I’ll start by apologizing for the delay in new part. I have gone back and tried some brief editing and made some changes. So for the most part the story is the same with minor changes. I am reposting the entire story with the new part at the end. There is a formatting problem however. Normally I have a break in sections using

*********************

but they were all deleted and just simply have an extra large gap in between paragraphs

like that gap. So, I added the **** near the end of this posting so that all of the new part is correctly spaced. I hope there isn’t too much confusion. For those of you who are reading this for the first time, This story is spaced out and when you see the large gaps or **** lines then there is a change of setting or time or even a change in perspective. This story is fiction with personal influence. I recognize that there are tense changes throughout. That is a problem I have. I will make that switch but I hope you can still follow along. Just read it as though it is currently happening or really however you want. The story won’t change based on present or past tense.

I thank all of you who have read all along and those of you who have commented and messaged me supporting the story. I truly am only continuing to write because of you. I have the story all done in my head but only write it because you all keep asking for it. I just have so much going on that parts often come out slowly. I know some of you will have varying reactions to the story and the direction it is going, but I have already decided what will happen so you just have to read and see what happens. I do have fun reading your predictions because they are very fun and creative, but I am sorry to say they do not influence the direction of the story. You just have to keep reading. Thank you again and please enjoy! Don’t forget to comment and message me if you have a username here! I always respond to messages about my story.

Hey, my name’s Zac, I’m 22 years old 5 feet and 10 inches tall 170 pounds athletic build but not ripped or really well defined. I have brown shaggy hair, no facial hair and not much body hair only armpits and a little on my arms and legs but no hair by the time you get up my thighs. No hair on my butt and I keep a clean trimmed ‘area’ with a little strip of hair going up to my naval but no further. I’m average to small in length, 5 inches cut, but pretty thick. I don’t mean to make this description too sexual because really this story isn’t just about pointless sex. I really just mean to give you my physical attributes and hopefully will learn more as the story progresses.

I act totally straight but I am totally gay and have been out since middle school. Being gay, I got some grief but most people didn’t have a problem as I had a lot of friends that were jocks and popularity seems to reduce harassment. It was also hard for people to make fun of me being gay when I am not at all feminine and unless you ask or found out some other way you just wouldn’t have a clue that I’m gay. It’s nice that way because I didn’t and don’t get made fun of or harassed, but I also get a lot of girls flirting with me. I normally think of it as friendly conversation but my friends can tell better than I can when they are flirting and when they are just chatting and they will step in and say “you know he’s gay, right?” or “you’re barking up the wrong tree.” I usually get more embarrassed than the girls just because I never seem to notice when they are interested in me and they just kind of laugh it off and move on.

A few girls have gotten really upset after hitting on me and finding out I am gay. One time in high school a group of friends and I went to the water park and another group of people kind of meshed with ours and one girl started chatting with me. I had two other guy friends, Randy and Chris, close by me. They were chatting with each other sitting on the edge of the pool with the sun deck behind us. This girl was talking to me and I had no idea she was flirting but my friends noticed and instead of telling her they just let it play out. We all continued chatting with each other for the next twenty minutes or so and my friends made little chuckles every so often obviously from what they knew and she didn’t and she was apparently pretty focused on me but I had no clue. I was talking with all of them and listening but I wasn’t really maintaining eye contact with any of them. Finally she asked what they were giggling about and Chris broke the news. “You really don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?”

“Haven’t you noticed where he’s been looking the entire time we have been talking?”

She looked ahead of us where there was a group of guys playing water volleyball and she looked back “so, what’s your point” I suddenly realized what was going on and my face turned bright red.

“Wow, really? You’ve been flirting with him this whole time and he hasn’t been looking at you, he’s been checking out other people.”

“No he hasn’t, there are hardly anyone in the pool right now they are all over there tanning” she snapped back at him really offended that they assumed I would be checking out other girls when she was right there. I felt horrible and buried my face in my hands as they continued.

“Haha, no all the GIRLS are over there tanning” he pointed over behind us “he’s looking out in the pool at the GUYS” there was a long pause like she either didn’t get it or was in shock about the situation. Then Randy laughed and like a smart ass slowly said “hee’s gaaayyy”

“oh my god” she stood up “jerks” and pushed my friends into the pool and stormed away. They just kept laughing and I felt horrible and quick got up and chased her down to apologize.

“I’m sorry Kate, I didn’t know you were interested in me, I just thought we were hanging out.”

“You’re really gay, you were flirting with me and everything?”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry, I had no idea you were flirting. My friends can be assholes sometimes I feel awful.”

She grabbed me and started kissing me hard for a few seconds like she would tongue the gay out of me. “How about that?” she said proudly like she was irresistible and that I couldn’t possibly turn her down now.

My friends caught up to us and were about 10 feet behind me and saw the whole thing. I stepped back really thrown off and started shaking my head “I’m really sorry”

She got this really angry look and just turned and walked away while my friends began laughing yet again. Randy put his arm around my shoulders and said “nice job Zac, I’m gonna have to try the uninterested thing cuz that kiss looked pretty hot haha”

I laughed a little “shut up Randy, that was really mean”

“Oh come on, it was funny and she’ll get over it. It’s not like you led her on and broke her heart, everyone saw you staring at those guys. She was just dumb enough not to notice.”

Chris then stepped in laughing even harder “holy shit”

“what now?” I asked.

“She’s not only dumb enough not to notice you drooling at those guys but she’s unlucky as hell”

“what are you talking about?”

“Look at your chain hahaha” he pointed to my chain necklace that has a link in it with a silver gay pride logo. I looked down and Randy looked at it. It was twisted so that the logo was facing my chest and wasn’t visible to read. It just looked like any old chain.

Randy straightened it out so it was clearly visible. “Hahaha there we go, maybe we should get you a tattoo or something”

“Or maybe we should like write it on your forehead or get a sign or something” Chris piped in.

We started walking back to the pool “You guys are horrible. Was I really that obvious?”

“Dude, yeah, you like licked your lips twenty times looking at those guys. If we weren’t already at the pool I’d have to hose you down haha” Randy snickered.

“So how was that kiss by the way” Chris asked happily.

“She tasted like strawberry lip gloss.” I said disgusted.

“Damn it, I love that. How do you not like that?”

“Haha Zac needs to feel a five o’clock shadow rubbin on him when he makes out. Not a pair of Cs grinding on him,” Randy chuckled.

“Damn she did have a nice chest. You think I have a chance?” Chris asked.

“After all that, I’m gonna go with no. Maybe I should get a tattoo, that was really embarrassing”

Most girls don’t cause that much of a scene but that was the worst.

The school day was over and I went with Chris and Randy and our other friend Brent to the weight room to workout before going home. Randy was on a machine while Chris was just hanging out with us not lifting weights.

“So do you think Kristin likes me?” Chris asked.

“Dude, when are you just gonna ask her out?” Brent asked while spotting me on the bench press.

“I just wanna find out if she’d be into me before I ask cuz if she isn’t then it’d be weird. I mean we all hangout all the time so it’d be weird if I ask her out and she shoots me down.”

“God, you’re such a pussy, just ask her.”

“Screw you Randy. Seriously, you think she’d like me? I’m good looking right?”

Neither said anything they just laughed.

“Come on guys. Zac, I’m attractive, right. If you didn’t know me you’d like me right?”

I finished my set and sat up “You’re not my type but yeah you’re good looking you should ask her”

“What do you mean, not your type? That’s such bullshit. What’s your type?”

“First of all, gay is my type. Secondly, a little more tough guy type, like someone who can take charge in the relationship…” I tried to explain my type to Chris.

Brent interrupted, “Ok let’s not get into how you wanna be dominated Zac.”

“Not like that you sicko. I mean a guy that is I guess more rugged or something” my voice got a little quieter, “that would just hold me in his arms” I got back on topic and my voice went back to normal, “anyway, you’re just not my type, but if you must know, you are attractive, and I’m sure Kristin thinks you are cute so ask her.” We finished working out and headed to the locker room.

“Hey, wait up!” Kristin yelled at us before we got to the locker room.

“Hi Kristin” Chris said stupidly. Brent laughed under his breath.

“Hey, guys. Zac, what are you doing tonight?”

“No plans yet, we were just going over to Randy’s place to hang out for a while but nothing really, why?”

“I wanna introduce you to my friend Jon. We’re going bowling tonight and you should come with us. You guys can come too. I think you two would be cute together.”

“Awwwww” Brent joked and laughed. I just stood there for a second.

“We’ll be there” Randy answered for me.

“Great, meet us at the alley at 8” Kristin headed out.

“Bye, Kristin” Chris said and Brent proceeded to laugh at him. We all headed into the locker room to change.

“Alright Zac, you got a date tonight” Randy congratulated me.

“Yeah, maybe Chris will get the balls to ask Kristin out tonight too haha” Brent said as he slapped Chris on the back.

“Maybe I will, Ass. I can’t let Zac be the only one with a date.”

“It’s not that big of a deal guys, I’m just gonna meet the guy doesn’t mean it’s a date.”

“Dude, have you seen Jon before?” Chris asked as he pulled out his phone.

“No, have you?” I asked as I pulled up my jeans.

“Yeah, look, he’s hot” Chris showed me his phone. He had a picture message saved of Kristin at a party with Jon.

“Wow” I suddenly got nervous for tonight. Then hid my insecurity by teasing Chris, “You sure you don’t want him? You are the one with a pic of him in your phone.”

Brent and Randy chuckled, “Alright, Zac has a hot date tonight. Let’s go chill at my place til bowling” Randy said as he tied his shoes and walked to the door.

“Zac you haven’t said hardly two words since we left the school” Chris said. We were in Randy’s room playin video games.

“Haha that’s cuz he’s nervous bout his date tonight” Brent laughed.

I just smilled and gave a little laugh.

“Oh wow, you really are” Randy paused the game and turned to me. I was on his bed leaning against the wall, Chris was on the floor in front of the TV, Randy was sitting on the edge of the bed playing the game with Chris and Brent was sitting on a chair on the other side.

“Why’d you stop playing” I asked.

“Cuz we gotta get you ready for tonight. If you’re this nervous just from seeing that pic on Chris’ phone then we gotta make sure you’re ready.”

“What you mean ready? We’re ready, we just gotta wait til 8” I asked.

“No, we’re ready. We’re just bowling. You are going on a date, you gotta be date ready” Randy got up and went to his closet. He threw me a towel. “Go shower cuz you stink and I’m gonna give you some clothes to wear tonight.”

“It’s not that big of a deal”

“Don’t be stubborn just get in the shower.” Brent said as he pulled me up and pushed me toward the bathroom.

When I got out Randy had clothes for me and I got dressed. “Nice, you look good. Now if you strike out tonight then I need those clothes back but if you get lucky and start grindin on him, I don’t want them back haha”

“Whatever let’s just go”

We got to the bowling alley in Randy’s car and met up with Kristin and a group of friends. She introduced me to Jon as the rest began bowling and talking. He was taller than me around 6 feet tall with short wavy brown hair and green eyes. He looked well built like a wrestler’s build and had an amazing smile. We all hung out together, had a really fun time and on the way out Jon asked if I needed a ride home. I obviously didn’t because I came with Randy and them but I immediately said yes and waved Brent away and he took the hint and told the guys they were going home without me.

We drove around for awhile talking and then stopped at an empty park and continued talking. I slid closer to him as he put his hand on the back of my head and began kissing me. I melted and let out a soft moan “mmm” and he didn’t miss a beat. He put his hand under my shirt and ran his fingers around my body. He grazed my nipples as I continued softly moaning. He then proceeded to pull off his shirt as we continued kissing. I reached down and felt around for his button. I searched for it until he guided my hand to it and helped me undo his pants. He dropped the back of his seat and pulled me with him to the back and in the process his jeans slid down staying in the front seat.

I began kissing his neck as his hands slid into my jeans and his fingers wandered down my crack. I tensed but couldn’t wait. I moved down his chest. He was built with broad shoulders and tan defined body. I made my way down and lifted the waistband of his boxers revealing his 8 inch uncut cock. I began sticking my tongue under his skin rolling around the tip and felt his hand on the back of my head push me down onto him. I bobbed my head on him tasting him, heart racing.

The taste of his precum made me suck him harder. He stopped me, pulling me up again. “take off your pants” I got out of my pants faster than ever before and he pulled me up so that I was straddling his chest and he swallowed my cock as he slid his fingers around my tight hole. He poked one finger into me and I almost lost my mind.

I began moaning “ahhhhh” biting my lower lip.

“Can I fuck you” he said as he looked up at me.

“Mhmm” I moaned.

He grabbed his jeans and pulled out a condom and as I slid down his body he put on the condom while licking my stomach and chest. He guided his cock to my boy hole “it’s all you, I don’t wanna hurt you” he whispered and I lowered myself on him. I slowly took all of him inside me as he moved his hands around my chest rubbing my nipples “ahhhhhhh” I began moving up and down as his hips started to thrust slowly.

He grabbed ahold of my shaft and started pumping. His body glistened with sweat and the combination of seeing his sweaty chest, his strong fist stroking my penis and his massive cock fucking my insides I just couldn’t hold it and I began shooting my cum onto him. The first shot landed on his face and he licked it off his lips the next few onto his chest and down his stomach and the last couple onto his hand that he then lifted to his mouth and licked clean. I continued riding him as he ate my cum and he then quickly pulled me up off of him “I’m bout to cum”

I went down and pulled the condom off of him and attacked his dick with my tongue as he blasted my throat with his hot cum, eating every bit I could as he thrust his hips on my face. After his cock started to soften I licked up my cum from his stomach. I licked his abs and his pecs. Licking around his nipples that had a little hair around them and a small patch of hair in the middle of his chest. The taste of his cum still in my mouth mixed with my cum and his sweat was intoxicating and I was floating as I made my way up to his face and kissed him adding the taste of his tongue to the cocktail in my mouth.

We got dressed and he drove me home. When we got there I saw Randy’s car in my driveway and got one last kiss before heading inside.

“Hey honey, you’re home late. Your friends got here two hours ago. They’re waiting in your room.”

“Thanks mom.” I rolled my eyes and headed up stairs.

I walked into my room and Brent and Chris were playing video games and immediately stopped and looked at me with huge sarcastic smiles. Randy asked “So, two hours huh? What the hell, did you get lost?” I just ignored him and walked in and over to my closet. “So should I even ask for my clothes back?”

I didn’t answer his question. Instead I grabbed a towel “I gotta take a shower, I’ll be out in a minute”

Chris and Brent started making hooting and hollering noises “oww woo hoo oww wow” and Randy laughed and as I got into the shower I could hear him say to the others “damn and I really liked that shirt haha”

When I got out of the shower I put on some shorts and joined them in my room.

“On the first date? You slut haha.” Brent chuckled “Just kidding man, how was the date?”

“It was good” I replied as I climbed onto my bed. Randy was sitting on the bed with me and the other two on my couch next to the bed playing video games.

“I heard it was better than good” Chris said.

“What do you mean you heard? I just got back!”

“Kristin texted me while you were in the shower. Jon just thanked her for introducing you two” I smiled as Chris continued explaining his texting conversation with Kristin “and she was just as shocked as us that you two took two hours to get home and asked him what happened. He told her that you guys made a stop and bowm chicka wow wow hahaha”

“What! I can’t believe he told her!”

“Holy shit! I added that part, but you really did have sex with him!!!!” Chris exlaimed. Both Randy and Brent’s jaws dropped and my face turned red. “He just told Kristin you guys went to the park for awhile.” Chris corrected his previous statement.

“Wow, now you have to fess up Zac, what the hell happened?!?!?!?” Brent asked.

“Oh my god, you guys suck so bad”

“Come on buddy, Chris caught you, now you gotta let us know what happened” Randy said as he moved next to me and rubbed my shoulders to try and get me to relax and take my face out from behind my hands. “What happened? Nothing too graphic just the basics.”

“Fine I’ll tell you but give me a minute” I was so embarrassed.

“Ok you have until the end of this game.” Randy accepted my request and they started playing again. I laid back on my bed trying to get over the embarrassment. Randy was sitting on the bed right next to me and Chris and Brent continued their game. I probably had five minutes.

Randy was my best friend and always stuck up for me and knew me better than anyone. He had medium length dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He was about my height and weight with the same build but slightly thinner and had facial hair in a strip that went along his jaw from ear to ear and had hair around his nipples and a strip that goes through his naval down his shorts and above his naval a couple inches as well.

Chris and Brent were also really really close friends. Chris had light brown hair and brown eyes and wore glasses. He’s a little taller than me and is a little chubby but not at all fat and was pretty strong and muscular but no definition . He has no facial hair and none on his chest or stomach either. Brent is shorter than the rest of us but is about the same weight and is well built and fairly well defined. He has dark hair and blue-green eyes no facial hair with hair around his nipples and a line from the middle of his chest all the way down his stomach to his shorts. We all have clean and trimmed ‘areas’.

All three of them are really comfortable with me. All of my friends were comfortable with me being gay and they all accepted it but these three were the only one’s that were totally comfortable meaning they didn’t feel weird in locker rooms or changing with me or staying at my house or me at their houses. I had dated a few guys previously and talked about it with them but this was embarrassing because I had never had sex with a guy after just meeting him.

The four of us were sitting around in shorts at 1 in the morning and their game was over. “Ok Zac, spill it, what happened?” Chris demanded.

“We drove around for a little while talking and then we stopped at the park.” They all were looking at me and made me embarrassed again and I dropped back to lay down so I didn’t have to look at them while I told them.

Randy was sitting legs crossed on my bed next to me with his back to the TV facing me. Brent and Chris were sitting on the couch both on the edge waiting. “Come on buddy, keep goin” Randy said patting my stomach trying to get me to continue.

“We talked for a little while longer and then he kissed me. We started making out and then ended up in the back seat.” I looked at them and they all had stunned looks but weren’t going to let me stop there. “Some clothes came off…….and……..I had sex with him.”

“Nice, way to go Zac haha” Brent laughed and congratulated. Chris did the same.

“So, how was it? You glad you did it? You like him? Are you going to see him again? Randy interrogated.

“Woah, slow down. Yes I like him or wouldn’t have had sex with him. I don’t regret it even though I’ve never done that on the first date.” I tried to answer all questions but Randy caught me.

“You didn’t answer one.”

“Yeah” Chris agreed. “How was it? Is he hot? Is he packin haha?”

“Ok, don’t get too graphic here Chris. That’s enough questions haha” Brent interupted.

“Well Zac?” Randy directed the questions back to me.

“Well Chris, yes he is insanely hot and he’s bigger than you haha”

“Well that ain’t hard hahaha” Brent joked.

“Shut up prick!” Chris hit Brent “For real, I’m not small am I? Was he really that much bigger?”

“Hahahaha settle down Chris he’s just giving you a hard time” Randy said.

“I’m just kidding Chris you’re fine he’s just bigger than you haha and yes it was good, it was very very good” I said with a huge smile.

“Nice buddy, you got a hot boyfriend. Now I just gotta find a hot girlfriend and catch up haha” Randy congratulated and patted my chest as he turned around back toward the TV and sat next to my head while I stayed laying down.

Brent and Chris continued playing video games “Ok for real, I’m not that small am I? I mean I’m bigger than Zac and he just got a hot guy so I should be able to get a hot girl right?” Chris asked with a worried tone. “Would Kristin like me or am I too small? Seriously guys!”

“Oh my god you fucking spaz” Brent said. “you’re not small, you’re average. Zac is small but it obviously doesn’t matter cuz he’s the only one getting laid and by a hotty so you need to stop worrying. Kristin won’t care especially if you never get the balls to ask her out.”

“Oh Zac, kick his ass he called you small” Chris said.

“Hahaha I don’t care he also said I have a hot boyfriend” I replied.

“Oh Brent, kick his ass he called you gay” Chris instigated.

“Haha you’re the only one that’s gonna get his ass kicked if you don’t stop tryin to start shit” Randy ended the bickering.

We played video games for the next hour or so before Kristin texted me “OMG u had sex with Jon?”

“What the hell Chris, why’d you tell Kristin I had sex with Jon?” I asked Chris.

“Sorry I didn’t think it was a big deal to tell her cuz she introduced you two” Chris replied.

“I guess but did you tell her not to tell anyone else?”

“No, but I’m sure she didn’t. What does it matter? He doesn’t even go to our school.”

I texted her back “Yeah, we had a great night and it just happened. I didn’t mean to tell Chris and the guys but they tricked me.”

“So what you guys wanna do tomorrow? Pool? Movie?” Randy asked.

“I don’t wanna do a movie cuz I’m broke so we gotta do something that’s free unless you guys are paying for me.” Brent answered.

“Ok so pool or we gotta pay for Brent or we gotta think up something else. What you wanna do Chris?” Randy continued.

Kristin texted me back “That’s crazy, I mean you two are really cute together it’s just crazy that you had sex. Are you gonna see him again?”

“I hope so. I wouldn’t just have sex with him if I didn’t really like him and wanna see him again. Have you told anyone else?” I texted back.

“I don’t care, we could go to the pool or go hang around the mall or something. Text and see what other people are doing and we can meet up with ‘em” Chris replied.

“We can’t go to the mall cuz Brent is just gonna be stuck with nothing to do there with no money.” I said.

“It’s not like he ever buys anything” Chris replied.

“No but if we eat he can’t afford anything and even if you don’t buy anything you can’t have fun if you know you definitely can’t buy anything.” I said while waiting for a text back.

“What’s wrong Zac?” Randy asked.

“I’m talking to Kristin since Chris told her I had sex with Jon. I’m waiting to see if she told anyone.” She replied as I was explaining the situation to Randy.

“I didn’t tell anyone but Jess saw the text message. She hasn’t told anyone so it’s just between us and u guys.”

I was so relieved. “Ok cool I just wanted to make sure it didn’t spread all over. Thanks for introducing us I had a great time.”

“Only you guys and Kristin and Jess know so it shouldn’t be a big deal. So what are we doing tomorrow?” I asked.

“Cool, I don’t know, see if Kristin and them are doing anything. If we can’t think of anything else we’re goin’ to the pool as a fallback.” Randy replied.

“By the way, are you guys doing anything tomorrow. We can’t think of what to do?” I texted.

I almost immediately got a message back “that’s great u r welcome. U guys r so cute. We haven’t made any plans yet u guys have any ideas”

I texted back “just the pool as a fall back”

“The indoor?”

“yeah the outdoor is closed for winter”

“That’s what I thought, yeah we can go to the pool”

“Ok guys, they haven’t made plans but are game for going to the pool” I announced.

“Sounds good.” Chris said. Randy and Brent both concurred.

“Ok we’ll meet you there at 11. Hey if I tell you something can you keep it absolutely to yourself?” I texted Kristin.

“Of course”

“Ok, I figured since you set me up with Jon I owe you something and I was wondering if you like Chris cuz he has been crushing on you for a long time. You can’t tell him I told you, but would you be interested in him?” I broke the message into two texts.

“Wow, I had no idea but I guess he has acted a little strange. Why hasn’t he said anything?”

“He’s afraid you don’t feel the same way and it’ll get weird when we all hang out. So are you interested?”

“Yeah, he’s a really good guy and he’s cute. If he asked me out I’d say yes.”

“Ok thanks. Don’t tell him I said anything and he will hopefully get the guts to ask soon if not tomorrow. Thanks again for introducing me to Jon.”

“Your welcome, see you tomorrow”

I put my phone away and looked up. They had turned off the TV and video games. It was pretty late so I got under the covers. Chris slept on the floor with a sleeping bag and Brent slept on the couch and Randy slept in the bed with me. They usually rotated who got the couch or bed when they stayed at my place.

“So Chris, you think you are gonna ask Kristin out tomorrow?” I asked.

“I don’t know man, if she said no then we’d spend the rest of the time at the pool feeling weird.” He replied.

“Well I think she’d say yes.” I told him and nudged Randy. He figured out that I had asked Kristin.

“Yeah man, I don’t know for sure but I think I heard she’d be down if you asked her out. Just try it and if it doesn’t work out she’s cool and wouldn’t be weird and we’re here for ya.” Randy said.

“Really, you guys think I should?” Chris asked.

“Yeah man, ask her out right away tomorrow that way if she says yes you two can hang out at the pool.” Brent added.

**********************************************************

The next day we met up with Kristin and some other people at the pool. I also invited Jon. We forced Chris to ask Kristin out and she said yes so he spent most of the time hanging out with her while the rest of us played water volleyball and Jon showed up half way through the game. He came out of the locker room and waved to us.

“Damn Zac, he really is hot haha” Brent said quietly to me.

Jon looked amazing last night when it was dark and now in the light he looked even sexier. He was perfectly tan muscular but not so hard and ripped that he looks bad just the perfect amount of muscle, definition, and softness. He had just the slightest bit of hair like I had noticed the night before but now I can see that it makes him look even sexier with the perfect amount of hair in just the right places. And his legs had the same perfect amount of hair with well built calfs and trunks that go down to his knees and a lightly defined v shape from his stomach down his trunks. Again not too defined where he looks too hard but defined enough to see the v. His arms were big and strong and shoulders thick and broad.

“Dude, he’s already your boyfriend. Quit drooling and just go over there.” Brent told me.

We all hung out for a while and then Jon and I went to the hot tub to hang out while the rest stayed in the pool for a while. We chatted about anything and everything. Basically we just picked up from the previous night. Jon was a year older than me and lived about 20 minutes from me. He was an only child like me and had been out for only a couple years. He also acted totally straight. We also discussed sexual interests and he’s mainly a top and though he likes his ass played with he doesn’t like receiving anal that much but is willing. It was cool with me because I am mostly a bottom. We talked some more and realized how perfect we are together because he likes to be more of the dominant role and I like to be more submissive. Neither of us was into pain or hard core bondage but sometimes soft stuff. We also both don’t like PDA so neither of us was going to pressure the other into kissing or anything in public.

He had to go early so I went to the locker room with him to say goodbye. No one else was there so we started making out. I got hard very quickly and Jon slid my trunks down just enough to pull out my hard on which he then proceeded to put in his mouth as I leaned against the locker room wall. With one hand he felt around my stomach and chest and the other wandered to my backside and I felt a finger penetrate me and almost collapsed. Jon used his arm that was on my chest to pin me to the wall so I wouldn’t fall and continued bobbing his head and rolling his tongue and swallowing while he finger fucked me faster and faster and I couldn’t avoid moaning but kept it as quiet as I could while he continued and finally I tightened on his finger and blew my load into his mouth and he sucked harder and harder making sure to swallow all of my cum. My knees buckled and he was holding me up with his arm pinning me to the wall and his hand underneath me. I regained my strength to stand and he pulled my trunks back up.

“You better go back out to your friends and I gotta get dressed and head out.” He said after pulling away from kissing me.

“What about you?” I asked as I put my hand on his groin.

“Later Zac” He smiled “I gotta go you have fun with your friends and I’ll see you later.”

I headed back out to the pool and joined my friends again. “Where’s Jon” Brent asked.

“He had to go.” I said with a huge smile on my face as I sat down and got in the pool with them.

“Why are you so happy about that haha?” Brent face changed to shock and whispered “You didn’t? Did you?….oh my god you did. You just had sex in the locker room!?”

Randy got closer “What?! Did you?”

“No, I didn’t have sex in the locker room. We just said goodbye cuz he had to leave.” I told them quietly.

“Then why do you look so happy?” Randy asked “Don’t lie man I can tell when you’re lying.”

It’s true, Randy could always tell when I was lying so I had to tell him. I quietly told them “We didn’t have sex, he just went down on me”

“Nuh uh” Randy said too loudly.

“Ok, shut up.” I whispered “He went down on me and uh, and he fingered me.”

Their jaws dropped. “Dude, right there in the locker room? That’s crazy. You lucky son of a bitch.” Brent said quietly. He turned to Randy “Why the hell can’t we find anyone while Chris is finally dating Kristin and this fucker is getting screwed in the locker room?”

“Haha I don’t know man but we better start looking for some girls” Randy laughed back.

Chris came over “Hey guys, what’s the plan? Kristin and those guys had to go.”

“Well to bring you up to speed, Jon left but first he nailed Zac in the locker room and now Randy and I are actually jealous of you two”

“What, you had sex in the locker room?!” Chris asked in shock.

“Haha, no he went down on him and gave him a finger” Randy corrected.

“A finger?” Chris asked.

“I was trying to be discrete, he gave him head while he finger fucked him.” Randy continued.

“Holy shit” Chris exclaimed.

“Jesus guys, can we keep it down and not talk about this. It’s bad enough that you guys are suddenly needing to know every detail of my sex life but we’re not gonna discuss this in public.” I told them while I got out of the pool. “Let’s head out we can go back to my place and think of what else to do today.”

They followed my lead and Brent mumbled “I wish I had a sex life to be embarrassed about” We all laughed.

We went back to my place and watched TV while we thought about what to do the rest of the night when I got a call from Jon. He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him. I cleared it with the guys and accepted. I got dressed and they headed out to a movie and said they’d be staying at Randy’s place while his parents were gone for the weekend and I could go over there after dinner if I wanted and Jon was welcome to stay over too.

*************************************************

We finished dinner and when we got in the car he asked “You wanna come over to my place for a little bit?”

“I thought you wanted to stay with me over at Randy’s house.”

“I do. I’m wondering if you wanna go to my place for like an hour or so. My house is empty right now and I thought we could be alone for a little bit before going to your friend’s place”

“Oh, yeah that sounds great”

We got to his house and he led me up to his room where he proceeded to throw me on the bed, rip off his shirt and lay on top of me. I undid his pants as he did the same to mine. We began making out naked and rolling on his bed. I moved down and started rolling my tongue around his cock before putting it in my mouth and sliding one finger into his hole. He put his hand on my head and forced me down on him until he was almost fully in my mouth and throat. I kept sucking and moved my finger around inside of him making him breathe harder and harder and grunted “uhhh get up here Zac” I moved back up to kiss him and he rolled me onto my back.

He pinned me down and began kissing my neck and down my chest licking gently on my nipple as I began to moan. “ahhhh ohhhhhh” he kept moving down and stuck his tongue in my naval and licked around my abs before sucking my cock momentarily and then pulled my legs apart and licked my ass getting it full of his saliva. His tongue almost inside me made my cock ooze precum as I continued to softly moan.

Jon got up and grabbed a condom from a drawer and put it on before lifting my ass up a little with my legs spread. He pushed the tip inside me and slowly forced his way all the way in me with my legs spread as he hovered over me. He slowly fucked me as I felt up his chest rubbing his nipples and holding his strong arms as he began moving faster. He kept sliding in and out of me faster and faster while my heart raced and moaned louder and louder “ahhhhh AHH ohh OHHHH Jon OHHH JON UHHHH AHHHH” He pinned my arms to the bed turning me on even more and fucked me even harder as sweat ran down his body and dripped onto me. It was too much I began cumming on my stomach even though it hadn’t been touched. I screamed and tightened up on his cock while cum shot all over my stomach. Jon grunted and thrust hard cumming into the condom inside me.

He pulled out of me and went down to lick my cum off of my stomach while I lay there panting. He finished licking up my cum and grabbed my hand pulling me up. “Let’s go take a shower”

We went into his bathroom and he pulled off the condom and threw it away. I saw his softening penis covered in cum and dropped down to it as he started the shower. I sucked up all the cum I could and we began washing off.

“What’s up guys” Randy said as we went up to his room. “How was dinner?”

“Good” I replied.

“Must’ve been really good. You were there for three hours.” Randy laughed.

We got to his room and Brent had to ask “So did you screw at the restaurant too?!? Every time you guys go out alone you take twice as much time as it should.”

Jon looked at me questioningly. “It’s ok, they are gonna be like that. For some reason they demand to know everything about my sex life.” Jon laughed.

“Yup we gotta know, just not the graphic details” Chris added.

“We went back to my place for a little while” Jon answered.

“Gonna need more than that.” Brent said.

“Ok, I made Zac cum on his stomach just by screwing him then licked him clean.” Jon said with a smile.

“Ok Jon, I like your enthusiasm but that would be the graphic part we don’t need to know. Work on that, just meet us in the middle haha.” Brent said laughing.

“Is it bad that I just got a little turned on by that?” Chris said with a dumb and disgusted look on his face.

“Haha ok guys let’s just let it go. You now are totally up to date with just about every detail of my sex life so let’s just watch a movie or something.” I said trying to end the awkward investigation of my relationship.

We all took a seat. Chris and Brent on the couch, Randy sat on his bed and Jon sat down next to him and I laid on the bed with Jon and laid my head down on his stomach.

“Awww how cute” Brent joked.

“Shut up Brent” I laughed.

“Seriously though, that’s cool but don’t start screwing here haha.” Brent replied. We all laughed and agreed no one was going to screw tonight and started watching the movie.

***********************************

Jon and I had been going out for a few weeks and I was falling hard. He was gone for the weekend so I was going to spend the weekend with the guys.

“So you gonna survive without your boo?” Brent joked.

“Whatever, he’s just gone the weekend. It’s not the end of the world.” I replied.

“Yeah but he’s been around almost everyday for the past month. I’m not saying I mind, Jon’s cool, but you haven’t gone one day without seeing him.” Chris said.

“Yeah, you’re not gonna like call out his name in your sleep are you?” Randy put his arm around my shoulder “Jon, Jon, oh Jon hahahaha” he teased.

