning and felt her tongue sliding up and down my member, removing what was left of my seed.

She didn’t stop, and reached around to clutch the back of my thighs to bring me towards her again. I thrust slowly; just a fraction and she closed her eyes and gave a huge moan. Catching on, I started moving my cock in and out of her welcoming mouth. With her upside down I could see as she reached between her legs and once again fingered her own pussy. Her legs were spread and I watched as two fingers disappeared inside her love hole and she writhed in apparent delight. Her hips bucked up and down, and her vocals rode over my sensitive cock and sent shivers down my spine every time her warm breath passed.

Unbelievably, I was approaching another climax. I kept my dick moving in and out, pushing the back of her throat. With one quick instant she used her throat muscles and swallowed the whole of my dick in her mouth, clearly visible, and I groaned and came as it began to slide back out. Her whole body gave a huge shudder and I knew she had just experienced another orgasm.
She pushed me back a little and then let my cock free from her lips. She struggled to swallow for a second, then let out a huge breath and began to pant slightly. I wanted to say something clever in that instant to break the silence but with my mind wiped as it was in that second, I couldn’t think of anything. Finally she rose to her feet and crossed over to me and wrapped her arms around me.

I was a little shocked by the sudden gesture of kindness. It was a new side Bella that I had never seen before. After a few seconds she backed up, “So I think we’re done for tonight. If you’re gonna jerk yourself you better be thinking of me,” she winked and began to dress again.
I sat down on my bed, not bothering to put my clothes on. My head was starting to clear and the dark thoughts pounding at the seal between fantasy and reality. She leaned down and gave me a kiss, then looked in my eyes, “Now don’t get any ideas. You’re not special, remember this is all about ME and not you,” and with that final statement she bounded lightly out my window, and I crashed back onto the pillows, bed an absolute mess, mirroring my distress as the guilt once again seeped in.

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“…this morning, Dave, but let me tell you if you’re heading on the highway south, there is a four car pile-up, and it is a parking lot. Cars are backed up and this reporter…” My hand flew to the button and shut off the alarm. God damn it there had to be a better way to wake up for school.
I sat up and rubbed my tired eyes. Fuck my life I had done it again. Every time I told myself I could give Bella up, I wound up falling into her trap. But was I really being trapped?
I checked my phone and I had one text message.

Lily: Hey Teddy Bear, can u meet me after skool today? Ik its only been 2 days but I miss you! Have u been thinking of me? C u soon hopefully <3

Fuck. My. Life.

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Thanks for reading. As always comment, rate, and when in doubt send me a PM or email me at [email protected]. Remember that I can only improve my writing if I get a lot of feedback so it’s much appreciated thanks 🙂

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