“Screw you guys” I laughed “So what he’s just gone this weekend and I’ll see him again Monday so let’s just drop it.”

“Yeah but you usually have sex on the weekends and now you’re missing out” Chris added.

“Seriously Chris, it’s not a big deal. I’m not dating Jon for the sex so it doesn’t matter.” I said starting to sound irritated.

“Ok guys, let’s drop it.” Randy said.

We were at Brent’s place this weekend. Brent had a nicer room than the rest of us. His room was in the basement and pretty much had the whole place to himself. He has a bunk bed and a couch in his room with a much nicer TV than any of us so we liked staying at Brent’s more than anywhere since none of us had to sleep on the floor.

We had been playing video games and watching TV all night and finally decided to go to bed. Chris took the top bunk and Randy the couch. I was on the bottom bunk with Brent. We talked for a little while before falling asleep.

The next morning I woke up and saw Randy looking right at me.

“Awww how sweet” he teased.

I sat up right away realizing that I had been sleeping with my head on Brent’s chest and my arm around his waist. Brent was still sleeping so I got up and shoved Randy on the way out to the living room.

“Haha so do we need to warn Jon that you’re straying” Randy joked.

“What? What’s goin on” Chris asked. He was sitting in the living room watching TV already.

“You didn’t see Zac cuddling with Brent when you got up?” Randy replied. I just sat on one of the lay-z-boy chairs and ignored them.

“No I just came right out here haha what happened?” Chris laughed.

“Zac had his arm wrapped around Brent’s waist and was cuddling with him with his face on his chest haha” Randy explained.

“Hahahaha, uh oh Zac, you better hope Jon isn’t the jealous type.” Chris joked.

“Whatever guys, it’s no big deal” I mumbled rolling my eyes.

“Good morning guys.” Brent said walking out.

“Good morning, stud” Chris said laughing. Brent looked at him weird and they proceeded to explain what had happened.

“So, you still gonna claim it’s no big deal that Jon isn’t here this weekend?” Brent asked.

“It’s not” I answered.

“Dude, we’ve all slept over a thousand times before and never once have you cuddled up to one of us. Now you are dating a guy for a month never spending a moment without him and when he isn’t here for one night you wake up on top of me. Doesn’t that seem a little odd?” Brent asked.

“Ok so I miss him but it doesn’t mean anything.” I replied still watching the TV.

“Well it means I’ll be guarding my ass next time I sleep with you haha” Brent laughed.

“No, remember Jon’s the dominant one” Chris commented, “you gotta watch out for Zac’s hands goin for your junk.” My friends definitely know too much about my sex life.

They all laughed and I smiled a little trying not to give in to their taunts.

*************************************************************

We went to the mall to hang out later that afternoon. We went to the movie theater there and then just bummed around.

“So how are things goin with Kristin?” Randy asked.

“Great, I’m going over to her place next week to have dinner with her parents.” Chris answered.

“Ouch” Brent said grimacing.

“What?” Chris asked.

“You’re going to meet the parents, that sucks.” I joked as I received a text message and frantically replied.

“Why is that bad, it’s not like I’m some punk that her parents are gonna hate.” Chris said worried.

“He’s got a point, Chris is a good kid” Randy said.

“Yeah, parents wouldn’t be afraid of him taking advantage of their daughter” Brent added while I received another text that tore me up inside.

“I can’t tell if you guys are comforting me or making fun of me.” Chris replied confused.

Randy looked over at me “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I’ll be back in a minute” I said quietly with no expression on my face as I walked away.

I walked away from them and turned the corner. I went out the door of the mall to a side entrance that hardly anyone ever uses plus it was almost nine o’clock so the mall was pretty empty anyway. I leaned against the outside wall and slid down and sat on the concrete with my legs bent up and my face buried in my knees with my hands on top of my head as tears filled my eyes. I’m an emotional person but not outwardly emotional. That is one of the ways that I’m more masculine and straight acting because I don’t show my emotions and never cry in public. I hardly ever cry at all to begin with, but when I have a breakdown it’s not pretty. I can hold in my emotion as long as I need to and in this instance it was as long as it took to leave my friends and be alone.

I had been outside in that same position for around ten minutes when I heard Randy say something around the corner and walk over to me. “Zac, what’s wrong” He crouched down next to me.

“Nothing, I just wanna be alone for a minute” I said quietly as I tried to stop crying.

Randy sat down next to me and started rubbing my back “You know I’m not gonna leave you alone like this. What happened?

I didn’t wanna talk about it so I handed him my phone. He opened it and read my text message conversation.

Jon: Hey, I know this is out of the blue but I didn’t want to worry you before I knew for sure. My dad is taking a job down here.

(Jon was in Florida with his family for the weekend visiting relatives)

Me: What are you saying?

Jon: My family is moving here for his job. It wasn’t for sure before but now it is. We’ll be back Monday, but we’ll be moving as soon as the semester is over. I have to go, but I thought you should know and I’ll talk to you more when I get back.

Randy closed my phone “I’m sorry Zac. You wanna talk about it?” I shook my head. Randy pulled me closer to him “I’m here for you buddy, if you wanna talk I’ll always listen but if you don’t I’m still here for you. Come here” I turned and buried my face in his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me.

Brent and Chris came over and crouched down. “Jon’s family is moving to Florida at the end of the semester.” Randy told them.

Brent put his hand on my back “Oh god, I’m sorry man.”

“Me too Zac. But you still have a few weeks before he leaves and we’re here for you” Chris added.

“You want us to take you home buddy?” Brent asked.

“No, we’re not leavin him alone tonight, let’s all head back to your place.” Randy answered for me.

“I’ll go get my car and pull over here.” Brent said and walked away, Chris followed.

“Let’s just go back to Brent’s place and we can just hang out. You can talk if you want or just hang out but we’re not gonna let you just go off by yourself again, ok?” Randy requested.

“Ok” I sniffled.

We got in Brent’s car and I again buried my face in my hands while Randy put his hand on my back to comfort me. When we got to Brent’s place we went straight to his room and turned on the TV and Brent began playing video games with Chris. Randy said he’d take the bottom bunk with me, Brent could take top, and Chris would sleep on the couch.
Randy refused to leave me alone. He knew me better than anyone and had gone through me breaking down before. When my grandpa died I was really emotional and people listened to me and left me alone for a while and things only got worse for me and Randy stepped in and helped me through it.

We had gotten ready for bed and were all just wearing shorts but Randy kept his shirt out, rolled it up and put it on his shoulder to soak up my tears as he laid down and held me with my face buried in his shoulder. I didn’t need to talk about it as we all knew the situation and that I was crying because I had fallen for Jon and now he was leaving in just over three weeks. I just needed to cry out my pain and Randy knew that. Brent and Chris were close friends but hadn’t ever seen me breakdown so they decided to defer the situation to Randy and trust he knew how to help me and they were just going to be there for support.

A couple hours passed and Brent turned off the TV. I had almost cried myself to sleep in Randy’s shoulder and was half awake as Brent pulled a blanket over both of us and whispered to Randy “is he gonna be alright? Do you need anything?”

“He’ll be alright, can you grab me another shirt or something?” Randy whispered back. Brent handed him a shirt and he swapped the shirts and I moved my face back to his shoulder.

“Geez, it’s soaked. You sure he’s ok? I’ve never seen him like this” Brent asked again.

“Yeah, Zac hides his feelings so much that when something like this happens he really falls hard. He just needs to cry it all out. We just gotta be here for him and he’ll bounce back.” Randy whispered as soft as he could hoping I either couldn’t hear or was mostly asleep “I’m just worried how the next few weeks are gonna go. Jon will be here and Zac is either going to be really upset that whole time or he is going to get as close to Jon as possible til he leaves and he’ll break down even worse. That’s what I’m worried about.”

“Damn, he sure puts up a front then.” Brent whispered back.

“Yeah, he’s a tough guy but he gets emotionally invested really easily. That’s what’s great about him and what hurts him the most. He’s always there for anyone who needs him and he really honestly cares about the people he loves but he gets so invested that when something goes wrong it effects him more than anyone else ever would.” Randy said softly.

“You think he loves Jon?” Brent asked

“I know he does. He probably won’t admit it but he loves him. You remember when he dated Jack and Grant before? He dated them way longer than Jon and yeah he fell for them too but he never looked at them the way he looks at Jon.” Randy answered.

“Yeah I suppose you’re right. God I feel so bad, he looks so hurt and it’s not even like it isn’t working out with Jon it’s just his family leaving.” Brent said.

They continued talking as I finally finished crying myself to sleep on Randy’s shoulder.

***********************************

We were working out in the weight room at the school. It stayed open over break for use of the gym and weight room and other athletic facilities and computer lab.

“Is it weird that we spent all semester complaining about school and wanted to get out, and as soon as it’s out for break we’ve spent like every day here?” Brent asked. He was spotting Randy on the bench press while I was on the mats near them doing sit-ups.

“Sort of, but we always worked out here, it’s just easier. It’s not like we come back to write papers or anything.” I said.

“That’s true.” Brent nodded, “Hey you guys wanna go to a party tonight? “

“Sure, where at?” Randy asked.

“It’s a frat party down by the college.” Brent replied.

“Sounds good to me.” I answered.

“Alright, it’s a frat party so let’s get Chris to drive for us so we can drink then we can stay at Brent’s place tonight?” Randy said as he looked to Brent for confirmation. Brent nodded.

They switched and Randy spotted Brent on the bench while I pulled out my phone and texted Chris if he could drive. “Chris can’t do it tonight, him and Kristin are going out. I can drive, and you guys owe me the next time.”

They agreed and we went to Brent’s to shower and get dressed. The locker room was open, but over break the water heater was really slow to work since it wasn’t used as much.

Brent had already showered and was getting dressed when I got out of the shower and went into his room. Randy went behind me and got in the shower.

“Does this look good?” Brent asked as I dried off and started getting dressed.

“Sure.” I answered.

“Should I wear something else, help me out here. I wanna look good. Maybe I’ll meet someone there.” He whined.

“I don’t know what to tell you, that looks good.” I said.

“Dude, you are the worst gay guy ever. You’re supposed to be good with fashion and stuff. You’re just a straight guy that likes men.” Brent whined again.

“Haha, sorry to disappoint.” I laughed.

A couple minutes later I had already gotten dressed and Brent was still wavering and trying on different shirts. Randy came in. “Dude, you don’t wanna wear that tonight.”

Brent sighed and looked at me as I laughed. “Ok, what do you think I should wear?” Randy grabbed a shirt out of his closet, gave it to him and went over to the bed and got dressed while Brent took of his shirt and changed into the new one. “See Zac, he’s a better gay guy than you” Brent said glaring at me.

“What?” Randy asked with an awkward laugh.

“He’s upset because I’m a gay guy that isn’t into fashion and can’t help him pick out clothes.” I answered.

“Oh, so that makes me a better gay guy?” Randy laughed “Cuz I’m pretty sure I’m not better than Zac at actually gay stuff….unless Zac is really bad in bed haha.”

“Yeah yeah, so how’s this look?” Brent asked.

“Oh yeah that’s hot as hell, I’d totally do you now.” I said as serious as I could.

“You wish. Seriously though, this good?” Brent asked.

“Yeah, you look good.” Randy assured him as he tied his shoes and stood up, “Now are we ready to go?”

We went to the party and met up with some people we knew for a little while as Brent and Randy started drinking some. We eventually started to move around and mingle and were chatting with a group of guys that were in the frat that was hosting. As the crowd got more and more drunk we had more and more people come over to us. All the guys in the group of us talking had been checking out drunk chicks throughout the room.

Brent was clearly attracted to a girl across the party who was with a group of her friends. He kept asking if he should go over there or wait and see if she notices him.

We kept chatting and a few different girls had come over and while some of the guys would make comments and try hitting on them they all came over and talked to me. I didn’t wait long to tell each of them that I was not interested. Drunk girls aren’t as discreet so I could tell when they were hitting on me.

“Dude, what is up with you? Every girl here seems to go straight to you. How do you do it?” One of the guys asked me.

“It’s cuz I’m not interested in them. They see you guys lookin at them all night and get creeped out. They see me and I’m totally ignoring them.” I answered the best reasoning I could think of.

“Damn, I gotta try that but it’ll be hard ignoring all these chicks.”

“Well I’m not ignoring them to get their attention, I’m ignoring them cuz I’m gay and don’t care.” I explained.

“For real, I never woulda guessed. So send some of em our way man.”

We continued talking and a few guys in the group tried their hardest to ignore all the drunk chicks. It was pretty funny how obvious they were, but they were buzzed so they couldn’t help but look dumb. I talked mostly to the guy next to me who had just been dumped by his girlfriend so he wasn’t as awkward as the others. We had something in common having both come out of relationships.

Our group kind of broke apart and moved around everyone mingling. I was still chatting with the same guy, Randy had wandered over to another group and Brent was with another still looking over at the same girl every so often. I had enough. “Hey I’ll be right back, I gotta do something. Save me a seat.” I said to the guy, Reed was his name or Reid, not sure how he spelled it.

I walked over to the group that Brent had been checking out. I introduced myself to the girl. “Hey, how’s it goin?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Good, I’m Zac.”

“I’m Michelle, I guess you’re a designated driver too haha.”

“Yeah, not many people here that aren’t pretty drunk already.”

“So what brought you over here?”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not trying to hit on you or anything.”

“Haha, oh I know.” She flipped my necklace, “The drunk girls may not be able to read, but I’m sober”

“Haha, yeah well the reason I came over was cuz my friend Brent over there” I pointed “thinks you are really cute and just hasn’t had the courage to come talk to you because he doesn’t know if you’d be interested in a younger guy. He won’t say that, but he’s not normally this shy so it’s clear he’s just worried about a college girl. He’s 17.”

“Ok, yeah, I’ve noticed him looking over here a little. I’m 19 so it’s no big deal. I hope he’s not too drunk?”

“No, he’s been drinking, but not much. I think he’s afraid to drink to much and look like an idiot in front of you.” I assured. “So would it be ok if I sent him over here to talk to you?”

“Yeah, that’d be fine. Oh, and you’re wasting your time with that guy.”

“What?”

“The guy you’ve been talking to. He’s straight.”

“I know, I’m just hangin out.”

“Ok, well it was nice meeting you.”

I looked at Brent and motioned him to go talk to her. He tilted his head a bit and I nodded. He then smiled a little and walked over to her. I then went back over to Reid who had been bumped out of where he was sitting.

“You wanna go upstairs? It’s a little less crowded.”

“Sure” I answered.

We went up stairs and into his room. It was small but probably bigger than the campus dorms. We continued to talk about whatever, sports, music, relationships, etc. He was pretty drunk at this point but he wasn’t a dumb drunk. We were just sitting on his bed away from the loud party but could still hear the noise through the wall and floor.

“So, how long til you think you’ll get over that guy” He asked.

“I don’t know. It’s tough. He left a little over a week ago and we broke up three weeks before that so it’s been a month. It still hurts, but I think I’ll be ok eventually.”

“Man that’s rough, I only got dumped a week ago and I feel like shit. I don’t wanna feel like this after a month.”

“It gets better, just gotta try to move on.” I tried comforting him. It made me feel better to help him.

He took a breath and then before I knew it he had moved over and with one hand on the back of my neck he kissed me. He tasted like beer but made up for it with his soft lips and he knew how to use his tongue.

He pulled back and looked away “I’m sorry, I didn’t….I’m sorry”

My eyes were wide open in shock.

“You just made me feel a lot better and it just happened and holy shit, I’m an idiot.” He started mumbling to himself. “I’m straight, I mean I’m not like trying to. Fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“It’s ok man, it’s no big deal. You’re just vulnerable and it happened.” I said trying to collect my own thoughts. “I know you’re straight, you just needed someone to comfort you about your break up and you got caught up. It’s alright, it doesn’t make you gay or anything.”

“Really? I mean I know I’m not gay, but you aren’t mad or anything?”

“No, it’s fine. I mean, I got to kiss a really cute guy haha” I said jokingly trying to break the tension and make light of the situation. “You’re just vulnerable and drunk so you had a little lapse in judgment.”

He lifted his head a bit but didn’t look at me. “Um, I’m not like gay, but that made me feel really good.”

When he said that I was curious as to what he was thinking and I was now looking at him not as a guy I just met at a party, but now I started checking him out. He had dark brown hair, buzzed haircut, brown eyes, around six feet tall and average build. He was wearing jeans and a green t-shirt that showed he was not built but not fat, just average size.

He continued talking “I mean, I don’t want you to think that I’m gay and wanna like date or anything but maybe like do something tonight or something if you wanted to.”

I thought about it for a second and figured one night with this guy might not be so bad. No heartbreak, just have some fun and help each other get over our break ups. “So, you saying you want to have sex just tonight and just to move on?”

“Yeah kinda, I mean, I couldn’t really do much cuz I ‘m not gay or nothing. I can kiss but I couldn’t do much else.” He replied.

“Ok, I understand.”

He looked at me and started kissing me again. He held the back of my neck and guided me down to his bed and took off his shirt. He had a hairy chest that led down to his stomach and narrowed as it went down. His chest and nipples had hair all around them with just a line of hair going down across his belly button down his pants. He reached over and turned off the light so I couldn’t see anything anymore. He then went back down to kissing me.

We kissed for a long time before I turned him on his back and undid his jeans. I kissed down his chest stopping at one nipple licking softly then down his stomach. I pulled his pants down as I licked across his stomach and down to his semi hard cock. I could see better now that my eyes had adjusted. He was uncut and I proceeded to put him in my mouth rolling his foreskin around with my tongue and he got hard in a hurry. I slid my tongue under his foreskin swirling around as he began breathing heavy.

He put his hand on my head and began pushing me down on him. He was around six inches and fit mostly in my mouth. He grunted softly as he pressed my face down on him further and moving his hips slightly fucking my mouth. He tasted amazing but the smell of his sweat was of beer.

He slowed for a moment “Can I fuck you?”

“Yeah” I got excited. I got up as he sat up. I undid my pants and he pulled them off. He reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a condom out.

“Shit” he mumbled. I can’t get it to work.

He was drunk and couldn’t figure out what side to roll it. I grabbed another and put it on him. He turned me on my stomach and lifted my hips up a little. He leaned down and spit in my crack and then used two fingers to rub it in my hole. “Shit you’re smooth” he didn’t take up any more time. He lined his cock up to my ass and pushed inside of me. He didn’t work his way in very well and needed more lube. He seemed to try to move slow at first but he lost his balance and fell on top of my back forcing his cock all the way inside me all at once. I gasped in pain but he didn’t notice.

“Fuck, you’re tight as hell” he began thrusting in and out of me. “Try to keep it quiet, put your face in the pillow” he told me. I buried my face in his pillow as his thrusts made me moan. He got faster and faster and thrust harder and harder. He was too drunk to tell how hard he was pounding me.

He kept going and going forever making my insides raw. He was riding my ass at the same high intensity for what must have been twenty minutes at least. I was in pain to start then pleasure as he got going then I was in pain again from the constant pounding. I still loved the feeling even though it hurt so much. I was just glad he wasn’t bigger than six inches or he would really hurt me. I didn’t know how much longer he was going to fuck me but I knew that the feeling was going to force me to cum very soon.

“You gotta slow down or I’m gonna cum” I told him.

“No, go ahead, I’ll wash the sheets later.” He said panting.

He continued fucking me at this pace pounding as hard as he could with every thrust. I couldn’t take it, I lay there face down in his pillow arms spread at my sides over my head, clenched my fists bit the pillow trying to contain my screams as I blasted my load on his sheets. He didn’t slow down, he kept going fucking me, thrusting over and over and over. The alcohol clearly making him last a crazy amount of time. My whole body felt like it was going numb from his thrusts and my orgasm. He went on for ten more minutes pushing me to nearly cum again before he gave three final thrusts that felt like he was trying to push right through me and he grunted as he came inside of the condom and me. The thrusts made me tighten up and cum which only made him continue cumming even harder.

He pulled out of me and collapsed on the bed. I laid there for a minute catching my own breath when I got a text from Brent that he was looking for me and that they were ready to go. I pulled up my pants, “I gotta go, my friends are looking for me.”

“Ok, thanks for talking with me and everything else” he said. He looked like he was ready to pass out. I reached down and pulled the condom off of him and left him in his room.

My shirt was drenched in both of our sweat and some of my cum so I grabbed a random cup of beer and splashed some on my shirt and looked for Brent and Randy.

“Dude, you’re soaked, what happened?” Brent asked. He was still not overly drunk so he must have hit it off with Michele. Randy was totally gone.

“Somebody spilled beer on me” I replied. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah but Randy can’t walk.” Brent said looking at him in a chair.

“Yeah I can you guys” Randy leaned forward in his chair to get up and nearly fell on the floor. I caught him and helped him to his feet.

I put his arm around my shoulder and basically carried him to Brent’s car. Brent couldn’t really help me with Randy since he was drunk to, but he wasn’t that bad so he could walk on his own. We got almost all the way out to the car when Randy puked all over. He was able to avoid puking on me or himself for the most part but got a fair amount on us. I got him to the car and leaned him up against the side.

“Well I guess this shirt isn’t salvageable.” I took off my shirt and dropped on the street corner. I did the same with Randy’s shirt but used a dry part of his shirt to wipe off his face. Brent got in the car and I put Randy in next to him “Keep an eye on him and make sure he pukes out the window if he has to.”

We got back to Brent’s house and surprisingly we got inside and down to his room quietly. Brent went into the bathroom to pee. “I got pee too” Randy said.

I brought Randy in the bathroom. “You need help?” I asked.

“No I get it” He answered and stepped up to the toilet. He was standing ok so I thought he’d be ok. Then before I could take one step away he just started peeing. He didn’t undo his jeans or anything. He just stand up to the toilet and let it go. I hurried over and undid his pants helped him pee.

When he was done I got him undressed and tossed his soaked clothes in the corner and got him in the shower. “Stay there for a minute I’ll be right back” Brent had a nice walk-in shower that had a bench but I didn’t trust Randy on it so I put him on the floor.

I stepped out to Brent’s room “Randy pissed himself so I gotta get him in the shower. Do you need anything?” I don’t know why I even asked, While I was saying that I saw him trying to get his shoe off but couldn’t figure it out. The alcohol had caught up to him, but he still wasn’t as bad as Randy so that was my priority.

I grabbed a couple towels from the closet and went back into the bathroom. Randy was still sitting in the shower smiling away. “Did you know I’m naked?” he asked.

“Yes Randy you peed your pants” I replied. He just laughed.

I got undressed and turned on the shower. I lifted him up to the bench and let the water run on him. I squirted body wash on him with one hand while I had to keep my other hand on his shoulder to hold him up. “Ok, I’m gonna have to touch you to clean you off, ok?” I don’t even know why I asked because he just smiled like an idiot. I rubbed him down quickly and rinsed him off and got clean myself. I shut off the water and put a towel around my waist. I picked him up and did the same to Randy. At this point he couldn’t even hold himself up to stand. “Screw it” I said as I bent down, put my shoulder to his stomach, put my arm around his legs and picked him up. That didn’t work so I put his arm around my shoulder and held him up by my head and put my other arm under his legs and lifted him that way.

I got him to Brent’s bed and laid him down. Brent was still trying to get his shoe off. I dried off and put on a pair of clean underwear from Brent’s dresser and went down to help Brent get undressed. I got him undressed and on the couch and gave him the TV remote.

I then went back to the dresser and got another pair of underwear for Randy. Brent had turned on Cinemax and at this time of night it was nothing but porn. I would’ve made him change it, but that was the least of my worries. I went over to Randy and dried him off and put the underwear on him. Then I laid him down on Brent’s bed. I sighed in relief that all of that was done.

Right as I was finally able to sit down Brent said “I gotta pee again, but I can’t get up.”

I got back up, helped Brent to his feet and walked him to the bathroom and now I regretted not making him change the channel. He had a hardon from the porn but I hadn’t noticed quite yet. I held him up and he got his boxers down on his own but started peeing on the wall. I quickly held his dick down to the toilet until he was done.

I got him back to the couch and turned the channel. Randy was passed out. I got a couple garbage cans and put one next to each of them in case they had to puke. I didn’t expect either to puke since Brent rarely ever did and Randy had already puked tonight, but I wanted to cover my bases. After all I never expected to have sex with a straight guy, have to give my best friend a shower because he pissed himself, or that I’d have to hold my other best friends hardon to prevent him from peeing on the wall. This whole night was one shock after the other.

I would’ve expected a night that I had had my hands on three cocks would have been more fun. Granted the first was great but the other two were just work and touching friends like that is just not as exciting. I’ll preempt the question that I know many people would ask. Brent hard was probably around 7 inches. First time I had ever gotten a good look, and in this case feel, of one of my friends with an erection. Seen before, yes, but not this much of a look.

I got both of them in bed/couch and all was taken care of so I got in bed and went to sleep.

****************************

After that night, I decided to take a break from relationships. I needed to get over Jon and just relax. This way I could stop worrying about sex and dating and just have fun with my friends.

We finished the school year and then went through senior year. I didn’t sleep with anyone or even date for that year and a half. I was actually really happy with it. Sure I missed being in a relationship and masturbation went into overdrive but I didn’t get hurt and I had a lot of fun with my friends and actually enjoyed my senior year.

Well, actually, during my senior year I joined a few dating/chat sites just to meet people and ended up talking to a few cool guys and avoiding many many others. Chatting was fun though I didn’t do the cam and picture exchange that so many guys wanted. I just wanted to meet people and talk for fun. It was nice because online you can be whatever you want to be. I didn’t lie to people about myself, but if the question came up about ‘size’ I could always say, “oh I’m 7 inches” and they’d never know that I’m more like 5 rounding up slightly from 4.5ish. I never looked to meet anyone or get into a relationship because I thought it would be better to wait until college so I wouldn’t start something and then leave when I go to school.

Brent ended up really clicking with Michele and decided to go to the near by college to be closer to her. Chris and Kristin didn’t work out and he went to school with Brent and roomed together in the dorms there. Randy and I went to another school out of state but close by. The interesting thing with us going to school together was that we applied to room together in the dorms, but when we got there they had a problem. I don’t lie about my sexuality so I answered the forms honestly. The forms asked questions about personality and sexuality and comfort with other peoples personalities and sexualities. They were concerned that it may be a problem for Randy to room with a gay guy. So we had to fill out a ton more paper work that relieves the school of any liability. Basically, Randy was no longer allowed to sue them form making him uncomfortable by making him room with a gay guy. First we laughed at the situation but the paperwork was a pain in the ass.

Anyway, we got to room together in the dorms. They were set up so that lower and upperclassman were together. The building was coed but roommates were not. So we were on the same floor as guys, girls, freshman, seniors, grad students, etc. Each floor had a living area with huge TV and stereo system and also had a big kitchen for everyone to use.

Each room was pretty much the same. Ours was an ok size with two beds sort of in the shape of an L so that Randy’s was against the far wall and mine was on the left size of the room against the wall. It opened space that way so that there was a desk inserted between the two beds so that my desk was right next to my head when I slept and at the top of his bed. His desk was next to his bed and the bathroom. We had our own bathroom to share rather than a bathroom for the floor. We also got a pretty big closet with two dressers. The room was nice and all of them were mostly the same except upperclassman got rooms and a bathroom to themselves so it was nicer. Same size for them but they didn’t have to share.

The policies for the building were pretty lax considering it being coed. Girls could wear whatever they wanted on the floors as long as they had something on in addition to bra and panties so most girls when they were in the kitchen or living area just wore shorts and skimpy shirts or pajamas. Guys had less restrictive rules and had to have something on in addition to underwear so guys could just wear shorts and no shirt. Depending on who was in the kitchen or living area most guys would at least put on a tank or sleeveless shirt, but nobody really cared so shirtless was pretty common.

They put people on each floor based on the personality paperwork so all the people on our floor had no problem with homosexuality and had similar interests and personalities. It was cool because after just a couple months in school we had tournaments on various video games involving guys and girls and also had little parties and ate together quiet a bit. There were around 30-34 people per floor and if we ate together we usually ate in groups of 5-10. There were around 18 girls to 12 guys on our floor. I always wore at least shorts and a tank around our floor while three other guys did the same, the rest of the guys would either sometimes or usually go shirtless. I did not mind one little bit; the girls never complained either.

We all knew each other on the floor but it seemed like it was broken into two groups that got to be closer friends and hung out a lot. As a whole group we didn’t hang out as much and didn’t know each other really closely. All the girls on the floor were straight and the same goes for the guys except me…at first

Now that I was in college, I was ready to date again and though I wasn’t pursuing a relationship aggressively, I was open to one. Randy and I had gone to a few parties and I had met a few guys, but none were my type. I didn’t mind; I was still having fun.

I had one class Tuesday mornings with two athletes one basketball and one wrestling who would go to this class right after morning workouts. I had a very hard time paying attention Tuesdays. One of them wore a cut off t-shirt that was totally open from his arms to his hips making his sweaty chest and stomach totally visible from the side. The other sat just in front of me and had very strong shoulders and well built arms. He had medium length light brown hair and it was always wet from sweating during workout. So every Tuesday I could see a sweaty wrestler’s chest and abs a few rows up and to the right while I could see and smell another guy’s strong back with sweat dripping down his hair and neck. I was always the last one to leave the room, as I needed to conceal my erection each day.

One day in early November, I was sitting in the living area watching TV. The building was pretty empty because there was a campus event on the library lawn and I had already checked it out the day before. So, I was relaxing when Shawn, one of the guys on my floor, came over to me.

Shawn had blond hair and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. He had short hair and a little scruff facial hair when he skipped a few days shaving. He was in a wheelchair but would be about six feet tall standing. He could walk a little bit, but he needed to lean on countertops or whatever was around to keep balance. He was a freshman too, but had his own room instead of a roommate. He was a cool guy and always joked about his wheelchair. He was totally comfortable with answering questions about his disability. At this point everyone on the floor didn’t care about the wheelchair and he was just another guy on our floor. He didn’t get any sympathy from us and no one ever asked if he needed help with anything because most of the time he’d get whatever done before you could even think to ask if he needed help.

“What’s up Shawn?” I asked.

“Nothin much.” He said. “What you watchin?”

“Nothing really, just flipping through trying to find something decent.” I replied.

Shawn rolled up to me with his elbows leaning on his knees turned half way between the TV and me. “You got plans tonight?”

“No, how bout you” I said casually still looking for something on TV.

“Me neither,” He paused a couple seconds, “you wanna go out to eat?”

“Sure, who all’s goin?” I replied as I landed on Comedy Central playing an episode of The Daily Show.

“Oh, no one, I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me” His voice dropped slightly to an awkward, nervous tone.

I turned the TV down and looked at him giving him my full attention now. “Wait, do you mean like” I paused “like a date?”

Shawn had his arms folded in his lap while he was leaning over still facing half way between the TV and me. He was blushing slightly and he quickly replied, “Yeah, I mean if you don’t want to that’s cool. You don’t have to-”

“No, I’ll go out with you” I interrupted. He looked up at me with a relieved look, “I just had no idea that you’re gay.”

“Yeah, well I wouldn’t know that you’re gay either if you didn’t wear that necklace.” He said finally making eye contact still blushing slightly.

“That’s true” I paused looking at him clearly still a little on edge over asking me out “You know, you’re really cute when you’re embarrassed haha”

He smiled and turned bright red as he laughed and covered his face with his hands.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you even more, but I’ve never seen you blush like that and it’s cute” I laughed as he put his hands down and smiled. “So where are we going to tonight?”

“I don’t know, Applebee’s or something. I didn’t really think much farther than asking you.” He laughed.

“Haha, ok, that sounds good.” I laughed. “So, what time do you wanna go, or did you also not plan that?”

“Leave here around seven?” He replied.

“Sounds good to me.” I agreed.

“Cool” he smiled “I can drive us, you wanna meet out here at seven then?” He asked as he sat up ready to go back to his room.

“Yeah, just one more thing” I said before he could roll away. “Are you out at all or do you want this to be secret or what?”

“Oh, it’s cool, I don’t care who knows.” He replied.

“Ok, see you tonight.” I smiled as he went back to his room.

Once he left I texted Randy “I have a date tonight!” and went to our room and got in the shower.

When I got out of the shower Randy had gotten back, “Who? What? Where? When? Why?”

“Can you at least let me get dressed? And what kinda questioning is that” I laughed.

“Well, you can’t just text me you have a date and nothing else. So who is it?” He interrogated as I dried off and got dressed.

“Shawn”

“For real? He’s gay?”

“Yeah” I said smiling.

“When did this happen?”

“Well I don’t know the exact date, but I’m pretty sure he’s been gay for a while”

“Shut up, you know what I mean”

“He asked me right before I texted you”

“Where?”

“I was watching TV and he just came up to me and asked. I felt bad because I didn’t know he was asking me out at first. I thought he was asking me to join a group or something”

“Wow, so where are you going? When?”

“He’s taking me to Applebee’s at seven.”

“Awesome, so is he in the closet or something?”

“No, he said he doesn’t care if people know, he just doesn’t advertise it. I mean I’m the same way other than the necklace.”

“Ok, so it’s ok if I start telling everyone here while you guys are gone?” He asked with a sly grin.

“You should ask him that before you go spreading it around. Plus we don’t know yet if it’s going to be more than one date.” I answered.

“Ok, do you like him?” He continued.

“He’s cute and we’ve gotten along so far. I just don’t wanna get my hopes up. I don’t know that much about him or what kind of boyfriend he is so let’s just wait at least one date before you make me answer all this stuff.”

“You’re boring, I’m gonna text him” He laughed and sat on his bed.

“What the hell, what are you texting him?” I laughed rolling my eyes.

“I wanna know if I can tell people”

“You are such a gossipy chick”

“Whatever” he paused for a few seconds waiting for a reply. “Sweet, I can!”

Seven rolled around and we went to the restaurant. He drove a truck so he could easily lift his chair in and I just sat back and watched him take care of it knowing that I would’ve just messed it up. When we got to the restaurant we ordered and got to chatting.

“So, you do realize that when we get home, Randy will have told everyone.” I said.

“Yeah, I was a little surprised at how quickly he asked me if he could.” He laughed.

“So, since you don’t tell people, does anyone know?” I asked.

“Yeah, I came out to my friends in high school and my parents, but just don’t think much of it now and I guess I just did bother telling anyone here. I guess they’ll all know shortly.” He smiled.

I was looking at him in a totally new light now. He had a very strong upper body with thick arms, strong chest, and strong broad shoulders. His smile was absolutely adorable and I wouldn’t stop looking at his amazingly blue eyes.

We continued talking as we ate dinner. I told him about me and told him about the situation with Jon and when I came out and everything I could think of to say and answered all his questions. “Ok, so now you tell me about yourself. Hobbies? Interests? Old boyfriends?” I prodded.

“Ok, well you know a lot already but I like video games, sports, I play some sports, I am kind of a movie buff and have a bunch of DVDs and love going to the movie theater.” I nodded as he continued “And, well, this is a little awkward. I have talked to a couple guys and sort of dated but not really.”

“Ok.” I paused “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to, but what do you mean sort of dated? What did you do with him? You don’t have to say.”

“Um, I went out with a guy but never really were boyfriends and never even kissed a guy before.” He was blushing again.

“That’s cool.” I paused and smiled “You really are adorable when you are embarrassed.” He laughed.

We paid the check and went back out to his truck. “So was this sort of a date or a real date?” I asked jokingly.

“This was real.” He smiled.

“Ok, good I just wanted to make sure.” I laughed.

Shawn smiled and asked, “So would you like to go out again sometime?”
“I’d like that” I answered.

“Then does that mean you’d wanna be my boyfriend?” He started to blush again.

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

“Yeah” He said softly looking down.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he looked me in the eyes. “I’d really like that.” I leaned in and kissed him. He smiled.

“So that’s two firsts for you, first boyfriend and first kiss.” I smiled “You ready for your first time facing a mob of friends set to embarrass you and your new boyfriend?”

“Is it really gonna be that bad?” He asked.

“Well, they all know about it by now. Randy probably told everyone two minutes after we left. There will probably be a fair number of people waiting for us to get home. They’ll have some comments and questions, but if we’re lucky it’ll only last a few minutes.” I replied.

We got back to our building took a deep breath and went into our floor living area. There were only five people there watching TV: Randy, Melissa, Dana, Lauren, and Jeff. They all turned their heads and smiled at us.

“So, how was your date?” Randy asked.

“It was good” I answered as Shawn got out of his chair and sat on the nearest couch. “So how long did it take you to tell everyone we know?” I asked as I sat down next to Shawn.

“Bout five minutes to tell everyone on our floor and the rest took another ten or so.” He answered with a proud smile.

“You guys just gonna stare at them all night? I mean come on, Shawn is blushing so bad it looks like his head is about to explode.” Jeff said. Shawn covered his face.

“I think it’s cute.” Melissa said.

“Told you.” I said to Shawn. He dropped his hands with a smile.

“Ok, let’s leave them alone and watch the movie.” Lauren said.

We all started watching Tommy Boy. We sat next to each other on the couch with our legs up on the ottoman. Shawn got the courage to put his arm around me and I sank and leaned into his chest.

“Oh my god, that is so cute” Melissa commented. I held Shawn’s hand to keep him from hiding his face again. I was determined to get him to relax and just deal with the comments because they were going to keep coming. His hands were strong and rough from the wheelchair but somehow soft.

When the movie was over the group dispersed and it was just Shawn, Randy and me still in the living area. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone. See ya later”

I just stayed sitting on the couch relaxing in Shawn’s arms “You wanna go to my room and watch a movie?” He asked.

“Yeah” I replied sitting up. He got into his chair and we went to his room. It was the same layout as Randy and my room but he had a double bed and fit a TV in with the extra room from not having a roommate.

Shawn put in Remember the Titans and we got onto his bed. He took off his shoes and lay down and I did the same. I lay down next to him and rested my head on his chest as he held me close. We watched the movie for a little while holding each other when I turned a little and moved up to his lips and kissed him softly as he kissed me back. He pulled me closer and held me as we kissed deeper. My head was flying. He was a great kisser, not too aggressive and not too timid, he moved his tongue with mine gently and passionately. I sucked on his lower lip and he rolled over on top of me and continued kissing me holding himself up by his elbows. We kept kissing until the movie was nearly over and he just held me in his strong arms with my head on his chest and arm around his stomach.

He held me like that until the end of the movie “I should go back to my room.”

“Ok” We sat up and I picked my shoes up off the floor. I leaned in for a kiss goodnight and as I began to pull away he put his hand on the back of my head and pulled me in for another deep kiss then sent my head spinning once more “Goodnight Zac” He said with a smile.

My jaw had dropped and with a dumb smile I said “Goodnight Shawn” I stood up and walked to the door, looked at him with a big smile and closed the door behind me. I walked down the hall and into my room where I closed the door and collapsed onto my bed.

The lights were out but Randy wasn’t sleeping. “You got back late” He teased. I just lay on my bed with a huge smile. “Well, what happened?”

“We went to his room and watched a movie. We made out for like an hour. I’ve never been kissed like that before. It was amazing, I got light headed almost and just melted. Then, he just, held me.” I explained.

“Wow, did you do anything else?” He questioned.

“No, we just kissed and he held me. That was it and my head is still spinning. I haven’t even felt like this after sex or during sex. It was perfect. He just kissed me and held me and my head is still spinning.”

“Yeah, you said that.” He paused “Wow, that sounds intense.”

I got undressed and got into bed.

“Just do me a favor and jack off quietly. I don’t wanna hear that” He laughed.

“I’m not jacking off” I said calmly back to him.

“For real? After all that you’re just gonna go to sleep?” He asked with a confused voice.

“Yeah” I said calmly.

Randy got up turned on the light and kneeled next to me. “Are you ok? You’re just spaced with that stupid smile. What’s up with Shawn? You didn’t look like this after your first night with Jon and you had sex with him. What’s your deal?”

“I’m fine” I said looking up at the ceiling with a huge smile. I looked down at Randy “I’m great, I don’t know why or how but the way I feel from Shawn kissing and just holding me makes me feel amazing. I can’t explain it.”

“Ok,” he said with a laugh and turned the light back out, “goodnight Zac.” He got back in bed and we went to sleep.

******************************************************************************

A few weeks went by and Shawn and I were going out every weekend to a movie or bowling or dinner. We didn’t go out during the week because we wanted to make sure we kept up with classes and I didn’t go to his room to hangout and watch movies during the week either. Friday and/or Saturday we went out on dates or went out with friends and I’d go to his room after to be alone and watch movies, talk and make out.

Winter break had come and I went home with Randy. Every day I talked to Shawn on the phone. I had never talked this much before and gotten to know a guy so well. We told each other our life stories, our interests, fears, family histories, stories from childhood, etc. He told me how he had a hard time coming out to his family and the depression he went through when he was younger dealing with having a disability and being gay and how so many people treated him badly over both. I told him how I came out and about my past relationships. We both got emotional with our stories and we just felt really comfortable talking to each other about everything.

By the end of winter break I really missed him and couldn’t wait to get back to school. We came back right after Christmas so we could spend new years on campus. So we still had another week and a half on break together before school started again. When we got back to our apartment I went straight to his room. He was on his way out to greet me. I dropped to a knee and gave him a huge hug “I missed you so much”

“I missed you too” he laughed, “can you let me go for a second, I can’t move.”

We went to the living area and lay down on the couch. Shawn put his legs up on the ottoman and sat at an angle so I could lay across the rest of the couch and rest my head on his stomach as he held me. We were just laying together for about an hour watching TV when a few people joined us and we all chatted for a little while before the conversation got awkward.

“So have you guys slept together yet?” Dana asked.

“No” Shawn chuckled.

“Really? You’ve been going out for like two months now and you’re always going into Shawn’s room.” She continued.

“No, we just hangout and talk when we go to my room, but we’ve never had sex.” He said. I could hear his heart beating faster as he was getting uncomfortable.

“I’ve never even spent the night with him. I always go back to my room.” I added.

“I can vouch for that. He always comes home every night and I’d be the first to know if he slept with Shawn.” Randy chimed in, “I’m a little surprised though. He’s never been in a relationship this long without sleeping with the guy.”

“Wow, thanks Randy, you make me sound like a man whore. We just haven’t slept together yet, we will when the time is right. So what if it’s been a couple months.” I told them.

Dana hesitantly asked one more question, “Well, Shawn, can you have sex, like does it wor-“

“Ok, that’s enough of this conversation. You guys are getting a little too involved in our relationship.” I interrupted.

“Ok, yeah let’s settle down. She didn’t mean anything. That’s a little too much and Dana knows that, right?” Jeff tried to calm the situation.

“Yeah, I’m sorry you guys. I didn’t think.” Dana said sheepishly.

Shawn held me rubbing my chest a little, “Calm down Zac, it’s no big deal. Let’s just watch some TV.”

The mood leveled and we watched TV for a while before the group cleared a little. Some people left and others came in. Shawn and I excused ourselves to his room and put in a movie. I laid down next to him as he held me and watched the movie for a little while before Shawn interrupted, “Do you wanna sleep here tonight?”

I sat up and looked at him.

“I’m not saying we have sex tonight or anything like that, I’m just saying you could sleep here tonight instead of going back to your room.” He added when he saw my blank stare.

“Is this cuz of what they said out there?” I asked.

“No,” he paused, “well not completely. I guess they just brought up a good point. We have been seeing each other for two months. I’m not saying they are gonna control when we have sex or anything like that, but it made me think that I’d really like you to stay the night. We can figure everything else out later. I’m just asking you to sleep here tonight.”

“I’d love to” I smiled and leaned in, kissed him, and laid back on his chest and finished watching the movie.

When the movie was over Shawn got up into his chair and put another movie on and I texted Randy that I was going to stay there and he shouldn’t worry that I wasn’t going home tonight. I also added that I wasn’t having sex but just spending the night and not to go out and tell everyone.

“You wanna go ahead and get under the covers? I’m gonna put on some sweatpants to sleep in. Do you need some?” Shawn asked.

“No, I can just sleep in these shorts.” I said as I sat up and pulled the blankets down and got into bed.

Shawn went into the bathroom to change. I took off my socks and threw them on top of my shoes. Shawn came out a couple minutes later and turned off the lights again, pushed play on the movie, and rolled over to the edge of the bed. He stopped before getting out of his chair into bed, “I hope you don’t mind, but I can’t sleep with a shirt on.” He proceeded to lift his shirt off. I hadn’t seen him without a shirt yet. I had always seen through his shirt and felt that he had a strong chest but now I could fully see. He was smooth with a little bit of light blond hair starting under his belly button. He had strong pecs that weren’t overly ripped, strong amazing body, he had strong abs but not very visible abs. For reference, his body was built like Tim Tebow is now, very strong stomach and chest without much definition and very strong thick arms and shoulders.

He lifted his shirt all the way off as I looked at his body by the light from the TV screen, “Damn, you are so gorgeous” I said stunned and proceeded to take my shirt off.

Shawn laughed and got into bed with me lifted his legs under the blankets and pulled me closer to him. I put my arm around him and rested my head on his bare chest. He was soft and warm and I could have fallen asleep right then but kept my eyes open watching the movie. When the movie was over he turned it off and we just lay there together. I ran my hands around his body feeling his chest and stomach as my head was now resting on his bicep. I was looking down at my hand grazing his stomach as he looked at me, “You having fun?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I looked up at him with a smile.

He laughed and rolled over on me, kissing me as I moved my hands along his back. He held himself up over me as he kissed me deeply. I moved my hand up his back holding his flexed shoulder and arm. I moved my hand along his arm and back up to his shoulder. I pushed him back down and moved on top of him still kissing before I relaxed on top of him and put my head on his chest and closed my eyes with a sigh.

Shawn pulled the blankets up over us and wrapped his arms around me, “Good night baby,” he whispered.

“Good night” I whispered back and fell asleep in his arms.

*********************************************************************************

Another month went by and now on weekends I spent the night with Shawn, but we continued to keep up with classes during the week and only hangout for lunch and in the living area when we didn’t have work to do. It was February and we had been seeing each other for three months and I was happier than I had ever been in my life.

Thursday night I walked into my room and Randy was already in bed but not sleeping. “Hey, how’s it going?” I asked.

“I’m good,” he said quietly. I got undressed and turned off the light. “Zac…” he said.

“Yeah?”

“How are things going with Shawn and you?” he asked.

“Great, why?”

“I was just wondering, and um, I don’t wanna make you mad cuz I know how you felt when Dana asked that one day, but can Shawn actually have sex?” He asked with a worried voice.

“Of course he can” I said sitting up in my bed. “I mean, I don’t see why he couldn’t.”

“Well, I just thought about it and you guys haven’t had sex yet and maybe that’s cuz he can’t really do much. You know?” He continued with his worried voice.

“Relax Randy, I’m not gonna get mad at you for talking to me about this, I was only mad when Dana said it in front of everyone. You’re my best friend, I tell you everything, so relax.” I assured him while I avoided his comment.

“Ok,” he said with a sigh of relief and walked over to my bed and sat next to me, “so do you think he might not be able to?”

“I don’t know, I mean, we haven’t done anything down there yet and I never really thought about it. It’s not like I just grab his crotch. I don’t think there’s a problem there but I don’t know for sure. I’ve never asked.”

“Well, just hypothetically, what if he can’t do it?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Now I had thoughts and emotions running all through my head. I hadn’t thought about this at all before, I just assumed everything was fine.

“Well, if he can’t have sex then would you have to end it with him?” he asked and began to talk quickly, “I’m not trying to upset you I just don’t want you to get too invested and then get hurt.”

There was a long pause as I calmly realized what my answer was, “No, I couldn’t leave him” I paused, “I don’t care if he can have sex or not” I looked up at Randy as my eyes began to water, “I love him” I said choking up.

Randy smiled, “That’s great man.” Randy gave me a hug as a tear ran down my face. I smiled and wiped my tears. Randy let me go and with a smile and tear filled eyes he got up and went back to his bed.

I laid back in bed with a smile. I was in love. I loved Shawn. I had been in relationships before where I got very emotionally invested, like with Jon, but had never been in love before.

************************************************************************************

The next day I couldn’t stop smiling and that night in Shawn’s room I had to tell him. We were in the middle of the first movie, I looked up at him with a smile, “I love you.”

He looked at me and smiled, “I love you, too” he said softly and kissed me gently. He lifted his hand to my face and wiped my eyes, “Why are you crying?”

“You have no idea how amazing you make me feel. I love you so much and to hear you say you love me too-“

“Zac,” he said with a smile “of course I love you, I’ve just been afraid to tell you. What brought this on?” he asked wiping more tears from my eyes.

“I was talking to Randy last night and he asked me about you and what Dana said about you being able to have sex.” I was talking fairly fast rushing through the story trying not to offend Shawn, “He didn’t want me to get hurt and asked me if I could stay with you if you couldn’t. I never thought about it and I realized I don’t care. I don’t know and I don’t care. I love you so much, that it doesn’t matter.” I paused waiting for a response.

Shawn smiled, “Baby, I can have sex” he said nodding slightly with a tone of voice that made me feel stupid for ever thinking otherwise.

I closed my eyes tight and turned my head away slightly. I opened my eyes looking at the ceiling, “Well I feel like an idiot.”

Shawn laughed, “Don’t, you just made me feel so great that you feel that way” He paused for me to look at him, “I love you”

I smiled and felt a wave of relief fall over me. I was so worried he was offended that I ever thought that. “I love you, too.”

He wiped away my last tears and I laid my head down on his shoulder. “Since we are on the subject, we have been together for a long time” he stopped.

I looked back up at him, “Are you saying you want to have sex?” I asked.

“Well, we have been together for three months and love each other very much. So, I think we should consider having sex.” He paused for a second, “and not just because I want to, but because I can” he laughed.

I shook my head and smiled at his smart-ass comment, “If you are ready then so am I. I don’t want to rush you into anything.”

“Zac, we’ve been seeing each other for three months, we’ve been sleeping together every weekend for the past month, and I’m madly in love with you. If that’s not ready, then I don’t know what is.”

“Ok” I said as I kissed his neck.

“Oh, wait” he paused and I stopped kissing, “do we need a condom?”

“Well, you know my history. I’ve always used one in the past to be safe and got checked regularly. I was tested two years ago and haven’t been with anyone since. And I know that you’ve never been with anyone before, so it’s up to you. If it would make you more comfortable then we should, I trust you” I explained. The mood was diminished by that explanation but it needed to be discussed.

“Ok, I’m good then.” He said with a nod.

I began kissing his neck again. I stopped for a moment to toss the blankets aside and straddled his waist kissing him deeply. I could tell he was nervous because he just laid there with his hands firmly on my waist.

I whispered “Relax Shawn, do whatever feels right and don’t worry about doing something wrong. As long as it feels good to you, then it’s right.”

He nodded his head in agreement and I continued kissing him. He started moving his hands around my back slowly. I sucked on his lower lip as he worked his hands underneath my shorts and underwear. He moved his hands around my ass and I put one hand on the waistband to pull them off. He got the hint and slid my underwear down. I had to stop kissing him to focus on kicking my shorts off and returned to his lower lip. His hands went right back to my butt as I moved to his neck. He ran two fingers along my smooth crack. I began sucking gently between his neck and shoulder while he moved his middle finger down my ass and around my hole. He felt his way to my hole and pushed gently against it. He pressed against it and relaxed a couple times before poking his finger just inside making me stop sucking his neck and breathe heavily.

He recognized this and pushed his finger inside just a little bit and back out. He kept poking in and out of my hole over and over as I softly kissed his neck moaning softly. I couldn’t wait any longer and slid my body down slightly so my ass was now out of his reach. He now moved his hands up feeling around my back as I kissed his chest. I moved to his left nipple and licked around it before kissing and sucking it gently. He was breathing heavier and I moved to his right nipple. I moved my tongue around his nipple again but this time when I touched it with my tongue he exhaled heavy with a soft grunt. I proceeded to suck his right nipple gently and he began to squirm slowly. I continued to work his nipple as I moved my hands to his waist and pushed his pants down. He took his right hand and pulled them down as far as he could while he kept his left hand on my back.

I kissed down the middle of his chest down to his stomach, licking slightly. I slid my body down further and sat up. I looked down at his fully hard penis and was in shock. His length was probably between 6 and 7 inches but he was insanely thick. I moved my hands to his pants at his knees and pulled them off of him and tossed them on his nightstand. His legs had some hair a lot like mine. There was hardly any up by his thighs. He had short blond pubic hair around his thick cut cock. I held him in my hand as I returned to his stomach, his hands on my back. I kissed his stomach and slid my tongue in his naval and then kissed down the little strip of hair.

I lifted up looking at his cock again. He already had precum all over the tip and had dripped down his shaft slightly. I licked his precum up to the tip of his penis and moved it into my mouth. I couldn’t put much inside my mouth because he was so thick. When I put him in my mouth his hands left my back and went over his head. He was panting as I began moving my tongue around his fat cock.

It wasn’t more than a minute after I put him in my mouth when he grunted and body tightened. He began unloading in my mouth. I didn’t have much room in my mouth and tried swallowing but cum still dripped out of my mouth down his shaft. He shot over and over five good blasts then oozed out two more shots worth of cum. I swallowed all I could before licking the rest off of his shaft. I never got more than three inches in my mouth maybe just two inches. He was just too thick to get into my mouth.

He panted for a minute, “Sorry I came so quick, I just never felt that before.”

“It’s ok” I smiled moving back up him and kissing him. My tongue softly against his as he gets a taste of his own cum. I began sucking on his lower lip again when he rolled me over and got on top. He kissed me for a moment and then moved to do almost the same thing that I did to him only faster. He kissed my neck and then down my chest. He licked my nipples and down my stomach. He was going a little too fast since it was his first time, but he knew how to work his tongue. He rolled his tongue around my abs and naval and didn’t waste time putting my cock in his mouth. I’m pretty thick but nothing compared to him and he was almost able to get my entire penis in his mouth. He was inexperienced, but like I said, he knew how to use his tongue. He rolled his tongue around my shaft and tip making me moan softly.

He went at my cock for a little over five minutes before I started to cum in his mouth. He felt me start to cum and he forced his whole head down on me. His face was in my trimmed pubic hair and my cock was at the back of his throat shooting down it. He pulled back and sucked the last few drops up. He climbed back up to me and kissed me. His penis hard again and pressing against my leg.
“You gotta go slow.” I whispered as I turned away from him on my side. He put his arm around me and pushed his cock against my crack. I reached back and guided him to my hole and he pressed against it. He was wet with precum again. He pushed slightly against me like he had done earlier with his finger. I backed into him a little but it wasn’t working. I lifted my right leg and laid it on his legs as he pushed against my hole again. I panted as the tip of his cock was almost inside of me. He pushed again and I whimpered in pain breathing heavy “ahh ahh” and he pulled out of me and I relaxed with a sigh.

“I don’t wanna hurt you” He said softly.

“It’s just been a long time and you are a lot thicker than I’ve ever had” I explained.

“I can’t do it if it hurts you this much. We can try another time.” He said turning me around facing him again.

“Ok, we can try another night.” I said with a smile looking in his beautiful blue eyes.

He kissed me, “I love you.”

I smiled, “I love you too.”

I grabbed the blankets and pulled them up over us. I turned on my side again and he did the same. He wrapped me in his arms holding me tightly against his warm body. Our legs were tangled together, my back pressed against his chest, my butt against his stomach and now softening penis, his left arm straight in front of me for my head to rest on his left bicep, his right arm holding me firmly against him, and his head just above mine as he kisses the top of my head and whispers “Good night.”

We continued to see each other primarily on the weekends all the way through March. I only spent the night with him on weekends but now we spent a little more time together during the week. Classes were going well for both of us so we were comfortable being together more often. I loved the change and I’m pretty sure Shawn did too. We were two months from the end of the semester and would move out of the dorms until the fall.

A few people gathered in the living area to watch the notebook. I was lying on the couch with Shawn and Randy sat on the other side. A lot of people came in and watched some with us but only a few stayed for the whole thing. Jeff and Melissa rented the movie and Dana stayed for the whole thing. I’ll say again that I’m very masculine and people can’t tell that I’m gay, but as you’ve probably figured out, I get emotional easy. I teared up at several points in the movie and Shawn wiped my eyes. He was sensitive but didn’t cry during movies (I’m determined to get him to cry during one though).

“You really crying?” Jeff asked looking at Melissa who was laying on the floor watching.

“This movie always makes me cry. It’s sad.” Melissa sniffled.

“Yeah it’s sad, but it’s just a movie” he laughed, “don’t be such a girl.”

“Umm, she is a girl. Besides, Zac’s crying too,” Dana added as she wiped her eye.

“He’s gay though, no offense.” Jeff replied.

“So is Shawn but he’s not crying, some people just cry at movies.” Randy chimed in.

“So you’ve never cried during a movie?” I asked.

“One, but I was a kid.” Jeff answered.

“Which one?” Shawn laughed interested in what ‘tough guy’ Jeff cried over.

“It was nothing, I don’t remember” Jeff said quietly.

“Nope, you can’t back out now. What was it?” Melissa demanded.

“When Bambi’s mom died.” He mumbled.

Shawn, Randy, and I laughed while Melissa and Dana smiled and said “awwww”

“I was like 4 years old, it’s not like I cry at movies now.” Jeff pouted a little and looked back at the TV.

“Now I gotta find a movie for both you and Shawn that’ll make you cry.” I said. “He’s never cried at a movie, either.”

“Nope, not even at Bambi” Shawn laughed. “Course, Zac cries at movies all the time. He cried during Radio. He even cried during Rudy, and that’s a happy movie.”

“Ok, Radio’s mom died and I cried and Rudy made me cry because he couldn’t get into Notre Dame and then he finally did and then his dad was really happy and then he got in the game. I didn’t cry cuz it was all sad, I cried cuz it was emotional.” I explained. “Can we just finish with this movie?”

“Alright baby, let’s just finish the movie.” Shawn pulled me up a little and held me tight as we finished the movie.

The movie ended and I again had tears in my eyes. Everyone chatted for a little while and Shawn and I went to his room.

“Can I ask you something?” I was laying on his bed and he was in his chair looking at me.

“Of course.” I replied as I sat up a little on his bed.

“Well, you know that we have to move out of here for the summer”

I nodded.

“…and we have to move out until the fall. Well I was thinking about where to live and I found a really nice apartment just off campus.” He said.

“Great so you need help moving in or something?” I asked.

“No” Shawn was holding my hand. “actually I was wondering if you would move in with me?”

“Yes!” I jumped up, Shawn laughed as I gave him a huge hug. “You’re serious right? You want to live together?”

“Yes, I love you and I’ve thought a lot about this. The apartment is great and I want you to come live with me.” Shawn laughed and assured me. “One more thing.”

“What?”

“You’re actually the second person I asked about this.” He continued, “First I asked Randy to see if he thought you’d be interested and asked him if he wanted to live with us in the second room.”

“Really? That’s great, how big is this place?”

“It’s a two bed two bath with kitchen, living room and laundry. The only catch is that we have to move in right after we leave here instead of the beginning of next semester.”

“We’ll figure it out, just shut up and kiss me,” I demanded. Shawn got out of his chair, moved on top of me and met my request.

He kissed me passionately as I moved my hands under his shirt and lifted it over his head. He continued kissing me as he slid my shirt off and reached down to undo my jeans. He pulled them mostly down as he kissed my neck.

Running his tongue down my chest he pushed my legs apart and slid a finger inside me. I began to moan softly as he now had two fingers fucking me while he licked my naval and played with my nipple with his other hand. As I squirmed in pleasure he started sucking my cock. He had gotten very good at this by now and got my entire penis in his mouth. I continued rolling around moving my hips both into his face and into his fingers. He began thrusting his hand fingering me like crazy, my moans getting louder. I had to put a pillow over my face to keep quite.

We had tried several more times fucking me but it was always too painful due to his thickness. He told me he didn’t mind at all because he enjoyed playing with me and I had gotten very good at taking him in my mouth so he said he didn’t need want me to try anal anymore. I was happy to hear that it wasn’t a problem that I couldn’t handle his size but I did miss out on taking it which is something I really enjoy. That’s why he continues to finger me.

I momentarily made him stop and made him turn his body around so his waist was now at the head of the bed and he returned to sucking me and put his fingers back inside of me while I pulled off his pants. I was holding back my moans as much as I could and now I gagged them with Shawn’s penis. Now I was moaning into his cock sucking him ferociously in rhythm with his fingers.

He lasted a lot longer since the first time but anytime I wanted him to cum, I just had to play with his right nipple. I reached down as I swallowed his cock and started to rub his nipples gently. I could feel his body shake and I moved his cock out slightly and sucked harder as I fondled his nipple. He squirmed and uncontrollably shot cum in my mouth. He tightened his body slamming his fingers as deep inside of me as he could and grunted on my cock as his cum dripped out the corner of my mouth. I love that he cums so much. I ate all I could and licked my lips as he proceeded sucking me and the taste of his cum and the thrusts of his hand made me lose control and I started to cum as he swallowed my cock and every drop of cum with it.

We took a shower together and then went back to bed. I snuggled next to him with his arm around me. I rubbed my hand up and down his stomach and chest and played with his nipple making him moan softly. I loved the sound so I continued moving my finger around and across his nipple as he squirmed a little and moaned. He was getting hard again and I got up and straddled his waste. I lowered my head to his chest and just tickled his nipple with my tongue and he moaned louder.

“Stop baby, you’re gonna make me cum again” he whispered as his body squirmed.

I held his body steady as I continued tonguing his nipple. He started to jack himself off with one hand but then I pinned his arms down and returned to licking his nipple. He moaned and squirmed for a few more minutes before he blew his load all over his chest. The first shot hit himself in the chin under his neck and the rest made a line down his body. He grunted and sighed in relief as I sat up with a smile.

“You happy? Now I need another shower.” He said with a half smile that he couldn’t hold back.

“Yup, very happy” My face beamed in satisfaction. “I’ll clean you up” I proceed to clean him off licking up all of his cum.

“You know it’s really not fair that you just pin me down like that when I can’t do that to you” He said with a chuckle as I licked his chest.

“Not my fault you have terrible balance.” I finished licking him clean.

“Yeah well I’m still way stronger than you” He laughed.

“Oh really”

“Yeah”

“Then how come you couldn’t get away?” I provoked.

“Cuz I let you pin me.”

I laughed, “Oh, then how come you just said it’s not fair that I pinned you when you can’t pin me?”

“Oh, I can pin you” He said as he pushed me to my back and rolled on top of me, “I just can’t stay up while pinning you or I’ll fall over. Doesn’t mean I’m not stronger than you.” He got on top of me, held my arms down to my sides over my head and smiled.

“Ok, point taken” I conceded as I tried to get out but was prove that he was strong enough to hold me down, even if he was laying on top of me and couldn’t lift himself up without falling over at the same time. “So you gonna let me go?” I asked.

“No, I kinda like this.” He held me down as he kissed my lips, his tongue penetrating me and mine meeting him. I relaxed as we kissed.

We had been packing all week from Shawn’s room and Randy and my room and had to move it all to our new apartment. Shawn was taking his last final while Randy and I loaded up our rented trailer with the last of our stuff and drove to the new place.

“Randy?”

“Yes?”

“Does Shawn seem to be acting different to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. He’s just been kinda distant and not acting like he normally does.”

Randy continued driving “I guess he’s been a little grumpy or something, but not too bad and I’m sure it’s just finals and stress of moving. Some people just get anxiety over moving.”

“Maybe, but it can’t be the move totally, last weekend when I slept in his room he barely kissed me and we hadn’t even started packing yet.” I said concerned.

“Zac, packing isn’t what stresses people out, it’s the whole concept plus he was probably stressed about finals week. Just relax” Randy tried to comfort me as he parked and got out. We began to grab boxes and carry them inside.

“Do you think he’s having second thoughts about us moving in together?”

“No, it was his idea and it’s not like he came up with it a week ago, it was months. Maybe you should talk to him about this and not me.” We dropped off the boxes and went out for more.

“I have.”

“What did you say?”

“I asked him if anything was wrong and he just shrugs and denies anything.”

“Wow, no offense and I know you hate this kind of stereotype but you are so the girl in this relationship. Before you correct me, I’m just saying that that is exactly what chicks screw up in relationships. They ask what’s wrong and never say what they are worried it might be or what they are feeling. Most of the time, the guy is just stressed or something and doesn’t realize he’s acting that different and when you ask what’s wrong it’s nothing.” Randy explained.

“Ok, that makes sense, the telling him what I’m feeling part, not the I’m a chick part.” I gave Randy a look.

“Haha, Zac, I love you man, and I know that you are not flaming or anything and, no, the average person can’t tell you’re gay, but I know you better than anyone and you fit more of the stereotype than you think.” Randy laughed.

“Oh, and how’s that?” We grabbed the last of the boxes and brought them inside.

“Ok, yeah you don’t have a feminine voice or dress or act feminine, but you do listen to a lot of stereotypically gay music, you love chick flicks, you drool over every cute guy you see, and above all you are way too sensitive. It’s not a bad thing, but they are stereotypes because in a lot of cases they fit and in this case you just gotta talk to your boyfriend and don’t act like such a chick.”

“Alright, whatever” I hated that he was right and he just laughed as we unpacked the boxes.

When Shawn got home we were mostly unpacked except for Shawn’s boxes in our room that we had left for him to unpack so he could put his stuff wherever he wanted.

The apartment was really nice, the two rooms were on opposite sides of the living room and the kitchen/dining area were on the far side of the living room so everything was accessed through the living room. We had a three-person couch and a love seat in the living room facing our entertainment center with TV and stereo and Randy’s video games. Randy’s room was about the same as our old room but it was all his and a bathroom to himself. Our room was slightly bigger with a nicer bathroom and bigger closet. The kitchen was pretty nice with decent space and all appliances and a smaller laundry room attached. We had everything we needed.

That night we were totally settled in and exhausted. We were watching TV in the living room and talking.

“So I’m hoping the walls here are pretty thick.” Randy said.

“Why?” Shawn asked with an curious laugh.

“Cuz I can handle hearing you two but it’s not exactly a turn on if I bring a girl home.” Randy replied.

Shawn laughed, “Well I’m gonna go to bed. See you in the morning Randy.”

“Want me to come to bed with you?” I asked.

“Nah baby it’s ok I’m just really tired.”

“Ok.”

Shawn went into our room and closed the door. Randy and I watched some more TV before going to bed. Our room was black and Shawn was already in bed so I kept the lights off and snuck around to the side of the bed, got undressed, and laid down.

I got into bed with Shawn and snuggled up next to him. He was laying on his side and he turned his head back to me slightly “Good night baby”

I kissed his shoulder and his neck and ran my hand around his chest slowly.

“Baby, I’m tired, let’s just go to sleep.” Shawn whispered and went back to sleep. I conceded and held him as I went to sleep.

“I’m headin out for a couple hours. Ok?” Shawn said tying his shoes.

“Hold on. Can we talk for a minute?” I asked. It had been a couple days since we moved in and Shawn was still acting distant.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Do you still love me?” I asked. I was sitting on our bed in my boxers.

“Of course I do?”

“Well then do you regret us moving in together?”

“No, where’s all this coming from?” Shawn looked clueless.

“For the last week you’ve been really distant and you act like you want nothing to do with me.”

“Zac, I love you. Nothing’s changed. I just get really stressed over finals and I don’t relax until I get my grades back.” Shawn said in a monotone.

“Even when you kiss me you seem like you’d rather be somewhere else or something. You weren’t like that last semester.”

Shawn sighed impatiently “You and Randy went home last semester so you didn’t see me stressing out and we weren’t living together or even sleeping together then. So how the hell could you tell?”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me that in the first place?” I asked standing up about to go to the bathroom to shower.

“I didn’t think I should bother you over it when there’s nothing to it other than waiting until I get my grades. Besides, I’m going on campus to talk to my professors now to see what they are so it’ll be over and we can move on.” Shawn said irritated.

“Fine, go. I just thought you’d be somewhat happy the first weekend together in our new place, but apparently that isn’t as important to you.” I said as I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I heard our bedroom door close as Shawn left.

Shawn was gone for a few hours and Randy and I went out to do nothing in particular. I just needed to get out and do something. I didn’t have a problem with Shawn being stressed and was fine with it knowing that he’d hopefully be better when he got home, but it bothered me that we spent our first weekend living together with such a bad mood.

After a few hours of just bumming around, I got a text from Shawn:

“Where r u?”

“Went out with Randy”

“K, I got my grades. Can we talk?”

“How did you do? Feeling better?”

“They were good but I still feel bad, can you please come home so we can talk?”

“We’re going to go eat dinner I’ll be home later.”

“What time will you be home, I really need to talk to you”

“8”

Randy and I went out to eat and talked. “Well, don’t you think you’re being a little too hard on him? He said he loves you and it’s just cuz of school.”

“I’m not even that mad at him. I understand that he was stressed over classes but he didn’t tell me anything and we spent the first weekend together being totally distant.” I explained.

“Well, just talk to him and move past it. I’m sure he’s fine now and we can all just move on with no problems.” Randy said as we paid the check and headed to his car to go home.

When we got home there was a piece of paper taped to the door that read: “I’M SORRY.” I pulled it down with a smile and walked inside.

“I’ll just be in my room and leave you two alone, see ya tomorrow” Randy said as he opened his bedroom door walked in and closed it behind him.

I walked to our room and another note was taped to the door with the same message. I pulled it down and opened the door.

The lights were all dimmed and our bed was made with Shawn sitting cross-legged in the middle wearing khaki pants and his nicest polo shirt and a sad look on his face.

“I’m sorry.” He said “I acted like a jerk to you and ruined our first weekend together. Today, I couldn’t think of anything else. I talked to my professors and even after I knew my grades I still felt horrible because I let you down.”

I closed the door behind me and walked over to the bed.

“I would’ve made us dinner, but you said you went out to eat with Randy so I thought we’d have some desert.” Shawn said with a piece of cake waiting on the bed in front of him.

I sat down on the other side of the plate from him and took a bite of the cake.

“Can you forgive me?” Shawn asked with a half smile.

“Of course I forgive you.” I said with a smile. He sighed in relief and we proceeded to eat the piece of cake.

“Not to knock you down at all, but you didn’t need to do all this. You just wasted an insanely perfect apology on a really really small fight.” I told him with a grin.

Shawn grabbed the plate and set it on his nightstand out of the way. “Well it might have been small, but I still never should have done that to you. I love you and I ruined our first weekend together. Do you think we can forget it and start over tonight?”

I leaned in and grabbed him by his shirt collar and said, “you are just too perfect” before kissing him softly.

Shawn pulled away for a second, “So is that a yes?”

I smiled, “That’s a big yes, now kiss me.”

He continued kissing me as we laid down on the bed. He lifted my shirt off and I began taking his shirt off when he stopped me, “Hold on, I have something for us. I’ll be right back.” He got up into his chair and went into our bathroom as I took off my pants and waited.

He came back having taken his shirt and pants off “I thought maybe you’d like it if I used this?” He asked holding a certain sex toy we had previously purchased. “I figured it might be better than my fingers.”

“Aww there’s nothing more romantic than a guy getting his boyfriend a sex toy,” I said softly with a smile. We both laughed as Shawn crawled into bed.

He kissed me gently and as we held each other closely he looked into my eyes and I knew I never wanted to be with anyone else. Shawn was the love of my life and we were starting the rest of our lives together.

A few weeks past and we were loving every minute of our summer vacation. I got a part-time job at a warehouse moving boxes and bags around. It was good work with good pay and I definitely got a work out.

I got home from work Thursday and Shawn was in our bathroom. I walked in, got undressed, and turned the shower on. Shawn was brushing his teeth, as he must have just gotten out of the shower.

“I do love everytime you come home looking all sweaty and ripped.” He smiled as I got in the shower.

“Hey baby?” I said from the shower.

“What’s up?” Shawn replied from our room.

“My parents called and said they wanna come see the apartment this weekend.” I figured if I casually told him now it would avoid any awkwardness.

“This weekedend?” He rolled back into the bathroom.

“Yeah, they just wanna see where I’m living, meet you, see the campus, and everything. It’s no big deal.” I answered.

He pulled the shower curtain back a bit so he could look in and talk to me, “Well it’s a little bigger deal than that. I’ve never met your parents before. What have you told them? Do they know we sleep in the same room? Do they know anything about me? Are they ok with me? Do they know we have sex? Do they-“

“Woah, slow down. They want to see the apartment and meet you and go around town and campus. They know about you because I talk about you all the time. They know we live in the same room, they are fine with it, and sorry if I don’t tell my parents about my sex life, ewww.”

“This is a bigger deal than you think, Zac.” He said as I got out of the shower.

“It’s cute that tough guy Shawn is panicking over meeting my parents.” I smiled as I walked into our room and dried off.

“I’m not a tough guy, you make me sound like some thug. Just because I don’t show every emotion on my sleeve and I’m not over sensitive over little shit doesn’t mean I don’t have any feelings. This is a bigger deal to me than you think.” Shawn said seemingly angry.

“Ok, first of all, I never called you a thug or said you didn’t have emotions. I just think you are over reacting. Secondly, I do not get over sensitive over little shit so don’t start labeling me either.” I sort of snapped back as I put my boxers and shorts on.

“I’m not calling you anything either. Wait, fuck that, I’m not falling for that chick move turning the argument on the boyfriend shit. I have a right to be mad that you just sprung this on me.” Shawn was getting really agitated.

“Chick move?!” I raised my voice. “What the fuck is that about? I’m not turning anything on you and I am not some fucking chick. I am your boyfriend just as much as you are mine. Don’t you dare start making this into some fucking hetero bullshit. I’m not your girlfriend, Shawn. I’m your boyfriend. So don’t tell me I am acting like a chick. You wanna be mad at me for springing this on you last minute then fine, but let’s talk about that, Shawn. Don’t be an asshole an start attacking me for anything other than what you are really mad at me about!”

Shawn took a deep breath and looked at me as I put my socks on, “I never called you my girlfriend. I know you are my boyfriend and I love you. I just don’t like the fact that you are trying to make this out like it’s no big deal. I’m meeting your parents for the first time and I really want them to like me. I wish you would’ve told me this earlier.” Shawn was still upset, but cooled off mostly and so did I.

“Ok, I’m sorry I yelled. I should have told you earlier when I found out. I have to go out and meet up with Michelle for a little while, but when I get back we’ll talk about what all we are doing with my parents this weekend and you can ask me anything you want and you’ll be totally great when they come. Plus, it doesn’t matter what they think. I love you and that’s all that matters. Okay?” He nodded; I put a t-shirt on, kissed him and walked out of the room. “Hey, I’m headed out.” I said to Randy who was sitting on the couch watching TV as I left.

Shawn went into the living room and sat down.

“Dude, you really gotta watch those chick comments around him.” Randy said.

“You heard all that?” Shawn asked.

“It’s a nice apartment, but the walls aren’t that thick. I can hear most of your arguments. We all know he is more stereotypical than he looks, but you know how political he gets about it. You can’t call him a chick or he’ll bite off your head. He’s just as much of a guy as you or me, he’s just a sensitive guy.” Randy explained.

“I know all that. I never said he wasn’t a guy. He just has this way of talking that always manages to turn things around on the other person and girls do that all the damn time. I wasn’t about to get blamed for him not telling me his parents were coming.” Shawn replied.

“Well, that’s true. He is a really smooth talker, but didn’t you realize that he said he was sorry for not telling you and you never said you were sorry once that whole argument. A chick would never allow that to happen. You woulda been the only one saying sorry.” Randy answered back.

“You really heard everything?!”

“Yeah and arguments aren’t all I can hear either. Let’s just say that I like to listen to my headphones on certain nights that you two get….uh….romantic.”

“Ok, the bedroom is all clean, the bathrooms are good, kitchen good, living room good. Is there anything else we gotta do before your parents get here?” Shawn was very nervous.

“Nope, they should be here soon and you need to stop worrying.” I assured him.

“For real, don’t worry about it. Zac’s parents are cool.” Randy added.

A knock at the door came and I let my parents in. and got the hugs out of the way, “Hey mom, dad. Come on in. Have a seat. You guys know Randy.” They sat down and said hello as I introduced them to Shawn. It was a little awkward, but my mom did most of the talking like moms tend to do.

“Nice to meet you Shawn. We’ve heard so much about you.” She said.

“It’s really nice to meet you too ma’am….sir.” He was tense but handled himself really well.

I gave them a quick tour of our apartment. My mom wasn’t fazed at all by my living with Shawn or that we slept in the same bed. My dad looked a little uneasy, but he was never very good at these little awkward formalities so I figured it was no big deal.

We all went out to dinner. We sat down and ate and talked, but my dad barely said anything. It was all nods and short answers. He didn’t look angry or upset, he just didn’t talk. When we finished and went back to our apartment, they all went inside, but I stopped my dad outside and asked him to go for a quick walk. The rest went inside and chatted. I told Randy to protect Shawn from my mom’s interrogation.

“Is there something wrong, dad?” I asked as we started to walk around the park near the apartment.

“No.”

“Well, do you have a problem with Shawn or us living together or what because you haven’t hardly said two words to him all night.” I prodded.

“No, he seems like a good kid. I guess I just feel a little weird.”

“Weird about what, dad? I really want you to like my boyfriend…” When I said that he grimaced a bit. “Oh so that’s it. You have a problem with him because he’s a guy.”

He rolled his head around a little bit as he was obviously uncomfortable, “I just never thought about you living with another man before.”

“Dad, I’m gay. You’ve known this for a long time now and you’ve never had a problem before.”

“But it’s real now. Before you were just gay and now you are living with another man…sleeping in the same bed.”

“I’ve had boyfriends before. You should be happy I’m with someone that I love and I’m not going around dating a bunch of other guys getting into trouble. You should be happy for me. I mean did you think I was gonna just stop being gay?”

“No, I know you’re gay and there’s nothing wrong with that. I love you and want you to be happy, but I don’t know how to talk to a boyfriend of my son.”

“I love you too, and thank you. I am happy, but what do you mean you don’t know how to talk to him?”

“Well if you were straight then I’d know how to talk to your girlfriend and say how pretty she is and how lucky you are to have such a nice girl and all that. Even if you were my daughter and brought a boy home I’d know how to act. I’d tell him he better take good care of my daughter and make sure he was good enough for her and make sure she never got hurt. With you, I have a son who doesn’t need protecting and you have a boyfriend who I can’t tell to be good to you or anything like that. It’s just different and I don’t know how to act.” He explained quietly.

“Okay, well that makes sense I guess. You don’t know how to act because you’ve never been taught how to treat your gay son’s boyfriend. Then I guess I’ll just tell you. Treat him how you treat me or how you treat Randy. Just as another guy.” I tried to help.

“But it’s different for you or Randy. I don’t even know what to talk about with Shawn.” He said.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know how to talk to a gay guy.” He continued.

“Ummm dad, you’ve been talking to a gay guy for the last ten minutes.” I replied.

“But you’re not like a normal gay guy. You’re different.”

“Okay dad, I’m going to act like I didn’t hear you just say ‘normal gay guy’ and try to help you understand this again because I know this is still foreign to you.” I said slightly irritated but I understood that he was not trying to be mean, he just didn’t understand. “What you see on TV about how gay people act is not entirely true. Yeah some do fit those stereotypes, but you know that I don’t. Neither do many many many other gay people. To be totally honest, and don’t you dare repeat this, Shawn is more masculine and farther away from the stereotype you see on TV than I am.”

“Really?” He asked with an interested look.

“Yeah, but don’t you dare tell anyone I said that.” I paused and laughed. “Shawn isn’t feminine and isn’t going to talk about fashion or Brad Pitt or anything” he laughed “He loves sports and action movies and all that stuff. He’s just another guy. He just happens to also be my boyfriend. Talk to him like you would any other guy and treat him like you said before. As long as he seems to be a good guy who cares about me and will never hurt me, then you can approve and act like any other dad.”

“Alright, I’ll try my best.”

“Cool, let’s go back inside.”

We went back into the apartment where Shawn seemed to be calm with my mom.

“Hey, you’re back. We were just talking about how Shawn here wants to work in sports radio.” My mom said.

“Really?” My dad asked, interested.

Shawn looked up at me and seemed to get nervous again. He knew why I was talking to my dad and clearly felt like my dad did not like him. I gave him a nod to let him know it was okay.

“I’ll go get us some glasses and lemonade.” I went over to the kitchen as my dad sat down.

“So you want to work for a team or ESPN or another station?” My dad continued.

“Ummm, I’d like to work for a radio station, maybe ESPN and do a talk show and discuss all the sports news and topics and maybe also cover some games play-by-play or whatever else is offered.” Shawn said in a very nervous tone.

“Sounds good, so I got one question for ya. Yankee fan?”

“Hell no!” Shawn said clearly, “I mean, no sir.” He got nervous again.

My dad laughed, “Good man.”

The worst was over at that point. I brought in the drinks and gave Shawn a smirk. I sat down next to him and we all talked for the next hour or so. My dad opened up and didn’t seem awkward the rest of the night and Shawn was able to relax. They left to their hotel and were going to be back in the morning to see campus and whatever else.

The door shut and Shawn exhaled “Holy shit, what did you talk about with your dad?”

“No kidding, I’ve never seen him that uptight and quiet and then you guys come back in from that walk and total 180” Randy added as he carried the glasses back into the kitchen.

“He was uncomfortable because he didn’t know how to act around his son’s boyfriend. He said he doesn’t have a problem with me being gay, just didn’t know how to talk to Shawn.”

“Really, what was he worried about?” Shawn asked.

“He said he didn’t know how to talk to a gay guy,” Randy laughed into his hand as he walked back into the living room and sat down, “He said it was different talking to me because I’m not a ‘normal gay guy’.”

“Oh no, please don’t tell me you attacked your dad.” Shawn said causing Randy to laugh even more.

I glared at them both, “No, I didn’t attack him. I just set him straight,” Randy laughed again, “Oh shut up, I just EXPLAINED to him that the stereotypes weren’t true and that you are just like any other guy and he could treat you the same way he treats me or Randy.”

“That’s great, I was so worried he hated me, then he totally flipped and I didn’t know what to think.” Shawn said.

“Well, I can see where he’s coming from. Apartment with two gay guys in it, odds are one is gonna be a raging mo” Randy said as he busted out laughing. Shawn covered his own laugh with one hand and put the other hand up as if to say ‘I didn’t say it, it was all him’ and I shook my head at him holding back a smirk.

“Do you think it matters if people know you’re gay?” Shawn asked quietly. We were lying in bed. It was probably past midnight and I was mostly asleep in his arms.

“What? What are you talking about?” I asked starting to wake up a little as I turned to face him.

“Does it really matter if people know that you are gay? I mean, as long as you are comfortable with yourself and happy, it shouldn’t mater if anyone knows what your sexuality is.” He said very seriously.

He looked troubled and I was almost totally awake now. “Baby, where is this coming from?”

“Does it matter?” Shawn asked urgently. He was sitting up now.

“I don’t know. It depends on the person. If they can be happy and live their life without it bothering them then I suppose they don’t need to tell people.” I was awake now and getting worried. Shawn looked really upset. He was now sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to me.

“What about you and me?” He asked softer again.

“What about you and me? Everyone already knows about us.” I said confused.

“But would it matter if they didn’t?” He turned his head back slightly as he asked this.

“Well, I have been out for a long time and that’s because I want to be honest with the people close to me. I don’t want to lie to them and try to be something I’m not.” I explained. I had talked to him about this before. I wasn’t sure why he wanted to talk about it again now.

“But gay isn’t who you are. It doesn’t change anything about you. So what does it matter if people see you as gay or straight if you are still the same person?”

“That’s why I came out. It didn’t change who I was and people understood that. Since it didn’t change me there was no reason to lie about it.” I paused. “What is this all about Shawn?”

“I never told my parents I’m gay.” He took a hard deep breath, “I said I told them, but I didn’t. My friends all know, but I never told my family and I don’t know if I can.”

I didn’t know how to react. On the one hand, I was mad that he lied to me about telling his parents. On the other hand, he was clearly upset about lying and even more upset about the issue of telling them. “Ok, that’s fine. Do you want to tell them?”

“I don’t think I can.” He said breathing heavy.

I began rubbing his back, “But do you want to tell them?”

“I don’t know.” He sounded really worried and his breathing increased, “I- can’t- breathe”

“Shit!” I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a small paper bag and held it over his mouth. “Breathe into the bag. Deep breathes.” I held the bag over his mouth as I rubbed his back, “That’s it, deep breathes. Slow. Relax.” He steadied his breathing and I guided him back down into bed. I put the bag down and closed the door before returning to him. “Just calm down, baby. It’s all right if you haven’t told your family yet. You can tell them if you want and I’ll help you. If not, then we won’t. As long as we’re happy then it doesn’t matter.” I assured him as I stroked the hair on his head.

“Seriously, just go to the party. I’ll be fine.” Shawn urged.

We had spent that morning discussing his panic attack over his parents. I didn’t want to leave him alone. Randy wanted to go to a party a few blocks down the street but needed someone to go with so he didn’t feel like a loser. I told him I’d go with him and Shawn would’ve but the place wasn’t really accessible and Shawn didn’t really like parties anyway.

“Are you sure? I’ll stay. It’s no problem for me to stay and talk about this.”

“We’ve talked about it all day. I feel better. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’ll figure it out. Go out. Have fun.” Shawn kept prodding me.

“Alright, call me if you need anything and I’ll come right back.” I told him as I made my way to the door. He nodded and I left with Randy.

The party was busy and loud with plenty of drinks to go around.

“Here, drink up and relax. Shawn will be fine. With all the drama of last weekend’s visit from your family and now this, you need a night to just relax and get fucked up.” Randy handed me a beer in a red plastic party cup.

Drink after drink went by. 10 o’clock became midnight and then one and two. Everybody was pretty trashed at the party. Dancing and drinking non stop. Some people were sitting on furniture or any piece of wall they could lean on. Randy eventually got caught up in various conversations and was now away from Zac. Zac, still in the main living room was completely wasted sitting on a coach. In front of him was a coffee table filled with half empty party cups completely blending in with one another. The room was still fairly full and a pretty tipsy girl made her way to the couch next to Zac.

“Hey, my name’s Kaley.”

“Hi, I’m Zac” He said with a smile.

“You here alone?” She asked getting very close.

“No…I came here with Randy. He’s, he’s my roommate…my, my best friend.” Zac stuttered, once again oblivious to her flirting looks. He reached forward and grabbed what he assumed to be his cup and continued drinking.

Randy was working his way through the crowd when he realized how late it was. The party was just as busy as ever so he had to carefully push through the crowd of people. Eventually getting to the living room where he left Zac earlier.

“Zac, what the fuck?!?” Randy said in shock. Kaley was straddling Zac’s waist kissing his neck and sucking his earlobe. She sat up and turned to Randy.

“Something wrong?”

“Yeah, you mind getting off my friend?” Randy asked her puzzled.

“Why don’t you come back later? He’s busy.” She said.

“I’m not goin anywhere. Listen, I don’t know who the hell you are, but you need to get off of him and let me take him home.” Randy argued.

“I think he’d rather go home with me.” She said quite proud of herself.

“Ummm, I think not.” He leaned in over Zac and grabbed his necklace out from under his shirt showing it to her. “I’m positive he’d rather go home to his BOYFRIEND.” He demanded.

“Fuck.” She got up with a disgusted look on her face. “I just made out with a faggot.”

Randy got down to a knee looking at Zac gazing off with a dumb smile on his face. He looked back over at the girl as she walked away “Get over yourself bitch and watch your fucking mouth.”

“Zac, are you ok? Look at me!” Randy held Zac’s head straight to get him to make eye contact.

“Randy, the room is green.” He laughed.

“Dude, what’s up with him?”

“Jake!” Randy looked up. “Is anyone doing drugs here?”

“Woah dude, keep your voice down. Yeah a couple guys brought some acid. Why?”

“Cuz Zac clearly got some.” Randy shook his head frustrated. “No surprise with all these cups everywhere.”

“Dude, you think he drank a spiked beer?”

“Jesus, you should be a fucking detective! Help me get him home.” Randy pulled Zac up by his arm as Jake grabbed his other arm.

Jake help Randy carry Zac out of the party and to the sidewalk. Then as they started down the street Zac began throwing up.

“Shit.” Jake said jumping back and Randy caught Zac as he began to fall.

“Fuck you dude, you just let him fall.”

“Sorry, I don’t wanna get that on me.”

“Just go back to the party. I’ll get him home.” Randy said shaking his head as Zac continued to spit up on Randy’s shirt. Randy pulled Zac up onto his shoulder and carried him the rest of the way to their apartment.

Randy stumbled in the front door as Shawn was in the living room watching tv in boxers and a tank top. “What’s wrong with Zac? Did he drink too much?” Shawn jumped up into his wheelchair.

“Yeah, and he grabbed a drink that was spiked. Pretty sure it was LSD.” Randy explained carrying Zac into their bedroom.

“Oh my god, is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s conscious and just high off his ass. Can you turn the shower on? He threw up on the way over.” Randy asked and Shawn led him to the bathroom where he started the shower. Randy kicked off his shoes and Shawn pulled of Zac’s shows and socks followed by his pants as Randy lifted him into the shower. Randy held Zac under the water and they rinsed off.

“What can I do?” Shawn said helplessly.

“Can you grab him some clean underwear? We gotta get him cleaned up and dried off.” Randy said as he pulled of Zac’s shirt off. Shawn went out of the bathroom and brought back a pair of clean underwear and a towel. Randy was still fully clothed but had gotten Zac undressed and washed off. He kicked the shower off and lifted Zac out as they toweled him off. Randy held him up while Shawn got the underwear on him. Randy then carried him to the toilet as Zac began to gag. He knelt him down over the toilet as he proceeded to vomit. “Hold him steady while I go change.”

Randy ran to his room while Zac threw up and began groaning in agony. Shawn bent over in his chair and held Zac’s waist for balance. Randy returned a few minutes later dried off in clean boxers and knelt down on the other side of Zac and held him up. Shawn then proceeded to comfort him by rubbing his back.

“We’ll just let him get this out of his system for awhile and I’ll carry him into bed. You can take it from there and just keep a trash can handy in case he needs to puke again.” Randy said trying to map out what the plan was.

“Ok” Shawn said worried. “What the hell happened tonight?”

“We got separated at the party for a while and when I came back this chick was all over him.” Shawn looked up, “Don’t worry, he wasn’t doing anything. She was sucking his neck but he looked too high to even know what was going on. I got rid of her and he said he was seeing colors in the room and one of the guys said there was acid at the party. He must have grabbed the wrong drink and got some. I carried him home right away and he started throwing up on the way.”

Shawn clenched his eyes shut and grinded his teeth in frustration and sighed.

“He’s gonna be fine, Shawn. He just needs to get this outta his system and sleep it off. He’ll be fine in the morning. You know he doesn’t do drugs or anything he just got a little in the wrong drink.” Randy tried to explain.

“I know he doesn’t do that shit. I just feel helpless and worried about him.”

As Shawn was talking, Zac began to pee on himself. “Shit Zac, back to the shower.” Randy said as he grabbed Zac by the waist and lifted him into the shower again as he continued peeing down the drain now. “Do you mind if I sit here?” Randy asked about the shower chair Shawn had in the bathtub.

“No, go ahead.”

Randy sat down holding Zac up on his lap as he wet himself. “Maybe we’ll just stay in here for a little while until he’s ready to go to bed then we’ll clean him up and take him back to bed.“ Randy revised the plan.

“Yeah, I’ll wipe up the floor” Shawn grabbed the towel he dried Zac off with earlier and cleaned the floor where Zac had started to pee.

“I’m going to get both these shorts off if you’re comfortable with that?” Randy checked with Shawn. “I don’t wanna make you feel weird.”

“No, you know I don’t care, but thanks for the concern.” Shawn replied. “I’ll go get both of you some more clean underwear.”

Shawn made his way to the Randy’s bedroom and grabbed a pair of underwear out of Randy’s dresser then made his way back to his room. As he got to his and Zac’s dresser he stopped and sighed in frustration trying to calm down. Anger built up and Shawn proceeded to take a deep breath, swallow hard, and sigh. He grabbed a pair of underwear for Zac and returned to the bathroom.

Zac had thrown up again and was still groaning. “I think he’s done puking now. He’s got nothing left in his system. He just feels like crap.” Randy said.

“Alright, keep him in here a bit longer to make sure and I’ll get him some water to try and sober him up.” Shawn left and brought back a glass of water that he fed to Zac to drink. Zac was responding but didn’t speak much. This wasn’t surprising. When he was sick he didn’t like to talk because it made him feel worse. But Shawn and Randy knew he’d be ok because he did respond to their questions and comments by nodding his head or grunting.

Twenty minutes went by and Zac started to pee again. “Hey buddy, don’t go peein’ on my leg now.” Randy said as he pushed Zac’s penis down with his middle finger and looked away.

Shawn laughed, “Randy, you don’t need to make that look at me.”

“Yeah, well it’s just a little awkward being naked in a shower with your boyfriend and touching his dick in front of you.” Randy explained.

“My boyfriend just peed on your leg, I’m not worried that you’re gonna want to steal him from me.” Shawn continued.

Zac began to spit and asked to brush his teeth. Shawn then grabbed his toothbrush and paste and helped him wash the taste out of Zac’s mouth while Randy held him upright. Randy washed them both off one more time and turned off the water.

“Let’s see, how do we work this? Ummm hand me that towel.” Shawn handed Randy a towel and he put it around his waist with one hand while holding Zac up with the other.

They proceeded to dry Zac off and get the new pair of clean underwear on him. Randy then started to carry Zac out of the bathroom. He passed Shawn and half way to the bed the poorly tied towel dropped and Randy continued on. “Oooo nice ass Randy” Shawn joked.

“Shut up man, this is awkward enough without those comments.” Randy laid Zac on the bed and turned. Shawn was next to him holding his underwear up. Randy grabbed them and proceeded to put them on. “Alright, you got it from here. Yell at me if you need any help. I’m goin to bed.” Shawn nodded in approval and Randy walked out closing the door behind him.

Shawn picked up the towels and clothes in the bathroom, turned out the lights, and got into bed.

“I’m sorry” Zac groaned.

“Don’t be sorry babe. It’s ok, just get some rest and feel better.” Shawn whispered as he held Zac tight to comfort him.

“Hey, how did you sleep?” Randy asked as I stumbled out into the living room.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“Six pm. You had a rough night. How you feelin’?”

“Little dazed but okay. Where’s Shawn?”

“He went to the store to pick up food, I’m grilling tonight. Do you remember what happened last night?”

“I remember being at the party and drinking….a lot….then the room was fuzzy and I saw colors blending and get brighter. What the hell was I on?”

“Some guys had LSD at the party.”

“Great. Then there was some chick that started making out with me. I don’t even remember how she got there. Then I remember throwing up in the shower and that’s it.” I sat down on the couch as Randy brought me a glass of water and Tylenol.

“Well, you forgot most of the excitement.” He sat down, “You puked all over me on the way here then we cleaned you up in the shower, you proceed to puke in the toilet as I got dried off then when I came back you started pissing on the floor so we went back into the shower where you pukes some more and pissed on me. Then we cleaned you up and got you to bed.”

“Sounds fun. How did Shawn react to it all?”

“He didn’t seem to care about the drugs because you didn’t do them intentionally. He also didn’t care about the girl because you were high. He did seem frustrated though. Not sure over what exactly. He was probably just worried about you. You’re fine though so it’s probably no big deal.”

Shawn got home, Randy grilled, and we stayed up until around midnight talking and watching TV. Shawn seemed frustrated and tense all night. Finally, I got the nerve to ask him when we were getting ready for bed.

“Shawn, I’m sorry.” I undressed and was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.” He replied while brushing his teeth.

“Then what’s wrong?” I asked

He spit, turned off the bathroom light and rolled to the doorframe. “Nothing’s wrong. I just have a headache.”

“Don’t give me that, Shawn. I know there’s something wrong and I know how you are when you have a headache. This is not a headache. What’s wrong?” I demanded.

He rolled over to the closet and tossed his shirt in with the dirty clothes. Facing the closet with his back to me he replied, “Figures….you know me and can always come up with a way to help….but when you need it, I can’t do a DAMN thing for you.” He slammed his fist on the wall by the closet. I could see the muscles in his back and shoulders tightening as he stared into the closet.

“Shawn! What are you talking about?”

He turned and pushed to the bed and I turned sitting on the bed facing him. He was completely tensed up with his arms in the air, hands folded on his head. Honestly, he looked really sexy other than his clear anger. “Randy carried you home last night when you couldn’t walk…. Randy held you up in the shower” He swallowed hard taking a deep breath. “Randy made sure you didn’t collapse and took care of you while all I could do was watch. I couldn’t do a FUCKING THING for you!” He yelled as he slammed his fist again on the wall. This time on the wall at the head of our bed and this time making a substantial dent in the drywall.

“Shawn, stop it!” I yelled back. “I didn’t fall in love with you because you can lift me or carry me home when I’m wasted. I don’t need you to lift me into a shower or hold me up when I throw up in the bathroom.”

He looked at me with his fist still pressing against the wall. He appeared to be holding back tears and with a shaky voice asked me, “Then why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you love me?” A tear finally fell down his face. He was still tense and shaking nervously. “Why do you love me when I can’t take care of you?”

I’d never seen him cry and he wasn’t yet. He was fighting the tears with all of his strength and I now knew why he was so tense. He was afraid to cry. He thought he needed to be strong and take care of me. He thought that somehow I wouldn’t love him if he cried and he flexed and tightened every muscle in his body to try to hold in his emotions and tears.

“I love you because you make me happy. I love you because you make me laugh. I love you because I can talk to you about anything in the world no matter how big or small and I know you’ll listen. I love you because every time I’m not with you, I wonder what you’re doing and wish I could be doing that with you. And, I love you for all the reasons no one can explain or possibly put into words, but none of which have anything to do with your ability to carry me.”

He dropped his head slightly breaking eye contact but remained tense. I leaned forward and quietly continued, “Now how is it that you love me? How can you say you love me when you are too afraid to cry in front of me? Shawn, I don’t need you to lift me from the bathroom to the bed. I need you to love me and care about me. I need you to relax and be yourself. I need you to talk to me about everything big or small and never be afraid to show your feelings.” His body started to loosen. “I need you to stop trying to be some tough jackass who puts holes in our walls instead of crying when that’s what he really needs to do.”

With a deep breath, he sighed and his hand fell from the wall. Tears began to pour down his face, “Come here tough guy.” I put my arms out as he got into bed and fell into my arms. His body was covered in a thin layer of sweat from working so hard to hold back the tears.

“I just felt so helpless, like I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me.” He cried.

“Shawn, I didn’t need you to carry me. I needed you to hold me. Randy is my best friend. It’s his job to do all that other crap, but when he got me into bed he left. He knew that there was nothing else he could do for me because at that point all I really needed was for you to hold me and let me know that everything was alright.”

He took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his eyes. “Okay, sorry about the wall,” he said with a smile.

“See, that’s why I love you.”

“Because I punched a hole in our wall?” He laughed.

“No, because you make me laugh. Though I’d be lying if I said your big sweaty muscles didn’t help your case,“ I said with a laugh.

Summer wrapped up quickly and classes began again. We all were pretty busy and had a fairly uneventful semester. Randy and I had one class together and I started working as a waiter at a nearby restaurant, which kept me away from home a lot, but we made it work. Shawn had a class with his best friend from high school and they reconnected so he stayed busy and had another person to hangout with when I was gone.

Winter break came and went. Shawn still didn’t tell his parents he’s gay, but I didn’t hassle him over it. The spring semester started and spring break came just in time. We didn’t actually have plans to go anywhere special. Shawn was actually staying in town because he had work he needed to catch up on and relax a bit and Randy couldn’t get off work. I went to see Brent at his school, stay with him and go to a concert they were having by his campus. I hadn’t seen him in a while so it was great to go out there and catch up.

“So I take it you are fully over Jon now?” Brent asked with a laugh.

“Yeah you’d be safe in saying that.” I answered. It was Wednesday of spring break and I had apparently talked quite a bit about Shawn, but now we had been totally caught up in each other’s lives since going to school. The concert was on Friday and we were now just hanging out until then and I was going back home on Saturday.

The same night, Wednesday, Randy was working late and then going out with a couple friends. Shawn stayed home and had his best friend over for a few drinks and watch some TV and movies.

By 1 AM they were both pretty drunk and decided to call it a night, “Shit give me a hand getting in my chair” Shawn said as Ray got up and pulled Shawn to his feet and guided him to his wheelchair. As he got over his chair, Shawn dropped into it as Ray lost his balance and somewhat fell with him. Shawn looked at Ray and Ray looked back. Ray’s eyes shifting from Shawn’s lift to right eye, down at his lips then back to his eyes as they just stayed still Ray on a knee practically having fallen on Shawn’s lap. They just stared for ten seconds before Ray moved closer and began kissing Shawn. Shawn’s jaw dropped and accepted the kiss as his eyes closed softly. They kissed on and on as they got more aggressive and Ray lifted Shawn’s shirt up and tossed it on the couch. Shawn slowly rolled his chair toward the bedroom and Ray stood up to follow.

They made it to the bedroom and continued kissing as Shawn undid Ray’s belt and jeans. Ray pulled off his shirt and Shawn dropped his pants to the side. Ray began rubbing Shawn’s back as he engulfed Ray’s 7 inch uncut cock. Ray moaned quietly as he felt Shawn’s warm mouth embrace him and his tongue explore his flesh.

Ray felt his precum pour and reached down to his pants pulling out his wallet and grabbing a condom. He pushed Shawn off of him and began kissing him again. Undoing Shawn’s pants and tossing them to the floor, he kissed down Shawn’s chest before reaching his erect penis. Ray briefly sucked Shawn before placing the condom on him and straddled Shawn’s waist. Ray slowly lowered himself onto Shawn as Shawn penetrated him. They kissed passionately as Ray hovered over Shawn rising and falling on him, up and down, over and over. Shawn approached climax and Ray removed the condom, threw it to the side and dropped down to take Shawn’s cum down his throat. As Shawn erupted into Ray’s mouth, Ray proceeded to pump his own cock and unload onto the bedspread. The two kissed once more before collapsing and falling asleep.

Randy walked into the kitchen the next morning to get a glass of water and walked over to the living room. He saw Shawn’s shirt on the couch, picked it up, and walked to the bedroom door, “Shawn, you mind keeping your laundry in your room?” He said as he opened the door tossed the shirt inside and froze. He only stopped for a second before quickly closing the door and going back to his room. Randy only needed a few seconds to see clothes scattered on the floor, a condom at the foot of the bed, and Shawn holding Ray only half covered. There was only one possible explanation and Randy knew it.

“Fuck you Shawn!” Randy said in mid argument. “You tell him as soon as he gets back or I will.” Randy headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to find a place to stay for awhile and see who might have room for Zac when he leaves your ass.” Randy replied.

“You’re not gonna tell anyone?”

“No, I’ll come up with an excuse to ask and let Zac explain why when he gets back.” Randy slammed the door behind him.

“Hey guys I’m back. Thanks again babe for letting me take your truck. Hope you didn’t need it while I was gone.” I said as I walked in the front door.

“Hey man, I told Kelly we’d go have dinner at her place tonight, but Shawn has something he needs to talk to you about so I’ll just wait outside.” Randy said as he walked past me out the door.

“Ok, see you in a minute.” I said a bit confused. “So what’s up?”

Shawn explained the best that he could and I after 20 minutes of argument over his pathetic explanation, the mood started to settle, “Do you love him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wrong answer Shawn”

“He’s my best friend. I didn’t even know he was gay. We got drunk and it just happened.”

“No, it doesn’t just happen. You don’t just cheat.”

“I was drunk, you made out with that chick when you were drunk.”

“Woah, are you fucking kidding me? I was high from being drugged, she kissed me while I wasn’t aware of what was happening and, oh yeah, I’m gay! You just got drunk and were completely capable of recognizing the situation. Then you proceeded to have sex with him. Not only did you have sex with him, but you fucked him. You tell me that you don’t wanna hurt me and refuse, but you have no problem fucking him. Is it me, am I just not good enough for you?”

“Baby-“

“No, don’t call me that.” I interrupted. “I don’t care what you have to say anymore. Cheating on me is unforgivable and you took it to the next level. You have been with him longer than you’ve known me so it was more than physical. Then you had sex with him in our bed. Finally, you turn around and try to blame it on alcohol and accuse me of being just as unfaithful. Fuck you. We’re over. I’m done.”

I walked out the door and walked toward the parking lot. Randy was leaning up against the building waiting for me.

I walked over to him with tears running down my face. He gave me a hug and held me as we walked to his car. Nothing needed to be said.

Randy went back to the apartment to move both of our things out, as I didn’t want to go back there. We moved in temporarily with a couple different friends until the semester was over and we got an apartment of our own.

I was fed up with relationships again. Last time when Jon left, I stop dating anyone. Now, after Shawn, I went onto just giving up on relationship and love. If I fall too easily then start going out and just party it up. I went out to 18 plus clubs and went through a meaningless sex phase.

After a binge of sex had begun, I had turned 20 near the end of the summer and went out to a party. I met a couple guys. One was really cute and we went to a room at the party. Well, it was more of a closet than a room. It was a storage utility room. We made out for a while before he undid his belt and I made my way to his waist. I squatted down, pulled down his pants just enough to get access to his 7 inch cock and inhaled it. I was sucking him for a few minutes and then began to stand back up to kiss him. He didn’t want anything else. He put his hand on my head and pushed me back down to his waist. I dropped to my knees completely. He held my head with both hands now and began grunting. I felt his hands hold my head tighter and he began thrusting his hips. It wasn’t long before he was fully fucking my mouth. I gagged from the force several times but he didn’t stop. His cock plunged down my throat over and over until he pulled my head all the way into his groin and he exploded down my throat. I pulled out and I wiped my mouth as I stood back up. He kissed me again while pulling his pants back up and walked out.

I returned to the party also and met back up with another guy I had been flirting with. Only now I was even hornier as I didn’t get off in the utility room. We talked some more and ended up get pretty plastered and I brought him home. I think his name was Robert. I didn’t get the name of the utility room guy. We got to my apartment and into my room. He was a bit hyper, kind of awkward actually. He got undressed faster than I’ve ever seen. He then proceeded to undress me and furiously kissed my body. He kissed my arms, neck, chest, nipples, stomach, and then got to my cock. He probably made it through all of that just as fast as the list reads.

He may have been high on something because his energy was insane. He began to run his tongue up and down my cock then down to my ass. He began tongue fucking me and his energy paid off. He may have been a bit weird, but he was making me go crazy. He rimmed me for a while before putting a condom on himself and putting his around 6-inch cock inside of me. Again his energy paid off. He began pumping his cock inside of me making me moaning like crazy. He unexpectedly came with no warning then proceeded to pull out, remove the condom, and suck me off, again, furiously. Probably the fastest sexual encounter ever, but not bad. He crashed in minutes like he got his energy from 50 redbulls that all wore off at once.

The next morning he left and I walked out to the living room. “Who was that?” Randy asked.

“Ummm, Roger, no Robert. Yeah Robert.”

“Jesus Christ Zac, you have to stop this shit.” Randy said disgusted. “That’s the sixth guy you’ve brought home since Shawn and I don’t think you remembered any of their name’s. How many guys were you with last night anyway?”

“Just him,” I paused, ”and like one other guy.”

“Let’s just put it all out there Zac. How many guys have you been with since you left Shawn? Ballpark it.” He insisted.

“Ten, maybe twelve. Get off my back, what do you care who I have sex with?” I argued.

“I live here and have to hear you with these guys. Especially the deaf guy you brought home. I don’t have a problem with you having sex, I think it’s good for you to move on, but this is bullshit. Being a fucking slut isn’t helping you get over Shawn. You loved him, he cheated, and you’re self-destructing. I don’t want to see you do this to yourself anymore. I care about you and you’re gonna get hurt even worse if you keep this up. Fuck, have you even been tested all summer? Who knows what you might’ve got from these guys, and for what? A couple cheap meaningless fucks that you never see again? You’re better than that and I’m not letting you do this shit anymore. We’re goin to the doctor tomorrow. You’re getting tested and hopefully you didn’t ruin your life already. From here on, you’re not going out without me or someone else to supervise and keep you from hooking up with these guys.” Randy lectured while I just sagged my head and tears built up.

He was right. I had been with around twelve guys in one summer. Some were gay, bi, and straight. I didn’t remember most of their names. Most of them we just did oral but four or five fucked me. Luckily all were with condoms, but no matter what, I had really fucked up.

Randy had lectured me before, but now he was actually cutting me off from making my own decisions. For that, I have to thank him. I got tested and luckily I made it out clean. I was under close watch after that and I made it through the fall semester without any heartbreak or man-whore moments.

After finals week I went to a new electronics store that had just opened just to check things out. As I looked around one of the salesmen came up behind me, “Gotten over her yet?”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“The girl, have you gotten over her yet?” He asked. He had an interesting accent. It was kind of Irish but not quite. “Sorry, you probably don’t remember me. I’m Logan, I was your waiter a while back. Beginning of the semester. Zac, right? You were pretty upset and I bought you an app on the house.”

“Oh yeah, sorry, it’s just been awhile and….wait, you work here too?”

“Well, I don’t work there anymore. I left when I got the job here. So how bout that girl, you manage to get over her. You were pretty depressing that day.” He laughed a bit to make the question less serious.

“Well, it wasn’t a girl…I mean it was relationship crap. My boyfriend cheated on me, but I am doing a lot better now. Thanks.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you’re uh gay. That’s cool, umm so can I help you find anything here?” He asked awkwardly.

“No, I’m just checkin the place out, thanks though.” I replied and continued to browse.

I wrapped up looking at the store and headed out and into the parking lot toward Randy’s car that I drove out there. I then heard loud footsteps behind me, “Hold on, hey wait a sec.” I turned around. It was the salesman. “Hey, sorry, I wanted to apologize for back there I acted weird when you said your boyfriend and not your girlfriend cheated.”

“It’s alright man, it’s not a big deal.”

“No, well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your ex and I’m glad your doing better.” He said slightly out of breath from chasing me down.

“Well thanks. Don’t’ you have to be inside?”

“Yeah, umm, I hope this isn’t horribly inappropriate, but I get off work at 6, would you like to have a drink with me or dinner?”

I was completely thrown off. “Ummm, sure.” I wrote down my phone number and address and he ran back to work.

“So where are you from, it sounds like a sort of Irish accent?” I asked when we sat down at the restaurant.

“Ireland, but I got my undergrad degree in England so I kind of blended my accent a bit. I came to the States for graduate studies. I don’t really know too many people here.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Well, I’ve been here before during my undergrad for a little bit, but I’ve been here fulltime since August before classes started.”

We continued talking until I got a little confused again and had to ask, “So why did you ask me here tonight?”

“Well, I had seen you once before and when I saw you again today I thought I’d say hi. Then when you said you were gay I kind of froze because it was just unexpected, but then realized that was stupid so I quick caught up to you to ask you here.”

“Wait, I’m still confused. Did you ask me here because you felt bad and need more friends in the States or because I said I’m gay and this is a date?”

“A little bit of both. I thought you were really cute the first time I saw you then when I saw you again I had to talk to you and then you said you were gay and I got nervous. I asked you out as a date, but if that’s not what you want then I would definitely like to be friends. I really could use more here.” He explained.

“Ok, that makes sense then. I’m really not sure that I’m ready to date again.”

“I understand, how long were you together?”

“A year and a half. We lived together for a year. I’m just not really sure if I want to date anyone right now. You are really cute and your accent is amazingly sexy,” I laughed, “but I’m just not ready.”

He smiled, “I understand and thank you.”

He picked up the check and drove me home and walked me to my apartment door. “Well, thanks for coming out with me tonight Zac. I had a good time and I totally understand that you aren’t ready to date again. I hope we can hangout though and maybe someday when you are ready we might try another date?” He asked. I nodded in agreement; he leaned in, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and headed back to his car.

“So, how was McDreamy?” Randy asked as I walked in the door.

“Ha ha, very funny. It’s just not time. I’m not ready for this.” I said walking into my room.

Randy got up and followed me in. “Well, I guess that means it was a date. Did you at least have a good time?” he asked as I had my back to him and sat on my bed exposing my face. “Oh Zac, what’s wrong?” Randy saw a tear run down my face and immediately came to my side and put an arm around my pulling me to his shoulder.

I began to cry as he held me, “I just can’t do it.”

“Do what buddy?”

“I can’t fall in love.”

“It was just one date Zac, he’s not asking you to fall in love with him. It’s just a date.”

“I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” Randy was trying to get clear answers as I just gave tear filled, one-sentence responses.

“I can’t be with him.”

“Ok, if you didn’t like him then that’s ok. It’s not worth crying over.”

“I did like him. I really liked him.” I cried huffing in air after each sentence. I felt like a little kid crying about a scrape, but I couldn’t help whimpering. “He was sweet, and nice, and romantic. He was caring and said it was” paused again to catch my breath “ok if it was too soon and he could wait and be” caught my breath “friends until I am ready.”

“That’s great. He sounds like a really good guy. So what’s the problem?”

“Shawn!” I raised my voice. “I loved Shawn and he broke my heart. I can’t do this again.”

“Oh Zac” Randy took a deep breath hugged me and guided me off his shoulder. “Look at me” I wiped my eyes and looked at him. “You deserve someone who is deserving of you. Shawn didn’t deserve you. Anyone who can do what he did doesn’t deserve to be with you. I know you loved him, but he’s not worth this. You deserve to find someone and be with someone. You don’t need to marry this guy, but if you like him you shouldn’t be afraid to give him a chance.”

“What if he leaves me? What if he cheats on me?” tears began to flow again.

Randy wiped my eyes, “You can’t think like that.”

“But what if he does?”

“If he does then I will be here for you like I always have been. I’m not going anywhere. I love you and I’m here to pick up the pieces anytime you fall. But you have got to move on. You can’t just dwell on Shawn the rest of your life and let him ruin any shot at loving someone else. Besides, it’s not fair for you to judge this guy without letting him prove himself.”

“I know. You’re right, but I just can’t do it right now. I’m not ready.” I laid down on my bed now. I steadied my breathing and was mostly done crying.

“Ok, if you’re not ready then that’s fine. Just make sure you keep in touch with this guy and let him know that. When you’re ready you can try again. Either with this guy or another guy, but you have to move on eventually.”

“I know, I will.”

Randy patted my chest and said goodnight as he went back to his room.

A couple months went by and we were into the spring semester. I had been hanging out with Logan from time to time and kept in touch.

Logan is 24, buzzed light brownish hair with red blended in. He has a bit of scruffy red facial hair that goes from his sideburns all the way across; not too thick and is scruffy but also looks soft. He has blue eyes and his complexion is slightly red like he is always blushing a bit. He has a bit of a tan so he doesn’t look beat red or anything but there is a slight red tint to his skin. He is about 6 feet tall and is a little on the pudgy side. He’s not fat by any means and I wouldn’t even say that he’s over weight, just not thin. He’s pudgy in a cute way. He is insanely polite, a true gentleman. His accent is Irish but also sounds British in many ways and even sounds more British at times and has started to blend some American in. He obviously is a quick learner since he has already picked up American slang in his conversation, but for the most part his language sounds British.

“Hey Logan, what’s up?” Randy asked when he answered the door.

“Hi Randy, how are you? Is Zac here?” Logan asked.

“Good, uh yeah, is he expecting you?” Randy asked.

“It’s cool Randy. Come on in Logan, what brings you here?” I chimed in from the living room.

“Hi Zac,” I love his accent, he says my name like Zawc instead of Zac, “Umm, can I speak with you for a moment?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Logan was sitting in the chair while I was on the couch. He put his elbows on his knees and looked a little nervous or uneasy. “Zac, I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time we go out as friends I want more. I want to hold you. You’re amazing.” I started to say something but he cut me off, “Please, just let me finish. I know you said you aren’t ready to date and I respect that, but I need to let you know how I feel. I love being your friend, but can’t go a day without thinking about you and I can’t help but want more. I want to be with you all the time. Sometimes it hurts. I don’t mean to say I love you or anything that serious, but I do care for you and want the chance to date you. I’ll wait longer if that’s what you need, but I had to let you know how I feel.” He paused, “That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“I really like you and I have been taking my time before dating again, but maybe it’s time. I’d love to go out with you.” I said and his eyes lit up.

Logan smiled the most adorable smile, “That’s great!” He exhaled in relief, “Ummm how about tonight. I can pick you up at seven? Is that too soon?”

“No, tonight’s great.” We stood up and I walked him to the door.

“See you tonight.” He hesitated for a second then moved in and kissed me on the cheek before smiling and walking out to his car.

“Well, that had to be the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

“How long have you been standing there?” I asked.

“Pretty much the whole time.” Randy said with a grin. “So you’re going out with the European dreamboat?”

“Yes. It’s just a date. We’ll see if it’ll work out.”

“Well you know him pretty well. Do you think it’ll work?”

“I don’t know. If he’s as sweet a boyfriend as he is a friend then yeah, I think it could.”

“You ready to go?” Logan asked Zac when he opened the door.

“Yeah.”

“Hey Logan can I grab you for a second?” Randy asked.

“Sure, uh Zac I’ll be just a second. You can wait in my car if you’d like.” Logan said as Zac nodded and walked to Logan’s car. “What’s up Randy?”

“I just wanted to tell you that Zac has been through a hard time after his last relationship. He’s vulnerable and I don’t want to see him in any more pain. So if you hurt him, I will kick your ass.”

“Randy, I’m Irish. You don’t want to pick a fight with me. However, I understand where you’re coming from. I care very much for Zac as do you. I wouldn’t dream of hurting him and if I ever do cause him pain, I’ll let you kick my ass.”

Randy smiled, “Alright. Take care of him. See you when you guys get back.”

Logan smiled and shook Randy’s hand before going out to his car.

“So, where are we going?” I asked as Logan started the car.

“I thought we’d go out to eat then perhaps go to a movie. Just a nice simple date to start.”

“Sounds great.”

We went out and had a good time at dinner. I was still reserved about dating. I was terrified actually. I liked him; I really liked him, but I loved Shawn. Maybe this wasn’t what I wanted. Maybe Logan would cheat, maybe he would just want to sleep with me and be done, maybe he wanted to get really serious really fast and I end up getting hurt again.

He clearly noticed my reservations about dating him. We had fun at dinner and we talked about family, friends, interests. He’s a big football fan, only real football and not American football. He likes American football as well but made a point to say real or American because he was very opposed to saying soccer. He also likes other sports and we shared that as well as interest in movies and some music. He was out to his friends for the most part and his sister but not his brother, parents, or the rest of his family. They are very Irish and very Catholic so he’s afraid to tell them just yet.

After dinner we went to a movie and he held my hand through a lot of it. It felt really good to be held or even touched in an affectionate way again. I never felt affectionate or romantic with any of the guys since Shawn. They were just sex. Holding hands doesn’t seem like much, but just the simple touch of another man is a lot.

After the movie he drove me home. It was about 11 at night and he parked his car. “I had a really good time tonight. Did you?”

“Yeah, it was fun.”

“You seemed a little uneasy. Like you are still unsure. It’s ok if you are-“

“No, I mean yeah.” I cut him off, “I still feel a little weird, but it’s got nothing to do with you.”

“Alright then. Do you want to talk about it? I don’t want to make you upset, but maybe if you talk about how you’re feelin’ you might feel better or at least I’d know what’s going on so I can try to make you feel a bit better.”

I had no intention of talking to him about how I was feeling or what I was thinking, but he was so sweet and so charming I just started to spill, “Well it’s mainly Shawn, my ex. I’m not still in love with him. Maybe I am a little, but it’s nothing to worry about. I want nothing to do with him.” I was rambling pretty quick.

“Woah, slow down. What happened with him? I know he cheated, but what happened?”

“Well, we lived together for a year. Half way through living together he reconnected with an old friend. One week, I went to see a friend during break and Shawn and his friend slept together. I came back and he told me and Randy and I moved out. That’s basically what happened with that.”

“I’m really sorry” He held my hand as he talked, “So is he all that’s bothering you?”

“No, he’s not the problem. It’s what he did and what I did after.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well I kinda told you before that I had a rough time after we broke up.” I paused. “After I left Shawn, I was in bad shape and started sleeping around. I was with a lot of guys to just feel good, but none ever did.” I had tears developing in my eyes. “Randy stopped me as I was getting out of control, got me tested a few times since and made sure I didn’t sleep with anyone and luckily I didn’t catch anything. I must sound like a total loser slut.”

“No, not at all. You were hurt and you lost it for a bit. So that’s what’s bugging you?”

“Yeah, I guess I’m just scared of what this means.” As I said that I motioned my hand to show that ‘this’ meant the two of us.

“Zac, I don’t know what hell you went through being cheated on. I also have no idea what hell you went through after with those other guys. What I do know is that it only makes you human.” He paused for a second. “I’m not Shawn, and I’m not those other guys. I understand that you don’t want to get hurt and I promise you I will do everything I can to make sure THAT doesn’t happen. I would never dream of hurting you, I would never ever cheat, and I’m not interested in sleeping with you and leaving.” He pulled my hand slightly to get me to make eye contact. “I really like you and I’d like to see if this can work. I don’t want meaningless sex or a casual fling or something. When I’m with a man, I want to be truly with him. I’d like to see you and find out if we could be together. I have no intention of getting physical until we know we can be together and really work. I don’t want to use you or hurt you. If this is too soon then I’ll wait. If you need time, you’ve got it. It’ll take everything I’ve got to endure it, but I’ll wait for whenever you’re ready.”

As he was saying all this, I felt calm and the fear of getting hurt faded. He didn’t want to hurt me and I believed he wouldn’t. Maybe it wouldn’t work, but he made me feel like no matter what happens, it won’t end badly. As he continued talking and told me he’d wait for me to be ready, something just came over me and I just said it, “Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you sure? I thought you were worried-“

“I am, but not about you. I wanna try this. I wanna see if we work. Kiss me.”

He put his left hand on the side of my head and face and guided me toward him. He met my lips with his and kissed me softly. His lips were soft and sweet.

He broke away from me after maybe ten seconds of kissing. “How about I walk you inside.”

“Ok” I replied softly.

We got to my apartment door, “I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Alright”

He put his hand on my face and neck and kissed me again briefly, “Goodnight Zac” he said with a smile and walked back to his car.

Two weeks went by and we were now on our fifth date. He made us a romantic dinner at his apartment. He was living in a cramped one bedroom, but he didn’t have to worry about a roommate. After dinner we sat on his couch and watched TV. We cuddled on the couch for a little while before we began to kiss. His facial hair was scruffy but still soft and insanely sexy. As we kissed, my hand began to wander. I felt his arms and back, his chest and gradually I moved my hand to the crotch of his jeans.

He stopped kissing and pulled my hand up to his shoulder and away from his pants. “Not yet,” he whispered.

“Why not? Don’t you want me?”

“I absolutely want you. I just don’t want to rush things.”

“We’re not rushing.”

He sat up and started to explain, “I haven’t been with a man in over a year. The last guy I slept with ended things because it was too fast. We had just met and hit it off. I didn’t know him that well but we ended up sleeping together and the next day he says he doesn’t think we can work, that we got physical too fast and that it couldn’t work out. I felt disgusting. I felt used and dirty. It would have been one thing if we both planned on just some fling but he made me feel like we had a real possibility to be together.”

“I’m not that guy, just like you aren’t Shawn. You know I’m not going to leave you.”

“I know, but after that I made the decision to make sure I was in a serious committed relationship before going to bed with another man.” He waited a second, “How about this. We wait two more weeks and five more dates. If we are committed and serious still then we can talk about taking the relationship to the next level. Is that ok?”

“Yeah” I smiled, “That sounds great. You’re so amazing.”

Logan laughed, “Why’s that?”

“You’re sweet and romantic and you really care about making everything perfect.” We smiled and went back to cuddling and watching TV before I went home for the night.

A week later I got another set of test results in the mail. Clean and clear and since it’d been over 6 months since having sex and had had several tests I was assured that there was nothing to be found. Logan decided that he would also be tested just to be safe and assure me that he was just as clean.

“So another week huh?” Randy asked from the kitchen. I had just woken up and walked out of my room.

“What?” I asked back as I plopped on the couch, legs crossed, and turned on the TV.

“Until you and Logan get your freak on.” Randy said with a devious laugh.

I rubbed my eyes and shook my head, “Whatever perv.”

“Hey I’m not the one hangin around in my underwear.” Randy replied taking a seat on the couch.

“I just got up, give me a break.”

“Just sayin. It’s almost noon.”

“I got home late.”

“Yeah and who were you with?”

“Logan” I answered with a smile.

“Hence the question, you have just one more week, right?” Randy smiled as he had maneuvered his way to winning the discussion.

“Yeah”

“You goin to his place or ours? Cuz I’ve gotten used to the quite at night.”

“I don’t know. We aren’t even necessarily going to have sex. We are just going to discuss it then.”

“Yeah right, you two have been dating three weeks and have been hanging out for two and a half months before that. If you manage not to sleep with him next week then I’ll pay you fifty bucks.”

“I’m not gonna bet you fifty bucks I won’t have sex with Logan.”

“Oh, no bet. I’m so sure you’re gonna sleep with him that I’ll pay you fifty if you don’t and we’re all even if you do. But I know you will.”

“You think real highly of my self control.” I said sarcastically.

“Well, I’ve known you long enough to know that as long as you like the guy and want in his pants, if he’ll let you, you’re getting in his pants.”

“Great, my best friend thinks I’m a slut.”

“Woah, I never said that. I know what you like and I know that you like Logan. And yeah you also like sex.” Randy laughed. My cell phone started ringing Logan’s ringtone, It’s Gotta Be You by the Backstreet Boys, and I jumped up to go answer it. “Wow, that is officially the gayest ringtone ever.” Randy laughed, “Tell Logan I say hi and put some clothes on.”

“Hi” Logan said as I opened the door.

“Wow, you look great. Uh, should I change?”

“No, you look perfect.”

Logan was wearing a nice blue button down shirt with a black and navy tie. His hair looked wet like he must have put gel in it though it. He had buzzed hair so he couldn’t do anything with it but simply make it look wet and spiked. He looked incredible. I was just wearing a polo and khakis. It was a nice polo sure but I looked like crap compared to him.

“So where are we going that you’re looking so nice?”

“Dinner and a movie” He answered.

I was confused by the answer but especially when we pulled into the same restaurant we went to on our first date, “So does this mean we are going to the same movie too?” I asked jokingly.

“No, but the same theater. I figured it’s our one month anniversary, why not mirror our first date?”

“You may just be the sweetest guy in the world.”

“I doubt that, but I do what I can.” Logan smiled as we walked into the restaurant.

We had a great dinner and went to a movie where Logan held my hand the whole time. After the movie we got out around 11 PM and went back to his apartment.

Before he unlocked his door he stopped, held my hand and looked at me. “Zac, I’d like you to spend the night with me. We don’t have to get physical if you don’t want to, but It’d mean a lot if you’d stay here tonight.”

I smiled, “I’d love to.”

We went inside and into his bedroom. I sat on the bed and faced him with my arms toward him to welcome him in. He dimmed the lights and closed the door before walking to the side of the bed and kissed me.

I loosened his tie and began to unbutton his shirt. I got it mostly undone when he lifted off my shirt and began kissing my neck. With one hand he braced himself and the other he guided my back to the bed. Leaning over me he continued kissing my neck and I undid the last buttons of his shirt. He stood up and removed the shirt and tossed it to the side with his tie. He then removed his undershirt.

Logan had a strong thick frame. He had strong pec muscles and strong arms but not ripped nor extremely large. He was strong but pudgy like I had noticed before. Now I could see he was not tubby or fat as I could see where his muscles were but he had some thickness added to him so he was I suppose, stocky. He had short hair in the middle of his chest and a little bit just above each nipple. His hair was red-brown but more brown by his nipples and pits and more red on his chest and under his naval.

He kicked off his shoes and lifted each of my legs and removed mine. He leaned back over me and began kissing me again. I reached down and undid his belt. He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them off of me. I climbed up into bed and he undid his pants and joined me.

He crawled on top of me kissing me as our hands explored each other’s bodies. I rolled him over and kissed down his neck. I moved slowly to kissing his chest and to his left nipple. Licking it softly flicking it with my tongue. His breathing became steep and I proceeded to kiss down his chest and stomach while rubbing his body with my right hand and his boxer-briefs with my left. I kissed down to his waistband where my chin was being poked. I lifted the waistband and lowered it revealing his around six to seven inches surrounded by shortly cut red-brown hair.

I slid his boxer-briefs down his thighs with my left hand while resting my right hand on his stomach. I lowered myself to the base of his penis and ran my tongue up to the tip before engulfing his thick cock making Logan breathe audibly and moan softly. I rolled my tongue around the head and bobbed my head slightly for a while and his moans and pants got louder and steeper.

He grunted and bent his legs slightly making me pull away. He immediately brought me back up to him and on my back. He began kissing me deeply as he kicked off his underwear. “God I want you” He panted.

“You’ve got me,” I panted back.

“I’ve got condoms over here somewhere.” He scrambled to his bedside drawers.

I put my hand on his back “Don’t bother.”

“Are you sure?” he looked back at me.

“Yeah, fuck me.” I panted nodding my head.

He returned to me, kissed me while sliding my underwear down. He got up to his knees and pulled my underwear off and I moved my legs to his sides. He kissed my stomach and down to my penis. He began to suck me as I dropped my head back and relaxed my arms over my head and at my sides. He then lifted my legs up raising my hips from the bed. I then felt his tongue across my hole. I moaned and closed my eyes as his tongue probed around my ass. He spit once and rolled his tongue around my hole once more. He got back up to his knees and lifted my legs pulling me to him. My hips were resting on his legs as he entered me slowly. The tip of his cock was inside me as I grunted and wrapped my legs around his waist.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Uhhh, yeah” I panted.

He pushed his hips forward slowly as I felt him get deeper inside of me. It felt tighter and more painful than with a condom since a condom has lube. It also felt more exciting. He was fully inside me and leaned forward to kiss me. We kissed briefly, he sat up and moved his hips back and forth. I grunted with every slow thrust. He gradually thrust faster and my panting increased with him.

He lifted my left leg up to his shoulder giving him more room to move. I continued moaning with every thrust and his left hand began to pump my cock. Sweat was building on his body and mine. He panted and turned me on my side. He came out f me and turned me to my stomach. He moved up onto me and returned inside of me. I turned my head to the side where we kissed as he slid in and out of me. He then held himself up hovering over my back and thrust fast and faster. I moaned louder and louder with every thrust.

Grunting into his pillow I felt myself being pushed to the edge. “I’m gonna cum” I moaned.

“Alright, I’m almost there.” Logan grunted back.

We turned to the side and Logan continued thrusting inside me as I began jacking myself. He wrapped his arm around my stomach pulling me into him. I pushed myself onto him back and forth. He put his head near mine, kissed my neck, and rested his chin on my shoulder. His scruffy cheek against my neck, It felt amazing. The combination of him being inside of me, his arm around me, his soft/scruffy face against mine; I couldn’t contain myself. It was ecstasy. I grunted hard and cum began to pour out of me onto his bed. As I was cumming he kissed my neck softly and then thrust fast in and out, in and out, grunted and thrust hard inside and I felt his hot cum unload inside of me. He thrust a few more times; each time more cum flowed inside of me.

He remained inside of me momentarily as we relaxed and caught our breathe. His head rest on mine. I put my left hand up on the side of his face stroking his scruff and guiding him to my lips where we kissed again and again.

We got up and went into his bathroom and into the shower to rinse off. We returned to bed and got under the sheets. We left the blankets at our waste exposing our upper bodies as we were still breathing fairly heavy and sweating lightly. We proceeded to make out holding each other’s naked bodies. Eventually calming down, I rolled over and began to go to sleep. Logan laid his head next to mine, his chin and cheek against the back of my neck, arm holding my, and our legs tangled. I took my left hand and hugged his arm clasping his fingers in mine and faded off to sleep.

“What’s this?” Randy asked as I had tossed a 50-dollar bill in his lap on my way to my room.

“You won.”

“It wasn’t a bet, this just means I don’t owe YOU anything.”

“Go ahead and keep it, it was worth it.” I smiled and closed the door as Randy laughed and I took a shower and got dressed.

Randy and I finished up our third year and Logan finished his first year of grad school. We were all renewing our leases so no moving. We could relax a bit for the summer and just work some part time jobs. We all picked up some extra hours but still mostly part time. Logan did go to mostly full time though.

It was mid June and things were going great. Logan and I had been dating for over three months and Randy was seeing a girl named Katie.

I was hanging out with Randy and some friends outside our apartment by the park. Logan walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me “Hey gorgeous” he said with a hug.

“Awww I need an English boyfriend” Laura said.

“He’s Irish” Randy argued.

“Both are sexy” Katie replied.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean” Randy asked.

“Don’t worry, this one’s taken and you’re all I need hun.” Katie smiled.

“Well thank you ladies. I am Irish but I suppose my time in England has made my accent more English than Irish. Can I borrow Zac from you all for a moment?” Logan asked as he pulled me aside when they smiled and nodded.

“What’s up babe?” I asked.

He walked me across the park away from everybody and we sat on a bench. “Next month I’m going home for a couple weeks to see my family and friends.”

“That’s great.”

“There’s more. I’d like you to come with me.”

I didn’t say anything. I was a little in shock I just managed to get out “uhhhhhh”

“I bought you a ticket and I can return it if you don’t want to, but I’d really like you to come with me. It’s only a couple of weeks. We can get a hotel and I can show you Ireland and we can go to London for a few days too.” He paused. “You don’t want to. I’m sorry I brought it up. It was stupid.”

“No no no, it’s great. I’d love to. I’m just surprised is all.” I quickly assured him before he got upset. I really did want to go. I had just never been to Europe and I didn’t expect him to buy me a ticket and everything.

“Really?”

“Yes, I’d love to go with you.” I smiled.

“Alright then.” He looked concerned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing wrong.” He paused. “There’s just one more thing. I planned on telling my parents and brutha that I’m gay.”

“Oh” I got a little worried as well.

“I don’t have to tell them if you would feel uncomfortable, but I think it would make me feel better to have you there with me.”

“No, you should tell them. I guess I’ll just feel a little weird. I’m not gonna get yelled at or something, right?”

“No, my mum doesn’t yell at all and my da is really mellow.” He paused.

“And your brother”

“We may need to bring my sista along for him. He won’t hurt you or anything, but he might get a bit worked up.”

“Ok” I took a deep breath and nodded my head. I smiled, “Let’s do it. As long as you’re there I’ll be fine and I want to be there for you when you tell them.”

Logan had requested off work long in advance. I got off because plenty of people are looking for just summer jobs so I was told that I may not get many hours when I get back until the end of summer.

We arrived in England and then to Ireland. I was nervous and Logan was even worse. We weren’t going to tell his parents right away. First just meet them and let them catch up and then we’d go out and tell his brother first.

“Logan my luv!” His mom squealed.

“Hey mum.” He replied as she gave him a big hug.

“Come in, come in. Who’s this?”

“This is Zac.”

“Nice to meet you ma’am” I said with a smile.

“Lovely to meet you too. Logan you should’ve told me you were bringing a friend. We’ve been painting in the house and you were going to be on the couch. I don’t know where we’ll fit your friend.”

“No problem mum we actually have a hotel nearby.”

“Well alright then. At least let us help you pay for that.”

“Thanks mum.”

We went in and met his father and chatted for a while updating them on how he was doing in school and everything. His parents were extremely Irish and I had a hard time understanding them sometimes. His dad had more of a brownish shade of hair while his mom had very red hair. Logan clearly took after his dad.

We had dinner there and met his brother, Nathaniel or Nate, and his sister, Susan. Both of them take after their mother as they both had redder hair. After dinner we went out with Susan for a little while before going to the hotel to get over the flight. Susan was amazing; she asked me a thousand questions and gave me a huge hug. It felt good that she liked me since so far she was the only one in Logan’s life that knew we were together.

The next morning I woke up refreshed but still not adjusted to the time change. Logan was still sleeping so I was content to lay there running my hand across his chest.

“Good morning” Logan said as he sort of woke up. He rubbed my back with one arm and closed his eyes again slowing getting the energy to get up.

I kissed him and then sucked on his earlobe for a moment. Then I crawled under the covers and slid his underwear down. I swallowed his semi hard cock that became fully erect quickly. As I bobbed my head I ran both hands up his body feeling his stomach, sides, and chest as he moaned quietly. After a few minutes of sucking he ran his right hand through my hair gently guiding my head up and down on him. He began pushing my head down further and I could feel the head of his cock push against the back of my throat causing him to moan louder. He forced me down further and faster as my hands rested on his stomach and chest. I played with his nipple with my right hand as he fucked my face. His hips started thrusting slightly and before long he grunted and he filled my mouth, his cum gushed down my throat. I swallowed shot after shot until he relaxed and finished. I kissed my way up to him. Now he was awake.

I straddled his waist kissing him while my left hand took care of my own hard on. I pumped quickly while Logan reached down grabbing my ass, spreading my cheeks and probing a finger inside. I couldn’t kiss him as I was now moaning so my face went to the side and I was cheek to cheek with him as his finger jetted in and out of my hole and I erupted on his stomach. I rolled off of him to his side panting.

“Alright just let me do the talking. I’ll try to tell him the best I can and my sista will help. We’ll try to tell him as easy as possible.” Logan said as we sat in a booth at a local restaurant. We were waiting for his brother and sister to join us for lunch.

“Ok, so I should say ‘hey Nate, did you know you’re brother eats my ass?’” I joked quietly.

Logan laughed while drinking his water and sprayed some water and immediately grabbed a napkin to wipe his face. “That is definitely out.”

Five minutes later they arrived and we ordered our lunch and talked for a little while. “Sorry again for being late. My bonehead friend Johnny held me up.”

“Oh, I had an ex named John.” I said. Logan hit my lightly under the table. I knew what I had said, but I thought maybe this was a good way to get the ball rolling.

“Wait, you had an EX named JON?” Nate asked for clarification and looked awkward.

“Uh, yeah.” I answered. Susan had a fun smile on her face like she was enjoying the soap opera that was about to unfold. Logan cleared his throat.

“So, you uh, you like blokes then” Nate needed further clarification.

“Yeah, I’m gay.”

“Oh, uh, alright then, cool.”

“Does that bother you?” Logan asked.

“No, it’s fine I guess. I just didn’t expect it. That’s all.” Nate replied.

“Well I’m happy you said that because uh” Logan stopped for a second, cleared his throat, and said it, “I’m gay.”

“What?!” Nate looked baffled and almost sick. “you’re a poof?”

“Hey watch your mouth” Susan chimed in and smacked him on the back of the head.

“Sorry, you’re gay?” Nate looked confused and upset. “And is he your, oh bloody hell”

Logan was slumped in his seat and I held his hand tight under the table.

Susan jumped in recognizing Logan had shut down and didn’t know what to say, “Oh shut up you sodding idiot. You had no problem when Zac was gay and now you’re all worked up?” Susan was the definition of fiery redhead.

“Well before it wasn’t my brutha.”

“Get over it, he’s gay, he’s still your brutha. He didn’t change any.”

“Can you back off a second? Shit, I just need a minute.” Nate Shook his head and paused for a minute. “Alright, so my brutha’s gay.” He mumbled to himself.

“I’m the same person I always was.” Logan finally said.

“Logan, I love you. It doesn’t matter what you do are what you say, I’ll always love ya. This just isn’t something I expected.” He sighed and continued “Zac, I’m sorry if I offended you. As long as you make my brutha happy then you’re alright in my book.”

“That’s betta.” Susan said and patted his back. “So how long have you two been seeing each other?”

“Little over four months.” Logan replied. He was relaxing now.

“Are you living together?” Nate asked.

“No, I live with my friend Randy.” I answered.

“I have my own place.” Logan added.

“And this Randy, is he gay too?” Nate asked.

“No, he’s straight.” I answered.

The lunch had a few more awkward questions but smoothed out and Nate lightened up. He was shocked and was understandably confused but seemed to legitimately be ok with us.

Susan and Nate were also very British sounding and I found out that they all went to high school in England for at least a couple years and have all picked up a blended accent.

I stood in the entrance to the living room with Susan close by and Nate not far either. Logan sat on a couch with his parents on the couch across from him. He had just told them and his mother and denied it. She was in tears and repeated it’s not true. We stood to the side so that they could talk but so we could still be there for Logan.

His father had a stone cold look on his face. I couldn’t tell if he was fuming inside or if he was daydreaming and didn’t even pay attention; there was no way to read the man.

His mother, in tears, spoke again very softly as I don’t think she had ever yelled in her life, “You’re not gay. You’re just confused. God doesn’t want this.”

“I’m not confused mum. I’m gay and Zac is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for months.” His accent really started to come out when he was upset and saying ‘months’ sounded like ‘mumfs’.

“It’s just a phase; you’ll move on and find a nice girl.”

Logan stood up, upset from her disbelief, and replied, “It’s not a phase mum. I love ‘im”

“You what?” His mother asked just before his brother and I exclaimed the same question.

“I love ‘im.” Logan walked over to me and grabbed my hand, “I love you.”

“I love you too” I said back softly.

“Listen mum, this isn’t a phase and I’m not confused. I’m gay, I’ve always been gay, and I’m always gonna be gay. I love Zac and all I want is for you to accept that, but maybe you just can’t do that.” Tears rolled down Logan’s eyes as he walked out pulling me with him.

We made it out the door. Nate went with us and said he’d drive us. Susan was going to stay home and talk to their mom.

As we got out to Nate’s car, his dad came outside “Wait boys.”

“What da?”

“Come here, sit down.”

We walked to the porch and sat down together across from him while Nate stood against a post.

“Logan, you love this man?”

“Yes da.”

“Zac, you love my boy?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then love each other. You’re my son and you mean the world to me just like your brother and sister. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’ll always love you.” He paused as he reminded me a lot of how Nate reacted. “You were dealt a hard hand, born to love another man in a world that’ll have none of it. But you found someone you love and who loves you back. That’s all that really matters.” He took a deep breath. “I love you, your brother and sister love you, and your mother loves you. She’s just spent her whole life in that damn church and they’ve got her thinking that we can choose who we love, thinking some love is better than another. It’s ballsch (crap/bullshit). Here” he reached into his wallet and handed Logan a handful of money, “you boys were goin’ to London?”

“Yes, this weekend” Logan answered.

“Why don’t you boys go there now and stay for a while. Give your ma time to calm down and work this out. Have fun; take your brother. When you get back she’ll be settled down. If you need more money just give us a call.”

“Are you sure da?”

“Ya, go. You’re ma is only this upset because she loves you so much. If this were some other boy she wouldn’t care a bit. That’s how much she loves you. She just needs time to figure out that there’s nothin’ wrong. If Jaysus is any kind of decent God, he’d see that my son is one of the most beautiful, good, and loving people in the world and who he shares that love with is nothing to forsake him over.”

Logan’s dad stood up and gave him a hug, patted me on the back and sent us on our way.

We got in the car and as we started to pull away, Susan bolted out the front door and jumped in to join us “Let’s go boys! A week long party in London!” She exclaimed.

We laughed and Logan smiled a little but tears were still pouring down his face. I held him next to me with his back to my chest, my arms wrapped around him, and I wiped tears from his face.

“Logan, mum will get over it. She loves ya.” Susan said turned to the back seat.

“I know; it’s not just that.” Logan replied.

“Are you cryin too?” Susan asked Nate. I looked up to the rear view mirror and saw Nate had tears building in his eyes.

He quickly wiped his eyes, took a deep breath and denied it. “No, I’m not cryin’.”

“What did I miss?”

“Your dad gave his blessing in an amazing little speech. I’ll tell you later.” I answered.

“Our da? Gave a speech? Oh I’ve gotta hear this.” She laughed and crawled to the back seat with us.

“Hey, watch it! I’m drivin’!” Nate barked.

“Oh shut up and drive.” Susan barked back. “Logan, I talked to mum. She loves you. It’s just the church shat that she’s upset about. Hell, if da is so accepting then there’s nothing to be upset about.”

Logan smiled, “I’m not upset. I’m happy. Mum may need time but I’ve got you and Nate who accept and love me, da who surprised the hell out of me that he doesn’t care one bit and completely accepts us, and Zac.” He turned and looked at me, “I really do love you.”

I smiled, “I love you too.”

He put his right hand on the side of my face and kissed me.

“Hey, no snoggin in my car.” Nate chimed in.

“Oh shut up you wanker, it’s beautiful.” Susan lashed back reaching up and smacking him in the back of the head.

“Come on, those two get love and tears while I get hate and abuse.” Nate whined.

“Ha, so you were cryin!” Susan proclaimed.

“Whatever, he’s my brutha, aren’t I allowed to be happy for him?”

“Of course you are. You’re a sweet brutha and that’s why we love ya.” She replied, leaned forward and kissed his head.

“That’s more like it.” Nate smiled.

“You havin’ a go?”

“No mate, I’m gay. This is my boyfriend Zac. Zac, this is Bruno.” Logan introduced me.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” he shook my hand and looked back at Logan, “well congratulations. I had no idea you was gay. Who all have you told?”

“Uh, just about everybody now. My brutha and sis are over there grabbing a table with Dillon.”

“You told everybody! Well what the fuck?” He said upset but then smiled again, “How’d Dillon take it, you livin’ with him all that time and all?”

“Actually he already knew.”

“You fuckin ass!” he snarled and walked over to the table, “You known Logan were gay all this time and never told me, you fucking twat?”

I really loved the way they swore at each other. It just sounded so much better than calling someone a douche bag.

We had met up with a bunch of Logan’s old friends and classmates. They were all amazing about the news though some of them already knew. I was amazed that no one cared at all and most of them were really excited for him. Even I had some friends hesitate and a few people were turned off completely to the thought of ever speaking to me again.

It was great meeting his friends and family but it was crazy late and we went to check into our hotel.

“Well shit.” Nate muttered when we found out that their dad had booked only one room ahead of time while we made the trip.

“You can’t be too upset, da is paying for it all and he did call ahead so we’d get a room at all.” Susan said looking for the silver lining.

“Alright, I say I sleep with Logan and you sleep with Zac.” Nate said jumping on the far bed to claim it.

“No, you can sleep with Susan and I’ll sleep with Zac.” Logan corrected him.

“Listen, I’m happy for you so recognize that I’d be sayin’ the same thing if Susan was with some guy. I don’t want to hear you two snoggin’ and getting’ busy at any point while we stay here.” He conceded but had to lay out ground rules. “That means nothing goin on in the bed or in the loo.”

Neither of us liked the sound of that but we agreed and one at a time went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Once we all got into bed Nate reminded us of the rules several times while we abided and Logan simply held me without trying anything improper.

“Wake up” Logan said as he tossed both Nate and Susan’s bags onto their bed. We had woken up early and picked up the bags at the front desk of the hotel. Their dad had packed them clothes and basic bathroom necessities and shipped them overnight since we were so quick to leave.

Nate rolled out of bed with a groan.

“You slept fully clothed?” Logan laughed.

“He’s embarrassed.” Susan explained on behalf of Logan.

“Of what?”

“Bein undressed around you.”

“What?!”

“Well not you, but Zac.” Susan laughed.

I smiled and just shook my head as Logan smacked Nate on the back of the head in disgust.

Susan ran in front of Nate “I get the shower first.”

“You shit.” Nate scoffed as the door slammed in front of him.

Logan and I laughed. I laid down on the bed and started flipping through the channels while Logan sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

“What are you so happy about, she’s gonna take forever and we’ll never get out. She’ll take all the hot water.”

“We already showered and are ready to go. You’ll be the last one in there before we head out.” Logan replied.

“Great now I’m definitely not gonna get a hot shower you ass. Wait, you showered separate right?” Nate glared.

“Yes you twat, we followed your stupid rules.”

“Good.”

“Whatever. We’ll be good in bed and will shower separate, but that’s all you get.” Logan said irritated and grabbed my collar pulling me a few inched forward and kissed me furiously. I leaned forward holding the back of his head as our tongues melded.

“I know you’re just trying to gross me out, but it’s not gonna work. I’m happy for you and if you wanna kiss the man you love then go for it. I just don’t want you having sex in the same hotel room as me.” He paused for a second as Logan continued kissing me. “For Christ’s sake you two, don’t you need to come up for air?”

During the week, Logan showed me around his old hangouts and his schools. We said hello to some old professors and friends. We went around London and I just took it all in as best I could. Every night, we went out to a different bar or pub before returning to our hotel room.

The week was up and we were returning to Logan’s parent’s house today. Logan and I had been restless all week following Nate’s rules and couldn’t wait to get back to our own hotel room in Ireland.

“Finally, now I can shower and we can get out of here.” Nate said as he got out of bed when Susan got out of the bathroom. Nate had been last in every day. But now he was more comfortable and was seeping in his underwear rather than fully dressed.

“Nice ass, must run in the family” I snickered as Nate walked to the bathroom and gave me a sarcastic face in response.

“Be nice.” Logan said as he rolled over partially on top of me as we lay on the bed waiting for his siblings to get ready. His head was on my chest by my collarbone as he held me.

I turned my head and kissed him. He sat up slightly to kiss me back and his hand moved up and down my stomach before he put his hand under my shirt and began feeling my stomach and chest as we kissed. I pulled his hand out as it was getting me too excited.

“Alright, you two are absolutely adorable together but seriously settle down until you’re alone.” Susan said.

“What? Why, we’re just kissing?” I asked, confused.

“My brutha is practically busting out of his jeans. Just settle down until you’re alone, then do whatever you want.” She replied and Logan turned bright red and turned his hips to hide his crotch and then hid his blushing face in my shoulder.

“What’s wrong with him?” Nate asked emerging from the bathroom in his underwear still drying the rest of himself off.

“Nothing, he’s just horny.” I laughed. “Ow!” I yelped as Logan jabbed me with his elbow.

Susan rolled her eyes, “Let’s go. Nate can get dressed while we bring the stuff down and check out.”

“Alright, we’ll go back to the house and get unpacked and pick you back up for dinner later tonight.” Nate said as we got out of his car at our hotel.

We rushed into the hotel room and dropped our bags not caring where they fell. Logan grabbed me and kissed me passionately as he pulled my shirt over my head. I undid his belt and pushed him down on the bed. I pulled his pants open and pulled them and his underwear to his knees as I kissed his stomach under his shirt. Wasting no time I inhaled Logan, moving my head up and down, twisting side to side. As precum immediately began to flow, Logan put his hand on the back of my head and began thrusting his hips slightly.

“Agh suck that cock” he grunted as he continued fucking my throat. It was maybe a minute before cum exploded down my throat, filled my mouth, and flowed out of my mouth as I tried to keep up.

Before I could even attempt to swallow all of his cum he pulled me off and threw me to the bed. His softening cock was covered in cum as was the inside and outside of my mouth.

He ripped my jeans off of me and I lay naked before him. He pulled off his shirt and quickly lifted my legs up and gulped my balls in his mouth playing with them with his tongue. I began jacking off as he sucked my balls. He then moved his head down and jammed his mouth onto my hole, attacking my ass with his tongue I gasped in excitement. Tonguing my hole, eating my ass I didn’t last long. His tongue inside me and his scruff against my ass and thigh, I pumped myself and unloaded on my stomach. Logan quickly came up to my cock and sucked the last few spurts of cum and went back to my ass. Rimming me with my own cum briefly before he crawled up on top of me and kissed me intensely as I continued to try and catch my breath.

He didn’t wait. He rolled me on to my stomach, spread my ass cheeks with his hands, and spit a couple times in my already well lubricated hole. He tongued my hole once more before I felt the tip of his cock, still wet with cum, pushing inside of me.

He lay on top of me and whispered in my ear “Are you alright?”

“God yeah, do it.” I managed to say as I panted.

He pinned my arms at my sides as I lay on my stomach. Logan was inside of me and in total control. He began thrusting in and out. I grunted with every thrust, pinned down and being fucked faster and faster. Logan was being rough with me like I’ve never experienced before. He was aware of my mood, he was polite and always asked if I was ok and even did once this time, but we knew each other much better now. We knew when the other was uncomfortable or hurt. I wasn’t afraid; I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but he was getting very rough. I liked it; I loved it. He had me pinned and was thrusting harder and deeper. I was already beginning to regain my erection.

Logan released my arms and grabbed hold of my shoulders and pulled me into him over and over. I was moaning into my pillow as he forced himself harder and harder inside me; cum shot onto the bed sheets beneath me as I bit down on the pillow grunting and moaning and panting louder. Less than a minute later I felt another wave of cum, this time inside of me as Logan climaxed and collapsed.

He fell to the side of me. Panting myself, I rolled to my side and faced him. He was on his back with his arms lying over his head as he panted heavily. Droplets of sweat covered his body, the hair on his chest and underarms looked like he had just stepped out of the shower. I cuddled next to him, kissed his collarbone and down his chest to his right nipple before I rested my head on the middle of his chest taking in his taste and scent while my head rose and fell with his chest to his heavy breathing.

I closed my eyes, getting caught in the moment as Logan ran his fingers through my hair as we continued panting. “I love you, “ he said softly.

I smiled and lifted my head to rest on his sweaty bicep and looked into his beautiful blue eyes. He had a tear roll down the corner of his eye and down his temple. I wiped it away with my thumb “What’s wrong?”

“Absolutely nothin’. I’ve never been happier in my life. I love you so much.” Another tear rolled down his cheek as he turned his head, smiled, pulled me in close and kissed me softly.

“That was pretty amazing” I smiled.

He laughed “I don’t mean that. Well not just that.” Logan sighed, “I mean everything. Coming out to my friends and family, being so accepted and everyone so happy for me and for us. Being able to share this past week with you and show you around and being with you now. I just couldn’t be happier. I just love you more than…more than I knew I could love anyone.”

Now it was my turn to cry as tears fell down my face, “I love you too. I don’t know how. We’ve been together for only four months, but I am so in love with you I can’t believe it.”

He put his hand on my cheek and kissed me again.

“What’s wrong here? I feel like I’m missing something.” I asked Susan. Nate had picked us up at the hotel and brought us to the house but I got stopped outside as their dad brought Logan inside and we all waited outside. I made sure Logan wanted me to stay outside and he agreed and went inside to talk with his parents.

“They just want to talk with Logan alone to work stuff out.” Susan said very evenly.

“Well, it can’t be good. You have no expression and Nate looks upset pacing himself by the car.” I leaned against Nate’s car as he walked around in front of it and Susan was standing next to me. The front door to the house was only ten feet away, but I still couldn’t hear anything. Susan didn’t react to my comment and Nate just kept pacing. “This is really bad isn’t it?”

“We’ll just wait here for a bit.” Susan said.

“If it weren’t bad then you’d correct me so it’s obviously bad. Can’t you at least tell me what you know so I can be prepared when Logan is done in there?” I pleaded for answers.

“It’s bad ok!” Nate said frustrated. “Mum can’t get over it and won’t accept he’s gay. It’s fuckin shit and we’re hopin they can talk it out and make it work ok? We weren’t gonna say nothing til it’s done, but I guess you should know.” He had tears in his eyes and went back to pacing in front of the car.

I looked at Susan. She had an upset look on her face as well and just nodded to confirm what her brother had told me.

We waited for another five minutes before Logan walked out of the house, “Let’s go.”

Nate went straight to the driver’s side and got in the car Susan did the same and I opened the door for Logan. He was stone cold. No emotion just a cold angry look on his face.

We got in the car and Logan didn’t say a word. I let him be so he could work it out and Susan did the same. I thought that he would eventually say something and we could react off of that.

We got to the hotel and into our hotel room where Logan immediately hugged me and began crying uncontrollably.

I held him tight, rubbing his back “It’s ok baby.”

“No it’s not, she hates me. My own mum hates me.” He cried into my neck.

“Don’t you dare say that!” Nate raised his voice. He was bright red and had tears in his eyes. Nate was angry and emotional but he wasn’t yelling at Logan, he was yelling at the situation. “Mum loves you, she’s always loved you and that’s never gonna change. You got that? She just doesn’t understand and it’s shit, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you!” He wiped his eyes and started for the door.

“We’ll be back a little later. We’re gonna get a room in the hotel tonight and stay with you guys tonight but first we’re gonna go home quick. Will you be ok for a bit?” Susan sniffled a little but was probably the most composed of the three.

Logan nodded into my neck and I relayed the message and they left.

“Come on baby. Let’s lay down.” I said guiding him into bed. We laid down and he began to tell me what happened.

It was difficult to make out exactly what happened because of his muffled words as he cried. I concluded that his dad defended him and supports him while his mom basically disowned him.

“Fuck” he cried out “Why do I have to love a man?” He pounded his fist on my chest as he cried.

Tears filled my eyes as I knew he was hurting and I didn’t know what to do and now this was making him hate that he loved me and I couldn’t help but feel hurt. “I’m sorry baby.”

“I hate this” he continued pounding my chest, “I never wanted to love a man.”

My heart was breaking. My chest hurt as if he was jabbing a knife through my chest with his pounds. Physically the pounding didn’t bother me, mentally and emotionally his words hurt worse than anything I’d ever felt. I understood that he didn’t want to be gay. I went through that when I was younger and no one wants to be so different, but I loved him and he loved me and now he was saying he hates that he loves a man and that he never wanted to. He doesn’t want to love me and never wanted to love me.

As my heart was breaking over the way I felt, my heart was breaking a hundred times worse for his pain and suffering over his own mother disowning him because he loves me.

“I’m sorry baby. I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He pounded one last time and then grabbed a handful of my shirt and clutched it tight. “I love you Zac. I never wanted to love a man. I hated being gay all my life, but I love you”

“I’m sorry”

“NO!” he cried, “I want to love you. There’s no one else I want to love.”

The pressure on my heart relaxed but I still didn’t know how to comfort him. I just held him and let him talk about his pain over his mother’s feelings.

“Good, you’re back” Their mom said as Susan and Nate walked in the door.

“We’re not here for long.” Nate grunted back.

“What are you talking about?”

“We’re staying at Logan and Zac’s hotel. We’re just here to pack our things.”

They came down after they had packed up their luggage. It didn’t take long as they had only brought a couple weeks worth of luggage to begin with when they came home from university.

Nate loaded Susan’s things in his car and they were just about to leave the house when Nate couldn’t resist, “How could you do this mum?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Susan joined, “He’s your son, he just wants you to support him.”

“That’s not my son, this is my son,” she said gesturing to Nate.

“How dare you mum? There’s nothing wrong with Logan. He’s my brutha and your son an if you don’t see him that way then I’m not your son either.” Nate shouted.

“It’s unnatural!” She barked back. “God didn’t make him that way. Jesus said so and we cannot accept that choice.”

“Fuck your God!” Susan grabbed Nate to calm him down. “No, let go of me.” He shrugged her off as she faded to the background and watched things play out as her father was doing in the doorway as well.

“If Jesus is the kind of man you say then fuck the sodding prick! I want nothing to do with him. If you and your God can’t accept my brotha for loving a man then forget both of ya. He’s got every right to love and it doesn’t matter who it is. Da can see that, why can’t you? Da hasn’t been diluted by that sodding book or those self-righteous pricks in the church. They know nothing about Logan and I’d expect that shit from them but not you. You should no better” He started toward the door before turning back at his stunned mother, “Logan is my brutha and your son. He’s a good man and I’m damn proud of him. I hope you open your bloody eyes mum. Your son is in love with a man and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that. Zac is a good man and I’ll be proud to call him my brutha one day.” He scoffed at her and slammed the door behind them as he and Susan went to the car and drove to the hotel with their things.

“Where did that come from?” Susan asked as they drove away.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Nate said angrily with tears streaming down his face.

“Logan’s lucky to have you as his brutha. I don’t know if that was the best thing to say to mum, but I’m proud of you for sticking up for him.”

“Alright then, we’re going to bed,” Susan announced. “Take care of him and we’ll see you both in the morning.” The door shut behind them.

They had both been really helpful in calming Logan down. It was now just after midnight and since we were alone, I got undressed and ready for bed.

“You ok baby?” I asked as Logan lay in bed not having moved.

“Yeah, I’m just so confused and tired.” His eyes were wet and his face showed that he had been crying for hours. He had finally stopped before his brother and sister left, but he was still upset. I couldn’t blame him.

“It’s ok baby. It’s hard but you have so much family and friends that support and love you. Your mom loves you, but she just doesn’t understand how to accept this right now.” I tried to rehash what we had been discussing all night without upsetting him again.

“I know. I’m just amazed how I can feel the best in my life and the worst in my life in one night.” Logan took a deep breath and put his hands on his face trying to wipe the evidence of tears away.

I walked back to the bed and pulled off his shoes and socks before moving up to unbutton his pants. “Let’s just go to bed and hopefully we’ll all feel better in the morning.” I got him undressed and laid down with him.

“I can’t believe my brutha told her off like that.” He said looking up at the ceiling while I held him.

I was on my side with our legs tangled, my arm resting across his stomach and chest and my head cradled in between his bicep and pec muscle. “He loves you.”

He just lay there staring.

“You need to go to sleep Logan. You can’t just stay up all night like this.” I told him rubbing his chest.

He rolled me onto my back and rolled on top of me. He lay on top of me with his arms under by back and up my shoulder blades propping himself up with his elbows. He hovered over me and looked my straight in the eyes. “I didn’t mean it.”

“What?”

“I said I never wanted to love a man. I told you I hated that I have to love a man. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know. You told me.”

“But I don’t want you to think I don’t love you or I don’t want to love you because I don’t want anything more than to love you and be with you.” He said stroking my hair. He dropped his head down and kissed me and smiled, his first smile since going to see his mom.

“I don’t want anything else either. I love you.” I pulled him in for another kiss.

He shifted his weight to the bed at my side though he was still on top of me and rested his face in the side of my neck and shut his eyes.

It was the most amazing, traumatic, loving, tearful, happy, depressing trip possible. We returned home and went back to our lives. Logan had a hard time with his mom’s reaction, but honestly took it pretty well. He got back to normal pretty quick after returning to the States.

Classes started and all was well again. It was mine and Randy’s senior year and Logan would be finishing grad school this year.

October rolled around and I was eating lunch after classes on campus. I didn’t normally eat on campus, but felt like a change of pace. It looked like a terrible decision when I looked up to Shawn pushing up to my table.

“Hi Zac”

“Hey Shawn”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“I don’t really think there’s anything to say, but by all means.” I said unenthusiastically while gesturing to the other side of the table.

“I know you’re mad and you have every right to be.”

“It’s been a year. I don’t care. I just don’t want to be around you.”

“Well, I wanted to apologize. I made a mistake and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

“Good.”

“I still love you. I never stopped, and I wanted to beg you to take me back all of last year.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Would you have taken me back?”

“No, is that why you didn’t try?”

“No, I didn’t want to do that to you. I knew I blew it and that we could never get back to normal.”

“No, we couldn’t.” I thought he seemed a little too composed and though it sounded like he was being sweet, I didn’t believe it. “So how long were you with him?”

He sighed, “three months.”

“So must not have missed me too much.” I got all the closure I ever needed. All that time spent in tears and wanting Shawn was gone. He not only cheated on me, but rather than ending it immediately and trying to fix it, he stayed with him. “You can’t have it both ways Shawn. You can’t say that you truly felt bad and wanted me back all while staying with him.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“So why didn’t it work out?”

His head was down staring at the table. “He left me because he was worried I would cheat on him too.”

Ah, beautiful irony.

Nothing else needed to be said about it so Shawn moved on, “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, how long have you been seeing each other?”

“Almost 9 months.”

“Wow, you uh found someone quick.”

“Not as quick as you.” That seemed cold even for me. I tried to settle the conversation and move on, “Listen, I’m over what happened with us. I hated you for a long time and I was pretty self destructive, but I got back up and met an amazing man. I loved you and you broke my heart and for that I can’t have a relationship with you. If you need forgiveness for what you did then you’ll never get it, but I don’t care anymore. I don’t get upset over you. I’ve moved on and you should to. I just can’t be around you because of what you did.”

“Alright. I’m sorry. I hope you are happy and that is works out with this guy.”

“Thanks.”

“So how did that go?”

“It was a pretty dry conversation. He seemed sorry and ashamed but at the same time didn’t really say much so maybe he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to say anything at all. I might’ve been a little mean to make him feel worse about it, but whatever.”

Logan pulled me into him as we lay out on his couch. “You didn’t hit him, did you?” he asked into my ear.

“No” I laughed and he hugged me tight.

“So do you have homework you need to work on?”

“No, just one class tomorrow at noon. Why?”

“Well, I don’t have class tomorrow. Will you stay here tonight?”

“Of course I will you sodding idiot.” I laughed and kissed him.

‘Sodding idiot’ had become one of my pet names for Logan after going to England with him. He likes it but said I can’t get away with it being a pet name when we go to England again. I agreed to use his other pet name in that case and got excited that he expects us to go again. So in the States I can call him ‘sodding idiot’ and in Europe I’ll call him ‘Logo’ which is just a cheesy thing that came to mind tweaking his name just a little.

Spring came and everything was great with Logan. Randy was seeing someone new but I won’t bother mentioning her name because she’s not a long-term type for him, but he seems to be enjoying himself for the time being. I gave it about a month before he’d realize she wasn’t for him and moved on.

Logan and I were moving along in our relationship still living separate. We figured it’s better to see each other and keep things going great rather than rush into moving in. Not that it was a mistake with Shawn because moving in isn’t what screwed our relationship; Shawn screwed our relationship by screwing someone else.

Logan and I really just figured that we loved each other and that moving in wasn’t necessary yet. We could graduate this year and figure things out from there.

Unfortunately the happiness didn’t last forever. Everything was going too well and had to go south eventually and when they did they really did.

“Great, now I won’t fucking graduate!” I yelled.

“You’re still gonna graduate, just not this semester.” Randy assured. “You can take a couple classes in the fall to finish up and graduate in December. It’s not a big deal. I bet you can even get them to let you be in the graduation ceremony and just not get your degree until after you officially finish up in the fall.”

“Maybe your right, but what am I gonna do all summer and fall. You’re gonna go out and get a job and Logan will move on and I’ll be stuck in this shit hole going to class.” I said frustrated.

“I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ll still live here with you while I look for a job and keep working my current job to pay rent,” Randy explained calming me down, “and I’m sure Logan isn’t going anywhere either. Talk to him about it and go back to your advisor and get it all sorted out. It’s not the end of the world.”

I took his advice and calmed down. My degree was tweaked and I was somehow missing some credits and would need to take two more classes that slipped through the cracks. Logan confirmed Randy’s claim and said he’d extend his lease through December and we’d work everything out. They would keep their jobs and push back going into the real world for another few months. Neither seemed too disappointed to push off the real world so that calmed me down.

I didn’t see Logan all week as I tried to work out my plans. My advisor managed to get me permission to participate in graduation in the spring before I actually would graduate in the fall. She said that because of my record and that it was a mistake not caused by me that they would make the exception and they apologized for the inconvenience. Now if only they would apologize by giving me as discount in tuition. That didn’t happen.

I felt better and Friday rolled around and I was exhausted from all the running around getting things sorted. I got to my apartment and was about to sit down to relax when I got a frantic phone call.

“Zac! Is that you honey?!” My mom exclaimed.

“Yeah mom, calm down, I can barely hear you through the phone.”

“You need to come home! Come to the hospital. It’s your father, he had a heart attack we’re going there right now!”

“I’m on my way.” I hung up before I said anything else. “Randy, I’m taking your car! My dad’s in the hospital, had a heart attack.” I grabbed his keys and slammed the door before he could respond.

I drove home. It’s a few hours but feels longer when panicked. Randy texted me I could keep his car for the weekend if I needed.

I got to the hospital and met my mom there. She was not crying but her face was red as though she had been the entire time I was on the road and just ran out of fluids to cry.

Seeing her like that made the tears pour down my face, “No.” I shook my head starting to cry.

“No honey we don’t know yet.” She quickly corrected me as her look had given the impression my dad was dead.

“Where is he? What happened? When can we see him?”

“He’s just out of surgery. He just collapsed at home and the ambulance rushed him here. The doctors said it’ll be a little while longer and they’ll come get us when we can see him.” She explained as she hugged me.

It was 7 PM and we waited until 11 before the doctor came by and explained what happened. I didn’t make much sense of all the medical stuff or what they did in surgery but he was stable now and they would keep him over a couple nights for monitoring and testing to see what else they may need to do before officially releasing him.

He was awake at midnight and I went to see him. He talked with mom for a few minutes and she then left to talk to the nurse as I went up to talk to him. “How you feeling dad?”

“Like the 86 Sox but at least I made it out alive.”

I laughed and wiped away my tears. We talked for a couple minutes. He was really groggy from the drugs so I tried not to talk to him too much.

“How’s everything with you and Shawn?”

“I’m not with Shawn anymore dad, remember? I’m seeing Logan now.”

“Oh that’s right, that prick-“ His monitors elevated slightly as he got angry.

“It’s ok dad, that was a long time ago.” I said holding his hand. “I’m really happy now with Logan.”

His monitors went back down to normal. “I’m sorry son.”

“About what dad?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t do better with you and your sexuality.”

“Dad-“

“No, let me talk. I love you. I might not have always been supportive of your sexuality or understood how to handle it but I want you to be happy. If being with a man makes you happy then do it. As long as Logan does right by you then that’s all I can ask.”

“Thanks dad but please don’t talk like that.” I said as tears began to build up again.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re dying and you need to resolve something.”

“Oh I’m not dying like this. I just realized that eventually I will be gone and I need you to know that even though I may not always know what to say to you about your boyfriends and your love life, I really am ok with it and I love you.”

My mom came in and sat down with us. We talked a little more before the medication made him really tired and he went to sleep. My mom got the nurse to bring in a cot for her to stay the night there. She told me that I could stay in the house if I wanted or I could go back to campus and she would call me tomorrow and keep me updated with everything. I decided I’d go crazy in the hospital or at the house so I drove back to campus and would come back to visit throughout the week.

It was almost 4 AM when I got back in town and felt scared and emotional from the night so I drove to Logan’s apartment. I hadn’t told him about any of this night because I was in so much shock myself, but I knew he’d understand and I knew I’d feel much better if I could go to sleep in his arms.

I parked Randy’s car and walked up to Logan’s door. I had an extra key but didn’t think to use it and it might freak him out to have someone just come into his room at 4 in the morning. I knocked on the door and heard movement inside. I could feel my face was still marked from the tears. The door unlocked and opened in front of me.

The door opened to a half naked man “Who the fuck are you!?” I exclaimed as I looked at him. He looked exhausted and sweating. I stepped back before quickly turning and running back to the car. I got in and banged my head on the wheel. “FUCK FUCK FUCK” I screamed with every slam; tears pouring down my face. “How could he do this to me? Not now! Not tonight! Not Logan! He promised!” I cried.

I continued to cry into the steering wheel as I started the car. Before I could put it into reverse, Logan came running into the parking lot in his boxer-briefs. He slammed his body into the door “It’s not what you think!”

I opened the door.

“He’s a friend of mine who got drunk so I told him he could sleep on my couch. He answered the door like an idiot because he’s drunk.”

“Then why was he naked and sweating!?” I cried.

“Because he’s drunk! I swear to the god you don’t even believe in that I did not do anything with him. He’s just wasted and I couldn’t let him drive. I promise you that’s it. He likes women and I love you!” He exclaimed.

I wiped my tears and pulled him partly into the car in a hug. I was way to emotional right now to deal with that and probably freaked out prematurely just from all the stress.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you he was staying over but I didn’t think you were coming over this late at night.” He said as I held him tight. “Baby, can we go inside? I’m fucking freezing out here.”

It had to be no warmer than 40 degrees out. We quickly went into his apartment where his friend was sprawled out on the couch passed out again. We went into his room where we got under the covers to warm up and I told him what had happened.

“I’m sorry baby, but everything seems alright now. You’re dad is ok and we got everything figured out for the fall and I absolutely would never cheat on you.” Logan said, holding me as we lay on our sides.

“I know, I’m just scared.” I responded softly.

“Scared of what?”

“Everything I guess. Life has been amazing and the last week and tonight especially just made me realize that everything can come to a crashing stop at anytime.” I paused as Logan began stroking my hair. “Something can change at random that changes our future. This time it just set us back until the end of the year but next time could be worse. My dad could’ve died tonight. You could’ve-“

“No I couldn’t. I love you.”

“I know, but-“

“No” Logan stopped me, “I-Love-You” he said slowly. “There’s nothing that will change that and I could never do anything to hurt you.”

I sighed, “I love you too.”

“Go to sleep baby. Relax and we’ll both visit your dad tomorrow and just put all this mess behind us.”

The rest of the year managed to be anticlimactic and we celebrated graduation with family and friends even though I was not officially graduating. My dad was healthy as the heart attack was not based on his lifestyle but rather his heart and they fixed it through surgery. So now everything appeared to be great.

We celebrated on campus with everyone before Logan and I went home with my parents to have dinner and more formally introduce them to Logan. They had met him a couple times but didn’t actually sit down and interrogate him.

“So Logan, what are you planning on doing now that you have graduated?” My dad asked.

“Well, I’ll be staying in my apartment through the year while Zac finishes his degree then we will see. I’m not too worried about finding employment, but I don’t know where it will take me.”

“Where would you like to work?”

“Well I will be sending out applications in the fall and will look to work in public relations and advertising. I hope to work for an athletic team, but that is just a dream and is very difficult to go into.”

“Interesting. So why is it that you are waiting until the fall?”

“I get to take a little time off after school and be with Zac.”

Dad was feeling him out. He had already been very polite and said he liked Logan, but now he was seeing if he would slip up or something.

My mom interrupted the interrogation to start her own, “So when did you two meet? Was it love at first sight?”

Logan laughed at her gossipy tone, “Well it was pretty close for me. I don’t know about Zac.” He looked at me with a questioning look.

I bit my lower lip not knowing how to react, but my mom saved me by jumping at the comment, “Oh do tell!” She was like a teenage girl.

“Well I actually was working as a waiter and Zac came in alone and looked rather upset. I could tell it was over a relationship and I brought him a free appetizer. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous, no doubt where he got his good looks.” He smiled at my mom and she snickered in approval; always the charmer. “I assumed it was over a girl so I went on with my life until after the semester when we bumped into each other when I got a new job at an electronics store where I work now. I had to say hello and it came up that he had been upset over a man, Shawn-“

“Bastard” my dad mumbled.

“I agree,” Logan said acknowledging my dad, “then I sort of froze. I had already thought he was very handsome but then I found out he was gay. He left and I knew I couldn’t let him go and chance never seeing him again. I ran out into the parking lot and asked him to dinner.”

“Romantic.” My mom smiled.

“Yes, well, I took him to dinner and fell in love.” I sat back in my chair in shock as I listened to our story as though I had no idea what happened because apparently I didn’t. “I don’t want to sound sappy but I really did. He wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I was willing to wait for him and made sure we remained friends. We hung out often and eventually I became impatient. It was unbearable being with him and not being able to hold him.” He looked at me with a smile holding my hand. My mom’s heart sank as did mine. “I was afraid you just wanted to be friends and that was breaking my heart.” He turned back to looking at my mom, “I went to his apartment and told him I couldn’t stop thinking about him and that I wanted more. I would wait as long as he needed but that I wanted a relationship and not a friendship anymore. He said yes and the rest is history. I didn’t tell him I loved him until months later but I’ve loved him since that first date.”

My mom sighed “Aww, that’s beautiful. So Zac, was it love at first sight for you too?”

“I, uh-“ I stared blankly.

“Way to ruin a perfectly wonderful story Zac,” my mom sneered as she stood up to clear the table.

Logan laughed, “It’s ok, he loves me now and that’s all I can ask.”

We moved to the living room and talked some more about Logan and me and them and everything. We were up pretty late before going to bed. Logan and I went into my bedroom where he snooped around my old things.

“So what is it about you that makes people just melt and take your side over everyone else?” I asked from my bed.

“What do you mean?”

“You talk and my mother turns to butter and makes me look like the bad guy.”

“It’s the accent.” Logan smiled as he snooped around.

“Oh really?”

“Worked on you didn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sold yet.” I said with a smile and turned out the light.

Logan abandoned snooping in the dark and crawled into bed. He pulled me in tight and slightly slid my underwear down.

“Logan!” I whispered sternly.

“What? No one’s around and it’s your room. Let’s make love.” He said in an exaggeratedly thick accent.

“Are you really trying to prove your accent hold all your charm?”

“Not all of it.” He poked his head under my arm and put hi face on my chest under the covers and brushed his scruff against me softly. “The rest is this” He knew I was crazy for his facial hair and that it was a crazy turn on and used it against me regularly.

I took a slow deep breath, “we have to be quiet.”

“That’s something you have to worry about not me.” Logan said with a big smile as he looked up at me from my chest and moved up for a kiss.

He pulled my underwear off and maneuvered his way between my legs. He kissed me softly before putting a pillow over my face and disappearing under the covers. I felt his tongue in my crack and him spreading my cheeks. His tongue wandered around before probing my hole. I bit down on the pillow to keep quite. He sufficiently prepared my ass before climbing back up to me and removing the pillow. Logan kissed my neck gently as he entered me. I began to gasp and he kissed me to muffle the sound. He thrust slowly as he kissed me. His mouth was the only thing keeping me quiet.

As Logan slowly made love to me, his skin grew moist with sweat. He had to continue kissing me relentlessly or my moans would grow too loud. We both grew closer to climax and Logan broke his lips away from mine. He panted quietly as he continued thrusting and replaced his tongue with two fingers in my mouth. I sucked his fingers to keep quiet and he brushed his scruffy cheek against my face. My body shivered as I unloaded on my stomach and his. He pushed himself forward and did the same inside of me. We kissed and Logan rolled off of me panting.

There was a knock at the door and it swung open. We were both pretty shocked. My mom stepped in with an arm full of towels. “Hey sweetie, I just wanted to drop some towels off for you two for the morning.” She looked up, “Logan honey, why are you all wet?”

“Oh just a bit warm I guess. I’m used to having the air conditioner on full blast.” Logan said thinking on his feet.

“Oh well Zac usually does the same. Why don’t you get a fan out or something Zac? Or you could at least take some of those blankets off. Forcing Logan to sleep with all that padding. No wonder he’s sweating.”

“Ok mom I’ll take care of it. Good night.”

“Goodnight you two.” She closed the door behind her.

“It really is the accent isn’t it?”

“I guess. Do think she really bought it?”

“Yeah, I think she did. Now grab one of those towels to clean up.” I pointed and Logan got up to retrieve a towel and wiped both of us off.

It was no time at all before the semester was coming to a close. Randy had found a job and was working on finding a new apartment after our lease was up. Logan had been waiting on replies from his applications but there wasn’t any word so far. I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation. My degree was in business and it really didn’t mean anything other than I knew how not to royally screw over a company. Any job I would find would require some serious training. I basically just had a filler degree, but it was a big filler though seeing as how now company or decent business would hire me without a four year degree.

It was the weekend before finals week. I didn’t have any finals as it was just two classes and I only needed to file some final paperwork to get my degree and move on. Logan took me out for a great dinner in celebration of me finally being done.

He was really sweet. We had wine and great food and he was in his best outfit and freshly shaved leaving only his nicely groomed strip of facial hair reaching from ear to ear. He even gelled his hair despite it being a buzz cut and there was nothing he could do with it. I guess it just made his hair shinier. He looked gorgeous. The whole night was amazing. We talked about fun little things going on and kept everything light. I could tell he was a little stressed and wanted to keep the mood light. He was worried about his applications so his being on edge was understandable. So we didn’t talk about that.

After a great night out, we went back to his apartment. The whole drive to his place was quiet. I was getting worried about him. He was really upset about not finding a job yet. He had sent them out during the summer and had been scrambling recently with phone calls trying to find a position. I just sat quiet during the drive not wanting to ruin a good evening out by stressing over something I knew would work out.

We got to his apartment door and he couldn’t find his key in the mess of keys on his keychain. Never usually a problem, but he had so many damn keys I was shocked it didn’t happen more often. He eventually found it and we went inside. He had cleaned his apartment completely in preparation for moving out. It was nice being in a clean apartment. I sat down on the couch and Logan grabbed a couple glasses and a bottle of what I guessed was wine. He was really stressed if he was going for this much booze in a night. I wasn’t about to argue, but I had to ask, “What’s with all the wine tonight?”

Logan set the glasses down in front of us and sat down next to me, “It’s not wine.” He turned to me and grabbed my hand. I looked at him and his hand was shaking.

I looked into his eyes strangely, “What’s wrong?”

“Zac, I love you more than anything.” He sighed, “I’ve never been happier in my life then whenever I’m with you.” He laughed slightly “Even when we argue over my laundry piling up or you using up all my gas tank when you drive my car.” He smiled, licked his lips and looked back into my shocked eyes. “I wouldn’t change a minute we’ve spent together and I don’t want to spend a minute without you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and” he paused as he dug in his pocket “and I hope you’d like to spend the rest of your life with me.” He lifted his shaking left hand as I breathed heavy and saw a flash of light in his hand. “Zac, will you marry me?”

“Hell yeah!” I whimpered, tears in my eyes, before grabbing him and hugging him tight.

We held each other for a moment before we broke and he showed me the ring he bought. “Look at the inscription.” He said before I put it on.

The inside of the platinum ring it read “forever your sodding idiot”.

I laughed as I wiped another tear from my eye and Logan pulled out a second ring, “I hope you don’t mind but I bought both rings. They are the same and I was promised there would never be another like them.” He laughed as we put the rings on. Logan poured two glasses of what I now realized was champagne and I wiped a tear from his face with my thumb.

We toasted our glasses and after a sip he added, “There’s one more thing I need to talk to you about?”

“You don’t want to try to get pregnant? Because I don’t think that would work. Though I’m up for trying.”

Logan laughed and almost spit up his champagne, “No, it’s about work. I have been talking to a few different people about possible jobs for me. I had three different offers this past month and I’ve narrowed it down to two.”

“That’s amazing. I thought you were still waiting on all of them. I thought that was why you were so tense tonight. So what are the offers? Where are you going to work?”

“I got it down to two choices and they both pay well. Both would have me starting early next year and would give us enough money up front to find a place to live and settle in before I even start.”

I smiled really excited that he said ‘us’. “So where are we moving?”

“That’s what I need to ask you.”

“What do you mean?”

“One is close by for a couple different stadiums event offices in the area and we could live close to your family and friends and we could even start looking at houses next week.”

“That sounds great. Where’s the other one?”

“It’s in London. I’d be running the event and ticket offices for a football team.”

“Logan!” I exclaimed. “That’s your dream. How is there even a choice?”

“Because It’s not just making a choice for me. It’s a choice that’s for us. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want. The job here pays well and we can stay close to everyone you love.”

“Logan, I love you.”

“And I’d be here. Wherever we go, I’ll be happy because I’ll be with you.”

“Can you for just two seconds not be unbearably perfect and think about yourself? This is your dream job. You’ve always talked about working for a football team in England and this is exactly that. If you won’t think about yourself then I will. We’re moving to London and your taking your dream job.”

“Are you sure?” Logan asked excitedly.

“I’m positive.” I smiled, “We’re moving to London.” I wrapped him in a hug and laughed in excitement, “We’re getting married and moving to London.”

“Baby, you ready to go?” Logan asked as he grabbed his bags.

“Of course I am, my sodding idiot.” I said with a smile as I walked past him out to the car.

“You know, you can’t call me that while we’re in England. People will think you’re yelling at me.” He followed me to the car and loaded it up.

“Of course I know that you sodding idiot. I am just using it as much as I can before we go. It is on my ring after all.” I said with a big smile and kissed him before getting in the car.

“See that last one didn’t sound like a pet name. That one sounded like you were really insulting me.”

“Well maybe playfully but not bad.” I laughed as Randy started to drive us to the airport.

We were headed for London for the week so Logan could meet with his new employer and finalize everything and so we could look for places to live. We told Randy the night Logan proposed and my parents the next day. Now, a week later, we were ready to make our plans to move and then make plans to officially get married. It was a quick and hectic situation rushing into moving to another country but this trip was just to set things up before actually moving.

“LOGAN! ZAC!” was the scream we heard upon exiting the plane and walking out to baggage claim.

“Hey!” Logan said back.

Susan ran over to us and gave Logan and me a huge hug and kiss. Nate was right behind her and gave us both a big hug “Welcome to the family brutha,” he said as he hugged me.

We got caught up on everthing going on. We told them about finishing school and how Logan proposed and they told us how they were both living in London as well and that their dad was very happy to hear about the news.

“How’s mum?” Logan asked.

“Who cares? Don’t worry about her.” Nate said angrily as he drove the car to our hotel.

“She’s fine but still isn’t getting any better about you two. Nate tried talking to her a couple more times but refuses to speak to her anymore.” Susan tried to explain Nate’s frustration. ”Da is great though and you really shouldn’t be upset about it. She’s stubborn but still loves ya. This is a happy time. Let’s go out tonight and have some fun.”

“Oh I’m not worried. This is a happy time and I’m not going to get upset anymore over her ignorance. I’m sure we’d love to go out but I’m tired and think I’d rather just unpack and relax tonight and go out tomorrow. If that’s alright with you guys?” Logan replied.

“Whatever you want babe, I’m kind of tired too.” I answered and they nodded their heads and dropped us off until the next day.

“How did it go?” I asked as Logan walked into the restaurant. I was with Susan and Nate having lunch while Logan met with his new bosses.

“Great. I’ll be starting work In mid January so we have plenty of time to move and relax before I start.” Logan said as he slid a piece of paper in front of me.

“Woah! What’s this?” I asked.

“My signing bonus for coming out here. Now, I can still turn this down and take the check back. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m positive Logo.” I said with a smile.

He continued to explain what they offered him. He was making six figures per year right away and his signing bonus was on top of that. It was more than enough to put a down payment on a house or to buy an apartment or whatever we decided on. That meant the money we had would now be used to furnish the place and once we got back to the States we could sell Logan’s car and use that money to buy a new one in London. Everything was working out even better than planned.

Logan also told me that they were able to get me dual citizenship through their connections so that there wouldn’t be an issue with my living in England. They also said that if I was interested, I could work for them as well in their pro shop store. They would pay to have me take any classes or training I needed to eventually run their store and manage sales. I was in shock. I had a degree in business but I wasn’t qualified for that. I suddenly realized how much of a big shot Logan must be at what he does for them to be so impressed with him to offer all these other things to get him.

“So you want to do this for sure? Because they want me to sign the contract tomorrow.”

“Sign it baby. Sign it and let’s do this. It’s your dream job and they really want you here. Plus it looks like I just got a job too.” I laughed and he kissed me as we had decided to really do this.

“Alright, I will sign it tomorrow, but in the mean time we have a meeting with a realtor in twenty minutes. We can look at some places and hook back up with you guys tonight and go out, ok?” He looked at his siblings who nodded in approval and we left to meet the realtor.

We walked a few blocks to a real estate office and a woman was waiting there for us. We did our introductions and she began asking us about what we were looking for. “So, I was told to find you whatever you two are looking for and really show off the city to hook you on London.”

“Really, they hired you too?” I asked in astonishment.

“Yes, well I usually find players places to live so they want to stay with the team or join the team, but I also sometimes help executives find homes as well. For you two I was asked to give you the same treatment.” She explained as I sat back in amazement. “So what do you think you’d be interested in? A house, apartment, inside the city, outside the city?”

“I guess we haven’t really thought about that yet. What do you think, Zac?”

“I think a house would be nice but is that really available in the city?”

“Well most of the nicer homes we’d be looking at would be found in various neighborhoods in or near the city or just outside of the London area. So it depends how close you would like to be to work or to the center of the city?”

“I think it’d be nice to live close to work and in the city, but we could take a look at some of both.” I said and Logan smiled in agreement.

“Ok then I’ll pull some homes out for us to visit and see what you think. Also, I think for inside the city, I have a few really great apartments that you might prefer.”

“Sounds great.” Logan said as he looked at a couple folders she handed us.

“Now, how many rooms are you looking at?”

“Um, not sure.” I replied totally clueless over these questions that seem pretty standard.

“Well, we’ll look at places with one master bed and bath then it depends what you want after that? Maybe you’d like an office, a guest room or two? Do you see children in your future or maybe you are looking for something smaller now and maybe something bigger down the road?”

“Wow, that’s a lot more to think about than I thought.”

Logan looked over at me sitting back in my seat, “Are you ok baby?” He paused. “Um, could we have a moment to look at some of these and talk about it?” He asked her.

“Absolutely, I’ll go and get us all some tea and be back in a few minutes. Take your time. It’s a big decision.” She stood up and walked out of her office.

“What’s wrong baby?” Logan asked rubbing my back.

“Nothing, it’s just a lot of stuff I never thought we’d be deciding so soon.”

“Is this because she mentioned kids?”

“No. Well, yeah kinda.”

“Zac, if you don’t want to have kids then that’s ok.”

“No I do. I mean, if you want to. I don’t know. This is just a lot to decide right now.”

“We’re not deciding right now. It’s just how many rooms we want. If we get a place with some extra rooms then we can have kids down the road or we could just make them guest rooms or offices or storage or game room or whatever we want. We don’t need to make a decision on kids right now.” He assured me as he rubbed my back.

“Ok, yeah that makes sense I just got a little overwhelmed is all. Let’s look at these places.”

She walked back in a few minutes later with a tray of tea, “Are we doing alright now?”

“Yes I think we are. How about we look at some larger places and we’ll decide what to do with the extra rooms later. I don’t think we plan to move again.” Logan said for the both of us as I grabbed a cup of tea and relaxed a bit.

She began showing us some really nice homes and apartments. We narrowed them down to five places, two houses and three apartments.

“Perfect, there’s still time today if you’d like to see two of these apartments and we can see the other places tomorrow?”

“Sounds great, let’s go.” I said now feeling much better about everything.

The first apartment was nice but I didn’t really like the building. It didn’t have a very good view outside. We looked around the apartment and it did have an amazing kitchen and bathroom.

We then went to the second apartment. “This one, I think you will really love. It has a great view of the city and is a bit bigger than the last one.” She said as she unlocked and opened up the door.

We walked in and I was ecstatic. “This is amazing!”

“I knew you’d like it. Beautifully stained hard wood floors, very open living area, spacious kitchen with island and marble countertops, 5 bedrooms, 3 ½ baths, step out balcony and beautiful full length window out to the balcony with view of the city.” She explained the details more and more but it wasn’t necessary.

We walked through the apartment. It had a huge master bedroom with master bathroom that had a giant tub with jets and a walk in shower with six different showerheads. The other bedrooms were smaller but really nice and perfect for an office, two guest bedrooms that share a bathroom, and another room that could be for kids in the future or like more private guest bedroom as it had it’s own bathroom, and a basic bathroom that only had a toilet and sink. The balcony wasn’t too big but it was really nice and could fit a few chairs and end tables to sit out and look out onto the city. The view was beautiful and too good to pass up. The kitchen was giant and living room perfect with a fireplace.

“This feels way too expensive. I feel like this is a millionaire’s home. Can we really afford this?” I asked.

“Yeah, there must be a catch to this place?” Logan added.

“No, I was given a price range by your potential employer and they gave me the go ahead on paying your initial down payment. You can buy this apartment and set up a payment on a loan that would be insured by the team and the down payment covered. Your salary would cover the monthly payments and if your partner here,” she looked at me, “also works, then you will be able to live here quite comfortably.”

“Wait they offered to pay the down payment?” Logan asked.

“Yes, they are very eager to have you accept this position.”

“Um, will you excuse us for just a minute?” I asked politely as I walked Logan over to the balcony. “Baby, is this for real? Can we really afford this place?”

“I guess so. They said the realtor would take care of us and get us a great place, but I had no idea they would pay for the down payment and allow us to buy a place like this.”

“And you’re positive that they are paying the down payment and that is separate from the signing bonus and we can really afford this place?” I raised my voice and asked across to the realtor.

“Yes sir, they would write the check and you could move in immediately if that’s what you really wanted. The salary negotiated earlier would absolutely afford you this place and any other I show you.” She assured me with a smile.

“Baby, I want this apartment.” I said quietly to Logan with a huge smile.

“It is amazing.”

“We don’t even need to look at anyplace else, it couldn’t possibly get any better than this. It’s close to work; it’s beautiful with plenty of space and has an amazing view. I want this place so much baby. Please Logan, can we live here?” I begged him as he looked out onto the balcony thinking.

He looked at me with a smile, “If this is what you want then of course we can live here. Your right, it’s perfect and if it makes you happy then it’s even better.” He turned around and we walked back to the realtor. “We’ll take it.”

“Wonderful. There are a few things I should tell you before we sign anything. This isn’t like a normal apartment where you pay monthly rent to live here. You are buying it just like a house so it is yours. You will however, need to pay monthly service and membership fees for the building which covers many things including utilities. You will have one free parking space in the garage, but can also purchase a second one for a small extra fee each month. All maintenance will be taken care of by the building management and is available 24/7 upon your request however after hours requests are an extra charge unless it’s a major problem that needs immediate service like, electricity, broken window, flooding, or something like that. Um, there is also a gym downstairs that you will have access to and for another extra charge there is a house keeping option for someone to come in and clean up once per week. They clean the floors and windows and take out the garbage and clean the bathrooms. They don’t do dishes or laundry or make the bed as those are person things that you may like done a certain way. I believe that is everything you need to know, but I will also give you a folder of information about the building and the neighborhood.”

“Sounds fantastic.” I said holding Logan’s arm in excitement.

“So, are we decided here?”

“I believe so.” Logan said as he looked at me with a smile.

“Perfect. I will draw up the papers tonight and you two can come by tomorrow to sign and make arrangements to move in. I don’t know if you would like to see the other places or just come in and sign?”

“Nope, we want this one. I’ll come in right after my meeting to sign my contract with the team.”

*************************

“Hey boys. How’d the meeting go? Did you see anyplace that you like?” Susan asked as we met up at a pub downtown.

“Yes you have to come see it tomorrow. It’s amazing!” I blurted out.

Logan ordered us a few drinks while the three of us went to get a table. “You mean you already found a place?” Susan asked as we walked.

“Yes! We went to one place and it was nice but then we went to another and it was amazing. It’s huge and has wood floors and marble countertops, huge bedrooms and bathrooms, balcony and gorgeous view. We couldn’t pass it up.” I rambled on explaining all of the details as Logan sat down and passed out our drinks.

“Baby, you could leave something out for them to see on their own.” Logan said as I continued rambling.

“Sorry I’m just really excited.”

“I just can’t believe you already decided on a place.” Susan said still in shock.

“Yeah how do you know this is the right place if you only went to one other apartment? Don’t you think you’re moving a bit fast?” Nate added.

“Well, tomorrow I’ll sign my contract and we can all go to the apartment to sign the papers and you’ll see for yourselves.” Logan replied confidently.

“As long as you guys like it then great. So since you’re going through this so quick, what else do you even need to do while you’re here?” Nate asked.

“Well, the team has taken care of almost everything for us so we really don’t have much else to do. We’ll sign tomorrow and we can move in immediately so we will just have to make arrangements to move everything here and get situated but nothing we can actually do just yet.” Logan explained.

We didn’t stay out too late so that we could go sign his contract early and show Nate and Susan our new place.

************************************

“This is crazy Logan.” Nate exclaimed as he walked back into the living area after the tour.

“Yeah, there’s no way you can afford this place.” Susan skeptically commented.

“Hey, don’t ruin it. They can afford it if they say they can.” Nate scowled.

“You seem awfully excited we’re getting this place, Nate.” Logan laughed.

“Well, my place is tiny so I wouldn’t mind coming over here and spending time with my big brutha.”

“Oh so you plan to mooch off of us?” I laughed. “Well we’d love to have you over here whenever you’d like.”

“Well not whenever you’d like.” Logan laughed. “He’d never leave if you tell him that.”

The realtor pulled out some papers and handed them to Logan, “I drew it all up last night for you both to sign. You won’t need to make any sort of payment until the beginning of the year.”

We signed off and were officially home. “Here is the number for a wonderful interior decorator. She can work with you if you have your own vision for what you’d like or she can give you several different ideas of her own if you aren’t sure.” She reached into her bag. “Here are your keys. It’s all yours now. I’ll work out the payment with the team and I will be in touch to set up your payments starting next month. I do have other appointments so if there’s nothing else I’ll be on my way?”

“I think that’s it.” I said looking at Logan.

“Yeah, thanks so much for all your help and we’ll be in touch.” Logan replied as he walked her out and closed the door.

“This really is amazing you guys.” Susan said as she stood by the balcony looking out at the city.

“Hello there! We spoke on the phone. I’m the designer.” Logan opened the door to an incredibly enthusiastic and cheerful woman.

“Hi, yes, I’m Logan and this is my fiancé Zac.”

“Oh you two are adorable.” She walked in and immediately started roaming the apartment “And this is wonderful. You realtor sent the plans over to me so I could get a feel for my workspace but this is absolutely beautiful. So! How are we feeling?”

“Um, good.” I attempted to answer wondering where she was going with this.

“No, I mean how are we feeling about the design? What would you like to do here? What is your vision?” She asked me then turned and pointed to Logan, “or are you the man to talk to about design?”

“Neither of us really have a vision that’s kind of why we need you.” Logan replied.

“Wow, well I’ll be honest you are my first gay couple without a clue.” She sighed and slapped her hands together “Alright, let’s get started then, shall we?” She reached into her bag and pulled out a giant booklet and opened it up on the island in the kitchen. “Let’s get our starting point. What furniture, kitchenware, décor, et cetera to you already have that you will be moving here?”

“Well we have some random things here and there” I looked at Logan and tilted my head “but I suppose we could just get rid of all that there and just bring our clothes and stuff like that?”

“Yeah, let’s go ahead and start from zero.”

The decorator looked at both of us back and forth with a grin until we confirmed we were starting from scratch, “Perfect!”

She was very excited and went off on a tear going through her giant book of ideas. She bounced a thousand concepts off of us in a short amount of time. We walked from room to room as she went on about her vision. It was insane and I didn’t understand a word of it even though I responded and somehow got a solid idea of what we were doing. By the time we were done almost three hours had passed.

“Wonderful. Well how many days do we have to pick out design?”

“Isn’t that what we just did?” I asked, apparently stupidly because she just smiled and laughed.

“No, we just designated what each room will be and a simple layout. Now we need to go to pick out furniture and bedding and drapes and kitchenware.” She said excitedly. She was clearly in the right career path because she seemed to be aroused by draping.

“Well we have the rest of today and tomorrow then we leave for the States to finalize everything over there. Then we should be back here just before the new year.” Logan explained.

“Oh dear, so how would you like to do this. Normally we would spend several days picking out designs and furniture you want then several more working out everything once the movers bring it all here.”

“Oh wow, well what do you think would be best?” Logan asked.

“Well I suppose we can look at furniture today and tomorrow very quickly and we can meet back up when you return to do the rest.”

“What if we pick everything out these next couple days and you can put everything in place here while we are away and we can just see what you come up with when we get back.” I suggested.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be in your home without you.”

“Yeah, we can have Nate or Susan let her in and Susan can probably help out.” I added

Logan nodded his head “Yeah, that should work. I’ll give Susan a call and see if she’d be up to it.”

“Make sure Nate is here too. Don’t want to let Susan make this place too girly.” I laughed.

Logan called and both agreed. We went out to several places to pick out furniture. We picked out couches for the living room, chairs for the living room, office, and bedrooms, coffee and end tables for all of the rooms, window fittings and curtains for all of the windows, and dining room table and chairs plus stools for the kitchen.

The next day we managed to pick out beds for our room and the guest rooms, desks and office furniture, bathroom stuff, kitchen stuff like knifes, dishes, pots, pans, silverware, glasses, and seemingly hundreds of other little things. The real fun was picking out the TVs, computers, stereos, and speakers for the whole apartment.

We left exhausted and I made sure that Nate would be there when all the stuff was moved in because I had a bad feeling that the designer and Susan would make the place very feminine. We came in under budget so I told Nate and Susan to go ahead and pick out décor items like paintings, photographs, and other decorative things.

Logan was active in picking out everything and was confident that everything would be fine but he understood why I had Nate check up on every decision.

******************************************

“You alright?” Logan asked as we sat on the plane ride back to the states.

“Yeah, why?” It was a late flight and the lights were mostly out as almost every passenger was trying to sleep through the flight.

“You just look a little on edge.” It made sense for him to be concerned as I was just sitting up not trying to sleep at all and I probably did look on edge.

“It’s just the chaos of the week. It’s crazy how much we went through in just a week. At least there’s nothing else to do but settle everything when we land and say goodbye to my family and friends and when we come back our place will be ready for us.” I replied with a half smile.

Logan looked concerned, “Are you okay with all of this? Are we going to fast for you?”

“No, yes, I mean, no it’s not too fast and yes I am fine. I’m just a little burnt out from the week.” I leaned in and kissed him “Don’t worry baby, I love you and can’t wait to get all of this stuff done so we can start the rest of our lives together.”

I began to lean back over to sit back in my seat but Logan held my head and kissed me again. He reached down and under my shirt. “Woah” I whispered and grabbed his hand. “What are you doing?”

“Well we were so busy all week we haven’t been able to have any time just the two of us,” He reached his fingers into my pants under my waistband.

“We can’t do that here.”

“Why not, we could go to the bathroom and nobody would know. Everybody is asleep anyway.”

“You serious?”

He didn’t reply. He just stood up and walked to the back of the plane. I watched him go into one of the bathrooms and sat there in my seat for a moment before I took a deep breath and stood up. I walked to the bathrooms terrified someone would see but everyone was asleep and I made my way back to the door Logan entered and I opened the door a crack and slipped in quickly.

“Seriously?” I laughed.

“Hey, give me a break, it’s been a long time, I’m anxious.” Logan replied already nude with his clothes on the small bathroom countertop.

“Ok, but how the hell are we going to do anything in this tiny space? And you are dreaming if you think you’re fucking me cuz I’m not about to do that and then sit the rest of the flight home without a shower.”

Logan smiled and chuckled to himself “Ok, I suppose we don’t do that but oral isn’t out of the question.” He sat down on the toilet as I stood in front of him.

He grabbed my pants and undid the button and zipper. I put my hands on his bare shoulders as he dropped my pants and began kissing my groin. As he got going I began breathing heavier. He stopped.

“What, don’t stop!”

“You’re gonna get us caught.” He said as he reached over to his clothes, grabbed his underwear and handed it to me. “You’re too loud.”

“I’m not about to shove your underwear in my mouth. You’ve been wearing them all day and through the airport.”

“Either that or a sock.” He smiled as I gave him an unsatisfied look. “Come on.” He slid his finger around my ass and made me squirm “here I’ll do it” he balled up his underwear and slipped it into my mouth and gave me a big grin before returning to my groin.

His hand continued at my hole as he sucked licked and kissed my eager erection. Then Logan unexpectedly turned me and bent me over the counter as his tongue darted into my crack. The feeling was long overdue but was very short lived. I instantly had precum dripping from me and onto the floor. Logan turned me back toward him and gulped down my hardon as I erupted. Again, this was short lived as we had already been in there too long. He finished with me and I quickly spit out his underwear and pulled up my pants.

“Ok, we gotta hurry” I said starting to kneel down.

“Don’t worry babe, this won’t take long at all.”

He wasn’t lying. Logan had pretty amazing endurance but it had been a very long time and we had been really stressed lately so he was very ready to relieve that tension. It was only seconds after first contact with my mouth that I had his long overdue load pouring down my throat.

As quickly as we had started, we had finished and got Logan dressed. I began to open the door when a flight attendant walked up.

“Is there a problem here?” She looked at me very suspiciously.

I froze, “Uhhh, um.”

“Sorry if we hogged the loo or made any commotion, he was just helping me clean off this shirt. It appears I spilled some wine on it. But all is well now, we are very sorry.” Logan interrupted.

“Oh, no harm done. Just making sure everything was alright.” She smiled flirtatiously at Logan as he smiled back and we returned to our seats.

“It worries me how much you can get away with with your charm.” I said as we sat down.

“We’re just lucky she’s an American. The accent doesn’t work on European flight attendants.”

“Yeah well, thank god we’re going to be living in London because you can get away with anything.”

“What are you worried about? It doesn’t work on you so all I can really do is charm flight attendants and your mum.” He smiled, leaned over and kissed me “Hmmm, you taste like jizz.”

“You’re so perverted.”

“You love it.” He teased making me smile. “Oh, I guess it does work on you.” He gave me a big smile and leaned back in his seat as I punched him in the arm.

********************************************

Logan tossed his bags to the ground as we entered his apartment. I did the same and we went straight to the bed, got undressed, and collapsed. Completely exhausted from the flight and trip as a whole we just need to sleep.

That didn’t last long. At least it didn’t for Logan. In the middle of my slumber I felt Logan squeeze me as he shifted his body. I woke up and turned my head to him “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I did sleep, now I want you.” He whispered.

“I’m tired.” I replied wiping my eyes.

Logan vanished underneath the blankets and I returned to my side to go back to sleep. Logan proceeded to remove my underwear as I groaned. He spread my cheeks and began eating me. I was not going to win this battle. There was no coming back and I was waking up. I turned to my back and lifted one leg over Logan as he never broke away from me. He tossed the blankets off and lifted my thighs up to give himself better access to me. Licking, kissing and sucking my ass ferociously, Logan was relentless. He loved rimming me and it made me crazy. It felt so good but it became torture.

“Fuck me baby. Please fuck me, Logan!” I grunted over and over begging him as he tongued my ass.

Finally he forced me to my stomach and got on top of me. He lined himself up and penetrated me tight ass for the first time in a long time. It hurt like my first time but the pain didn’t last long. Logan forced himself inside me deeper and deeper as he slammed himself inside harder and faster. Turning me on my side with one leg on his shoulder he began thrusting again. Sweat building on his body as I moaned and grunted for more.

He turned me to my back and had both of my legs in his hands in the air thrusting harder as I clenched my cock in a fist and with the other hand felt Logans sweaty stomach gently grazing his skin accomplishing nothing but moving sweat around. Dropping my legs he leaned over me sweating like a pig and dripping onto my body. His endurance was back as an hour had past and my insides were raw. Logan continued fucking me with my legs wrapped around his waist. My hands felt all over his drenched back and his face was planted in my neck occasionally lifting up to my face to kiss. Finally Logan picked up his rhythm once more before he shot deep inside me over and over until finally falling to the bed. He lay on his back panting and holding me as I laid my head on his bicep.

We hadn’t showered in two days, we had spent too long in an airport and on a plane and had just had over an hour of sweaty sex. Needless to say there was some serious body odor right in front of my face as my head on his bicep left my mouth and nose facing his sweaty armpit. An average person would be disgusting for me to smell in this state, but it’s interesting how you don’t mind the smell of the man you love. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t encourage him to sit there and ferment like that but for the moment I was content and still aroused by his fragrance.

We lay there for a few minutes before I sat up and patted his chest “Let’s shower and get goin’. There’s plenty more to do before we can fully relax in our new home across the Atlantic.” I smiled.

“Alright sweetie but let’s not make the same mistake of stressing out and going without sex for weeks again.”

“I think that’s a very good suggestion. Maybe one we can put into practice in the shower.” I smirked as I walked out of the bedroom.

*********************************************************

“Ok, there’s an issue we need to address together.” Logan said as he walked into my parents’ house.

We’d moved into their house temporarily as we wrap everything up in the States and go back to our home in London.

I turned and looked up from the television as Logan sat down beside me, “Ok, what’s the ‘issue’?”

“Nate got fired from his job and is being evicted from his apartment.” He said soft and disappointedly.

“What happened? Why did he get fired?” I asked surprised.

“I’m not sure, he said he wasn’t really fired but they just couldn’t afford to keep him anymore. I don’t know if he’s just sugar coating it or if that’s the case but he asked if he can live with us for awhile until he can find another job and get a place of his own again.”

“Of course he can. Don’t you think we should?” I asked confused why we needed to debate this. If Nate needed a place to live, we surely could help. Especially with such a big place that I had started to realize is way too big for just the two of us.

“Well, I want to help him. He is my brutha. But at the same time, it could take him a long time to find a job and apartment. I just wasn’t sure if you’d be ok with living with him in our new home.” Logan replied.

“Well, I have no problem with it. We have such a huge place. He can take up one of the guest rooms and we wouldn’t be at all cramped. And if it takes him awhile to get work then so be it. As long as he tries to find a job then I don’t see why not. He doesn’t seem like the unproductive/lazy type to me.”

“No, he’s not. He’s just kind of a goof to live with. He might behave with you but I’ve lived with him before. He’ll probably walk around in his underwear and make some really nasty combinations of food and stink up the kitchen. Plus he hogs the bathroom and now he may bring girls home.” Logan started to ramble as he recalled his childhood.

“Baby, stop. First of all, he’s your brother. We have to help him. Secondly, none of those problems are a big deal. He will have his own room and his own bathroom that he can hog all he wants. You walk around in your underwear so you can hardly complain. We can make sure the fan in the kitchen is on so he doesn’t stink up the whole apartment and if he brings a girlfriend home then he brings a girlfriend home. As long as he isn’t throwing parties why should it matter?” I settled him down by wiping away his fears. They didn’t seem to so much concern him but Logan worried it may bother me and put me off.

“Ok, I’ll call him and let him know he can move in when we get back next week. Are you sure?”

“Yes, call him.” I laughed and pushed him off the couch to go call his brother.

****************************************************

“Alright mom, we’re going now!” I yelled up stairs.

“Wait!” She hurried down to us. “Don’t you dare leave before I can say goodbye!” She made her way down giving me a bit of a glare for worrying her and then moved on to Logan and transformed to a big smile. “Goodbye Logan.” She kissed his cheek and wrapped him in a hug. “take good care of him over there and don’t wait too long before visiting.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure of it mum.” Logan replied with a soft voice.

My mom teared up and smiled at Logan’s calling her ‘mum’. She turned to me and her lips went in her mouth and bit down holding back sobs. She exhaled hard and hugged me like a vice. I hugged her back and tried to end the hug but she refused. She held on tight until finally releasing me only to grab me by the arms “Make sure you call and come home often.” She sobbed.

“We will mom.” I assured her.

“And as soon as you set a date, let us know so we can plan a trip.”

“We will.”

“And-“

“Mom” I cut her off holding her, “we will. I promise. We’ll call you all the time and visit whenever we can. We’ll update you on all of our plans and anything that goes on. I promise.”

She nodded and smiled.

“Ok?” I gave her a smile and she accepted we were leaving. “I love you, and we’ll call as soon as we get home.” I gave her another quick hug and Logan did the same and we started out the door.

“What, no goodbye for me?” Randy chimed in.

“Oh shut up Randy, you’re not going anywhere” My mom laughed as she put her hand on his shoulder.

Randy laughed, “I guess. Just felt left out. See you soon. Don’t worry, I’ll get your boy and his boy safely to the airport.”

We made our way to Randy’s car and drove off.

“Ok, now that we have a minute, was Chris mad at me for something? He seemed really put off by me last night” Logan asked, concerned.

We had gone out the night before with Brent and Chris. They had both met Logan briefly before but we went out last night as a going away and legit meeting.

Randy laughed. “Well…”

“Seriously, does he not like me?” Logan got really concerned.

Randy laughed again, “No, don’t worry. He likes you. He’s just a baby and is upset you’re taking Zac away.”

I just shook my head with a smirk knowing how Chris is.

“Chris likes you and Brent thinks you’re great. They just don’t like to see our friend leaving the country. Brent and I just know how to be happy for you guys rather than dwell on the fact you’re leaving.” Randy explained further.

“Well, for what it’s worth I really liked them and I’m sorry they feel that way but you are all welcome to come visit.” Logan, always the crowd pleaser, smoothed things over.

“I’ll let them know.” Randy smiled.

We arrived at the airport and Logan loaded our few bags onto a cart.

“Thanks for the ride” I said, not really sure what to say to my life long best friend.

Randy stood there and nodded his head also feeling uncomfortable. We stood there for only a few seconds but it felt like an eternity. Randy finally broke down and grabbed me in a hug, tears rolling down his face.

Nothing really needed to be said. We had said it all. He hugged me tight and we nodded as Logan and I walked into the airport and Randy got back in his car.

*****************************************

Life in London was busy; Logan in his new job, me in my new job, Nate living with us. It was busy, but it was exciting. Nate did a great job of monitoring everything with our apartment and he was not a bad roommate. He actually found another job but was also going back to school. He was my age, now 23, Logan 27. We told Nate he could live with us as long as he needed. It was a big place so we still got alone time. Nate was also in marketing like Logan. Public relations type stuff. Logan seemed to overshadow Nate at times and I think that bothered him. Nate was going back to school to work on accounting so he’d be able to work more on business type stuff versus PR and differentiate himself from Logan. At least that was the feeling I got from the situation.

We had a sort of wedding ceremony but it was very untraditional. My family came to London and Logan’s dad came along with friends. It was really just a formal dinner and we took care of the legal stuff before. I hated weddings. They were too much of a spectacle. It was nice to just have my family and friends together and just have a nice evening. Logan had accepted his mother’s issues but they haven’t talked since. His mom was still against us and Nate had kept his silence up aswell. Susan talked to their mom but never about Logan, myself, or Nate. It was an interesting dynamic, but we made it work and no one was holding any anger for it. It was what it was.

I was working in the ticketing office or box office so I didn’t often see Logan at work but sometimes. Logan was implementing his plans for the team’s public relations and community outreach. He loved his job and I just enjoyed my coworkers. The job was nice but not as exciting as Logan’s. Life really was great.

************************************************

Logan was out of town with the team for the weekend and I was getting ready for work. I checked to see if Nate wanted to meet for lunch later but he wasn’t home. I didn’t hear him come in last night either. He did that on occasion. He sometimes brought a girl home but was very good about respecting our place. Other times he didn’t come home so I wasn’t shocked this day. He probably went home with some girl.

I texted him on my way out to work: You want to get lunch later?

Sure, what time?

Usual, 12:30

K, see you then

We met up at a pub near my work. “So how was your night?”

“Great, went out for a few drinks, had a good time.”

“Cool, new girl or is there something goin on for real this time?” I prodded.

“Oh, no girl. Stayed at a buddy’s place last night. Just figured it was late and didn’t want to come home and wake you up.” Nate said as the waiter came over and took our order.

The waiter left and I continued, “You don’t have to worry about that. It’s a big place, you’ve never had a problem bringing girls home before. Why would just you coming home late matter?”

“Well we stayed up for awhile at his place so it was either go to his place or bring him back home with me to hangout with a few beers. Just thought it’d be better to go to his place since he lives alone.” Nate took a drink of his beer and shrugged it off.

We finished up lunch and I went back to work. We met back up after and went home. We got in and I started making dinner. Nate came out from his room and slowly walked into the kitchen. I looked up and saw him looking at his phone with tears running down his face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked going over to him. I’d never seen hi so upset. He cried once when he was happy for my and Logan and again out of anger when their mom didn’t take the news well but this was genuine sadness.

“It’s mum.” He paused. “She’s-“ He looked up, “She’s dead.”

I looked up and away from him for a moment in shock. This came out of nowhere as these things tend to do. I composed myself enough to hug Nate and comfort him while I tried to collect my thoughts. How did she die? Does Logan know yet? How will he react? How do I comfort Nate? Neither seemed to care anymore about their mother’s reaction but she was still their mother and they both clearly are saddened by her death, but how will that silence of over a year and the falling out affect both of them? It doesn’t take a therapist to tell that the silence and resentment could cause problems. Now with her death, neither of them would ever get any closure with her nor settle any differences.

I collected my thoughts enough to comfort Nate and let him calm down. We both called Logan who had heard the news and was flying back home.

*************************************************************

“Are we going to address this situation or are we just going to sit here and stare at the wall?” I broke a mind-numbing silence.

“What am I supposed to say?” Logan replied quietly trying not to raise his voice to start an argument.

“I’m not going.” Nate stated.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked with a slight sound of disgust.

“I’m not going to the funeral.” Nate replied metter-of-factly. “She rejected you, she rejected me, she never once opened up her mind or even gave any sense of regret for her actions. I’m not going to her funeral.”

“How can you say that?” Logan was getting angry.

“Hold on, I think I can see his point.” I put my hand on Logan’s shoulder to settle him down. “I don’t believe in any god or religion and I don’t believe I’m the only one here with that belief or at least doubts. Maybe he doesn’t need to go to the funeral to grieve.”

“He’s not grieving, he’s being bitter and ignoring what she did for us growing up.”

“Don’t you dare put that out there. I never said I didn’t love her. I just don’t want to honor her because of what she did.” Nate had a look on his face that was somewhat confused like he was struggling to explain himself. “I loved ma, and I respect everything she did for us growin up. I do. But I lost that relationship and no I don’t accept her god. Maybe I don’t accept any god, and I don’t see any benefit in going there.”

“What about to be there for family?” Logan asked.

“This is my family.” Nate replied relaxing back in his seat. “You two, Susan, and da are my family and I’m not going to ignore any of you but I don’t need to be at the funeral to do that.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Nate doesn’t need to go.” I accepted Nate’s reasoning but tried to play it safe for Logan’s sake.

“Well if you’re not going I’m not either. Maybe it’s better just to let it happen without us.” Logan conceded. Perhaps he felt like he was bullied into not going.

“We can go if you want to baby. I’ll do whatever you want to do. We can go to the funeral or we can just stick together and help eachother grieve her in the apartment. I can’t imagine what both of you are feeling. I just want both f you to make the decision that will be best for each of you.” I was being way too diplomatic, but what was I supposed to do? This was the most awkward situation I’ve ever been in.

*******************************************************

“Are you kidding me!”

“Settle down. This is their decision. We can’t make this kind of decision for them.” I tried to break the news to Susan.

“I don’t want to call you out because I do love you Zac, but I can’t help but think you had something to do with them not wanting to go.”

“Well yeah, I show up with Logan and the news comes out. I know that, but this was bound to happen with or without me.”

“No, I’m talking about your atheism.”

I laughed, “Sorry Susan but I haven’t influenced either of those two on religion. Logan never showed any care or opinion one way or the other and Nate seemed to fully reject god the second the shit hit the fan. I can’t even tell if Nate ever did have much of a stance on god. They don’t need to be there to grieve. I was there when Nate got the news and he clearly went through and is still going through a hard time. He cried on my shoulder and Logan did the same thing when he got home. They both know what they’ve lost. We can’t step in and force them to go to a ceremony they don’t want to.”

“I don’t doubt that it’s their choice or that they are grieving, but there is only one funeral and they can’t change their mind once it’s over.”

“Why is that a problem? It’s too late for them to resolve anything with her and if they at some point feel the need to get closure or whatever spiritually then they can go see her grave and do it on their own with our support.”

“Maybe you’re right. I just don’t feel good about it.” Susan gave in but she wasn’t happy about it. I think that was the only disagreement I’ve had with her that she conceded. She might be losing her fiery redhead status in my eyes.

********************************************************

Managing a family is an art and this family had some seriously different issues than the after school specials. I did not have a clue how to handle this. I had no feeling for their mom but I tried to be as sensitive toward the situation as possible. It’s hard to do considering my belief that what’s done is done and she’s not looking down to see her boys attend her funeral so it doesn’t truly matter except in their own personal psyche. Logan felt incredibly distant but that’s understandable just upsetting.

“Hey sweetie how was work?”

“Long, and I just want to shower and get some sleep.” Logan replied as he walked by to the bathroom.

Great, another night of lonesome silence, I sighed and turned out the light.

Logan crawled into bed after his shower. I was only nearly asleep when I felt him pull me in close. There are a couple different ways he pulls me close. One is just to comfortably sleep and hold me. The other has a very different intended result and this was clearly the latter. Logan kissed my neck and slid his hand around my chest as his pelvis grinded lightly against my backside.

I turned my head, “Where did this come from?”

“I know it’s been awhile, but it’s just been stressful lately. I’m sorry.”

“So what’s different tonight” I rolled over and kissed him.

“Just that I’m horny and miss being with you. Still stressed but I see you here in bed and just want to make love to you like you wouldn’t believe.” He kissed me back running his fingers down my body.

“Well, I can’t argue with that.” I wrapped my leg around him as he rolled over on top of me. Kissing my neck slowly and working his way down my chest he was not going to take his time. He pulled my legs up and began rubbing his cock against my ass getting it slightly wet with his precum. I reached to the bedside drawer and got out a bottle of lubricant and quickly opened it and applied it to Logan’s ready hand. He quickly lubed himself and me before lining back up, kissing me deeply and entering me just as deeply. Logan thrust quickly and pinned my arms at my sides. He wasn’t in the mood to make love, Logn was in the mood to fuck and fuck he did. Sending burts of passion through me with every motion. He was gaining force and getting rough. He turned me to my side and proceeded from behind. Logan reached under my arm and grabbed my shoulder pulling me into him. My moans and grunts grew louder and louder. He could hear the climax in my voice and quickly told me to get on top. He rolled to his back and I quickly straddled him as he entered me again. I grabbed hold of the head board for support and began thrusting back onto him. He did his part to thrust up as well. Two fingers entered my mouth and I began sucking them. With his free hand he held my cock and shortly after it erupted onto his chest and up to his face. With that he tossed me back to my stomach and furiously slammed into me making me scream into the pillows. The force began to hurt but never too badly. I liked it rough that way and he never took it too far. I could feel my cum pressed between my back and his chest, Logan kept going, sweating profusely. I couldn’t scream anymore. I simply moaned and panted into the pillows as I returned to orgasm with a semi hard erection. Logan pulled my waist up and began thrusting from his knees before finally reaching orgasm and filling me with his weeks old load.

Logan fell to the side and pulled me on to him wrapping his arms around me. He fell asleep almost instantly after. I lay there for awhile catching my breath. My mouth was dry so I slid out of bed, put some sweatpants on and walked out to the kitchen.

“Oh hey, sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“Oh no, I was just getting some water. Have we met?” I asked.

“No, I’m a friend of Nate’s. Name’s Jack. I was just headed out.”

“Oh cool. I’m Zac, Nate’s brother-in-law. You guys come in from the pub? You’re welcome to stay in a guest room if you’d like. Don’t want you to make you drive if you’ve been drinking all night.” I offered.

“Nah, I’m alright, we didn’t really have that much to drink. I’ll be just fine. I can let myself out. Nice meeting you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” I took a quick drink and briefly pondered that strange encounter before heading back to bed.

*********************************************

“Nate is really starting to get on my nerves.”

“That’s sort of a random to bring up in the shower.” I replied jokingly.

Logan turned around to face me, “Whatever, it’s just bugging me.”

“What is?” I shut the water off and stepped out.

“He’s just so fucking irresponsible.” Logan groaned grabbing a towel to dry off.

“Why do you say that? He’s got a job and he’s going to school. He’s doing well in his classes and he’s respectful of our place.”

“Is he? He comes home drunk with his buddies or a random girl he picks up.”

“I’ve never seen him bring his buddies home and besides, he always goes to his room and is never noisy. Not that we could hear if he were.”

“He’s brought a couple of his friends here. I usually catch them leavin late at night.” We walked out to the bedroom and began getting dressed. “I just think he needs to grow out of this partying thing. Getting drunk every weekend isn’t good for him.”

“I don’t know babe. I haven’t seen your brother drunk in a long time. He usually just goes out and has a couple and by the time he comes home he’s not even drunk or disruptive. Hell, anytime he brings a friend home they are sober enough to leave that night.” I put on my shirt and stood in front of Logan and bent over for a kiss. “I think you are overreacting.”

“Maybe.” Logan got up and we walked out to the living room.

“See, and he doesn’t even walk around half naked like you thought. He’s always dressed when he’s out of his room.”

“Am I missing something?” Nate turned his head in confusion.

“Your brother is complaining that you are too much of a party animal bringing girls and friends home and getting drunk.”

“Twat.” Nate shot at Logan.

“Oh lighten up, he’s just noticing a pattern. I set him straight. In fact, I mentioned I haven’t seen you drunk in a long time and even when you have a friend over he is always sober enough to go home that night.” I sat down on the couch while Logan made his way to the kitchen.

“What friends?” Nate asked.

“Just we’ve bumped in to a couple guys late at night who let themselves out. Not like the girls you bring home. Apparently they need to be pretty smashed to go home with you.” I joked and laughed at Nate.

“Whatever,” Nate rolled his eyes, “I don’t drink that much. I just like to go out and hangout with some nice people. Sure, sometimes I bring a girl home but they aren’t skanks I pick up. I know them and sometimes we get together. If I’m out with friends sometimes I crash at their place and sometimes one of the guys comes back here to chill.” Nate got defensive and directed it at Logan.

“Ok, ok, you’re more responsible than I thought.” Logan walked into the living room and sat down. “Just venting a bit. No need to attack me for it.”

*************************************************

“I think I’m finally used to living here, Carrie.”

“You’re kidding right?” Carrie looked up from her newspaper.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the office fridge, “No, seriously.”

“You’ve been here for years hun. You are one slow learner.” Carrie laughed.

It’s true. I’d turned 25 and Logan was approaching 30. We’d gone through a wedding, a skipped funeral, and Nate making his way through a graduate degree. He still lived with us but was planning on moving out soon. I have to admit, I’ll miss him. He keeps us balanced at home and when Logan is out of town, like now, it’s nice to have someone at home.

“I know I’ve been here a long time, but I’m really beginning to feel like this is home. I like it.” I leaned back on a table and smiled.

“So I guess now that you are comfortable, you are ready for some baby talk.” Carrie turned in her chair and smirked at me.

“Oh no, settle down girly. We’re not talking kids yet. It’s been mentioned, but we’re not ready for that until Nate is out of the apartment and-“

“And what?” Carrie interrupted. “You are set in your job with no worries, Logan makes some serious cash and you have a sodding cathedral for a home. I mean really, you’re apartment is way too big for just the two of you and you’re not hurting in any area of your life. Why aren’t you looking at starting a family? I mean, don’t you want kids?”

I stood there absorbing her rant. I began thinking about us having kids.

“Ah, a smile. You do! You want children.”

“Ok, maybe it would be nice to have one maybe two but that’s the limit.”

“Oh, I’m so excited. You two are starting a family.” Carrie got excited and stood up from her desk. “Janet, Logan and Zac are finally going to have kids!”

“Would you stop that!” I sat her back down. “No we’re not. Just considering it.” I raised my voice to the office to override Carrie’s announcement. “Don’t be starting that. Logan isn’t even in home right now. Can you imagine how angry he’d be if he came back to the office with everyone talking about us having kids?”

“Well, you have talked about it.” Carrie frowned from me stomping on her gossip, “Haven’t you?”

“Yes, a little. I just want one. He might want two. I mean, we have the room for two, but not at the same time. Maybe we’ll have one to start, and then later have another.” A smile came back to my face. “Maybe I will bring it up to Logan when he gets back.” Carrie began to smile again, “But don’t you dare turn this gossipy office onto that. At least give me until Logan gets home and we can discuss it.” Carrie rolled her eyes and sighed in concession.

****************************************************

“Hey sweetie, how’s your trip?” I asked.

There was a lot of extra noise in the background but Logan replied, “Good, I just can’t wait to be home. We have one more project meeting here then I’ll be flying back tonight. Have to set the new season’s campaign in motion. So how are things back home?”

“Good, I ummm.” I paused wondering if I should mention anything over the phone. “I was wondering if we could talk when you got home about something important?”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I was just talking to Carrie at the office today and she got me thinking.”

“Uh oh, what about?” Logan’s sarcasm squeaked out. He knows how gossipy and meddling Carrie is.

“Well, I think maybe it’s time for us to talk about possibly having kids.” I paused and waited for a reply. The pause seemed endless.

I could actually hear the smile in his voice, “I would love to talk about kids when I get home baby. You know I want to start a family. I just didn’t know if you were ready.”

I wave of happiness crashed over me. “Perfect baby, I can’t wait for you to get home!”

“Me too, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Can’t wait.”

“Love you”

“Love you too.”

We hung up and I packed up my desk. I wasn’t going to get any more work done today so I left early and went to see Susan for an early dinner.

***********************************************

“Oh my god, I’m gonna be an aunt!” Susan screamed.

“Settle down, we’re just going to talk about it tonight when he gets home. It’s going to take a long time to actually go through the process.”

“Well sure, you have a lot to think about. So what do you think? You want to adopt or surrogate?” Susan put her elbows up ion the table and ignored her food, “I’ll donate eggs for you two or do you want to use Logan’s sperm? Or do you want to adopt? A baby or someone older?”

“Susan, slow down. I have no idea.” I sat back confused by the bombarding of questions. I paused to sort through them all and try to answer. “I guess I don’t care if it’s biological. I’ll have to ask Logan. I wouldn’t mind adopting. I mean there are so many kids out there that would be stuck in foster homes. No need to have a biological child if we can help someone who really needs it. I don’t really know if we’d adopt a baby or a little older. Not too old though. I’d like to actually raise him.”

We kept discussing over dinner. It was fairly cold by the time we really got to eat but it didn’t matter. We were both too excited to care.

******************************************

I got home to an empty apartment. I had expected to hear from Logan when he landed or from Nate to see what he was doing tonight but I had left my cell at the office. My mind was in the clouds and I just didn’t have my head on straight. No problem though. I could pick up my cell tomorrow. Tonight was about staying in and talking about kids. My heart was racing in excitement. Logan should be home soon and I don’t know if he’ll be able to keep up.

I made my way to the bedroom and changed into more comfortable clothes and started to walk out to the living room when the phone rang.

My mind went numb, my body fell to the hallway wall and the phone dropped to the floor splitting in two pieces with the battery flying out. What was said, I don’t know. Who called, I’m not sure. I was outside of myself looking into the hallway, an out-of-body experience. I could see myself sliding down the wall until I was on the ground. My face was pale; my eyes were blurred. I didn’t make a sound. My breathing seemed to stop as if I had forgotten how.

Some people say they have had out-of-body experiences when they are in an accident and can see the paramedics reviving them. Some see a bright light. Everyone is different. This was new. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I was in shock for sure, but why. I couldn’t understand myself. I was on the floor, pale, water flowing from my eyes, barely breathing. Who was that on the phone? I was concerned but not yet panicked outside of myself.

Suddenly I saw my body gasp hard struggling for oxygen. I had remembered to breath and I was sucked back into my body. The call was a blur. All I could remember: “Tried….cellular…crash….Logan’s plane”

“LOGAN!” I screamed. Tears poured and my breath lost control. I was panting, heart racing.

The door flung open, Nate’s head turned and found me in the hall. He ran over and dropped to his knees sliding the last few feet. He flung the pieces of phone to the side and pulled me into his arms.

I began wailing into his shirt, his wrapped me in his arms and put his face on the top of my head. Tears ran down his face and into my hair.

We sat there in the hall for an unknown amount of time. Nothing made sense anymore. Every reality was blurred in emotion and we were trapped with no answers to our confusion.

Then reality returned and I longed for the daze of a moment ago. The gaps in the call were being filled. The call was from my office. They had tried to call me on my cellular phone. There was an accident. The company plane crashed. Logan was in it. There are no survivors.

No survivors. The words floated in my brain. No SURVIVORS, NO survivors, no one survived. NO ONE.

Logan! Logan was dead…

Numbness sank in and my heart pounded.

My vision began to blur and darken. My eyes were open and all I saw was black.

I took hard shallow breaths until they slowed.

My heart rate dropped and I gasped deeply. I focused on breathing deep and my eyes refocused.

I calmed my breathing and found myself on the couch in Nate’s arms. I looked around collecting my thoughts. It was pitch black outside. It was the middle of the night. At some point Nate got me off the floor, but I know he never left my side. His face was still wet and his eyes were red from crying with me.

So it was true. The reality was that Logan, the love of my life, my husband, the man I was going to have children with, the one person who never hurt me, the man I love, my world, was gone forever.

---